The wreckage of the vessel was strewn from the inlet leading into Newport News, Virginia clear down to the Bahamas. Reports were coming in that children along the beaches of North Florida were now undergoing treatment for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, and would probably needed to have their head shrunk for the rest of their lives.
"It's pretty horrible what happened." A witness said, standing on the beach and unable to lift his eyes from the Carolina shoreline as micro-fragments of fiberglass and filaments of human remains drifted peacefully to the Outer Banks. "It just...came out of nowhere."
Reports state that the explosion was caused by a projectile that was untraceable by the United States Department of Defense, heading from the North-Northeast. The Department of Homeland Security has released a statement that although they are unsure of the reasoning behind the attack, they have no reason to believe it was an act of terrorism, and did not elevate the current terror threat level.
The overall motive was not determined, but reports are leading that the primary target was the ship's cook, known only by initials as RCH. A spokesman for the Sovereign Principality of Kaousuu, formerly the State of Rhode Island, has denied all comments that the missile originated from the top of the Claiborne Pell Newport Bridge, and simply stated, "The relationship between the Princess and the ship's cook has always been a tense one, much like the Cold War, and threats were being made by the cook which our Principality was taking very seriously. She did know him before the name change, back when he was still known as ECH."
Princess Suu herself was unavailable for direct comment, but she did release a pre-recorded commentary regarding the incident:
"To the devout subjects of my Sovereign Principality, our neighbors in the United States of America and the Socialist Provinces of Canuckistan,
It is my duty to announce that today, a strike was taken against the man known as RCH, formerly ECH of our newly acquired Maine Territories. As you all know, situations with this man and myself have been tense for these past five years, and we were drawing closer to a declaration of war.
He had expressed intent to launch an initiative against the Principality and our collective territories if certain agreements were not met. Failing to stand down after our countless demands, a preemptive attack was planned by myself and my chief advisor, Richter, to stop RCH in his tracks. The strike was more formidable than initially planned, and the projectile, a HIMEOBS-issued tactical 100% tungsten X-51 Hypersonic Cruise Missile, made contact with the primary target at approximately 1300 hours this afternoon. The damage was more severe than anticipated, with collateral damage being taken out in the unfortunate deaths of the entire ships' crew, and an 25-foot sperm whale which was surfacing for air in the vicinity of the explosion. Our deepest condolences go out to their families, and assure them that their loss was not in vain."
The video continues with Her Highness describing the exact location in the Atlantic Ocean where the strike took place, the status of the sperm whale on the endangered species list, and how to properly execute a hand-rolled hem on a polyester crepe weave skirt.
President Barack Obama also commented on the event with the following statement:
(http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lkjsa0vvlq1qzu2tdo1_400.gif)
:lulz:
It would take them months to finally collected the stewed salty remains of the crew, though it was never confirmed if RCH was in fact, on the ship at the time of the strike.
:lulz:
You laugh now, Roger...you wouldn't want me to get trigger happy all over Tucson, would you?
Quote from: Suu the Infallible on May 03, 2011, 06:09:41 PM
You laugh now, Roger...you wouldn't want me to get trigger happy all over Tucson, would you?
Yes. Yes, I would.
Soon. NOW.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 03, 2011, 06:10:12 PM
Quote from: Suu the Infallible on May 03, 2011, 06:09:41 PM
You laugh now, Roger...you wouldn't want me to get trigger happy all over Tucson, would you?
Yes. Yes, I would.
Soon. NOW.
I'll reset the guns. Hold up.
A bit long and to the right. You just blew up Picacho.
Nobody seems to have noticed, however. It already looked like post-WWII Berlin.
Drop 5 miles, left 30 miles.
FIRE IN THE HOLE!
...Shit, I think I over shot that one.
Oh well, no one terribly liked that part of Los Angeles, did they?
Quote from: Suu the Infallible on May 03, 2011, 06:25:54 PM
FIRE IN THE HOLE!
...Shit, I think I over shot that one.
Oh well, no one terribly liked that part of Los Angeles, did they?
Nope, you're good. You hit the Mission Mine retaining wall, and let 3,000,000 gallons of sulphuric acid slurry flood the town of Green Valley
1. No loss, that's where we store our retired, washed-up republicans and Alice Cooper (redundant statement, I know).
Right 20 miles and fire for effect.
1 Yes, they really built an acid settling lake just above a town.
Recalculating...
and...FIRE!
Okay, this is BULLSHIT. I could SEE those bastards homing in on my office, and they suddenly bounced off of nothing and landed on Vail.
God's cheating again.
Immortality is a bitch, I hear.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 03, 2011, 06:20:26 PM
A bit long and to the right. You just blew up Pikachu.
That's what I read.
I saw this.
(http://admintell.napco.com/ee/images/uploads/gamertell/pikachu.jpg)
Only exploding.
Fire away!
Quote from: Luna on May 03, 2011, 07:04:53 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 03, 2011, 06:20:26 PM
A bit long and to the right. You just blew up Pikachu.
That's what I read.
I saw this.
(http://admintell.napco.com/ee/images/uploads/gamertell/pikachu.jpg)
Only exploding.
Fire away!
Yeah, every time I try to discuss the dismal horror that is Picacho, someone points that out.
You know, in case I didn't catch it on my own.
:lol:
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 03, 2011, 07:08:11 PM
Quote from: Luna on May 03, 2011, 07:04:53 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 03, 2011, 06:20:26 PM
A bit long and to the right. You just blew up Pikachu.
That's what I read.
I saw this.
(http://admintell.napco.com/ee/images/uploads/gamertell/pikachu.jpg)
Only exploding.
Fire away!
Yeah, every time I try to discuss the dismal horror that is Picacho, someone points that out.
You know, in case I didn't catch it on my own.
:lol:
Heh, hadn't heard you go off on that one, before.
And, given that I'm apparently scheduled to be cannibalized by underaged pokemon players, it seemed appropriate.
Could be worse. You could be in Picacho.
IIRC, I shelved a MSY in 2007 because it happened in Picacho, and I didn't want to hear all the Pokemon jokes.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 03, 2011, 07:14:12 PM
Could be worse. You could be in Picacho.
No, thanks. From what I hear about your state, I'd either step off the plan and instantly sunburn to the consistency of a potato chip, dehydrate into a stunning likeness of Karloff in The Mummy, or just plain melt into a puddle.
And you don't have enough nature out there to go around.
Quote from: Luna on May 03, 2011, 07:19:27 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 03, 2011, 07:14:12 PM
Could be worse. You could be in Picacho.
No, thanks. From what I hear about your state, I'd either step off the plan and instantly sunburn to the consistency of a potato chip, dehydrate into a stunning likeness of Karloff in The Mummy, or just plain melt into a puddle.
And you don't have enough nature out there to go around.
You wouldn't have time in Picacho. The "people" there would eat you before you went 20 yards.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 03, 2011, 07:20:13 PM
Quote from: Luna on May 03, 2011, 07:19:27 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 03, 2011, 07:14:12 PM
Could be worse. You could be in Picacho.
No, thanks. From what I hear about your state, I'd either step off the plan and instantly sunburn to the consistency of a potato chip, dehydrate into a stunning likeness of Karloff in The Mummy, or just plain melt into a puddle.
And you don't have enough nature out there to go around.
You wouldn't have time in Picacho. The "people" there would eat you before you went 20 yards.
We'll put that on the list of places NOT to visit, then.
What's a MSY?
Millions of Screaming Yahoos. That horrible graphic novel I'm cursed with.
(I actually have a new format idea for it, I'll tell you more Rog after I get these fucking finals out of my way. Especially now that I'm not taking summer classes, I may be able to sit and get it done AND number 3 if something doesn't explode in the meantime.)
Princess Suu: Can you comment on this event and tha abnormally large lobsters that have been showing up this year?
There is no connection between the abnormally large lobsters, that yellow lobster they caught off of Point Judith or the even more rare white lobster found in Newport Harbor and the radioactivity levels of Narragansett Bay due to the uranium enrichment facility located at the URI Bay Campus. Or the reason why the Jamestown Bridge and the better part of Tower Hill Rd glows in the dark, for that matter.
What about the reports of these same lobsters carrying off guido children from Scarborough?
Or the rumors of a massive lobster that wanders South Cunty in the mist, a shatter figure with 4 peg-legs dressed in kelp riding it like a mutant arthropod steed, with Old Greg's head on a pike?
I am pretty sure I drove through Picacho.
Quote from: Nigel on May 03, 2011, 08:07:28 PM
I am pretty sure I drove through Picacho.
Nigel by the time you got done done, Picacho is lucky that people can't fly a jet through him.
Quote from: Nigel on May 03, 2011, 08:07:28 PM
I am pretty sure I drove through Picacho.
Yes, you did. Twice.
Picacho Peak is that stand alone mountain about 1/3 of the way to Phoenix from here. Driving North, it's on your left. On your right is a sqaulid little town made up of burned out trailers and huts made out of coyote-poop bricks, with garbage, dead animals, and the occasional burned out car littering the streets.
That's Picacho. People used to live there. Something still does.
Quote from: Richter on May 03, 2011, 08:09:22 PM
Quote from: Nigel on May 03, 2011, 08:07:28 PM
I am pretty sure I drove through Picacho.
Nigel by the time you got done done, Picacho is lucky that people can't fly a jet through him.
They definitely can now.
Quote from: Richter on May 03, 2011, 08:09:22 PM
Quote from: Nigel on May 03, 2011, 08:07:28 PM
I am pretty sure I drove through Picacho.
Nigel by the time you got done done, Picacho is lucky that people can't fly a jet through him.
:lulz:
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 03, 2011, 08:10:32 PM
Quote from: Nigel on May 03, 2011, 08:07:28 PM
I am pretty sure I drove through Picacho.
Yes, you did. Twice.
Picacho Peak is that stand alone mountain about 1/3 of the way to Phoenix from here. Driving North, it's on your left. On your right is a sqaulid little town made up of burned out trailers and huts made out of coyote-poop bricks, with garbage, dead animals, and the occasional burned out car littering the streets.
That's Picacho. People used to live there. Something still does.
Oh wow.
Mr. Language told me about one time in the Boy Scouts, he got in trouble for wandering off alone there.
I don't think ECH has even seen this yet.
I have now. :lulz:
Bravo!
Of course, there will be terrible retribution.
Oh, I eagerly await your counterattack. :evil:
Quote from: Richter on May 03, 2011, 07:58:28 PM
What about the reports of these same lobsters carrying off guido children from Scarborough?
Or the rumors of a massive lobster that wanders South Cunty in the mist, a shatter figure with 4 peg-legs dressed in kelp riding it like a mutant arthropod steed, with Old Greg's head on a pike?
It's their own fault for going to Scarborough. Wheeler is obviously the superior state beach in Narragansett.
As for the giant lobster, that's just my sister's former pet, Gordon. He's been a little lost since she left to go back to Florida in 07.