Who the fuck did Dorothy think she was?
Yeah, yeah, I feel bad for her, being swept into a magical kingdom that was utterly alien to her. And yeah, she croaked the Wicked Witch of the West, and even helped a few people get their shit together.
But that wasn't enough, was it? Rather than adventure in this strange kingdom, she felt the need to return to an insufferably dull Kansas homestead. So off she goes, down the yellow brick road.
After several run-ins with the locals, she and her little posse - and her stupid useless dog - arrive at the beautiful Emerald City. At no point did anyone ask how the place got built, or how old it was, or anything. Nope. Straight to the Wizard.
And what did the little wretch do when she got there?
Oh, yeah. She exposed the rather harmless Wizard as a humbug, thus stripping most of the "magic" off of the kingdom, making it useless and mundane. Then, after wrecking the place, she went home to Kansas.
The Munchkins, now living in a world without magic or mystery, all get jobs at the mill, and toil away the rest of their lives, watching bad television in the evening and drinking too much. Eventually, most of them move to Newark.
The End. Thanks a lot, Dorothy.
aahahahaha awesome! :lulz:
Dorothy, purveyer or horrible truth.
:lulz: Very nice.
She had no fucking choice. She was a lemming from get-go. Fucking twit.
I actually have NO LOVE for that snivelling brat. She had brainless, rather selfish friends and a yipping lapdog for a pet.
I feel rather sorry for the WWofW...mostly because she got screwed out of her birthright by some goodie twoshoes. Glinda is sorta like the Feds when they realize the relative died intestate.
ETA: GREAT OP, Rog.
Little twit never even stopped to wonder what ELSE those slippers could do.
You just made Judy Garlands festering corpse piss itself.
Quote from: Jenne on June 13, 2011, 08:00:59 PM
I feel rather sorry for the WWofW...mostly because she got screwed out of her birthright by some goodie twoshoes. Glinda is sorta like the Feds when they realize the relative died intestate.
Meh. They're both Pagans, so whatever. :lulz:
Quote from: Charley Brown on June 13, 2011, 08:27:34 PM
You just made Judy Garlands festering corpse piss itself.
This is a good thing. I never liked her Pollyanna ass, anyway.
This is AWESOME.
Quote from: Your Mom on June 13, 2011, 09:42:25 PM
This is AWESOME.
Thanks. There's a few stories that really bug the shit out of me, because the protagonist is actually an utter shitheels.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on June 13, 2011, 09:43:17 PM
Quote from: Your Mom on June 13, 2011, 09:42:25 PM
This is AWESOME.
Thanks. There's a few stories that really bug the shit out of me, because the protagonist is actually an utter shitheels.
I was always annoyed that Dorothy was regarded as a hero. The movie creeped me out, as a kid, to the point where I didn't want to read the book. And I wanted to read every book in the world, then.
It was a slow, predictable process that brought Oz to where it is today. For years after Dorothy's visit the locals told stories of Her arrival, this strange and pretty visitor from a land they'd never heard about. They praised Her brave showdowns with the oppressive witches, sang of Her friendly demeanor. It was the type of story that started with "Remember that time..." and they told it again even though they'd all lived through it, smiling.
The ones closest to Her were heroes, applauded and treated like royalty. The Cowardly Lion, The Tin Man, and Her dearest friend and confidant, The Scarecrow. Together with the girl they were formidable, and this before they knew of the talents they possessed, shown to them by the much demonized Wizard. With reality set into their minds, with the fantasy of their world gone, they turned to civic matters and who better to bring to power than the ones who'd proven themselves to be trustworthy in bringing light into their lives.
So the three parted ways and went to govern different lands. Of course, being such good pals meant it all went rather harmoniously, and they did the best they could. The Lion was proud and dauntless. His decisions were unquestioned, even when woefully ill informed. And like all former cowards, he set himself to proving his worth in foolhardy endeavors that cost the lives of thousands. But he was one of the saviors so of course it was alright.
The Tin Man was the weakest of they who became known as the Three Kings. A part of him said no, the only one, but of course he didn't take much convincing. He was surrounded by power hungry schemers that used him as their puppet and held his precious oil above his head. They used big words and had him sign impossible documents and told him the people loved him, no matter what, because he was one of their saviors.
The Scarecrow was the worst of them because he loved them with all his heart. A leader must love, of course, but this blind, crippling affection meant the difficult decisions, the ones that were necessary, simply weren't done. He couldn't bear to do it. But they loved him the most, this savior of theirs.
And all the while there was the legend of Dorothy from this weird, far away world known as Kansas. Kings and shepherds, preachers and apostles The Three were, telling Her story. When the munchkins choke on the air of industry, when the denizens of the Emerald City fight in the streets over Her teachings, it is said that the righteous dead will see Her again in Kansas.
FUCK
YEAH
:mittens: To Roger and EoC!
Those were both awesome!
Dorothy was all too accepting of the unquestionable crippling buearcracy of Oz too. You have to wonder about a place thatwill hand out plastic surgery like Haloween candy but will not even admit that the big boss has broken doorbell without prodding.
I always hated that bitch.
Holy ShitBiscuits, EoC. I am beginning to think you and Roger are a dangerous combination. :aaa: :horrormirth: :aaa:
To whit I argue that The Dorothy did a great a noble thing. She declared for all to know that the 'wizard' was no wizard but a simple charlatan. Utilizing his superior knowledge, such as it was, of the modern sciences to institute himself as a dictator for life. It is not Her fault those She called companion fell prey to their vices. She had places to go. She had to get back and Do the Right Things, like all good American girls.
Only Communists and Terrorists would have wanted her to adventure in Oz.
Quote from: Canis latrans securis on June 14, 2011, 12:14:45 AM
She had to get back and Do the Right Things, like all good American girls.
Only Communists and Terrorists would have wanted her to adventure in Oz.
Screw that. I'm aware of two job openings that I'd be applying for.
I always wanted an army of winged monkeys.
Quote from: Canis latrans securis on June 14, 2011, 12:14:45 AM
To whit I argue that The Dorothy did a great a noble thing. She declared for all to know that the 'wizard' was no wizard but a simple charlatan. Utilizing his superior knowledge, such as it was, of the modern sciences to institute himself as a dictator for life. It is not Her fault those She called companion fell prey to their vices. She had places to go. She had to get back and Do the Right Things, like all good American girls.
Only Communists and Terrorists would have wanted her to adventure in Oz.
Lest we forget, Dorothy killed two Wicked Witches and freed many slaves in doing so.
Why would you persecute her so bad for the weaknesses of others?
The Munchkins were perennial suck-ups as is demonstrated by their relationship with Glenda, so what did you expect from them when Dorothy dropped a house on an old nemesis?
Rupert is an old man, not that you can tell in the Emerald City. His skin is stilly shiny and has the plastic youthfulness of Oz's denizens. No, Rupert is an old man because he still has those heavily waved and pointed locks of an age gone by. All the kids are sporting weird spikes now, and messy deconstructions, but Rupert is a classic kind of guy.
He runs the Old Wizard Museum. Keeps an eye out on the live ones, the visitors that come in and want to know history, fact, reality. But those are very rare and sometimes, he thinks he can spot them pretty well now, but sometimes they're pretending to care so they can bust him for dissent, toss his old body in the dungeons with the rest of the political prisoner. It confuses him, though, being a rabble rouser just because he's telling a story. A true story, no less.
So instead of walking by the controls the Old Wizard used and telling tales of the delightful illusions, he points at one and he leans in to the closest little one in the tour group, gets his voice to a low whisper and looks into their big, frightened eyes and says, "This one was used for burning." It wasn't a lie, really, the switch set off some jets of flame but he knew that daft old eccentric never used to actually hurt anyone. That's the kind of thing Rupert did, though, he tried not to lie, tried not to propagate the words of The Church. And that's the kind of thing that got him noticed.
In the darkened rooms where he met a few others to share ideas he always made it clear that the girl was no devil. No, Dorothy was probably perfectly sweet, if a bit simple and most certainly short sighted. He'd explain over spirits, and boy if anything good came from the modern day it was the drink that took the edge off of their nervous days, that the Three Kings were good folk, once. They didn't mean all the harm they'd done, they just, like so many good folk, couldn't fathom the costs of the utopia they tried to build. The conversation usually got heated here, though, and had to stop lest the noise attracted unwanted attention. Ears were everywhere.
No, Rupert keeps his head down. Both to stay unnoticed and to keep just below the smog. He sells little figurines of the Old Wizard with a malevolent glare and pointed, evil looking robes. They sell best, actually, and he's going to need some funds if he ever gets around to retiring. Put in his papers to move outside the city years back, even, because he knows these kinds of things are a real pain to move through the bureaucracy. It's not like he's saved up enough for one of those condos on the Yellow Brick Road, but there might just be enough for a little flat in a quiet town where he can't see the soot soiled towers of the city. Just maybe.
Wow. :mittens:
Looks like I need to go read the rest of this thread.
Quote from: Eve on June 14, 2011, 10:15:28 PM
Wow. :mittens:
Looks like I need to go read the rest of this thread.
Yeah, PD kidnaps yet another TGRR thread.
Quote from: Charley Brown on June 15, 2011, 12:17:53 AM
Quote from: Eve on June 14, 2011, 10:15:28 PM
Wow. :mittens:
Looks like I need to go read the rest of this thread.
Yeah, PD kidnaps yet another TGRR thread.
The irony displayed here is astounding. :lol:
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on June 15, 2011, 12:23:48 AM
Quote from: Charley Brown on June 15, 2011, 12:17:53 AM
Quote from: Eve on June 14, 2011, 10:15:28 PM
Wow. :mittens:
Looks like I need to go read the rest of this thread.
Yeah, PD kidnaps yet another TGRR thread.
The irony displayed here is astounding. :lol:
:lulz:
:D
The Wizard knew he was doomed. The girl had gotten past everything he'd placed in her path, with the help of her cyborgs and the enhanced lion that she had allied with. Even the Wicked Witch of the West was no help. Her flying monkeys had been burned from the sky by the heartless, metallic cyborg, and the survivors eaten by the lion.
He'd have to bluff, of course, but he wasn't too hopeful. If, however, he could trick them into letting him escape in his balloon, then he'd just go home and count himself lucky to have survived.
He imagined that the girl would probably take his place...He just hoped she wasn't too hard on the Munchkins. They were a simple people, and he'd really grown fond of them.
He looked out over Oz, choked up a bit, and then started packing his essentials in the balloon's basket.