Unpaqua – He waits for me when I return from a trip. He whispers "You're too tired to unpack today. Maybe tomorrow." Weeks later, he drinks in my laziness as it radiates from my laundry bag.
Lobstaru, the Pincher – He lives in the seconds of indecision spent at the grocery store deciding between two nearly identical products.
Hurgador – He makes me want to eat the most gross and disgusting fast food possible. I only eat McDonald's every few months, but it is always because I've failed to resist Hurgador. He travels along highways and rides with me on long journeys.
Res Pliar – A contentious voice that lives inside my head. He makes me think I sound smarter if I am disagreeing with something or critiquing something. His cousin, called "Yeabut", insists that debate and disagreement are the most exciting parts of conversation.
Indelmaus – Indelmaus guards the veil between my life as it is now and the life it could be. He likes his prey fat and complacent. His arrows make a sound like "You're too old" or "Who cares?"
Charagars – He is a demon who makes the digital world seem more real than the material world. He likes it when I'm antisocial because my REAL friends are elsewhere.
Bhangharos – He gets stoned with you on the couch and when you want to get up, he shoots down your ideas.
Null and Void – Twin demons who work in concert. Null tells me that my life will be improved by keeping a quiet, monastic Discordian lifestyle. Void tells me that the Discordian Monastic lifestyle is just escapism. Neither are technically wrong, what makes them demons is that they only work their magic when I'm stressed and inclined to say "fuck it". In this, they both serve delusion.
Umberwold – He is the fear of what I've chosen to miss.
Harbonath – He protects his big brother Umberworld by supporting my aversions and reifying them as part of my identity.
Fogeryn the Jade – He curbs my drive by saying "Been there," and "done that." He is a spirit of jadedness and cynicism. When a plan is forming, he makes the worst outcome seem the most likely.
:lulz: This is like the best Pokemon EVER.
Tobacco-Thu - "I'll quit next week."
Early Times - "Running down the street naked is a perfectly reasonable form of midnight exercise."
The Dread Valium God - "ATTN, SINNERS! ACK COUGH HORK SPIT!"
Variance - "Paperwork makes the maintenance world hum."
Faux Pas Ad Fundum - "It seemed like the thing to do at the time."
Annal, The Obsessor: If I don't empty and clean out that coffee pot NOW, all hell is going to break loose. Or those dishes. Or if I don't pick up that thing right there. By Jesus my head will explode!
Sylfdobt - She's the one who tells you what you REALLY are. The one who points out every glaring flaw, every stupid mistake, every terrible misjudgement you've ever made. She knows them ALL, and she whispers reminders of how little you can be trusted, particularly when you've got to focus on getting things DONE. After all, if you're not reminded of how bloody stupid you can be, you might be even stupider NEXT time, right?
Grab-O, The Plastic Crack Addict - I am generally a "happily low-income" person (no, I am not just saying this to make myself feel better about my current financial situation). That is, until the covetous Grab-O gets his sights on a Botcon exclusive that he just must have, or an imported Japanese Optimus Prime (which, I guess I already have, but just not in those colors! Damn, you Grab-O). I've worked hard to eliminate this demon, but it is resilient and plays on a incorrectly wired "lizard" brain. And even now, when he chooses to awaken, my entire life gets derailed.
Pohrknap- Sits on top of me after SPECIAL and INTIMATE times with certain ladyparts and won't let me get up unless I really need a drink of water. And even then...
Burpbap- He lives inside my mouth and shoves words and phrases out like "Well that was fucking stupid wasn't it." and "Actually, I don't give a shit. In fact, I stopped listening as soon as you started talking." and "Dumbass."
SHAKALOOT- Lives in my car and forces me to shake my fist in a general "YOU ARE A FUCKING JERKOFF!" gesture. He usually picks the most mentally unstable drivers to gesture to.
WOLOLOL - Encourages me to fuck with people who Have It Coming.
Methistopheles - Encourages me to consume unhealthy quantities of caffeine.
Shibboleet - Encourages me to continue posting on this God-forsaken shit hole of a forum.
IA IA! SHIBBOLEET FHTAGN
Gluteus - Lurks in my preconscious, analyzing woman's butts for future glancing.
Bananatos - Notices an oncoming vehicle slowly veering over the double yellow—steers my car ever so slightly towards the fuck.
Rose - She once incarnated as the security guard at my old high school, who must have had an IQ of 75. She sends cop cars to tail me for minutes on end on the highway. Has the aspect of authority without reason or thought.
Woohaha - He is the one who makes things funny just because they shouldn't be. He causes laughter at funerals, all schadenfreude, and most of the behavior of kids under 5.
Khorneflakeout: "It's fucked, it will always be fucked, and the monkey kids will just fuck it more if you make it nice. Burn it now and get a laugh out of it."
Demonstraistion: "They're doing it wrong. Teach them."
Sparky: "They're fucking with you. Fuck back, now, or they'll never stop. Walk right over and tell the bitches not to email you with that kind of tone."
Malebulge: "YOU ARE HIDEOUS. DO I MEAN ON THE INSIDE OR OUT? YES!"
Rote: "Everything, fundamentally, can be rendered down to, and treated as a point of data or an applicable principle. Then crunched."
BightBack: (Responsible for screaming at loud toddlers, cussing out pedestrians, growling at people in front of me for the sammich line, and taking the throat of anything that goes to touch me at the wrong time. Not one for talk.)
Foodler: "They took your chicken. You had saved that so you would have a reliable meal, infrastructure that they have now undercut, threatening your home support and financial bottom line. This can only lead to you starving as they feed. Take their lives."
Echo: "Fuck! They just heard you think that! Shit! This is worse than the time in kindergarten when you...."
Steppa: "Keep moving! Don't Stop! AIEEEEEEEEEEE!"
Douchbagrius: He forces my attraction toward the wrong kinds of men.
Blueis: Helps Douchbagrius in making me fall in the trap.
Maltohoptolemus: Convinces me to imbibe in the fermented libation of grains often.
Accuritus Maximus: Compels me to make sure that everything I study and recreate is as historically accurate as possible.
Malleus Felicitas: My unability to ever be truly happy.
StoptherideIwannagetoffnowplease: The feeling that I want everything to just end, finally, and let me get back to "normal".
Apathaperie: Measures, in exacting and exhausting precision, just how much of a fuck needs to be given to get anything done and then vetoes the expenditure.
Daidreaum: An invasive imp that delights in projecting images of all the marvelous things I could be doing with my time if I weren't stuck doing this, this, that, or the other really boring and meaningless thing I have to do. Like work or file taxes.
. . . . . . . . .
Panic's Paean: The never-ending howling, shrieking, wail in my brain and blood that tells me everything I'm doing is wrong and is going to get me killed, beaten, left destitute on the side of the road, locked up in a nut-hut, worse, etc just like everything I ever did as a kid got me beaten, yelled at, starved, worse, etc.
Sucie d'Feat: A malicious demon that whispers how easy it would be to quit, give up, go far far away, take the final leap - right before I wake up or while I'm trying to go to sleep - or when Panic's Paean is playing its loudest.
Omnomnomius: the demon that convinces me to finish the last three cookies/carrots/cake slices/etc.
Like, Moniquwah: sits on my chest and reads shitty vampire novels. As she is invisible and heavy, I end up having to read the shitty vampire novels too.
Procrastinus Scholarus: "Pfff, you don't even need to start researching this easy 12 page paper until the evening before it's due!"
Antithropos- "Fuck 'em. They're only human. Let them rot."
Hypothropos- Cousin and nemesis of Antithropos. "And what are you? Subhuman scum, that's what you are. You're lucky they keep you around as a pet. These apes are gods compared to you. Now, serve them."
Blugutan- The monkey at the switchboard that controls my personality traits. Is especially fond of switching off the fucking everything and going into Safe Mode while I'm at work, ensuring that my coworkers will forever see me as that sketchy stoner kid that avoids eye contact and mutters to himself, despite the fact that I have only ever touched drugs once and actually want to be on good terms with said coworkers. I plan to exorcise him soon and find a borderline competent replacement. "OOK OOK"
Charagars- The fucker torments me too.
Uncertaur- Rips away all confidence in my own sanity and convinces me that everything I believe is delusional. Critical thought is good, but this one takes it too far and turns it into a crippling affliction. "Nothing horrible ever happened to you. You're making it all up, you self-indulgent piece of shit. There's no excuse for you. Everything you believe is nothing but Lo5."
oMNOMNOMNIBUS: A demon that tells me to eat everything in sight.
THE BEANOTAUR - Half man, half beast. He wanders through the labyrinth of my mind, searching for coffee. Each day, I battle him to the death. If he is not slain, I will drink like six cups of coffee. At dawn, he rises again.
Surplussus The being in my head that seems to deliberately over-estimate how much time, money or other resources I have at my disposal and dominates my own good sense by using confusion and repetition tactics to push the erroneous data.
Neotocin Lives in my crotch. Causes a sudden flood of dopamine and all kinds of delightful hormones any time I meet a new attractive human being, thereby, effectively de-calibrating and voiding the warranty on any newly-installed bullshit detector.
Homodubious Directly responsible for the disbelief (in spite of being burned over and over) in the existence of ill-will of other human beings. Can often be heard whispering "This must be a mistake!" And "I'm sure if they knew how it made you feeeel, they'd stop."
Scrambles Demon who ate my self-editing and self-censorship software ages ago. "That might be what you meant, but this is what you said" can often be heard around this guy. Allows me front-of-queue priveleges with poorly-planned, poorly-worded protests and rebuttals.
Chiroptera Fecalis Intellectuo Flits from person to person, I'm not the only one possessed by this nasty fucker...as a matter of fact, there my just be a horde of these little shits. Nests upside-down in the reasoning centers of the brain and hibernates. Periodically awakened by outside stimulus or ingestion of alcohol at which point he awakens, turns a fun shade of glowing purple flys around erratically--sometimes for hours and throws clockwork wind-up toys around the room.
These are just a few of my favourites.
Testicumalus: "They're evil, every last one of them. It's that defective Y chromosome, they're MISSING parts, important ones. They're missing the ability to function like adults, to have real relationships. Stay away from them."
Hystemalis: "They're crazy, every last one of them. It's that funky extra bit on the XX chromosome. It floods their brains with extra hormones and makes them unstable. Yes, all of them. Even you. Stay away from them."
Kharmeopath The little shit-for-brains that sits in the passenger seat when I'm alone in my car or perches on the side if the tub when I'm showering and rattles on in a constant state of outrage, insult, righteousness and/or disbelief at the fucked up things people do to each other (or me) and actually get away with. Spends entirely too much time thinking about poetic justice, "come uppance" and can often be heard shrieking mournful "birdcalls" of "itsnotFAIR" and "thetruthwillcomeOUUUT!" Can often be heard bickering with Rationaleus.
Rationaleus Tiny in stature but dense, heavy and stubborn creature that sits in the corner and never stops asking questions or reading shit out of books, proposing endless suppositions to answer those questions, even when the answers seem obvious. Frequently seen chasing his eyeballs down the street after his head has gone explodey because some well-meaning human has uttered the magic words "Because that's just the way it is."
Paranoius:Harbinger of lies and distrust."See that group laughing over there?Well, mate, they are laughing at you!In fact, almost definitely they are talking about you at your back, with your closest friends.Chatting about your biggest mistakes and shames."
Angerriam:My own little demon sociopath, usually appears with Quiterium, and sometimes after several visits of Paranoius."The day you snap will be the only day they will finally respect you, just fucking do it!Let's kill them all!".From time to time it shows me amusing visions of killing sprees that I could have comitted.
Quiterium:This one is a different kind of sociopath, focusing his efforts in trying to kill me,"You know what would show them?You, killing yourself because of them! In fact, you could write on your suicide note that you wouldn't have done it if it wasn't for them.Yeah!Actually,you could get revenge from everyone that might have hurt you.It is just a jump away...".This one shows me visions too,but usually of my own dead body after I kill myself,or even visons of me performing the act in impossible manners, like ripping my heart out of my body with my bare hands.
First post here in PD.
Welcome! You will enjoy it here and maybe not become a mad, twisted misanthrope.
...I still have problems with Woohaha.
Hyarperia - the feminine spirit of Teutonic control obsessed pests that befoul the resoluteness of my intention by getting in the way, generally.
Doranimus - a bald cat with a detachable skull that sits beside me between moments of clarity as we perch atop our particular columns. Just that he's greedy and tries to steal my place by pretending that I would not notice if he had switched us. Sometimes just thinking about it makes me think he has.
Lethargicus - eats my posts by developing technical difficulties on the board just when I'm ready to submit the best idea I had in months...
This is wonderful! :golfclap:
Stabinnafaceus - Makes one relive embarrassing things one has done (the more recent and painfully stupid one feels when remembering, the better). Must avoid sharp or pointy objects such as but not limited to (and rather at the lesser end of desirability) table knives or pencils when this fucker is around. Can often be heard whispering "What the hell were you even doing? You should probably mutilate your face to start with so people know what a dumbshit you are." Often has motor skill control, causing a grasping fist to pass over the face, just in case there's a sharp or pointy thing in hand. Sometimes causes compulsion to go grab sharp or pointy things if there is a distinct lack of face-pain.
Could be a facet of Tucson, though, because that's pretty vicious for just a personal demon.
Toseriusez : This is the smug mother-fucker that whispers in your ear, telling you that everything has to be taken super seriously or the world will end. Most often this applies to workplace drama or relationship melodrama. Even when all you do for a living is make sandwiches and you've been in a happy, stable relationship for years.
Orgonominus responds to every situation with "hey, dude, I think she likes you." His brother, Thanotominus, responds to every situation with "she thinks you're a fucking creep." Usually either neither of them are correct or they both are.
Entiladumut sits on your shoulder and sings "It's my party and I can cry if I want to," softly and calmly so you almost believe it. The moment you do, you look like an asshole. He gorges himself on dirty looks.
Procrastinus convinces you that you have plenty of time, feeding on the panic he causes when you realize you have too little time.
Oligar the Conqueror is a barbarous and vampiric imp whose mandibles are attached to your hate glands. He tells you that your indignation is righteous, and swells with your adrenaline.
Procrastinus seduces Lethargicus. Their affair unleashes the jealous rage of Unpaqua, he curses their progeny backwards in time. Their spawn turns out to be an incursive version of Saturn, cannibalizing his (sideways) parents Gaia and Eros. In order to avoid Chaos, this results in the immediate unfolding and relocation of Unpaqua's contents, however...
Quote from: LuciferX on February 18, 2012, 08:15:02 PM
Procrastinus seduces Lethargicus.
I hate it when my personal demons get more action than I do.