Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Apple Talk => Topic started by: Scribbly on January 31, 2012, 11:26:13 AM

Title: I feel sick
Post by: Scribbly on January 31, 2012, 11:26:13 AM
Right down in my guts. The problem is, I don't have time to vomit.

When I took this job it was because my employer believed my stringent accuracy would be an asset. Our job is to provide information; the veracity of that information should not be called into question. Our aim was to provide a true picture of areas in the UK (and later, the rest of Europe) so that investors could look at that picture and come to an informed decision about where they should consider going. When I started this job, we compared ourselves to 'a more reliable and focused Wikipedia'.

It is interesting to see how that project has changed over time.

Money is, of course, the ultimate decider. My employer has made it perfectly clear that we are bleeding money at a fantastic rate. Our primary concern, therefore, is to keep our paying customers happy. That means that those areas which give us the cash for more space on the site don't just get more wordcount to describe their area, they get whatever they want.

We no longer describe ourselves as Wikipedia. Now our promotional literature references Amazon.

Impartiality doesn't pay the bills, and the truth (even on such a small scale) isn't good enough. We have to exaggerate and take wildly misrepresented figures. We use superfluous adjectives. We upsell.

I took this job largely because I wanted to avoid a retail or sales position. I took it because I didn't want to have to lie to people in order to get money. Naive, really.

We're even now talking about distorting our maps, to resize those areas with a large amount of paying clients. Literally warping the world in order to make our clients seem bigger, more important.

But I don't have time to vomit. If I spew, I'm not babbling platitudes and promises to our clients. We need the money, you see, because if they stop feeding us those bills, we're not going to have a business any more. I'm pretty sure this is better than nothing. It might not be what I signed up for, but at least it is keeping me busy, right?
Title: Re: I feel sick
Post by: LMNO on January 31, 2012, 01:09:03 PM
INB4 "Map is not the Territory" joke.
Title: Re: I feel sick
Post by: Scribbly on January 31, 2012, 01:11:30 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on January 31, 2012, 01:09:03 PM
INB4 "Map is not the Territory" joke.

:argh!:

I guess it just offends my delicate sensibilities that I thought I was being paid to be as accurate a mapmaker as possible, but actually I'm getting paid to draw the maps most pleasing to the people with cash.

That and I really do feel nauseous today. Maybe I should try and vomit on my boss, might help me feel better.
Title: Re: I feel sick
Post by: Telarus on January 31, 2012, 01:11:53 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on January 31, 2012, 01:09:03 PM
INB4 "Map is not the Territory" joke.

LMNO has a good point. One of the first recognizable "art techniques" was drawing the ruling(powerful) figures as some huge dude towering over the battle, precisely to scream "this is the important shit right here".

I hear you on the cognitive dissonance tho.
Title: Re: I feel sick
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 31, 2012, 01:12:40 PM
Steal an extra wastebasket, and sit it on your lap.

Then, when you have to compromise your principles, you can just puke in the bucket and dump it at lunch time.  See?  Removeable morals.

How many other Holy Men™ can offer THAT?
Title: Re: I feel sick
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 31, 2012, 01:13:18 PM
Quote from: Demolition_Squid on January 31, 2012, 01:11:30 PM
I guess it just offends my delicate sensibilities that I thought I was being paid to be as accurate a mapmaker as possible, but actually I'm getting paid to draw the maps most pleasing to the people with cash.

I fail to see the inherent contradictions.
Title: Re: I feel sick
Post by: Luna on January 31, 2012, 01:18:14 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 31, 2012, 01:12:40 PM
Steal an extra wastebasket, and sit it on your lap.

Then, when you have to compromise your principles, you can just puke in the bucket and dump it at lunch time.  See?  Removeable morals.

How many other Holy Men™ can offer THAT?

This makes sense.  This disturbs me.
:horrormirth:
Title: Re: I feel sick
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 31, 2012, 01:21:03 PM
You are paid to deliver what suckers want the market will bear.
Title: Re: I feel sick
Post by: Scribbly on January 31, 2012, 01:23:27 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 31, 2012, 01:12:40 PM
Steal an extra wastebasket, and sit it on your lap.

Then, when you have to compromise your principles, you can just puke in the bucket and dump it at lunch time.  See?  Removeable morals.

How many other Holy Men™ can offer THAT?

Brilliant!  :lulz:

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 31, 2012, 01:13:18 PM
Quote from: Demolition_Squid on January 31, 2012, 01:11:30 PM
I guess it just offends my delicate sensibilities that I thought I was being paid to be as accurate a mapmaker as possible, but actually I'm getting paid to draw the maps most pleasing to the people with cash.

I fail to see the inherent contradictions.

As an example we're not actually following through on, as the company has mysteriously does not have the funds to take out the entry after all:

Egypt may not be as stable as their investment agency would like you to believe. (http://www.gafinet.org/English/Pages/EgyptValuePreposition.aspx)
Title: Re: I feel sick
Post by: LMNO on January 31, 2012, 01:24:15 PM
Reframe the job -- See exactly how much you can exaggerate the maps before someone takes issue.

And, if you want to try an rationalize, you're still drawing an accurate map, it's just that the things you're mapping aren't what they used to be: you're now mapping influence and capital as it relates to the company you work for.  It's like a funding budget as seen through geography.
Title: Re: I feel sick
Post by: Scribbly on January 31, 2012, 01:30:22 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on January 31, 2012, 01:24:15 PM
Reframe the job -- See exactly how much you can exaggerate the maps before someone takes issue.

And, if you want to try an rationalize, you're still drawing an accurate map, it's just that the things you're mapping aren't what they used to be: you're now mapping influence and capital as it relates to the company you work for.  It's like a funding budget as seen through geography.

That's a good idea. So far I've been amusing myself by sneaking puns in where possible and seeing if my editor catches them pre-posting.
Title: Re: I feel sick
Post by: Q. G. Pennyworth on January 31, 2012, 08:19:22 PM
Sneak some dicks into the fjords.
Title: Re: I feel sick
Post by: Scribbly on February 02, 2012, 11:06:52 AM
In order to cut costs I have been informed that we are no longer going to be proof reading and editing each other's work.

:magick: