EVERYONE EVER BORN WHO HAS ANY KIND OF SOCIAL LIFE.
http://daff0dil.blogspot.com/2011/08/saying-no.html
A small excerpt:
Quote
I am beginning to suspect one of the greatest keys to happiness is learning how to say no.
This is not just about setting boundaries, which is, indeed, very important. This is not about making time to say yes to the things you really want or should to say yes to.
It is about the kind of maturity found in rejecting ideas, notions and, yes, sometimes people, with grace and kindness.
Enumerated, in no particular order, are a list of rules I wish more people would consider:
1. You do not an explanation.
Really. You don't. You do NOT need to give a long list of reasons you can't make something, or enumerate all the obligations you have that would come before another's needs. You don't even need a litany of apologies. In fact, the more information you give to people, the more information they have to evaluate you, your priorities and your rejection with, and the more likely they are to find insult and fault. Do I really want to know that you are putting laundry before my birthday? Do I really want to know that weekly date night supersedes your friends wedding? I really just don't. All you are doing with a litany of excuses is revealing a list of priorities that take precedence over that invitation. So,be kind, but be succinct.
Thank you, I needed to read this!!!
Oh. So that's how you do it.
I tend to stick with "Sorry, I don't like you and don't want to spend time with you." or "I don't drink and don't want to watch you get all drunk and sloppy at a bar, thanks."
Must work on my panache.
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on August 16, 2011, 10:22:48 PM
Oh. So that's how you do it.
I tend to stick with "Sorry, I don't like you and don't want to spend time with you." or "I don't drink and don't want to watch you get all drunk and sloppy at a bar, thanks."
Must work on my panache.
Did you read the whole article? :? Because she's not talking about panache, she's talking mostly about saying no to people you DO like and want to spend time with, in ways that make them feel like you do continue to value them. That's like, 90% of the point of the article.
Quote from: Nigel on August 16, 2011, 10:58:38 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on August 16, 2011, 10:22:48 PM
Oh. So that's how you do it.
I tend to stick with "Sorry, I don't like you and don't want to spend time with you." or "I don't drink and don't want to watch you get all drunk and sloppy at a bar, thanks."
Must work on my panache.
Did you read the whole article? :? Because she's not talking about panache, she's talking mostly about saying no to people you DO like and want to spend time with, in ways that make them feel like you do continue to value them. That's like, 90% of the point of the article.
I read the whole article, yes ma'am. She says even if you do have panache, you can still screw up so you best keep it simple. I haven't even gotten as far as panache yet, let alone keeping it simple. I don't get out much.
It is a good article.
I just say yes to everything then when the time comes blow it off to play Civilization V.
Quote from: PopeTom on August 16, 2011, 11:37:41 PM
I just say yes to everything then when the time comes blow it off to play Civilization V.
I miss playing Civ. :cry:
Quote from: Nigel on August 16, 2011, 11:42:02 PM
Quote from: PopeTom on August 16, 2011, 11:37:41 PM
I just say yes to everything then when the time comes blow it off to play Civilization V.
I miss playing Civ. :cry:
Civ V is AMAZING.
Quote from: Doktor Howl on August 16, 2011, 11:42:45 PM
Quote from: Nigel on August 16, 2011, 11:42:02 PM
Quote from: PopeTom on August 16, 2011, 11:37:41 PM
I just say yes to everything then when the time comes blow it off to play Civilization V.
I miss playing Civ. :cry:
Civ V is AMAZING.
Maybe someday I'll have a Civ V partner to play with.
i was just thinking about finding a copy of that last night.
i'll have to scour the BT later...
I heard Civ V, when it originally came out, was half-crippled, but with the patches and expansions it has actually become a rather excellent game.
That said, I haven't actually yet played Civ IV yet....though I can still beat Civ II on Deity Mode, so I think I'll be alright.
Really nice article, enjoyed reading it. I already knew most of the things in it, but I did have to learn em the hard way, who knows if only I had read this 10 years ago or something :)
(http://farm1.static.flickr.com/147/354071543_aea941afa0_o.jpg)
Is she one of us...?
Is that...SUU's Doppelganger?
Quote from: navkat on August 18, 2011, 01:42:11 PM
(http://farm1.static.flickr.com/147/354071543_aea941afa0_o.jpg)
Is she one of us...?
Is that...SUU's Doppelganger?
:lulz: Not one of us, but might as well be. She's my FBF.
I didn't read the full article, but the excerpt makes me think of a lot of friends I have you have this inverted view of happiness and well being. I know a number of people who decided that for their best interest they had to start saying no to things inorganically. Pull a DeBeers and limit the supply to jack up the value or something.
I have had friends become unlikable because they found some "path to happiness." And I have never seen anyone come out happier because they started artificially making decisions.
There is a lot to be said about actually making your own priorities, but you should build friends around your lifestyle not the otherway around.
Quote from: Penumbral on August 19, 2011, 08:46:41 PM
I didn't read the full article, but the excerpt makes me think of a lot of friends I have you have this inverted view of happiness and well being. I know a number of people who decided that for their best interest they had to start saying no to things inorganically. Pull a DeBeers and limit the supply to jack up the value or something.
I have had friends become unlikable because they found some "path to happiness." And I have never seen anyone come out happier because they started artificially making decisions.
There is a lot to be said about actually making your own priorities, but you should build friends around your lifestyle not the otherway around.
I think you would dig the shit out of some of her other entries.
QuoteAug 9, 2011
Here is what I want from you. I want you to be grateful. I want you to get down on your knees every day and thank your lucky stars, or the lord above, or whatever hand leads for all you have in your life. I want you to thank the heavens if you have employment, I want you to thank them twice if it is a job you can even half enjoy. Have a lover? Thump your chest in gratitude? LOVE that lover, beat yourself prostrate just a little bit to reveal how exactly fortunate you are to have that lover who does the things that make life just a little bit brighter, the days shinier. A home, children, pets? I want to see callouses on those knees. I want to see the exhaustion of your gratitude, the blood of your debt.
And while I want our lives to be steeped in honesty, for your grievances to be heard and our hearts honest, I also want you to shut up. Just a bit. Just a little. Because every time you whine about your to do list, how HARD everything is, how much work the day takes, how much time your lover steals, you show me that you have not yet internalized a truth that will do you well to understand: we were not born to be happy, we were simply born to be. We exist to breed and we breed to exist. And then. More babies. A fortune, a biology. A divine plan? Perhaps, but the tools are given, and providence is up to you. You don't deserve happiness just because you are so rad. You earn happiness by being awesome.
So when you wake up and you see her lying beside you and she smiles and rolls over and brushes up against you I want you to smile. When the dogs asks to be fed I also want you to pet him. When your boss texts you I want you to jump just that high with a spring in your step. I am not asking you reduce your expectations, I am asking you to wake up to the ongoing fortune of having the luxury to ask for more.
you should still read the full article, though. it's pretty good. maybe it'll be all old hat to you in which case it'll be like confirmation, which is also good.
also your signature banner is deliciously ancient :)
and on Nigel's suggestion I'll try the other entries.
Quote from: Triple Zero on August 19, 2011, 09:08:49 PM
also your signature banner is deliciously ancient :)
AWS old school.
Liked it.
Something i should've learned sooner.