....then I think to myself, why bother?
The Onion will just beat me to it, anyway.
http://www.theonion.com/articles/bush-our-long-national-nightmare-of-peace-and-pros,464/
QuoteBush: 'Our Long National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Is Finally Over'
January 17, 2001
"My fellow Americans," Bush said, "at long last, we have reached the end of the dark period in American history that will come to be known as the Clinton Era, eight long years characterized by unprecedented economic expansion, a sharp decrease in crime, and sustained peace overseas. The time has come to put all of that behind us."
Bush swore to do "everything in [his] power" to undo the damage wrought by Clinton's two terms in office, including selling off the national parks to developers, going into massive debt to develop expensive and impractical weapons technologies, and passing sweeping budget cuts that drive the mentally ill out of hospitals and onto the street.
During the 40-minute speech, Bush also promised to bring an end to the severe war drought that plagued the nation under Clinton, assuring citizens that the U.S. will engage in at least one Gulf War-level armed conflict in the next four years.
"You better believe we're going to mix it up with somebody at some point during my administration," said Bush, who plans a 250 percent boost in military spending. "Unlike my predecessor, I am fully committed to putting soldiers in battle situations. Otherwise, what is the point of even having a military?"
On the economic side, Bush vowed to bring back economic stagnation by implementing substantial tax cuts, which would lead to a recession, which would necessitate a tax hike, which would lead to a drop in consumer spending, which would lead to layoffs, which would deepen the recession even further.
Holy fucking ballsack that's disturbing.
AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGHHH
Satire is the future reality. :x
I remember this article from back in the days before the September 11 attacks. Then the towers went down and I remember thinking about it. I'd call this creepy, but these agendas were not exactly hidden by the neo-conservatives at the time. Conspiracy theory aside, they really did get the pretext they needed. :fnord::1fap:
Quote from: The Wizard Joseph on November 02, 2011, 05:09:15 PM
I remember this article from back in the days before the September 11 attacks. Then the towers went down and I remember thinking about it. I'd call this creepy, but these agendas were not exactly hidden by the neo-conservatives at the time. Conspiracy theory aside, they really did get the pretext they needed. :fnord::1fap:
Ah, I remember those days.
Al Qaeda: We fucked up your shit!
Bush: Imma come git you, varmint!
Congress: Yeah, go git that varmint and his Tally-ban friends!
Me: Yeah, cool, get that dude and those guys!
Bush: Imma git you too, Saddam, for helping Al Qaeda.
Me: Uh... What?
Saddam: But I don't even like that guy. I agree with you, he's a dick.
Congress: Give up your WMDs Saddam!
Saddam: I don't have any. Serious. For real.
Bush: Imma come git you and make that Twid guy real mad on St. Patrick's Day.
Me: I hate you Mr. President.
And then of course, not long after:
Bush: Mission accomplished, we got Saddam, which is what we set out to do in the first place.
Me, and many other Americans: But... what about that dude and those guys?
Quote from: Nph. Twid. on November 02, 2011, 05:15:37 PM
Quote from: The Wizard Joseph on November 02, 2011, 05:09:15 PM
I remember this article from back in the days before the September 11 attacks. Then the towers went down and I remember thinking about it. I'd call this creepy, but these agendas were not exactly hidden by the neo-conservatives at the time. Conspiracy theory aside, they really did get the pretext they needed. :fnord::1fap:
Ah, I remember those days.
Al Qaeda: We fucked up your shit!
Bush: Imma come git you, varmint!
Congress: Yeah, go git that varmint and his Tally-ban friends!
Me: Yeah, cool, get that dude and those guys!
Bush: Imma git you too, Saddam, for helping Al Qaeda.
Me: Uh... What?
America: FUCK YEAH!1
Saddam: But I don't even like that guy. I agree with you, he's a dick.
Congress: Give up your WMDs Saddam!
Saddam: I don't have any. Serious. For real.
Bush: Imma come git you and make that Twid guy real mad on St. Patrick's Day.
Me: I hate you Mr. President.
1 You can't blame the American people, though. The Taliban has brown people in it, and Saddam was a brown person. If that's not evidence of collusion, NOTHING is.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 02, 2011, 05:19:32 PM
Quote from: Nph. Twid. on November 02, 2011, 05:15:37 PM
Quote from: The Wizard Joseph on November 02, 2011, 05:09:15 PM
I remember this article from back in the days before the September 11 attacks. Then the towers went down and I remember thinking about it. I'd call this creepy, but these agendas were not exactly hidden by the neo-conservatives at the time. Conspiracy theory aside, they really did get the pretext they needed. :fnord::1fap:
Ah, I remember those days.
Al Qaeda: We fucked up your shit!
Bush: Imma come git you, varmint!
Congress: Yeah, go git that varmint and his Tally-ban friends!
Me: Yeah, cool, get that dude and those guys!
Bush: Imma git you too, Saddam, for helping Al Qaeda.
Me: Uh... What?
America: FUCK YEAH!1
Saddam: But I don't even like that guy. I agree with you, he's a dick.
Congress: Give up your WMDs Saddam!
Saddam: I don't have any. Serious. For real.
Bush: Imma come git you and make that Twid guy real mad on St. Patrick's Day.
Me: I hate you Mr. President.
1 You can't blame the American people, though. The Taliban has brown people in it, and Saddam was a brown person. If that's not evidence of collusion, NOTHING is.
They're both Muslims right? And we know from a cursory look at Western Christian history that members of the same blanket religion agree on absolutely everything 100% of the time and even aid in their efforts.
:horrormirth:
Quote from: Nph. Twid. on November 02, 2011, 05:15:37 PM
Quote from: The Wizard Joseph on November 02, 2011, 05:09:15 PM
I remember this article from back in the days before the September 11 attacks. Then the towers went down and I remember thinking about it. I'd call this creepy, but these agendas were not exactly hidden by the neo-conservatives at the time. Conspiracy theory aside, they really did get the pretext they needed. :fnord::1fap:
Ah, I remember those days.
Al Qaeda: We fucked up your shit!
Bush: Imma come git you, varmint!
Congress: Yeah, go git that varmint and his Tally-ban friends!
Me: Yeah, cool, get that dude and those guys!
Bush: Imma git you too, Saddam, for helping Al Qaeda.
Me: Uh... What?
Saddam: But I don't even like that guy. I agree with you, he's a dick.
Congress: Give up your WMDs Saddam!
Saddam: I don't have any. Serious. For real.
Bush: Imma come git you and make that Twid guy real mad on St. Patrick's Day.
Me: I hate you Mr. President.
:x That was so many kinds of fucked. That was exactly when I lost all faith in our government, and knew it was utterly corrupt.
Quote from: Nigel on November 02, 2011, 06:35:43 PM
Quote from: Nph. Twid. on November 02, 2011, 05:15:37 PM
Quote from: The Wizard Joseph on November 02, 2011, 05:09:15 PM
I remember this article from back in the days before the September 11 attacks. Then the towers went down and I remember thinking about it. I'd call this creepy, but these agendas were not exactly hidden by the neo-conservatives at the time. Conspiracy theory aside, they really did get the pretext they needed. :fnord::1fap:
Ah, I remember those days.
Al Qaeda: We fucked up your shit!
Bush: Imma come git you, varmint!
Congress: Yeah, go git that varmint and his Tally-ban friends!
Me: Yeah, cool, get that dude and those guys!
Bush: Imma git you too, Saddam, for helping Al Qaeda.
Me: Uh... What?
Saddam: But I don't even like that guy. I agree with you, he's a dick.
Congress: Give up your WMDs Saddam!
Saddam: I don't have any. Serious. For real.
Bush: Imma come git you and make that Twid guy real mad on St. Patrick's Day.
Me: I hate you Mr. President.
:x That was so many kinds of fucked. That was exactly when I lost all faith in our government, and knew it was utterly corrupt.
Yeah, I think that was the beginning of the end for me myself.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 02, 2011, 05:19:32 PM
Quote from: Nph. Twid. on November 02, 2011, 05:15:37 PM
Quote from: The Wizard Joseph on November 02, 2011, 05:09:15 PM
I remember this article from back in the days before the September 11 attacks. Then the towers went down and I remember thinking about it. I'd call this creepy, but these agendas were not exactly hidden by the neo-conservatives at the time. Conspiracy theory aside, they really did get the pretext they needed. :fnord::1fap:
Ah, I remember those days.
Al Qaeda: We fucked up your shit!
Bush: Imma come git you, varmint!
Congress: Yeah, go git that varmint and his Tally-ban friends!
Me: Yeah, cool, get that dude and those guys!
Bush: Imma git you too, Saddam, for helping Al Qaeda.
Me: Uh... What?
America: FUCK YEAH!1
Saddam: But I don't even like that guy. I agree with you, he's a dick.
Congress: Give up your WMDs Saddam!
Saddam: I don't have any. Serious. For real.
Bush: Imma come git you and make that Twid guy real mad on St. Patrick's Day.
Me: I hate you Mr. President.
1 You can't blame the American people, though. The Taliban has brown people in it, and Saddam was a brown person. If that's not evidence of collusion, NOTHING is.
:lulz:
It would seem that The Onion is even more prescient the further back you go!
http://www.theonion.com/articles/state-department-to-hold-enemy-tryouts-next-week,497/ (http://www.theonion.com/articles/state-department-to-hold-enemy-tryouts-next-week,497/)
Quote from: The Onion October 21, 1998 | ISSUE 34•12WASHINGTON, DC–Taking steps to fill the void that has plagued the American military-industrial complex since the 1991 collapse of the Soviet Union, Secretary of State Madeleine Albright announced Tuesday that the U.S. will hold enemy tryouts next week.
Slated to begin Oct. 26, the tryouts will take place at the Pentagon. More than 40 nations are expected to vie for the role of U.S. adversary, including India, Afghanistan, China, North Korea and Sudan.
"Over the past seven years, the State Department, working closely with the CIA, Congress and the president, has made efforts to establish a longterm state of hostility with a foreign power of consequence," Albright said. "Unfortunately, these efforts have proven unfruitful. If we are to find a new Evil Empire, we must start taking a more proactive approach."
The image on the article called "The Search For An Enemy" is worth expanding and reading. The first listed advantage to picking India or Afghanistan says it all. Guess Afghanistan won the tryouts.