Agent Garbo and Shoe Ears are bad people. There, I said it.
I mean, America was doing just fine until they came along. Things were great...But that wasn't good enough for them. Oh, no. Like a pair of deranged Frenchmen, they insisted on tinkering with things best left alone...Agent Garbo's "innovative" raves, for example, in which the lights are left on, allowing poor miserable young people to see how badly they dance (and then photographing the poor fuckers in the act) pretty much killed the party scene in California.
Her "hikes", also; she blatantly exposed other young people to NATURE, which caused their X-Box conditioned faces to explode in hives and rashes upon contact with plant life. And it seems that every picture she posts has one less person in it. Is she EATING them? Or does she just shove them down a ravine for the coyotes to find?
And don't even get me started on Shoe Ears. Possessed of the personality of a weasel with paint stripper on its teats, she wanders the streets of her town, viciously beating children and stupid people. "It's for their own good", she trills, "They have to learn." Everyone knows what's in her backpack, and that alone is good reason for restricting the sale of dental tools to licensed professionals. There are too many losers wandering around California with distended mouths and extra teeth already.
I have heard that their condition is the result of breathing the yellow muck Californians call "air", but if that's the case, the whole state would be members of the Manson family. No, they are deviants of the worst stripe, and they shouldn't be allowed to run loose. Unfortunately, every time cops are sent to deal with them, the sisters just smile and make goo goo eyes at them, and then the cops are found later, in Oyster Bars or Bath Houses, surgically emasculated. Female officers either turn Gay and join NOW, or are themselves arrested for unnatural acts with wildlife.
There are even rumors of some sort of connection between them and LMNO's organization, and whispers of involuntary extreme body modifications occurring as a result. While I have no proof for this, I don't put it past them, not hardly.
WAKE UP, AMERICA! Don't fall for a pair of pretty faces with hypodermics for teeth and acid nozzles for tonsils. They are a MENACE to Good Christians™ everywhere, and their very existence threatens our way of life and our precious bodily fluids. We have to take drastic action before it's too late, before we're all listening to La Roux and wearing canvas running shoes. We must nuke California TODAY, and worry about the consequences later.
SERVO CIVITAS!
Okay for now,
Dok
PUSH THE BIG RED BUTTON! It's hardly murder if its being done for charity.
Dude, I've never needed convincing before, but with this new evidence it seems like a moral obligation.
We have to do it for the ChildrenTM
:lulz:
Um.
NO :crankey:
Jenne,
Doesn't like to be FORGOTTEN :argh!:
By the way, Those Two have special dispensation.
CA knows which way that wind blows and forgives the varmints' shinanigans so the rest of us can rest in peace. Pun intended.
Quote from: Jenne on October 05, 2011, 06:28:47 PM
Um.
NO :crankey:
Jenne,
Doesn't like to be FORGOTTEN :argh!:
It's either The Bomb, or the Agony Sisters. Decide.
:lulz:
You should see Shoe Ears in full form. It's like watched da Vinci or Michelangelo in action. She goes down to Wal Mart and waits for Skeeter and Darlleen and their passel of children to come out and then she pounces - it's pretty impressive. I thought it impossible to lob a tooth that far with one of those dental mirrors, but Shoe Ears managed it. I'm not sure if the resulting casualty was intended, but I'm not going to ask.
Anyone who dances like a retarded t-rex - all arms and stamping - DESERVES to be photographed, and so terribly many of them do. It's a crime against the sacred art of rave and they need to be re-educated! How else can I do that without showing them what they're doing wrong?
If they were any good for eating, I'd offer them to the Dark Empress, but I'm afraid they aren't. Coyotes won't even touch 'em, but there is something that screams, out in the foothills. We don't know what it is, despite much speculation but the last hike we went on, I pushed one of my companions off the trail, the creature howled, and we never did see him again.
Quote from: Jenne on October 05, 2011, 06:28:47 PM
Um.
NO :crankey:
Jenne,
Doesn't like to be FORGOTTEN :argh!:
If you check outside there is a large unmarked truck. That's for you, your family, and all of your possessions to get out of the way.
When the area is decontaminated, it's all yours Jenne.
Or should I say, Your Eminence.
NO no, don't listen to Garbo--never LOOK at Shoe Ears in "full form." If you do, it's like looking into the eyes of Kali, and you will burn with the fire of a thousand suns.
During a solar eclipse, and ONLY then, is Shoe Ears to be taken in...fully.
Ye've been a-warned, ye've been.
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on October 05, 2011, 06:33:11 PM
:lulz:
You should see Shoe Ears in full form. It's like watched da Vinci or Michelangelo in action. She goes down to Wal Mart and waits for Skeeter and Darlleen and their passel of children to come out and then she pounces - it's pretty impressive. I thought it impossible to lob a tooth that far with one of those dental mirrors, but Shoe Ears managed it. I'm not sure if the resulting casualty was intended, but I'm not going to ask.
Anyone who dances like a retarded t-rex - all arms and stamping - DESERVES to be photographed, and so terribly many of them do. It's a crime against the sacred art of rave and they need to be re-educated! How else can I do that without showing them what they're doing wrong?
If they were any good for eating, I'd offer them to the Dark Empress, but I'm afraid they aren't. Coyotes won't even touch 'em, but there is something that screams, out in the foothills. We don't know what it is, despite much speculation but the last hike we went on, I pushed one of my companions off the trail, the creature howled, and we never did see him again.
None of this excuses throwing an enraged javelina into a shortbus. You are essentially rotten people.
Quote from: Jenne on October 05, 2011, 06:36:25 PM
NO no, don't listen to Garbo--never LOOK at Shoe Ears in "full form." If you do, it's like looking into the eyes of Kali, and you will burn with the fire of a thousand suns.
During a solar eclipse, and ONLY then, is Shoe Ears to be taken in...fully.
Ye've been a-warned, ye've been.
I wear a welding mask when I WOMP them. Just saying.
Quote from: Nph. Twid. on October 05, 2011, 06:35:14 PM
Quote from: Jenne on October 05, 2011, 06:28:47 PM
Um.
NO :crankey:
Jenne,
Doesn't like to be FORGOTTEN :argh!:
If you check outside there is a large unmarked truck. That's for you, your family, and all of your possessions to get out of the way.
When the area is decontaminated, it's all yours Jenne.
Or should I say, Your Eminence.
Shit. I got a lot of packing to do.
*bows head gracefully*
Quote from: Doktor Howl on October 05, 2011, 06:37:16 PM
Quote from: Jenne on October 05, 2011, 06:36:25 PM
NO no, don't listen to Garbo--never LOOK at Shoe Ears in "full form." If you do, it's like looking into the eyes of Kali, and you will burn with the fire of a thousand suns.
During a solar eclipse, and ONLY then, is Shoe Ears to be taken in...fully.
Ye've been a-warned, ye've been.
I wear a welding mask when I WOMP them. Just saying.
Better be made out of Titanium.
Just saying.
Quote from: Jenne on October 05, 2011, 06:37:58 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on October 05, 2011, 06:37:16 PM
Quote from: Jenne on October 05, 2011, 06:36:25 PM
NO no, don't listen to Garbo--never LOOK at Shoe Ears in "full form." If you do, it's like looking into the eyes of Kali, and you will burn with the fire of a thousand suns.
During a solar eclipse, and ONLY then, is Shoe Ears to be taken in...fully.
Ye've been a-warned, ye've been.
I wear a welding mask when I WOMP them. Just saying.
Better be made out of Titanium.
Just saying.
Too expensive. I just strap homeless people to it.
That's MY American dream.
Quote from: Doktor Howl on October 05, 2011, 06:38:41 PM
Quote from: Jenne on October 05, 2011, 06:37:58 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on October 05, 2011, 06:37:16 PM
Quote from: Jenne on October 05, 2011, 06:36:25 PM
NO no, don't listen to Garbo--never LOOK at Shoe Ears in "full form." If you do, it's like looking into the eyes of Kali, and you will burn with the fire of a thousand suns.
During a solar eclipse, and ONLY then, is Shoe Ears to be taken in...fully.
Ye've been a-warned, ye've been.
I wear a welding mask when I WOMP them. Just saying.
Better be made out of Titanium.
Just saying.
Too expensive. I just strap homeless people to it.
That's MY American dream.
And so you've got a pile of bleached bones near your computer desk?
(methinks you can finally lure the cat away from your bourbon with the aftermath of wompage)
Quote from: Doktor Howl on October 05, 2011, 06:36:46 PM
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on October 05, 2011, 06:33:11 PM
:lulz:
You should see Shoe Ears in full form. It's like watched da Vinci or Michelangelo in action. She goes down to Wal Mart and waits for Skeeter and Darlleen and their passel of children to come out and then she pounces - it's pretty impressive. I thought it impossible to lob a tooth that far with one of those dental mirrors, but Shoe Ears managed it. I'm not sure if the resulting casualty was intended, but I'm not going to ask.
Anyone who dances like a retarded t-rex - all arms and stamping - DESERVES to be photographed, and so terribly many of them do. It's a crime against the sacred art of rave and they need to be re-educated! How else can I do that without showing them what they're doing wrong?
If they were any good for eating, I'd offer them to the Dark Empress, but I'm afraid they aren't. Coyotes won't even touch 'em, but there is something that screams, out in the foothills. We don't know what it is, despite much speculation but the last hike we went on, I pushed one of my companions off the trail, the creature howled, and we never did see him again.
None of this excuses throwing an enraged javelina into a shortbus. You are essentially rotten people.
Well, what else was I supposed to do with the javelina?
Quote from: Jenne on October 05, 2011, 06:36:25 PM
NO no, don't listen to Garbo--never LOOK at Shoe Ears in "full form." If you do, it's like looking into the eyes of Kali, and you will burn with the fire of a thousand suns.
During a solar eclipse, and ONLY then, is Shoe Ears to be taken in...fully.
Ye've been a-warned, ye've been.
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on October 05, 2011, 06:45:25 PM
Well, what else was I supposed to do with the javelina?
(http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/0cWl3ko9ADbO7/610x.jpg)
Quote from: Doktor Howl on October 05, 2011, 06:48:17 PM
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on October 05, 2011, 06:45:25 PM
Well, what else was I supposed to do with the javelina?
(http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/0cWl3ko9ADbO7/610x.jpg)
Ok, so it's a javelina in a hat. What should she do with it?
Quote from: Nph. Twid. on October 05, 2011, 06:50:44 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on October 05, 2011, 06:48:17 PM
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on October 05, 2011, 06:45:25 PM
Well, what else was I supposed to do with the javelina?
(http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/0cWl3ko9ADbO7/610x.jpg)
Ok, so it's a javelina in a hat. What should she do with it?
No tusks. That is an American Land Whale, and they are the proper prey of enraged Javelinas.
169% troof. I saw it on Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom. Marlin Perkins is always right about this stuff.
This thread. :lulz:
Quote from: Doktor Howl on October 05, 2011, 06:48:17 PM
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on October 05, 2011, 06:45:25 PM
Well, what else was I supposed to do with the javelina?
(http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/0cWl3ko9ADbO7/610x.jpg)
Oh, that would be horning in on Shoe Ear's territory. She doesn't like that. :scared:
Well, you know me. I'm already highly radioactive. Bombs away.
DOK, NO!
If you initiate The Protocol on California right now, the country will tip over sideways and all of us--ALL of us-- go sliding into the Atlantic.
Quote from: Cainad on October 06, 2011, 12:33:36 PM
DOK, NO!
If you initiate The Protocol on California right now, the country will tip over sideways and all of us--ALL of us-- go sliding into the Atlantic.
You say that like it's a BAD thing...
Quote from: Cainad on October 06, 2011, 12:33:36 PM
DOK, NO!
If you initiate The Protocol on California right now, the country will tip over sideways and all of us--ALL of us-- go sliding into the Atlantic.
I'm on the West slope. I'll finally be able to stand up without leaning over.
Quote from: Luna on October 06, 2011, 02:54:57 PM
Quote from: Cainad on October 06, 2011, 12:33:36 PM
DOK, NO!
If you initiate The Protocol on California right now, the country will tip over sideways and all of us--ALL of us-- go sliding into the Atlantic.
You say that like it's a BAD thing...
Think about this for a moment, from our Easterly perspective. We get dumped in first, but then who gets dumped on top of us?
That's right, Teh Amurrican Heartland.
We'll be crushed and fossilized faster than we can scream "Fuck you, Eris!"
Quote from: Cainad on October 06, 2011, 05:14:41 PM
Quote from: Luna on October 06, 2011, 02:54:57 PM
Quote from: Cainad on October 06, 2011, 12:33:36 PM
DOK, NO!
If you initiate The Protocol on California right now, the country will tip over sideways and all of us--ALL of us-- go sliding into the Atlantic.
You say that like it's a BAD thing...
Think about this for a moment, from our Easterly perspective. We get dumped in first, but then who gets dumped on top of us?
That's right, Teh Amurrican Heartland.
We'll be crushed and fossilized faster than we can scream "Fuck you, Eris!"
HERE COMES NEBRASKA!
Quote from: Doktor Howl on October 06, 2011, 05:16:29 PM
Quote from: Cainad on October 06, 2011, 05:14:41 PM
Quote from: Luna on October 06, 2011, 02:54:57 PM
Quote from: Cainad on October 06, 2011, 12:33:36 PM
DOK, NO!
If you initiate The Protocol on California right now, the country will tip over sideways and all of us--ALL of us-- go sliding into the Atlantic.
You say that like it's a BAD thing...
Think about this for a moment, from our Easterly perspective. We get dumped in first, but then who gets dumped on top of us?
That's right, Teh Amurrican Heartland.
We'll be crushed and fossilized faster than we can scream "Fuck you, Eris!"
HERE COMES NEBRASKA!
WAIT A MINUTE!!!! :argh!:
I'm between the two.
:lulz:
The planetary distribution of gravity will shift! The tides will be overturned, and Salazore will run ashore!
That's my American Dream.
Aim it right, I betcha you can run Tuscon right over Washington DC.
That's my American dream.
Quote from: Luna on October 06, 2011, 10:13:54 PM
Aim it right, I betcha you can run Tuscon right over Washington DC.
That's my American dream.
Tucson doesn't move. It's anchored to Arizona by 200 years of shame and failure.
Quote from: Doktor Howl on October 06, 2011, 10:15:13 PM
Quote from: Luna on October 06, 2011, 10:13:54 PM
Aim it right, I betcha you can run Tuscon right over Washington DC.
That's my American dream.
Tucson doesn't move. It's anchored to Arizona by 200 years of shame and failure.
Ah, damn.