Phox, just exactly how long did you expect we'd put up with your deviant behavior? How long did you think we'd let your criminal excesses continue? I know, and you know that I know, that you are a spag of the first water, and a menace to innocent children and retarded people. You also know that I know that you know this. So why the fucking games?
Just admit it: You're a junkie of some kind. What fucking drug you're banging into yourself is irrelevant; the important part is that you're an abuser, a dope-sucking fiend that has no concern for Goodness & Decency, and the essential proprieties of American life. Human trafficking is NEVER okay, and neither is that fucking thing you do at parties. FRAT BOYS ARE PEOPLE, TOO, YOU GODDAMN ANIMAL. Well, okay, maybe not people, but if you can't be trusted not to torment animals, you can't be trusted around humans.
There is no room in civilized society for someone like you, and it is solely due to technicalities that you haven't been locked up with perverts long, long ago.
You also argue about fictional things, and I can't say I like the cut of your jib. You endlessly make up horrible lies about people, ruining their reputation and sullying their good name. It's like you have poop instead of a soul, horribly diseased prostitute poop that you vomited on and then made a sandwich out of, and then ATE. That's NOT FUCKING NORMAL, Phox, and WE SHOULDN'T HAVE TO LOOK AT IT.
You make no sense. You rollerblade on the sidewalks and knock old ladies off into traffic. Reliable sources have SEEN YOU DO IT. You jabber nonsense while sending "do-it-yourself body modification kits" to transhumanist idiots1, and teach high school drop outs to be furries. You're completely incomprehensible. And reprehensible. And your forehead is creased all backward.
Let me close this by saying that I don't HATE you anymore than I hate anyone else, but that I consider you to be a menace to decent people and a walking, talking INSULT to the King's English.
That is all. You may now return to kicking cancer babies.
Or Kill Me.
1 Okay, that one was funny...BUT STILL!
Why, Good Reverend, you of all people should know why I do these things I do. You have seen and lived among the "people" who I am forced to interact with. For you, it was but a brief horror. For me, it has been a twenty-year nightmare. And I actually wish, at times, I was still in North Carolina.
That is precisely how horrible this place is. For those of you, who have not been to this lovely corner of Hell, let me describe it for you. Imagine, if you will, hell, imagine if you won't, a place right out of Better Homes and Gardens. The perfect neighborhood. White picket fences, green grass, smiling Stepford Wives... enough to make you gag, right? Well, now add about a century of neglect, rampant poverty, and a decidedly swamp-like atmosphere. Now imagine that those Stepford Wives are still the same. Except now they have shark's grins and the deepest black eyes you've ever seen (their eyes, of course, were made from the coal that wasn't good enough to sell to the train companies). Imagine that the inhabitants of this place are primarily Irish/Polish coal mining folk, who would be vaguely reminiscent of the seedier inhabitants of Appalachia, if movies like Deliverance and The Hills Have Eyes didn't utterly fail to capture the horror of these people.
Cannibalism, sodomy, and incest are but minor party tricks for these so-called "human beings". The depths of depravity that I must endure simply walking out to get the mail would cause your brains to leak out your ears and your eyes to scream from their sockets like a bottle rocket. I cannot even begin to make you comprehend the horrors of living here in such terms.
But let's not forget one of the most important parts of this place. That's the history Let us not forget, friends that the last public hanging in Illinois was held but a leisurely drive away, and the site is still a point of pride amongst the locals and touted as a major tourist trap (for the purposes of cannibalism, of course). Hell, even the noose used in the hanging was on display until recently. You could even touch it, if you knew the right way to do it.
And what can possibly beat the feeling of driving passed the supermax prison that replaced Alcatraz every time you want to go to your girlfriend's house. The very same prison, I might add, that has been referred to in more recent years as "Little Gitmo" and houses one of the Federal Bureau of Prisons' Communications Management Units. The very same prison that was on permanent lockdown for twenty-three years. Yes, passing through its shadow is considered a rite of passage, and its very existence should be celebrated, according to the aged and wise residents of the nearby towns.
And this is but a mere scratching of the surface, friends, as Roger no doubt knows.
Is it any wonder that I am mad? Is it any wonder that my decadence has taken to tormenting these people with any means that I have at my disposal?
And besides, who can argue with the great fun to be had in poking monkeys with sticks?
I am unrepentant.
ETA: minor corrections and clarification.
Quote from: Doktora Phoxica Junia Decia Bruta on January 05, 2012, 05:24:16 PM
I am unrepentant.
WE KNOW WHAT YOU DID IN MORRIS! WE KNOW WHY THEY HAVE WEBBED TOES AND 12 FINGERS AND
THAT LOOK! You aren't just
enduring, you're deliberately
making it worse. I have in fact heard that the syndrome is spreading up into Plano and Montgomery/Oswego (though nobody noticed in Montgomery), and I see your sticky fingers on ALL OF IT.
You are a bad person. It's like nobody ever nuked Indianapolis, and we still have Iason running loose.
:lol: This is awesome.
Making it worse? NO! I am making it better! Soon they will spread like a disease throughout the world, and have none but their own to cannibalize. They shall either starve or turn upon one another. Either way, it's entertaining for me, and public service to good, righteous folk. Of course, the good, righteous folk will be unfortunately eliminated as collateral damage in the grand scheme of things, but that is a calculated risk that I have deemed worth the sacrifice. And they would to, if they would but comprehend the glory of the master plan.
Quote from: Doktora Phoxica Junia Decia Bruta on January 05, 2012, 05:46:46 PM
Making it worse? NO! I am making it better! Soon they will spread like a disease throughout the world, and have none but their own to cannibalize. They shall either starve or turn upon one another. Either way, it's entertaining for me, and public service to good, righteous folk. Of course, the good, righteous folk will be unfortunately eliminated as collateral damage in the grand scheme of things, but that is a calculated risk that I have deemed worth the sacrifice. And they would to, if they would but comprehend the glory of the master plan.
The first time I see one of those web-toed swampfuckers shambling up the side of my Goddamn mountain, YOU AND I ARE GOING TO HAVE A TALK. I ran TOO FAST AND TOO FAR to deal with that shit again, shit, I even moved to GODDAMN TUCSON. I did all of this to get away from that shit. If I am once again immersed in their Forrest-Gump-meets-Lester-Maddox shit, I don't know what the fuck I'll do, BUT IT WON'T BE PLEASANT. Always remember that you are downslope of me, and that boulders roll all the way to Ohio.
And none of this explains your forehead, which is offensive to God.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 05, 2012, 05:51:28 PM
Quote from: Doktora Phoxica Junia Decia Bruta on January 05, 2012, 05:46:46 PM
Making it worse? NO! I am making it better! Soon they will spread like a disease throughout the world, and have none but their own to cannibalize. They shall either starve or turn upon one another. Either way, it's entertaining for me, and public service to good, righteous folk. Of course, the good, righteous folk will be unfortunately eliminated as collateral damage in the grand scheme of things, but that is a calculated risk that I have deemed worth the sacrifice. And they would to, if they would but comprehend the glory of the master plan.
The first time I see one of those web-toed swampfuckers shambling up the side of my Goddamn mountain, YOU AND I ARE GOING TO HAVE A TALK. I ran TOO FAST AND TOO FAR to deal with that shit again, shit, I even moved to GODDAMN TUCSON. I did all of this to get away from that shit. If I am once again immersed in their Forrest-Gump-meets-Lester-Maddox shit, I don't know what the fuck I'll do, BUT IT WON'T BE PLEASANT. Always remember that you are downslope of me, and that boulders roll all the way to Ohio.
And none of this explains your forehead, which is offensive to God.
The fact I was born in North Carolina, and my father is originally from the Ozarks ought to explain that sufficiently, I thought. :?
Quote from: Doktora Phoxica Junia Decia Bruta on January 05, 2012, 05:54:37 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 05, 2012, 05:51:28 PM
Quote from: Doktora Phoxica Junia Decia Bruta on January 05, 2012, 05:46:46 PM
Making it worse? NO! I am making it better! Soon they will spread like a disease throughout the world, and have none but their own to cannibalize. They shall either starve or turn upon one another. Either way, it's entertaining for me, and public service to good, righteous folk. Of course, the good, righteous folk will be unfortunately eliminated as collateral damage in the grand scheme of things, but that is a calculated risk that I have deemed worth the sacrifice. And they would to, if they would but comprehend the glory of the master plan.
The first time I see one of those web-toed swampfuckers shambling up the side of my Goddamn mountain, YOU AND I ARE GOING TO HAVE A TALK. I ran TOO FAST AND TOO FAR to deal with that shit again, shit, I even moved to GODDAMN TUCSON. I did all of this to get away from that shit. If I am once again immersed in their Forrest-Gump-meets-Lester-Maddox shit, I don't know what the fuck I'll do, BUT IT WON'T BE PLEASANT. Always remember that you are downslope of me, and that boulders roll all the way to Ohio.
And none of this explains your forehead, which is offensive to God.
The fact I was born in North Carolina, and my father is originally from the Ozarks ought to explain that sufficiently, I thought. :?
WASH YOUR FUCKING GENES!
Quote from: Doktora Phoxica Junia Decia Bruta on January 05, 2012, 05:24:16 PM
Cannibalism, sodomy, and incest are but minor party tricks for these so-called "human beings". The depths of depravity that I must endure simply walking out to get the mail would cause your brains to leak out your ears and your eyes to scream from their sockets like a bottle rocket. I cannot even begin to make you comprehend the horrors of living here in such terms.
I needs to plan me a trip to North Carolina.
For further clarification, please see mine avatar.
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on January 05, 2012, 06:30:34 PM
Quote from: Doktora Phoxica Junia Decia Bruta on January 05, 2012, 05:24:16 PM
Cannibalism, sodomy, and incest are but minor party tricks for these so-called "human beings". The depths of depravity that I must endure simply walking out to get the mail would cause your brains to leak out your ears and your eyes to scream from their sockets like a bottle rocket. I cannot even begin to make you comprehend the horrors of living here in such terms.
I needs to plan me a trip to North Carolina.
For further clarification, please see mine avatar.
No, no, I
pine for North Carolina.
I am currently in Southern Illinois/Northern Kentucky. It is far, far worse. You'd be perfectly at home. :lulz:
Quote from: Doktora Phoxica Junia Decia Bruta on January 05, 2012, 06:33:31 PM
I am currently in Southern Illinois/Northern Kentucky.
Oh, fuck
that noise.
:jumper:
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on January 05, 2012, 06:36:00 PM
Quote from: Doktora Phoxica Junia Decia Bruta on January 05, 2012, 06:33:31 PM
I am currently in Southern Illinois/Northern Kentucky.
Oh, fuck that noise.
:jumper:
NOW ANYONE WHO DOESN'T BELIEVE ME CAN SEE: I LIVE IN A PLACE THAT'S TOO FUCKED UP FOR LMNO. :lulz:
Quote from: Doktora Phoxica Junia Decia Bruta on January 05, 2012, 06:37:55 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on January 05, 2012, 06:36:00 PM
Quote from: Doktora Phoxica Junia Decia Bruta on January 05, 2012, 06:33:31 PM
I am currently in Southern Illinois/Northern Kentucky.
Oh, fuck that noise.
:jumper:
NOW ANYONE WHO DOESN'T BELIEVE ME CAN SEE: I LIVE IN A PLACE THAT'S TOO FUCKED UP FOR LMNO. :lulz:
People from Boston are deathly allergic to redneck-ass po'bucker flyover country.
It's why he won't come visit us in Tucson.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 05, 2012, 06:39:28 PM
People from Boston are deathly allergic to redneck-ass po'bucker flyover country.
It's why he won't come visit us in Tucson.
That explains a lot. :lol:
Quote from: Doktora Phoxica Junia Decia Bruta on January 05, 2012, 06:40:43 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 05, 2012, 06:39:28 PM
People from Boston are deathly allergic to redneck-ass po'bucker flyover country.
It's why he won't come visit us in Tucson.
That explains a lot. :lol:
I met LMNO at a bar in Boston. Bars in Boston make you want to relax and have a drink.
Bars in Tucson make you tense up and NEED a drink. If only to cover the smell.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 05, 2012, 06:42:17 PM
Quote from: Doktora Phoxica Junia Decia Bruta on January 05, 2012, 06:40:43 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 05, 2012, 06:39:28 PM
People from Boston are deathly allergic to redneck-ass po'bucker flyover country.
It's why he won't come visit us in Tucson.
That explains a lot. :lol:
I met LMNO at a bar in Boston. Bars in Boston make you want to relax and have a drink.
Bars in Tucson make you tense up and NEED a drink. If only to cover the smell.
Wait... you mean there are
other kinds of bars? :?
Quote from: Doktora Phoxica Junia Decia Bruta on January 05, 2012, 06:45:45 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 05, 2012, 06:42:17 PM
Quote from: Doktora Phoxica Junia Decia Bruta on January 05, 2012, 06:40:43 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 05, 2012, 06:39:28 PM
People from Boston are deathly allergic to redneck-ass po'bucker flyover country.
It's why he won't come visit us in Tucson.
That explains a lot. :lol:
I met LMNO at a bar in Boston. Bars in Boston make you want to relax and have a drink.
Bars in Tucson make you tense up and NEED a drink. If only to cover the smell.
Wait... you mean there are other kinds of bars? :?
Yeah. I didn't even stick to the chair.
I simply fear that That Which Dwells Beneath Tucson will somehow be able to smell the scent to the Lovcraftian Terrors which lurk beneath Back Bay , and roam the MBTA for victims. And then there will be a death match somewhere in Pennsylvania.
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on January 05, 2012, 06:47:55 PM
I simply fear that That Which Dwells Beneath Tucson will somehow be able to smell the scent to the Lovcraftian Terrors which lurk beneath Back Bay , and roam the MBTA for victims. And then there will be a death match somewhere in Pennsylvania.
Tucson doesn't operate that way. It lets everybody IN, no matter what. Even people with the stench of Scolley Square on them.
IN, no problem.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 05, 2012, 06:46:38 PM
Quote from: Doktora Phoxica Junia Decia Bruta on January 05, 2012, 06:45:45 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 05, 2012, 06:42:17 PM
Quote from: Doktora Phoxica Junia Decia Bruta on January 05, 2012, 06:40:43 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 05, 2012, 06:39:28 PM
People from Boston are deathly allergic to redneck-ass po'bucker flyover country.
It's why he won't come visit us in Tucson.
That explains a lot. :lol:
I met LMNO at a bar in Boston. Bars in Boston make you want to relax and have a drink.
Bars in Tucson make you tense up and NEED a drink. If only to cover the smell.
Wait... you mean there are other kinds of bars? :?
Yeah. I didn't even stick to the chair.
Well, ya learn something new everyday, I guess. :lol:
Quote from: Doktora Phoxica Junia Decia Bruta on January 05, 2012, 06:51:06 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 05, 2012, 06:46:38 PM
Quote from: Doktora Phoxica Junia Decia Bruta on January 05, 2012, 06:45:45 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 05, 2012, 06:42:17 PM
Quote from: Doktora Phoxica Junia Decia Bruta on January 05, 2012, 06:40:43 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 05, 2012, 06:39:28 PM
People from Boston are deathly allergic to redneck-ass po'bucker flyover country.
It's why he won't come visit us in Tucson.
That explains a lot. :lol:
I met LMNO at a bar in Boston. Bars in Boston make you want to relax and have a drink.
Bars in Tucson make you tense up and NEED a drink. If only to cover the smell.
Wait... you mean there are other kinds of bars? :?
Yeah. I didn't even stick to the chair.
Well, ya learn something new everyday, I guess. :lol:
I thought I was in a library
1.
1 A place where, apparently, they store books for READING, rather than burning.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 05, 2012, 06:51:50 PM
Quote from: Doktora Phoxica Junia Decia Bruta on January 05, 2012, 06:51:06 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 05, 2012, 06:46:38 PM
Quote from: Doktora Phoxica Junia Decia Bruta on January 05, 2012, 06:45:45 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 05, 2012, 06:42:17 PM
Quote from: Doktora Phoxica Junia Decia Bruta on January 05, 2012, 06:40:43 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 05, 2012, 06:39:28 PM
People from Boston are deathly allergic to redneck-ass po'bucker flyover country.
It's why he won't come visit us in Tucson.
That explains a lot. :lol:
I met LMNO at a bar in Boston. Bars in Boston make you want to relax and have a drink.
Bars in Tucson make you tense up and NEED a drink. If only to cover the smell.
Wait... you mean there are other kinds of bars? :?
Yeah. I didn't even stick to the chair.
Well, ya learn something new everyday, I guess. :lol:
I thought I was in a library1.
1 A place where, apparently, they store books for READING, rather than burning.
Oh, c'mon now, Roger. That's just preposterous. There is no way in a hell a place like could actually exist. :lol:
Quote from: Doktor Phoxero on January 05, 2012, 06:56:17 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 05, 2012, 06:51:50 PM
Quote from: Doktora Phoxica Junia Decia Bruta on January 05, 2012, 06:51:06 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 05, 2012, 06:46:38 PM
Quote from: Doktora Phoxica Junia Decia Bruta on January 05, 2012, 06:45:45 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 05, 2012, 06:42:17 PM
Quote from: Doktora Phoxica Junia Decia Bruta on January 05, 2012, 06:40:43 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 05, 2012, 06:39:28 PM
People from Boston are deathly allergic to redneck-ass po'bucker flyover country.
It's why he won't come visit us in Tucson.
That explains a lot. :lol:
I met LMNO at a bar in Boston. Bars in Boston make you want to relax and have a drink.
Bars in Tucson make you tense up and NEED a drink. If only to cover the smell.
Wait... you mean there are other kinds of bars? :?
Yeah. I didn't even stick to the chair.
Well, ya learn something new everyday, I guess. :lol:
I thought I was in a library1.
1 A place where, apparently, they store books for READING, rather than burning.
Oh, c'mon now, Roger. That's just preposterous. There is no way in a hell a place like could actually exist. :lol:
It's like an alternate Earth or something. But I swear I saw it.
This fantastical place called "Boston" must be truly wondrous indeed, then.
On the other hand, it's the nesting place of Red Sox Nation.
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on January 05, 2012, 07:06:03 PM
On the other hand, it's the nesting place of Red Sox Nation.
Tucson has no sports team, outside of the university.
I'd rather deal with sports fans and live in a city where people walk around and DO shit, know what I mean? Boston is alive in a way that Chicago isn't, and Chicago makes Tucson look like a big smelly morgue.
It occurs to me that the further West you go in America, the more fucked up everything is.
Florida is merely an outlier.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 05, 2012, 07:17:32 PM
It occurs to me that the further West you go in America, the more fucked up everything is.
Florida is merely an outlier.
I believe this stands to reason. After all, the thirteen original states had to push all their undesirables somewhere. When Florida got full, it was West. But as time went by, Propers
TM became the object of envy for the Pariah. And the Pariah found that they wished to live like the Propers
TM. And the best way to do that? Cast off the Untouchables and the dregs into the further West.
This, of course, explains California.
Specifically, Venice Beach.
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on January 05, 2012, 07:24:52 PM
Specifically, Venice Beach.
They've got that Jimmy Hendrix dude on Roller Skates there. There must be some kind of filter that only lets the STRANGE weird shit through, because I didn't see the AWFUL that I saw in Corona. Just weird shit.
Quote from: Doktor Phoxero on January 05, 2012, 07:23:45 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 05, 2012, 07:17:32 PM
It occurs to me that the further West you go in America, the more fucked up everything is.
Florida is merely an outlier.
I believe this stands to reason. After all, the thirteen original states had to push all their undesirables somewhere. When Florida got full, it was West. But as time went by, PropersTM became the object of envy for the Pariah. And the Pariah found that they wished to live like the PropersTM. And the best way to do that? Cast off the Untouchables and the dregs into the further West.
This, of course, explains California.
Mmm. Well. That must be why both Colorado and Texas WOULD NOT HAVE Shoe Ears and I.
And y'all ain't seen the Central Valley (expect Nigel, but she got the hell out of here). Venice Beach is potatoes next to the horrors I have to live amongst.
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on January 06, 2012, 03:06:16 AM
Quote from: Doktor Phoxero on January 05, 2012, 07:23:45 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 05, 2012, 07:17:32 PM
It occurs to me that the further West you go in America, the more fucked up everything is.
Florida is merely an outlier.
I believe this stands to reason. After all, the thirteen original states had to push all their undesirables somewhere. When Florida got full, it was West. But as time went by, PropersTM became the object of envy for the Pariah. And the Pariah found that they wished to live like the PropersTM. And the best way to do that? Cast off the Untouchables and the dregs into the further West.
This, of course, explains California.
Mmm. Well. That must be why both Colorado and Texas WOULD NOT HAVE Shoe Ears and I.
And y'all ain't seen the Central Valley (expect Nigel, but she got the hell out of here). Venice Beach is potatoes next to the horrors I have to live amongst.
Most of the Carribean wouldn't have Shoe Ears. She is a criminal thug, and no state or nation outside of California will have anything to do with her brutal shit. Even before she took up nun-throttling (not an obscure sports term).
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on January 06, 2012, 03:06:16 AM
Quote from: Doktor Phoxero on January 05, 2012, 07:23:45 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 05, 2012, 07:17:32 PM
It occurs to me that the further West you go in America, the more fucked up everything is.
Florida is merely an outlier.
I believe this stands to reason. After all, the thirteen original states had to push all their undesirables somewhere. When Florida got full, it was West. But as time went by, PropersTM became the object of envy for the Pariah. And the Pariah found that they wished to live like the PropersTM. And the best way to do that? Cast off the Untouchables and the dregs into the further West.
This, of course, explains California.
Mmm. Well. That must be why both Colorado and Texas WOULD NOT HAVE Shoe Ears and I.
And y'all ain't seen the Central Valley (expect Nigel, but she got the hell out of here). Venice Beach is potatoes next to the horrors I have to live amongst.
I have been many many times. I have photographic evidence.
And I am so, so sorry. :lulz: Especially since you came in summer, iirc? God. Central Valley sun is EXTRA strong here, and plants burn to an ashy crisp here in a day or two, if you don't water them.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 06, 2012, 03:09:49 AM
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on January 06, 2012, 03:06:16 AM
Quote from: Doktor Phoxero on January 05, 2012, 07:23:45 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 05, 2012, 07:17:32 PM
It occurs to me that the further West you go in America, the more fucked up everything is.
Florida is merely an outlier.
I believe this stands to reason. After all, the thirteen original states had to push all their undesirables somewhere. When Florida got full, it was West. But as time went by, PropersTM became the object of envy for the Pariah. And the Pariah found that they wished to live like the PropersTM. And the best way to do that? Cast off the Untouchables and the dregs into the further West.
This, of course, explains California.
Mmm. Well. That must be why both Colorado and Texas WOULD NOT HAVE Shoe Ears and I.
And y'all ain't seen the Central Valley (expect Nigel, but she got the hell out of here). Venice Beach is potatoes next to the horrors I have to live amongst.
Most of the Carribean wouldn't have Shoe Ears. She is a criminal thug, and no state or nation outside of California will have anything to do with her brutal shit. Even before she took up nun-throttling (not an obscure sports term).
I knew it! I knew that that was what happened to the nuns at our old church! I knew there was something she wasn't telling me when we were both kicked out of church that Sunday in December 2006 and told to never come back. There was blood on her hands and a big too-toothy grin on her face and she just smirked at me when I asked about it. She'd disappeared halfway through Vespers, when the church was filled with the haze of incense and the low chanting of the mass. The fog drifted in through the door she'd left open, the one near the back of the church. It's not too far to the little house out near the parish school from that door, and the thing about Shoe Ears is that she's so
quiet when she's about her business. There was nary a sound between the time she left and the time she sat back down, bloody fingers tapping idly on the pew upholstery and a smirk the size of Dallas on her face.
At the end of mass, Father Borges was pulled aside by I guess a survivor? She was a petite woman, frantic and her habit was pulled askew (nuns, you see, are usually so tidy it's painful to look at them), and fragments of her voice carried back to where we were sitting, at the back of the church.
"...and she kill--...so much blood, Father! All over the counte--!"
I looked at Shoe Ears, who grinned that too-toothy smile again, and wait apprehensively as Father Borges came flying down the aisle toward us, like God Himself was on his heels.
"What the HELL did you do?" I asked her, electing to stand up and hopefully get out of dodge before he got to us.
"Nothing," Shoe Ears replied with a laugh as she followed suit. "Nothing at all."
"I don't believe you," I replied, eying the approaching ushers carefully. "Father Borges is impossible to upset and I'm pretty sure he's going to have an apoplexy. You didn't kill his dog, did you?"
Shoe Ears had the gall to look offended. "Of course not! Why would I kill a dog?"
I would have replied, but the ushers rushed us and dragged us both out to the edge of the church property, leaving us on the curb as Father Borges howled at our backs.
"Listen," she said, and tugged my coat sleeve. "They're gonna bring out the holy water in a minute if we don't book it."
"And you'll go up in a puff of smoke, right," I agreed, and let her lead the way to the local fastfood joint we were supposed to be picked up from. "You got blood on my coat."
"Oh," she said and checked out the damage. "Sorry. So, when we get to the restaurant, we need to figure out a story to tell Mom."
"Hey," I said, looking at her over my shoulder. "You got us kicked out. You come up with the story."
Shoe ears frowned and stopped to wipe the blood off on a fence as best she could. "Well. Hm. We have half an hour; I'll come up with something."
"I'm sure," I agreed. "And what the hell was it you did?"
"If I told you," she said and grinned again, "I'd have to kill you."
"Oh my god, really?"
"Uh huh," Shoe Ears said, chuckling a little.
I nodded and decided I was probably happier not knowing whose blood it was on her hands. Later, when the reports were all over the news - MASS MURDER AT LOCAL PARISH, FIFTEEN NUNS FOUND STRANGLED - I wondered if that was where she had gone, if she had slipped off through the thick tule fog into their house, out by the parish school. I never did ask though.
I was there in summer multiple times. I think the first time was in May though.
That's not too bad, then.
Not TOO bad. The worst time it was the middle of summer and it was 112. I wanted to lie on the floor and die the whole time.
Haha, there was one summer here (for which I was out of town the entiiiire time!) where it was hitting 120 in the shade.
BAAAAARRRRRRFF