Oh, Tucson
Sand, cement and filthy stucco towers
Someone called us Tucson
Those hungry homeless
Tracking down the straights
But where were all your shoulders when we cried
Where the darlings up in Phoenix
Dreaming up such horrible lies
To whisper in your ear before you die
It's party time for the guys in the town of Tucson
Sodom meet Gomorrah, Cain meet Abel
Have a ball y'all
See the letches crawl
With the call girls under the table
Watch them dig their graves
`Cause Jesus don't save the guys
In the town of Tucson
Watch them dig their graves
`Cause Jesus don't save the guys
In the town of Tucson...Oh, Tucson
Junkie angels, this corner's always stacked
The dealer's in the basement
Filling your prescription
For a brand new heart attack
But where were all your shoulders when we cried
Were the cops around the body
Saying how they felt so sick inside
Or was it just the beat reporter telling lies?
It's party time for the guys in the town of Tucson
Sodom meet Gomorrah, Cain meet Abel
Have a ball y'all
See the letches crawl
With the call girls under the table
Watch them dig their graves
`Cause Jesus don't save the guys
In the town of Tucson
(To the tune of The Tower of Babel, by Elton John)
The Ballad of L/A (OR, Get me the fuck out of this Wal-Mart!)
Frenchies wobble but they don't fall down
Frenchies wobble but they don't fall down.
Frenchies are round
Don't fall down
Frenchies are round
Don't fall down
(sung really fast) Frenchies wobble Frenchies wobble Frenchies wobble Frenchies wobble Frenchies wobble Frenchies wobble Frenchies wobble but they don't fall down
(to the tune of Weebles Wobble by Lawnmower Deth)
OK, I'm working on one, but in the meantime I remembered that the Postal Service wrote the best theme song for Seattle ever:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PveGQoqeSD4
This place is a prison
And these people aren't your friends
Inhaling thrills through $20 bills
And the tumblers are drained and then flooded again
And again
Ther're guards at the on ramps armed to the teeth
And you may case the grounds from the cascades to puget sound,
But you are not permitted to leave
I know there's a big world out there like the one i saw on the screen
In my living room late last night,
It was almost too bright to see
And i know that it's not a party if it happens every night
Pretending there's glamour and candelabra
When you're drinking by candlelight
What does it take to get a drink in this place?
What does it take, how long must i wait?
The Bridge Song
(to the tune of The Jeep Song by Dresden Dolls)
I've been driving around town
With my head spinning around
Everywhere I look, I see
Bridges calling out to me
You're rainy and full of clowns
You give me SAD and bring me down
In the hills an hour or three,
I think I hate the sight of trees
But with every bridge I cross
My muddled head is at a loss
I guess it's my fault that I think
Every bar in Portland serves the same weak fucking drinks
The sky is gray, it's fucking raining
And I'm dripping onto everything, I'm
Thinking about skipping town awhile
Until crossing rivers goes out of style
I tried to see it in reverse
It makes the situation hundreds of times worse
When I wonder if it makes you feel too dry
Every time you see the sun light up the sky
So don't tell me if you're having a parade
I know it won't be very nice
I don't care about your goddamn roses, Portland, just
Let me out of here at any price
The sky is gray, it's fucking raining
The sky is gray
The number of them is like lice
Every dive bar is a hipster paradise
Every major street's a minor Art Attack—
I see a red bridge and I want to paint it black!
The sky is gray, it's fucking raining
And I'm dripping onto everything, I
Can't wait til your bridges all collapse
By then, I'll have no further use for roads or maps,
The sky is gray, it's fucking raining
It's just no use, this light is draining
But one day I'll get some dynamite and fuses
And blow up bridges until they're completely useless.
WOOP!
Dear Providence, won't you come back today?
Dear Providence, it's true we still look away
The sun is up, the sky is red
The hope we had is long dead
Dear Providence, won't you come back today?
Dear Providence, won't you open your eyes?
Dear Providence, see the horrible lies
The wind has stopped the birds will sing
That you still are part of my sting
Dear Providence, won't you open your eyes?
Look around round round
Look around round round
Oh look around
Dear Providence, when was last you smiled?
Dear Providence, for me it's been a while
The smokestacks spew a daisy chain
Maybe the Red Bridge will move again
Dear Providence, when was last you smiled?
Dear Providence, won't you come back today?
Dear Providence, it's true we still look away
The sun is up, the sky is red
The hope we had is long dead
Dear Providence, won't you come back today?
(To Dear Prudence, by the Beatles.)
Two churches on every corner.
I bought a King James Bible and I call it a sword.
(Church City, USA)
It's got a hard cover, yeah it's hard as a board.
(Church City, USA)
We roll up all the streets every night at nine.
The kids bored as fuck and that's by design.
Ya, I live in Church City and it's lots of fun.
We have potlucks every Wednesday so y'all should come.
Ya, I live in Church City, it's a fucking blast.
But if you're not a Christian then you're second class.
Two churches on every corner.
To the tune of this song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERrwjR4ZlfI).