I always thought that the vodka-soaked tampon stories sounded like pure, uncut urban legend. "Kids will do some crazy things to catch a buzz!"
Apparently they will even defy biology. Those wacky kids!
The first tip-off that it's an urban legend is the "no alcohol breath" part of the story. As anyone who has ever smelled a drunk knows, it doesn't matter what orifice the alcohol goes into, it metabolizes out everywhere. If you got drunk up the ass enough to matter, people would be able to smell it on your breath just as much as if you drank a shot of vodka.
The second tip-off is that, as the author of the article illustrates, whoever came up with this idea has clearly limited experience with tampons. It's just not a practical method of delivery. Try jamming a handful of wet cotton balls up your ass and you'll see what I mean.
The whole thing reeks of teenage boys making shit up, and one brave woman decided to put it to the test:
http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/danielle-crittenden/vodka-tampons_b_1105433.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000008
QuoteConclusion on methodology: My experiment showed me that the soppy, unfurled tampon was the only way to go.
The Test
First I had to wring the damn thing out a little. I didn't want to lose too much of the vodka so I kind of shook it above the glass and gently squeezed it. I would estimate that about a half-ounce was lost. Then I looked at it a little despairingly. Well, friend, how were we going to do this?
I repaired to the bathroom and -- without too much information here -- managed to wad the thing up and push it in where it was supposed to go. (Did it help that I've had three kids? Possibly.) Girls, don't do this in your best party dresses: I think I lost another half-ounce in the process as it splattered on to my clothes and the floor. No need to say "Bottoms up!"
Reaction:
Oh sweet mother of Jeez----
Owwwwww.....
Absolut... firewater!!!!!!! Holy sheeeeeeeee...
It felt like someone had thrown a lit match in there. I began hopping around and breathing in the rapid, short puffs I'd learned in birth classes, so long ago, before I realized I didn't need to breathe like that if I took the epidural.
Now there's someone who believes in SCIENCE.
Well, whatddaya know, when alcohol comes into contact with cuticular membranes it burns like a fire! Whowuddathunk! :lulz:
My week.
Ruined.
If only you'd posted this BEFORE I had that long weekend to kill...
Quote from: 'Kai' ZLB, M.S. on November 30, 2011, 06:27:54 PM
Well, whatddaya know, when alcohol comes into contact with cuticular membranes it burns like a fire! Whowuddathunk! :lulz:
Yeah, I think Kai called this the first time around.
I've thought from the get go it was a bit insane just because tampons are made to absorb, not excreet (is that the right word?).
In any event, these stupid kids need to learn their lesson like the rest of us did and develop a taste for peppermint or cinnamon schnapps just like we had too..... (joking ok)
I salute this woman's commitment to journalism.
I heard about this over the weekend. This chick certainly took it to the wall!
Lousy jackass, peeling back the vinyl like that.
A world without butt-chugging isn't a world I want to live in.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 30, 2011, 09:35:26 PM
Lousy jackass, peeling back the vinyl like that.
A world without butt-chugging isn't a world I want to live in.
IS NOTHING SACRED!?
Quote from: Net on November 30, 2011, 09:36:09 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 30, 2011, 09:35:26 PM
Lousy jackass, peeling back the vinyl like that.
A world without butt-chugging isn't a world I want to live in.
IS NOTHING SACRED!?
I don't care what butt chugging is. I just like the idea that people are doing something called BUTT CHUGGING.
And now it turns out they aren't. And the world gets just a little bit greyer.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 30, 2011, 09:37:10 PM
Quote from: Net on November 30, 2011, 09:36:09 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 30, 2011, 09:35:26 PM
Lousy jackass, peeling back the vinyl like that.
A world without butt-chugging isn't a world I want to live in.
IS NOTHING SACRED!?
I don't care what butt chugging is. I just like the idea that people are doing something called BUTT CHUGGING.
And now it turns out they aren't. And the world gets just a little bit greyer.
Oh, but they ARE butt-chugging... just not with tampons. Beer enemas are also called butt-chugging! Everybody wins and the world is still a safe place to live.
Quote from: Nigel on November 30, 2011, 09:52:28 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 30, 2011, 09:37:10 PM
Quote from: Net on November 30, 2011, 09:36:09 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 30, 2011, 09:35:26 PM
Lousy jackass, peeling back the vinyl like that.
A world without butt-chugging isn't a world I want to live in.
IS NOTHING SACRED!?
I don't care what butt chugging is. I just like the idea that people are doing something called BUTT CHUGGING.
And now it turns out they aren't. And the world gets just a little bit greyer.
Oh, but they ARE butt-chugging... just not with tampons. Beer enemas are also called butt-chugging! Everybody wins and the world is still a safe place to live.
Do people really do beer enemas?
NOWAITDON'TANSWERTHAT.
Quote from: Science me, babby on November 30, 2011, 09:59:45 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 30, 2011, 09:52:28 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 30, 2011, 09:37:10 PM
Quote from: Net on November 30, 2011, 09:36:09 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 30, 2011, 09:35:26 PM
Lousy jackass, peeling back the vinyl like that.
A world without butt-chugging isn't a world I want to live in.
IS NOTHING SACRED!?
I don't care what butt chugging is. I just like the idea that people are doing something called BUTT CHUGGING.
And now it turns out they aren't. And the world gets just a little bit greyer.
Oh, but they ARE butt-chugging... just not with tampons. Beer enemas are also called butt-chugging! Everybody wins and the world is still a safe place to live.
Do people really do beer enemas?
NOWAITDON'TANSWERTHAT.
I think I might prefer one to conventional methods if faced with certain beers.
"Hey man, want a Coors Light?"
"Eh, I don't want to taste it. Let's just shove it up my ass."
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on November 30, 2011, 10:00:54 PM
Quote from: Science me, babby on November 30, 2011, 09:59:45 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 30, 2011, 09:52:28 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 30, 2011, 09:37:10 PM
Quote from: Net on November 30, 2011, 09:36:09 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 30, 2011, 09:35:26 PM
Lousy jackass, peeling back the vinyl like that.
A world without butt-chugging isn't a world I want to live in.
IS NOTHING SACRED!?
I don't care what butt chugging is. I just like the idea that people are doing something called BUTT CHUGGING.
And now it turns out they aren't. And the world gets just a little bit greyer.
Oh, but they ARE butt-chugging... just not with tampons. Beer enemas are also called butt-chugging! Everybody wins and the world is still a safe place to live.
Do people really do beer enemas?
NOWAITDON'TANSWERTHAT.
I think I might prefer one to conventional methods if faced with certain beers.
"Hey man, want a Coors Light?"
"Eh, I don't want to taste it. Let's just shove it up my ass."
EOC has just restored my will to live. :D
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on November 30, 2011, 10:00:54 PM
Quote from: Science me, babby on November 30, 2011, 09:59:45 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 30, 2011, 09:52:28 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 30, 2011, 09:37:10 PM
Quote from: Net on November 30, 2011, 09:36:09 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 30, 2011, 09:35:26 PM
Lousy jackass, peeling back the vinyl like that.
A world without butt-chugging isn't a world I want to live in.
IS NOTHING SACRED!?
I don't care what butt chugging is. I just like the idea that people are doing something called BUTT CHUGGING.
And now it turns out they aren't. And the world gets just a little bit greyer.
Oh, but they ARE butt-chugging... just not with tampons. Beer enemas are also called butt-chugging! Everybody wins and the world is still a safe place to live.
Do people really do beer enemas?
NOWAITDON'TANSWERTHAT.
I think I might prefer one to conventional methods if faced with certain beers.
"Hey man, want a Coors Light?"
"Eh, I don't want to taste it. Let's just shove it up my ass."
Fact #1: Drunks with fucked stomach linings do - I have HEARD, I don't know for a fact - get drunk that way.
Fact #2: Coors Light is so wretched, my ass would grow taste buds. In self defense.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 30, 2011, 10:04:32 PM
Fact #2: Coors Light is so wretched, my ass would grow taste buds. In self defense.
But then you could taste the vindaloo twice!
Quote from: Science me, babby on November 30, 2011, 10:06:47 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 30, 2011, 10:04:32 PM
Fact #2: Coors Light is so wretched, my ass would grow taste buds. In self defense.
But then you could taste the vindaloo twice!
Already can.
You don't need taste buds for that. Just nerve endings.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 30, 2011, 10:07:35 PM
Quote from: Science me, babby on November 30, 2011, 10:06:47 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 30, 2011, 10:04:32 PM
Fact #2: Coors Light is so wretched, my ass would grow taste buds. In self defense.
But then you could taste the vindaloo twice!
Already can.
You don't need taste buds for that. Just nerve endings.
So they grew back, then? Good, good. I was hoping that last batch had left scars, you were howling so loudly.
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on November 30, 2011, 10:00:54 PM
Quote from: Science me, babby on November 30, 2011, 09:59:45 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 30, 2011, 09:52:28 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 30, 2011, 09:37:10 PM
Quote from: Net on November 30, 2011, 09:36:09 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 30, 2011, 09:35:26 PM
Lousy jackass, peeling back the vinyl like that.
A world without butt-chugging isn't a world I want to live in.
IS NOTHING SACRED!?
I don't care what butt chugging is. I just like the idea that people are doing something called BUTT CHUGGING.
And now it turns out they aren't. And the world gets just a little bit greyer.
Oh, but they ARE butt-chugging... just not with tampons. Beer enemas are also called butt-chugging! Everybody wins and the world is still a safe place to live.
Do people really do beer enemas?
NOWAITDON'TANSWERTHAT.
I think I might prefer one to conventional methods if faced with certain beers.
"Hey man, want a Coors Light?"
"Eh, I don't want to taste it. Let's just shove it up my ass."
EoC... I hate to break it to you, buddy, but... Most people don't do the whole thing, can and all, that way...
Quote from: Luna on November 30, 2011, 10:11:49 PM
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on November 30, 2011, 10:00:54 PM
Quote from: Science me, babby on November 30, 2011, 09:59:45 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 30, 2011, 09:52:28 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 30, 2011, 09:37:10 PM
Quote from: Net on November 30, 2011, 09:36:09 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 30, 2011, 09:35:26 PM
Lousy jackass, peeling back the vinyl like that.
A world without butt-chugging isn't a world I want to live in.
IS NOTHING SACRED!?
I don't care what butt chugging is. I just like the idea that people are doing something called BUTT CHUGGING.
And now it turns out they aren't. And the world gets just a little bit greyer.
Oh, but they ARE butt-chugging... just not with tampons. Beer enemas are also called butt-chugging! Everybody wins and the world is still a safe place to live.
Do people really do beer enemas?
NOWAITDON'TANSWERTHAT.
I think I might prefer one to conventional methods if faced with certain beers.
"Hey man, want a Coors Light?"
"Eh, I don't want to taste it. Let's just shove it up my ass."
EoC... I hate to break it to you, buddy, but... Most people don't do the whole thing, can and all, that way...
Well of course not, most people can't stand on their heads that long.
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on November 30, 2011, 10:00:54 PM
Quote from: Science me, babby on November 30, 2011, 09:59:45 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 30, 2011, 09:52:28 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 30, 2011, 09:37:10 PM
Quote from: Net on November 30, 2011, 09:36:09 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 30, 2011, 09:35:26 PM
Lousy jackass, peeling back the vinyl like that.
A world without butt-chugging isn't a world I want to live in.
IS NOTHING SACRED!?
I don't care what butt chugging is. I just like the idea that people are doing something called BUTT CHUGGING.
And now it turns out they aren't. And the world gets just a little bit greyer.
Oh, but they ARE butt-chugging... just not with tampons. Beer enemas are also called butt-chugging! Everybody wins and the world is still a safe place to live.
Do people really do beer enemas?
NOWAITDON'TANSWERTHAT.
I think I might prefer one to conventional methods if faced with certain beers.
"Hey man, want a Coors Light?"
"Eh, I don't want to taste it. Let's just shove it up my ass."
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on November 30, 2011, 10:15:06 PM
Quote from: Luna on November 30, 2011, 10:11:49 PM
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on November 30, 2011, 10:00:54 PM
Quote from: Science me, babby on November 30, 2011, 09:59:45 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 30, 2011, 09:52:28 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 30, 2011, 09:37:10 PM
Quote from: Net on November 30, 2011, 09:36:09 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 30, 2011, 09:35:26 PM
Lousy jackass, peeling back the vinyl like that.
A world without butt-chugging isn't a world I want to live in.
IS NOTHING SACRED!?
I don't care what butt chugging is. I just like the idea that people are doing something called BUTT CHUGGING.
And now it turns out they aren't. And the world gets just a little bit greyer.
Oh, but they ARE butt-chugging... just not with tampons. Beer enemas are also called butt-chugging! Everybody wins and the world is still a safe place to live.
Do people really do beer enemas?
NOWAITDON'TANSWERTHAT.
I think I might prefer one to conventional methods if faced with certain beers.
"Hey man, want a Coors Light?"
"Eh, I don't want to taste it. Let's just shove it up my ass."
EoC... I hate to break it to you, buddy, but... Most people don't do the whole thing, can and all, that way...
Well of course not, most people can't stand on their heads that long.
You don't need to stand on your head. You just need to lie on a table and have a friend with a beer bong and some lube.
Quote from: Precious Moments Zalgo on December 01, 2011, 02:57:48 AM
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on November 30, 2011, 10:15:06 PM
Quote from: Luna on November 30, 2011, 10:11:49 PM
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on November 30, 2011, 10:00:54 PM
Quote from: Science me, babby on November 30, 2011, 09:59:45 PM
Quote from: Nigel on November 30, 2011, 09:52:28 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 30, 2011, 09:37:10 PM
Quote from: Net on November 30, 2011, 09:36:09 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 30, 2011, 09:35:26 PM
Lousy jackass, peeling back the vinyl like that.
A world without butt-chugging isn't a world I want to live in.
IS NOTHING SACRED!?
I don't care what butt chugging is. I just like the idea that people are doing something called BUTT CHUGGING.
And now it turns out they aren't. And the world gets just a little bit greyer.
Oh, but they ARE butt-chugging... just not with tampons. Beer enemas are also called butt-chugging! Everybody wins and the world is still a safe place to live.
Do people really do beer enemas?
NOWAITDON'TANSWERTHAT.
I think I might prefer one to conventional methods if faced with certain beers.
"Hey man, want a Coors Light?"
"Eh, I don't want to taste it. Let's just shove it up my ass."
EoC... I hate to break it to you, buddy, but... Most people don't do the whole thing, can and all, that way...
Well of course not, most people can't stand on their heads that long.
You don't need to stand on your head. You just need to lie on a table and have a friend with a beer bong and some lube.
Funny you should mention..
http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=30887.0
Quote from: Richter on December 01, 2011, 03:00:12 AM
Funny you should mention..
http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=30887.0
I saw that thread, but I think I do not want to see what's at the link.
Quote from: Precious Moments Zalgo on December 01, 2011, 03:16:48 AM
Quote from: Richter on December 01, 2011, 03:00:12 AM
Funny you should mention..
http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=30887.0
I saw that thread, but I think I do not want to see what's at the link.
I do, but I only just got Windows reinstalled on this thing, and I don't want to fuck it up with horrible strange. :sad:
It won't fuck anything up, and it's worth it. Except you will hate yourself for laughing so much.