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I will keep updating this thread as I am able.
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Before you shove your wad into the nearest shit-eating grin for a microcomputer that will most likely end up in the toilet give this thread a once over, eh? Sure, it's long, but you might not have to look anywhere else.
Generally
Like so much else in life, you will likely base your future judgements off your first one. That said, most of them are designed to be as easy to use as possible so you'll probably get what you want out of whatever it is unless personal taste dictates otherwise.
The kind of phone YOU enjoy is a personal thing. These things are small and meant for individuals, and if you find one that works with your individual tastes, well good for fucking you. But that doesn't mean shit for other people. There are a fuckton of these phones out there. There is a broad spectrum of experiences with them. Some people float serenely though one, and then crash on another. Other people experience the complete opposite.
Specs
Specs are nice and everything, they sure make that shit sound like the hotness. But the fact is you don't give a shit about specs when your phone won't retrieve your mail for no good fucking reason. It might show you wall-e in HD goodness but you won't care when your speaker blows for no good fucking reason and you have to use earbuds to talk.
Warranty
Apple has the best one so long as their stores are nearby. In many instances your service provider can change this fact. They might offer repair and replacement right in the facility closest to you. So locale is a factor. Most places have you ship to their facilities somewhere, often at your own expense, and then ship it back. It might even be fully repaired and give you years of faithful service. Or your refurb of a replacement might make it longer than the 90 days they give you. But the odds are not in your favor. And it's a pain in the ass to go without the damned things once you've gotten used to using it every day.
Then again, Apple might fuck you over too, they're just the easiest to deal with and are spread out. I have no idea what that's like outside of the US.
Reviews
Fuck CNET. They are the absolute worst.
Most reviews come from individual users, with individual perspective, or they come from tech nerds who get paid to splooge melodic over whatever phone they've spend a few hours with. This does in no way prepare you for two years of usage. I, however, am a POWERHOUSE of practical smartphone knowledge.
Apple
This is my preferred phone for many reasons. The number one reason to get this is because you don't want the hassle of dealing with a computer in your pocket. It IS a computer but it doesn't really act like one. It tries to ensure that you have the best possible experience with Your Shit.
Apple may even be using that for nefarious purposes. Maybe. But it does have appeal. I like having easy, unlcuttered access to my stuff. And I want it to work as soon as possible from the first moment it's in my hands. Is Apples OS like unto the Nazis? Yeah probably. And I don't give a shit. I mean, raise your hand if you feel Google is still trying to Not Be Evil. iOS can be a pain. But you don't HAVE to use itunes (I use spotify), you don't have to use iCloud either (I use google LOL). Their terms suck, I guess. I haven't read them. But you know it doesn't interfere with my ability to fuck with people on the internet or watch porn. So much porn.
Pros: Easy to use. Simple, clean interface. Keyboard is excellent. On the 4s the dictation feature transcribes more accurately than any other phone. There's not a lot that gets hidden in the phone, you're not likely to misplace any files on it. Everything is right in front of you. The touchscreen is one of the best and most responsive. I can type the first draft of anything easily.
Cons: Customization is a joke. It is an expensive glass sandwich. The older model has that aluminum back, but the 4 is glass front and back. You're battery, well MY battery, last about a day unless I'm using the crap out of it. Which I usually am.
3Gs
If all you want to do is email, FB, RSS, watch youtube ocassionally, and don't really give a damn about the camera this is the one. Especially if you haven't had one before and don't require all of your technology to move at the speed of tomorrow, this phone will do all you need and more. It's funny how when the new ones came out people suddenly looked at this one and said PEH, TRASH NOW. No. It's still an amazing piece of technology.
4/4s
If you want the truly excellent dictation feature you have to get the 4s. Other than that, and storage size, there's really not a whole lot of difference. The latter is faster, but eats up more battery as a result, and the former isn't exactly a big pile of turtle shit. Also, the screen is way, way better looking. The camera is also much, much better.
Jailbreaking
Meh. It adds customization, but at considerable cost to performance. I would rather have less delay opening an app than change the splash page or some shit that isn't functional.
Blackberry
Do not get a BB Torch.
These are great for email, it's what they were largely designed for. And because they've been used in business, were the standard for businesses, they have been very, very stable. They're not as "fun" as any other smartphone but they get the job done. They also have much better battery life than almost every other smartphone. You'll usually get a few days. They're very sturdy. The keyboard is something people get hooked on and the don't want to to switch to anything else.
I recommend older models with older OS because once they started competing with Apple they got sloppy. The Bold and the Curve will last, just make sure it has the trackpad and NOT the trackball.
Android
Now, I'm sure this won't apply to any of you nerds, but if you're the kind of person who gets mad at your computer, the kind of person that just wants it to WORK without thinking about it, don't get an Android. For day to day ease of use without a fuss there are better options out there for you.
With any Android phone I strongly recommend rooting and switching to some ROM some nerd made in a basement. The one's that come out of the box are terribad. Often they make the damned phones unusable.
Be cautious when you purchase lower end Androids as they usually maintain the low cost by leaving out any kind of substantial internal memory. Phones such as the LGP505 has 128 MB of internal storage. Sure, you can expand to 32 GB with an SD card. HOWEVER, there will be problems with storage at some point. Text messages, certain apps that won't transfer to the SD card, etc. It is a major pain in the ass.
Samsung
I really want to like their phones. The specs are always right where you want them to be for MAXIMUM SMARTPHONE, but the stock ROM is completely terrible. The hardware is usually stable and dependable, compared to say Motorola. The main reason to get on of these is because of that screen. Images, aside from some saturation issues, are great. And it doesn't loose anything when you look from different angles. Sound is also usually very good.
LG
I've never once had a problem with any LG phone I've owned or used. Their ROM is surprisingly stable, I never once had my phone crash, I never had some weird thing like the wireless adapter causing the phone to crash and crash and crash (motorola) or weird speaker issues (samsung). Some apps sometimes, but not the whole phone. They have a pretty good selection and
HTC
It's sort of hit or miss. The Inspire, for example, is a bad, bad phone. Sense, which they throw on top of android, works well enough out of the box. I'd still change it to something, anything else.
Motorola
No.
I mean, I've heard that the Droid line is pretty good but I haven't used one so I'll stick with my gut and assume it's POS like the rest of them. Certainly stay away from anything with motoblur.
Pantech
By and large they make decent, durable hardware. And the way they've handled Android seems stable. They do have s predictable history with shitty batteries though.
Windows
Of course, you will want to avoid anything before Windows Mobile 7 unless you're some kind of masochist. Freak.
This software is pretty new, and they are scrambling to get a decent cut of the market. Which they are slowly gaining. I've seen a lot of people who enjoyed BB switch to Windows happily.
Pros: The interface is identical on any model. It is clean and simple. It is designed to be as synchronous with your computer and xbox as possible. If you dig Microsoft products and like it when it all works together you will want to seriously consider this phone. Also, the keyboard is on par with the iPhone, especially on the larger models.
Cons: If the iPhone's customization is a joke, Windows is a sad clown being slowly lowered into a wood chipper. The background is either black or white. The tiles are whatever color you choose from built in options and I hate them all except for hot pink. WEIRD SHIT. I can't even explain the shit I've seen these phones do. Random stuff that makes no sense. Also, they're as locked down as iphones in terms of freedom of movement. You must use Zune software for backups and updates. Though I actually liked the Zune software.
We need at least 20 new smartphone threads, if they are of this quality.
How do Nokia phones compare? I've used Nokia previously for my mobiles, and been "happy" with them...they're nothing great, but they seem to have decent battery time, and are robust enough to survive general wear-and-tear well.
Unfortunately that's the only company I have no experience with aside from the old ones you're talking about. Those were great. From what can tell they just haven't been keeping up. They've used some weird OS that has since failed. Simbian, I think it's called. They just released a Windows phone which I'll have to get to later.
Symbian, yes. I had one of those. Which is also quite a few years ago. Indeed it failed as an OS by now, though it was pretty hot shit when I bought it, but it's also why my next (and current, and also pretty old) phone was one of the really thin "candybar" models because the size of it annoyed me. But that's a problem with modern smartphones as well. I forgot what model it was, pretty old, something in the s60 line. It lasted very long and withstood a lot of abuse. In fact I think this was the only phone I did not replace because it was broken, but just because I happened onto a free phone that better fit in my pocket.
Why you want a Nokia Brick
Oh, sure, you can get a smartphone. It'll take pictures and get email and all that shit. But you? Nah, you want a Nokia brick. I'm not gonna bother telling you a model number, they come out with a new one every couple years, but it's always the same thing: simple keypad, no hinges, no keyboards, no touch screen. Why do you want it?
It will never fucking break
Go ahead, ask one of your friends with a fancy smart phone if you can drop it on the floor. You know, for an experiment. I'll wait.
Yeah, we all knew that one wasn't gonna happen. Huge LCD screens are fragile, and all the cases and screen protectors in the world won't save your phone from blunt force trauma. Same goes for water damage.
My Nokia brick? Survived countless falls, and a trip through the washer and dryer.
It costs nothing to replace
How much is your friend with the smart phone going to be out if he loses it? If it's a shiny new iPhone 4s, you're looking at $700. Good luck finding any smart phone without a contract for less than a couple hundred bucks
Nokia brick? They can't give these things away fast enough.
It's not a goddamn toy
Angry birds? Not happening. Email? No fucking way. Internet? Absolutely not. Tetris if you're lucky. Nokia bricks will not tempt you to waste time playing with them. They are phones. For making phone calls. Full stop.
You will always win the shitty phone argument
"Oh, wah, my flip phone is so out of style!" "The camera on my 3s is such weaksauce!" "My droid can't run ice cream sandwich!" You know those guys? Yeah, just haul out your brick and watch them STFU.
Oh no I had an even shitter phone once! It had an antenna you could pull out, like a car antenna! It was gigantic and you still had to fold it open, too! It was vintage as fuck. It eventually broke, or no, I think it was the battery that gave up, yeah.
My first mobile
(http://i.imgur.com/Phmnf.jpg)
My current mobile is a slidey Nokia thing. It looks pretty slick, definitely not a brick, but it does have a distressing tendency to turn the radio on by accident.
Sliding Phones
Industry Sekrit: while they rarely fail, no company I am familiar with covers any kind of sliding mechanism failure in their warranty. Do never get a sliding smartphone.
Yeah, I've always worried about that with this one. I was actually given this despite having a somewhat serviceable model, which is the only reason I accepted it in the first place. And with the money I'd be dropping on a smartphone...no way.
I have an HTC 4 EVO. It's ok (bad battery life - with Juice Defender, I get like maybe twelve hours - but lots of apps, decent sound/video quality, a neat kick stand for watching youtube, 8 megapixel camera). I'd probably like it a lot better if Sprint's coverage weren't so atrocious.
Though Alty's right on it being a little hit and miss, though. Shoe Ears's camera shat out on her and she had to get a new phone and once in a while mine will freeze.
I used to have the Samsung Epic 4G with the physical keyboard on a shared Sprint contract w my ex. Pretty pleased with Sprint's Everything Plan, I decided to get the 32GB iPhone 4S in white when it came out on a new contract for myself.
I FUCKING HATED IT. After using Android since the Samsung Moment came out back in like, 2008, I found the iPhone to be exactly as Alty describes it here: a pretty, shiny, delicate glass-sandwich. The virtual kb is better than any touchscreen kb I've used but I *still* prefer a physical kb, autocorrect is a pain, customization is (as alty says) a joke, apps are expensive or nonexistant (a free twitter app that allows color-coding and customization of followers/followed like Plume is simply not there), Navigation is a $5 EXTRA and getting anything to talk to anything else just doesn't happen. iPhone's OS is a bureaucratic nazi: All things must ask its permission and go round the long way. "long press" with a list of apps an options is about my favorite thing about Android. iPhone wants you to join the Apple Collective of automatic cloud backup, automatic updates, a EULA that gives Apple the right to make changes and do whatever the fuck it wants with your "borrowed" equipment that you pay $300-$800 for that still technically "belongs" to Apple (and is exempt from the USB-to-micro-USB charger standard) and the "If you aren't doing anything wrong, you don't have anything to worry about" privacy/data mentality.
Pros: because of this nazism, iPhone's OS is fast and stable. Security is fantastic if you're not doing anything to break the EULA and all you're worried about is non-corporate freelance criminals jacking your shit: you have to type a password for everything!
I took the iPhone off my account and connected my old Samsung Epic to my new Sprint contract. I'm happier this way. The AMOLED screen is the best I've seen, ever and once I rooted and installed CleanGB ROM, I've noted massive improvements with everything from battery life to speed and stability.
CON: The Unlimited Data plan is great except...it's not really unlimited.
The ROM I'm running comes with the Sprint HotSpot hack. That means, a service Sprint usually charges an extra $30/month for so you can use the device as a wireless connection to the internet is "jailbroken" so to speak, after rooting and flashing the ROM. Thorough reading on the xda website assures me that there's no data cap so I decided to test that theory this month.
After hitting about 12GB (using Netflix and Spotify. Hotspot and Tethered), my phone will no longer allow me 3G service. I'm throttled down to 1x and have been for the past few days. I'm assuming I'll be "reset" once my billing cycle "rolls over" tomorrow. We shall see. Other Sprint phones in my current house have no such throttling (incl a stock Epic) and updating PRL or traveling to different towers doesn't help me so I know it's gotta be Sprint. I probably redflagged myself.
I've heard of others using as much as 51GB of "hacked" hotspot data and not getting throttled so if it doesn't roll over tomorrow, I'm going to try updating/reflashing the ROM, searching the dev sites and finally, calling Sprint. I shall update.
Phones to avoid: Motorola anything. Agreed with Alty: just crap.
Also: Alty, I might just know why you're having speaker issues. I had a dirty 5/8ths port in my Epic that prevented the phone from "switching" back from headphones to speaker mode until I cleaned it several times with a trimmed-up paper Q-tip stick (get all the cotton fuzz off first) a TINY amount of alcohol and by blowing into it over and over. It took a few times but it's finally stable. Try this: with nothing plugged in, play a track using the stock music player and blow really HARD into the jack port a few times. If the music player pauses itself as though you had pulled the headphones out of it, dirt is yer trouble.