The very concept of walled cities was designed to protect towns from Nigel. They added gates later on, when Nigel pointed out the obvious flaw in the design.
Portland's biggest export is Nigel's boot. IN YOUR ASS.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 25, 2011, 08:45:52 PM
The very concept of walled cities was designed to protect towns from Nigel. They added gates later on, when Nigel pointed out the obvious flaw in the design.
Portland's biggest export is Nigel's boot. IN YOUR ASS.
169% TRUTH
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 25, 2011, 08:45:52 PM
The very concept of walled cities was designed to protect towns from Nigel. They added gates later on, when Nigel pointed out the obvious flaw in the design.
Portland's biggest export is Nigel's boot. IN YOUR ASS.
Remember Atlantis?
Used to be the nicest waterfront resort you could ask for, back in the day. Then they mixed Nigel's drink wrong, and were insufficiently polite about replacing it.
Quote from: Cainad on May 25, 2011, 09:05:51 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 25, 2011, 08:45:52 PM
The very concept of walled cities was designed to protect towns from Nigel. They added gates later on, when Nigel pointed out the obvious flaw in the design.
Portland's biggest export is Nigel's boot. IN YOUR ASS.
Remember Atlantis?
Used to be the nicest waterfront resort you could ask for, back in the day. Then they mixed Nigel's drink wrong, and were insufficiently polite about replacing it.
In the back of The Guinness Book of World Records, in small print, it explains that all records are held by Nigel. The people listed in each entry are just the people who came closest to her score.
:lulz: What the hell is happening in here?
Quote from: Canis latrans securis on May 25, 2011, 04:20:59 AM
Quote from: Luna on May 25, 2011, 04:08:28 AM
Quote from: Aloe on May 25, 2011, 03:33:58 AM
He sent a bunch of random chit chat messages, my kid's cute, he's married now, going to Afghanistan soon, etc, and I respond with similar random chit chat, then suddenly blocked. Weird.
If I had to bet? Wife pitched a fit.
I second that idea.
I was gonna say that too.
Quote from: Nigel on May 25, 2011, 09:07:52 PM
:lulz: What the hell is happening in here?
It's a warning, like on a cigarette package.
QuoteCaution: Angering Nigel may lead to heart failure, stroke, or an inverted colon with shoe polish all over it.
The reason JFK limited how many times a person could become president is because he knew Nigel would just scare everyone into keeping her forever, and KICK EVERYONE'S ASS ALL THE TIME
Quote from: Jenkem and SPACE/TIME on May 25, 2011, 09:09:44 PM
The reason JFK limited how many times a person could become president is because he knew Nigel would just scare everyone into keeping her forever, and KICK EVERYONE'S ASS ALL THE TIME
So she had him shot. INNA FACE.
DO YOU SEE WHAT WE'RE GETTING AT HERE, PEOPLE?
Nigel is really in charge of the orbital mind lazors. Not Roger.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 25, 2011, 09:09:16 PM
Quote from: Nigel on May 25, 2011, 09:07:52 PM
:lulz: What the hell is happening in here?
It's a warning, like on a cigarette package.
QuoteCaution: Angering Nigel may lead to heart failure, stroke, or an inverted colon with shoe polish all over it.
:lulz:
Quote from: Jenkem and SPACE/TIME on May 25, 2011, 09:12:11 PM
Nigel is really in charge of the orbital mind lazors. Not Roger.
HEY! :argh!:
You're not supposed to TELL them! :crankey:
Nigel once suggested to Ayn Rand that she ought to get into writing.
Quote from: Nigel on May 25, 2011, 09:13:52 PM
Quote from: Jenkem and SPACE/TIME on May 25, 2011, 09:12:11 PM
Nigel is really in charge of the orbital mind lazors. Not Roger.
HEY! :argh!:
You're not supposed to TELL them! :crankey:
I AM TIRED OF KEEPING YOUR SECRETS. THE TIME HAS COME. THE TRUTH MUST SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY
Quote from: Jenkem and SPACE/TIME on May 25, 2011, 09:14:10 PM
Nigel once suggested to Ayn Rand that she ought to get into writing.
:argh!::1fap:
Nigel caused the extinction of dinosaurs because they were too smart to let themselves get caught by her. She encouraged the evolution of primates, biding her time, knowing that the result would be land whales on scooters and hipsters sneering, making easy prey.
Nigel has two sets of genitalia. The male set is made out of carbon steel, and she uses a king cobra as a prophylactic. This explains all the sodomized corpses of OKC men who thought they'd step, only to die of venom and blunt trauma.
DO YOU MIND IF I SHOVE THIS SNAKE IN YOUR ASS? THAT'S HOT!
Nigel makes Chuck Norris hide under the covers in fear at night.
This is :lulz:
Ghengis Khan was really Nigel wearing a mustache.
The City of Aoudaghost refused to sell her the supplies needed for her perversions.
It's been buried in sand ever since. Nobody knows where it is, exactly, because NOBODY GOT OUT ALIVE.
The platypus started out as a species of duck, but Nigel had a bad day and decided to fucking their shit.
It is said that if are unlucky enough to witness a total eclipse of the Nigel, all your organs simultaneously invert then prolapse. Fortunately Nigel can only ever be eclipsed by the sun going nova, and only Hawk The Immortal will witness it.
The last time Mt St Helen erupted, it was because a cashier forgot to give Nigel her change.
You guys. :lulz:
Quote from: Payne on May 25, 2011, 09:23:28 PM
It is said that if are unlucky enough to witness a total eclipse of the Nigel, all your organs simultaneously invert then prolapse. Fortunately Nigel can only ever be eclipsed by the sun going nova, and only Hawk The Immortal will witness it.
Pompei. She got sick of all those spags writing graffiti on her town's walls, so she did something about it.
Nigel suggested to the south that they ought to secede. After the Civil War, she was heard to say "LOL J/K"
There is a unique and horrifying noun in every single known language, dialect, pidgin and creole that describes Nigels dildo collection.
Mercury was once a thriving planet until the waiter spilled coffee on Nigel.
Quote from: Payne on May 25, 2011, 09:23:28 PM
It is said that if are unlucky enough to witness a total eclipse of the Nigel, all your organs simultaneously invert then prolapse. Fortunately Nigel can only ever be eclipsed by the sun going nova, and only Hawk The Immortal will witness it.
:lulz:
Quote from: Payne on May 25, 2011, 09:26:51 PM
There is a unique and horrifying noun in every single known language, dialect, pidgin and creole that describes Nigels dildo collection.
"Nigel" means, in the language of the Papau New Guinea tribes, "I just shat myself in terror".
Nigel thought Japan would look good with a couple craters, so she gave Einstein the idea for the A-bomb in exchange for a couple "favors." Einstein always thought he got the raw end of the deal.
Nigel defined absolute zero by her aura of coolness. She is literally so cool that atoms stop moving and stars die.
The palm of Nigel's hand moves faster than light.
Damn straight, chump...She's gonna slap you yesterday.
Nigel once took a piss while she was mad, the result is the Grand Canyon.
In the End Times, God will give Nigel an extra letter, "O", and send her out as a horde of Anagrammatic Daemons.
The first time Nigel saw holographics, she felt flattered that someone would go to all that trouble to invent a way she herself looks naturally in photographs, so she stopped eating orphan hearts for lent.
Fucking hell. :lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
Quote from: Payne on May 25, 2011, 09:31:20 PM
In the End Times, God will give Nigel an extra letter, "O", and send her out as a horde of Anagrammatic Daemons.
Nonsense, Nigel
takes what she wants from God.
Nigel encourages the seven deadly sins in other people because she had an argument with Jesus right after his resurrection, and is trying to see how far Jesus' sacrifice really goes.
Titanic? Nigel wanted more ice for her drink, and the waiter was too slow...
Nigel warms her car up in the winter by glaring at it.
Spontaneous combustion is caused by the shame provoked in thinking of Nigel laughing at them.
Famous Last Words
John Adams: "Nigel--still survives..."
Humphrey Bogart: "I should never have switched from Scotch to Nigel."
Horatio Nelson: "Kiss Me, Nigel"
This is making my day. :lol: :lol: :lol:
Nigel invented the cone. Just to fuck with Plato.
Global warming was caused by Nigel getting the flu nd spreading it to Earth.
We don't pledge allegiance to Nigel, only because we saw what happened to the Roman Empire when they tried that.
Men in PDX dress like clowns to avoid attracting Nigel's praying mantis-like attentions.
Somebody was too slow getting Nigel a light for her cigarette, once. Incidentally, it was the last time she traveled via airship, the Hindenburg was just too damn slow.
Nigel causes ley lines.
Nigel is the reason hipsters want to be "underground".
Nigel was in a good mood when she told Custer there were only a handful of Sioux in that valley.
The Mayans tried to sacrifice Nigel once.
Coincidentally, that was the same year they became extinct or whatever it is civilizations do.
Nigel has been every US President (except JFK) since Jackson.
"Go for it, Admiral Tojo! If you make a mess at Pearl Harbor, America will back down quietly!"
- Nigel, 1940
NIGEL GIVES REDMAN GOOD ADVICE.
Nigel once got tired of waiting for the moneys to evolve, so she started a fire for some of them.
ETA: In fact, every invention of usefulness has been Nigel's in the entire history of humanity
December 21, 2012 is Nigels XXXXXXth birthday. Hawk knows when to keep his mouth shut about certain numbers.
Quote from: Charley Brown on May 25, 2011, 09:47:14 PM
December 21, 2012 is Nigels XXXXXXth birthday. Hawk knows when to keep his mouth shut about certain numbers.
Good plan. "Immortal" does not mean "Invincible" or "Incapable of Feeling Nigel's Boot Up One's Arse."
:lulz:
Quote from: Luna on May 25, 2011, 09:47:58 PM
Quote from: Charley Brown on May 25, 2011, 09:47:14 PM
December 21, 2012 is Nigels XXXXXXth birthday. Hawk knows when to keep his mouth shut about certain numbers.
Good plan. "Immortal" does not mean "Invincible" or "Incapable of Feeling Nigel's Boot Up One's Arse."
If only the Mayans had remembered that rule.
Holy hot damn you guys, that was an incredible thing to read this afternoon. Thank you!
That was fun.
Any chance it could get split into its own thread so I don't lose it in the flush? I think I'd like to read through it once in a while, so I can feel AWESOME.
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
Quote from: Nigel on May 25, 2011, 10:49:15 PM
Any chance it could get split into its own thread so I don't lose it in the flush? I think I'd like to read through it once in a while, so I can feel AWESOME.
You ARE awesome. And that was a blast. :D
My nipples are hard. Should I just enjoy the moment or should I turn the heat on?
Quote from: Charley Brown on May 26, 2011, 12:14:11 AM
My nipples are hard. Should I just enjoy the moment or should I turn the heat on?
Both. This is, after all, Nigel we're talking about. If you don't know why by now, you're either unobservant or a doomed heathen. Pick your poison.
Ho Lordy!
This year has been fucking awesome!
In June I got reservations for a state park cabin with no water or electricity for 4 whole days. I haven't had anything like a vacation or break for over 3 years. :D
AND I'm going part time and doing online school for IT = more time to be daddy, more time to write, more time to rake my yard which hasn't been done in the last decade. No joke, lazy ass previous tenants need to learn2yardwork.
Of course, none of this would have been possible if I hadn't offered a tribute of 47 pork-force-fed militant vegans to Nigel, which she referred to as Carpooling™ for some reason. I don't know what she did with them but I do know the local drum circle hasn't been the same since then.
:lulz:
Quote from: Charley Brown on May 26, 2011, 12:14:11 AM
My nipples are hard. Should I just enjoy the moment or should I turn the heat on?
When given that choice, always enjoy the moment. Always.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 25, 2011, 08:45:52 PM
The very concept of walled cities was designed to protect towns from Nigel. They added gates later on, when Nigel pointed out the obvious flaw in the design.
Portland's biggest export is Nigel's boot. IN YOUR ASS.
Do you know why ZAlgo walks behind the walls?
TO STAY THE FUCK OUTOF NIGEL'S PATH
Walled citites are only a nice fiction. A public work to prop up things "new deal" style, and focus everyone away from the innevitable.
The alternative is to live in the wld naked, and unashamed, until Kali come upon thee in person.
You won't be spared, this is cutist of the Elder Gods style redemption. You're still fucked but at least there's no bullshit.
YAY! A FREAD! :mittens: :love:
Once Nigel sneezed, and the resulting shockwave in the space/time continuuinuum caused a semi with 14 tons of bees to accidentally all over the Lost Highway.
Recent concerted efforts to legalise Nigel for medicinal use have resulted in 12 deaths and 30 injuries.
Quote from: Payne on July 14, 2011, 06:45:54 AM
Recent concerted efforts to legalise Nigel for medicinal use have resulted in 12 deaths by prolapse and 30 injuries .
FTFY
Quote from: Jenkem and SPACE/TIME on July 14, 2011, 06:02:14 AM
Once Nigel sneezed, and the resulting shockwave in the space/time continuuinuum caused a semi with 14 tons of bees to accidentally all over the Lost Highway.
:spittake:
Quote from: Jenkem and SPACE/TIME on July 14, 2011, 06:02:14 AM
Once Nigel sneezed, and the resulting shockwave in the space/time continuuinuum caused a semi with 14 tons of bees to accidentally all over the Lost Highway.
WHAT HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!
Quote from: Payne on July 14, 2011, 06:45:54 AM
Recent concerted efforts to legalise Nigel for medicinal use have resulted in 12 deaths and 30 injuries.
:lulz: :lulz:
Quote from: COL Coyote on July 14, 2011, 06:52:50 AM
Quote from: Payne on July 14, 2011, 06:45:54 AM
Recent concerted efforts to legalise Nigel for medicinal use have resulted in 12 deaths by prolapse and 30 injuries .
FTFY
JESUS FUCK :lulz: :lulz:
The real reason geologists can't directly observe the interior of the Earth has nothing to do with pressure or heat.
Nigel's secret clubhouse is down there, and no nerds allowed!
The reason one can only observe a particle's velocity or its location, but not both simultaneously, is because they're trying to avoid being captured by Nigel.
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
This thread is the best way to start my day.
It is said by some that Nigel is the only person ever to successfully hack the periodic table of elements, placing herself above PD of course.
(http://i209.photobucket.com/albums/bb163/wompcabal/PeriodicTableofNigel.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/BjXcl.jpg)
Hahahaha
WTF?
apparently it's a site
http://theendisnigel.com/
the intro is kinda ominous, too. but after that it's just some random blogging with a bit of ARG thrown in or something, didn't check it out that close.
Quote from: Triple Zero on July 15, 2011, 01:09:26 PM
apparently it's a site
http://theendisnigel.com/
the intro is kinda ominous, too. but after that it's just some random blogging with a bit of ARG thrown in or something, didn't check it out that close.
This makes me happy.
Once, Nigel decided to have a pool party. They called it the Permian die-off.
Quote from: Uncle Wallified on July 24, 2011, 05:13:37 AM
Once, Nigel decided to have a pool party. They called it the Permian die-off.
:lulz: She warned them that some of the Dildos weren't waterproof. But some of the super-decadent sea life wouldn't have any of that.....
Quote from: Fidel Castro on May 25, 2011, 08:45:52 PM
The very concept of walled cities was designed to protect towns from Nigel. They added gates later on, when Nigel pointed out the obvious flaw in the design.
Portland's biggest export is Nigel's boot. IN YOUR ASS.
Bump.
:lulz:
I need to re-read this whole thing. And save it for posterity.
Some dude stuck his fingers in Nigel's ears once.
A catastrophic tsunami hit Japan, causing a nuclear plant to fucking their shit.
COINCIDENCE?
That isn't a picture of Nixon on Nigel's wall. It's a hunting trophy.
:lulz: