Here at WONDERNEWTM, we're all about goodness for your good sake. But recently, we've noticed a decline in your daily supplements of values. That's right, values, the good things that make the world go around. And not just any values, your values, the right values, the values that make you wonderful and new. The values you lost so long ago, when you started gaining weight, when your teeth went yellow, when your mind was lead away to other values, THEIR values, and now you're lost and your mortgage keeps growing.
Well, here at WONDERNEWTM we want you to have only the very best in values. Those men on the street, they'll sell you QueerTM, and FreakTM, and even SlackTM. And they tell you, it's a cure for all ills, it will make you happy and smart and wealthy and wise, but we watched you go down that road. We sighed and shook our heads as you lapsed and lapsed again, over and over; a daily supplement that isn't taken daily doesn't work! Soon you had no daily at all, not even SlackTM.
So we here at WONDERNEWTM want to bring you back to the WONDERNEWTM family, where you always belonged. We have your original daily values in our new, old fashioned supplement called WOWTM. This is the supplement that will keep you coming back day after day, chock full of vitamins, panaceas, placebos, and our old standbys of GodTM, FaithTM, and the highest quality Echinacea known to man. When you take WOWTM, you will be regular with the good old fashion VALUES that you always wanted! And due to our specially crafted ingredient made by these fine, hansom young people in the white coats (no, don't thank them, they do this as a gift to society and especially you), you'll never miss a day again. This pinch of our laboratory crafted recipe we call Authority, or A-UTM, will insure that you'll always be craving the right values, and will never be left wanting.
So, don't wait! Supplies unlimited, and don't fear! No matter how long you've been away,the WONDERNEWTM family will always welcome you back, no rejections. One dose of WOWTM, and you'll remember why you came home. We're waiting for you at the door.
:mittens:
Oh, this is good. :lol:
SIGN ME UP, MISTER.
THIS IS WHAT MY LIFE HAS BEEN MISSING.
Very nice! Do you have samples? :lol:
Quote from: Nigel on December 30, 2011, 05:34:35 AM
Oh, this is good. :lol:
The people at WONDERNEW
TM are
good folks, Nigel. They know you are craving something, ANYTHING to get you through the daily grind of our modern society. And apparently, Queer
TM, Freak
TM, and even Slack
TM, aren't working. Everyone knows that they don't work if you don't get your daily dose. After all, that's what values are for! That daily dose of goodness. So if you won't take
those values, WOW
TM will fill the gap. And the only side effect is dissociation from reality, at least until near end life. But then it doesn't matter, you're about to be whisked off into the arms of God
TM anyway, right?
Permission to print & distribute?
And how should I attribute it, should permission be given?
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 30, 2011, 03:28:08 PM
Permission to print & distribute?
And how should I attribute it, should permission be given?
Permission granted. Attribute to ZL 'Kai' Burington. I should honestly just change my moniker to that.
WOWTM changed my life! Before I took WOWTM, I was so lost and the FreakTM I was taking just wasn't doing it. I kept lapsing and it was SO disheartening! I didn't know who to look to and everything was so...fluid. It made me feel sick, every time I looked around. Nothing was reliable, nothing was fixed.
But WOWTM changed all that! I take it everyday and I'm certain of my place - I'm certain of who I am and where I should be and who I should listen to again. My Values are right again. I'm right again. The certainty provided by WOWTM is calming and reassuring.
Thanks WONDERNEWTM!
Quote from: 'Kai' ZLB, M.S. on December 30, 2011, 12:42:00 PM
Quote from: Nigel on December 30, 2011, 05:34:35 AM
Oh, this is good. :lol:
The people at WONDERNEWTM are good folks, Nigel. They know you are craving something, ANYTHING to get you through the daily grind of our modern society. And apparently, QueerTM, FreakTM, and even SlackTM, aren't working. Everyone knows that they don't work if you don't get your daily dose. After all, that's what values are for! That daily dose of goodness. So if you won't take those values, WOWTM will fill the gap. And the only side effect is dissociation from reality, at least until near end life. But then it doesn't matter, you're about to be whisked off into the arms of GodTM anyway, right?
This is exactly what We™ have all been waiting for!