Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Apple Talk => Topic started by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on February 05, 2012, 04:05:12 PM

Title: Defendant Breached a Duty Not to Shoot Bottle Rockets Out of His Anus
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on February 05, 2012, 04:05:12 PM
Best thing I've read all weekend.  :lulz:

http://www.loweringthebar.net/2012/02/bottle-rocket.html

Quote8.    [Defendant] was highly intoxicated on this date and time, and decided in his drunken stupor that it would be a good idea to shoot bottle rockets out of his anus on the [Alpha Tau Omega fraternity] deck, located on the back of the ATO house.

    10.   [Defendant] placed a bottle rocket in his anus [and] ignited the fuse, but instead of launching, the bottle rocket blew up in Defendant's rectum, and this startled plaintiff and caused him to jump back, at which time he fell off of the ATO deck, and he became lodged between the deck and an air conditioner unit adjacent to the deck.

    13.    Per the applicable codes ... the deck in question should have had a railing, which comported with said codes.

    16.    ATO owed plaintiff a duty to provide a safe deck, including a railing, and ... a duty to supervise its guests and its own fraternity members, such as Defendant, and other under age persons, from consuming alcohol on its premises, which leads to stupid and dangerous activities, such as shooting bottle rockets out of one's own anus.

    18.   [Defendant] also owed plaintiff ... a duty of care not to drink under age, or to file bottle rockets out of his anus.

    19.   [Defendant] breached this duty when he both drank under age ... and attempted to fire a bottle rocket out of his anus while under the influence. The act of firing a bottle rocket, within Huntington City Limits, was also a crime.

    22.   Plaintiff asserts that the activity of underaged drinking and firing bottle rockets out of one's own anus constitutes an "ultra-hazardous" activity which exposes both of these defendant to strict liability.
Title: Re: Defendant Breached a Duty Not to Shoot Bottle Rockets Out of His Anus
Post by: Cainad (dec.) on February 05, 2012, 04:21:44 PM
 :lulz: :horrormirth: :lulz:

what... how...


Someone went and broke reality.
Title: Re: Defendant Breached a Duty Not to Shoot Bottle Rockets Out of His Anus
Post by: Richter on February 05, 2012, 04:24:04 PM
Good example of shutting up an taking responsibility for your own actions.  Ask the wheels of jsutice to turn, and they will likely drag you in too.
Title: Re: Defendant Breached a Duty Not to Shoot Bottle Rockets Out of His Anus
Post by: Cainad (dec.) on February 05, 2012, 04:25:27 PM

(From the same blog) At least the TSA is on board with acknowledging diabetics as terrorists: http://www.loweringthebar.net/2012/02/tsa-insulin-pump-gun.html :lol:
Title: Re: Defendant Breached a Duty Not to Shoot Bottle Rockets Out of His Anus
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on February 05, 2012, 05:16:44 PM
So, uh....


What is the current state of said anus? Somehow "startled" does not seem like an appropriate response to "blew up in the Defendant's rectum."
Title: Re: Defendant Breached a Duty Not to Shoot Bottle Rockets Out of His Anus
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on February 05, 2012, 06:22:20 PM
Quote from: Billy the Twid on February 05, 2012, 05:16:44 PM
So, uh....


What is the current state of said anus? Somehow "startled" does not seem like an appropriate response to "blew up in the Defendant's rectum."

Yeah, that seemed like kind of an understatement. However, I was pretty amused by the "became lodged between the deck and an air conditioner unit" part.  :lulz:
Title: Re: Defendant Breached a Duty Not to Shoot Bottle Rockets Out of His Anus
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on February 05, 2012, 06:22:57 PM
(presumably while bleeding out of aforementioned anus)
Title: Re: Defendant Breached a Duty Not to Shoot Bottle Rockets Out of His Anus
Post by: Nephew Twiddleton on February 05, 2012, 06:23:58 PM
 :lulz:
Title: Re: Defendant Breached a Duty Not to Shoot Bottle Rockets Out of His Anus
Post by: Don Coyote on February 06, 2012, 01:46:37 AM
This might be going through the wall instead of just taking it there.
Title: Re: Defendant Breached a Duty Not to Shoot Bottle Rockets Out of His Anus
Post by: Jasper on February 06, 2012, 03:59:21 PM
The rocket portion was not inside his ass when it was activated, and the resulting blast of a backfiring bottlerocket is relatively harmless at the distance it would have been.

Source:  I have been exposed to and survived a lot of stupidity.
Title: Re: Defendant Breached a Duty Not to Shoot Bottle Rockets Out of His Anus
Post by: Triple Zero on February 06, 2012, 04:26:54 PM
Sounds a lot like whoever wrote that down really wanted to underline how retarded it is to fire a rocket from your anus and humiliate whoever did it. Which I can completely understand btw.
Title: Re: Defendant Breached a Duty Not to Shoot Bottle Rockets Out of His Anus
Post by: Jasper on February 06, 2012, 04:33:14 PM
There are a lot of missing entries in that list, Trip.  I suspect that they all say "THE RETARD TRIED TO BLOW UP HIS OWN ASSHOLE".
Title: Re: Defendant Breached a Duty Not to Shoot Bottle Rockets Out of His Anus
Post by: Luna on February 06, 2012, 04:47:18 PM
Strangely enough, this is not the dumbest "someone else should have prevented me from being stupid" case I have heard.  It is, however, the funniest.   :lol:

ETA:  further anal-ysis of the case is up:

http://www.loweringthebar.net/2012/02/further-analysis-bottle-rocket.html
Title: Re: Defendant Breached a Duty Not to Shoot Bottle Rockets Out of His Anus
Post by: trippinprincezz13 on February 06, 2012, 05:11:53 PM
My question is, why would you be at a frat party and NOT expect fireworks to come flying out of someone's orifice?
Title: Re: Defendant Breached a Duty Not to Shoot Bottle Rockets Out of His Anus
Post by: Wolfgang Absolutus on February 06, 2012, 11:01:24 PM
Everything about this is silly.
Title: Re: Defendant Breached a Duty Not to Shoot Bottle Rockets Out of His Anus
Post by: Golden Applesauce on February 07, 2012, 12:33:52 AM
If the railing on the porch was indeed not up to code, that's a part of it I could get behind.

The second post asks the question if Mr. Rocket Anus would have required a second or third person to insert and launch the bottle rocket, which, if true, would somewhat affect the personal responsibility argument.
Title: Re: Defendant Breached a Duty Not to Shoot Bottle Rockets Out of His Anus
Post by: Placid Dingo on February 09, 2012, 07:32:18 AM
Quote from: Golden Applesauce on February 07, 2012, 12:33:52 AM
that's a part of it I could get behind.

:lmnuendo: