Good evening boys and girls!
I have started writing lyrics for the next Sermo III Album, and I wanted to exploit the talent of you wonderful people by letting you read drafts of my lyrics and critique them. Hope y'all don't mind. :)
First one:
Beaneath her whispered wings
The deceit, the lies, her secrets lie.
Above her, in an old oak tree
a cuckoo sings
In the bitter, cold wastelands
that is my mind, I fall to the ground
and weep, tears turning to ice on my face
I'm a broken mirror
shards of glass cuts into my soul
and I bleed out
Her screams echo in my skull
but they give me no pleasure
she prayed to a dead god
her face completely numb
Her smile, a smashed gateway
to the nameless horrors
that reside within her
My memories, hopes
and dreams fade into nothing
I hear her derisive laughter
And in my mind's eye
I freeze to death
( here (http://slesknet.org/MP3/demo1/AbrokenSmile2point2.mp3) is a demo of the actual song)
I like the lyrics. The music for it is creepy and a bit unexpected. I like that.
Quote from: An Twidsteoir on March 03, 2012, 01:07:44 AM
I like the lyrics. The music for it is creepy and a bit unexpected. I like that.
Thank you!
As someone who is often a dick about bad lyrics...these are pretty swell.
Love the drums and keys on the demo. How'd you get that distorted effect of the drums, by the way?
Quote from: Oysters Rockefeller on March 03, 2012, 03:08:49 PM
As someone who is often a dick about bad lyrics...these are pretty swell.
Love the drums and keys on the demo. How'd you get that distorted effect of the drums, by the way?
Thank you, Good Sir Oyster!
I sent the drums through a guitar amp, used noise gate,a compressor, and reverb. Logic FTW.
Nice...I might have to try that soon.
Would random verses and drafts of half finished stuff be of any interest at all?
RANDOM SNIPPETS WARNING.
I have no idea what to make of these, but feel free to criticize, boost my ego, or destroy it completely.
9312/2
A
Round and round we go
round and round and round and round and round
we are being perfectly still
on the filthy, muddy ground
B
the carousel goes down
down down down down down
into the darkest recesses of my brain
there, the murderer hides, dressed like a clown
C
Light is stabbing my eyes
my eyes see I my eyes see I my I see eyes
I yearn for the total black
And my soundtrack is her lies and cries.
D
IT wants me to be wicked
I mean mean, mean mean meany mean
my room is a padded cell
the ferry man demands to see my ticket
E
Blood is the only smell
Smelly smell smell smell
Even though I am the vessel of steamed loathing
my body is an empty shell
F
Meet my inner Dominatrix
Dominate tricks, tricky tricky Trickster
feed me feet first into the void
face to face with matrix creatrix
9312/3
A
I see folks that aren't there
the voices are not in my head
somethimes I think I'm not here
Can it be? Am i dead?
B
You are the light of my life
my one true love, my sole reason
to go on living
You're always here for me, when I am alone
lonely, miserable and all by myself
C
Are you there?
Come to me, pretty please
Never ever ever ever leave me be
where'd you go? Don't go!
D
The strangely sexual touch
of invisible hands
that may or may not exist outside of my own head
I don't really know.
E
I hate you now.
More than you can ever know
I will get you, even if it means I have to
wade through a world of blood to find you
F
I'm coming for you.
You can't escape me for too long
I have seen you. I'm coming for you.
Where are you?
7:47 my guess is you shoud try color coding your words for a day or two
ABCDEFG ROYGBVBk
These looks really good!
I especially like that 9312/2 draft. That whole 'round and round and round and round' thing. I'm a sucker for repititions when they are used like that :)
Also, i like the dominatrix/trickster/matrix creatrix wordplay at the end.
Thank you!
I thought the 'face to face with matrix creatrix' line looked suspiciosly familiar when i typed it in here. Turns out it's from a Current93 song.
Quote from: Waffle Iron on March 19, 2012, 12:57:08 PM
Thank you!
I thought the 'face to face with matrix creatrix' line looked suspiciosly familiar when i typed it in here. Turns out it's from a Current93 song.
You're welcome :)
Ah, that happens for me once in a while too.
Quote from: hirley0 on March 18, 2012, 02:47:56 AM
7:47 my guess is you shoud try color coding your words for a day or two
ABCDEFG ROYGBVBk
That's a good idea! Thank ye!
Quote from: Waffle Iron on March 19, 2012, 12:57:08 PM
Thank you!
I thought the 'face to face with matrix creatrix' line looked suspiciosly familiar when i typed it in here. Turns out it's from a Current93 song.
Hey, in modern music it's impossible not to accidentally rip people off. I just shrug it off and keep going, as long as its nothing too bad.
I'll keep it until I figure out wether these random snippets will be used at all.
some new stuff.
I like the melody, but the lyrics are meh. Posting anyway.
as if blinded by the setting of the sun
IT takes hold of me guiding me
to where IT wants you to be
I don't want this, dear, but what can I do
IT runs the show now
the pain is all but unbearable
there is a thousand knives in my back
they writhe and coil like snakes
and each one represents
the end of you and me.
http://slesknet.org/MP3/Neverbeen.mp3
Slesknet the site of your band?
Also I really like the beat that drops in that tune. You could make it "suck" (like a boot stuck in the mud, not in the bad sense--"thump" is maybe the right word) a bit more by applying a compressor to the bass/background sounds, side-chained with the beats.
(meaning that, you know a compressor analyses the input sound for volume and turns it down when it's loud, using the beats for the input sound but applying the volume-turning-down only to the bass+other sounds. possibly even delaying by 50-100ms or so, creating a relative "silence" after the kick. Benni Benassi used this trick to extreme effect in Satisfaction, and I believe--but am not sure--it's also part of the secret in Pendulum's signature thumping snaredrums)
Or not.
But where are the lyrics? I expected to hear your voice any moment! :)
Quote from: Triple Zero on May 18, 2012, 08:33:31 PM
Also I really like the beat that drops in that tune. You could make it "suck" (like a boot stuck in the mud, not in the bad sense--"thump" is maybe the right word) a bit more by applying a compressor to the bass/background sounds, side-chained with the beats.
(meaning that, you know a compressor analyses the input sound for volume and turns it down when it's loud, using the beats for the input sound but applying the volume-turning-down only to the bass+other sounds. possibly even delaying by 50-100ms or so, creating a relative "silence" after the kick. Benni Benassi used this trick to extreme effect in Satisfaction, and I believe--but am not sure--it's also part of the secret in Pendulum's signature thumping snaredrums)
Or not.
But where are the lyrics? I expected to hear your voice any moment! :)
Essentially you compress the Bass-Track with a side-chain to the BassDrum-Track - and so on for instruments playing in the same frequency range of particular drum beats - to make the sound "pump"?
"pump", is also a good word, yeah.
I still have to recreate such an effect myself, I know Ableton Live can do it.
I dunno I just heard the track and thought that was cool and could be enhanced this way. But maybe it's not the sound Waffle's going for.
Yea, it can also kill the effect of sustained instruments - I guess that's why it works best with short one-shots like in house music.
Thanks for the input, guys!
000: I won't be singing these myself, I think. I haz a singer, we just need to find the time to get together and work on music and other stuff. She (the singer) and the other band member are mid-exams at the moment.
In the meantime, I make sketches and demos, and try to figure out in which direction this will go.