I just finished de-friending someone. This is only the second time in my life that I've broken up with a friend, so this is kind of a big deal for me. I've known the guy for over 20 years, and in that time he's gone from a loud, know-it-all kid to a loud, condescending, weirdly proprietary know-it-all man.
This is the asshole who gives me unwanted "advice" on all manner of things from my love life (he's 35-ish, never been in a serious relationship in his life) to the DIRE MISTAKE I made by buying a messenger bag. Everyone else in my IRL circle, even the famous Pez, is capable of having a normal, reasonable conversation, but for some reason this guy really takes delight in contradicting everything I say, even if it only serves to make him sound RETARDED. He is truly a SGitR.
The last straw was Thursday night. He tends to follow me around and monopolize my conversation, and I was pleased that we were having an inclusive-of-other-people conversation about brilliant people and success. I brought up a couple of articles I've read recently which talked about how genius is not especially conducive to success; the most successful people, according to these studies, are in a sweet spot between average and genius.
Dude, as he is wont to do, saw something he could latch onto. "WELL ACTUALLY," he bellowed (this is his favorite way of starting any sentence), "PRESIDENTS ARE MUCH SMARTER THAN AVERAGE".
The fact that this point is irrelevant was not lost on me. However, more pressing to my tiny pea-brain, which as usual failed to recognize the trap, was the fact that he was WRONG. OMG THAT IS NOT TRUE said the tiny Requia in my brain, I'D BETTER TELL HIM THAT IT ISN'T TRUE.
"Well, according to the studies I read, even Presidents tend to..."
"NO, PRESIDENTS ARE WAY SMARTER" (or something like that) he bellowed. "THEY ARE GETTING SMARTER BECAUSE LAW SCHOOL ADMISSION IS BASED ON IQ TESTING NOW."
Ok. This is kind of where I lost it and started saying things like "What are you talking about?" and "But law schools don't require IQ testing!" and "Do you know how IQ tests work?"
First he told me that the LSAT
is an IQ test. I disagreed. And then he got ANGRY. And said things like "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY". I decided to walk away. I said "What you are saying isn't making any sense to me. I'm going inside, why don't you take a couple minutes to formulate what you want to explain" and turned around. At which point he GRABBED MY SHOULDER and started yelling. Well, yelling more. I have no idea what exactly happened next because EVERYTHING WENT RED, but that was the definitive end of our friendship.
I am going to share, in his words written to me the following day, exactly what it was that he was trying to "explain" to me, and got so angry that I
just couldn't understand:QuoteMy only argument is that in the last couple of decades more presidents and presidential candidates have come from institutions like Ivy League law schools that overwhelmingly admit only high-IQ students. This was not true in previous decades and centuries, when candidates simply had to make it through the gauntlet of the old boys' network to stand a chance at being nominated.
You know, I really have nothing further to add. Well, I do, but I'll save it for later.
This is especially amusing considering how Law School is, for the most part, an overly expensive scam (http://insidethelawschoolscam.blogspot.co.uk/).
Also now smarter than average = genius?
Shit, we've a population who are 50% genius!
Quote from: Nigel on April 01, 2012, 08:10:07 PM
QuoteMy only argument is that in the last couple of decades more presidents and presidential candidates have come from institutions like Ivy League law schools that overwhelmingly admit only high-IQ students. This was not true in previous decades and centuries, when candidates simply had to make it through the gauntlet of the old boys' network to stand a chance at being nominated.
You know, I really have nothing further to add. Well, I do, but I'll save it for later.
If for any reason you ever do have to interact with him again, just say "Bush".
It's hilarious on so many different levels.
Let's start with the fact that I was just trying to make light small talk about something I had just read that was relevant to the conversation.
Next, there is the fact that this specific thing has been studied, and I was talking about the study, which I had just read, and he refused to believe, apparently, that I could have read anything of value that specifically informed what I was talking about.
And then there is the fact that four-fifths of the Presidents have, from the earliest days, had degrees from elite schools, and in the early days, college was a much, much more exclusive and prestigious institution than it is now.
We can throw in the fact that the LSAT is not an IQ test. Regardless,
Colleges used to admit people based on academic performance rather than standardized testing. Academic performance is highly correlated with IQ, effectively achieving the same end of concentrating higher-IQ people in the most competitive institutions.
As noted in Lasch's "The New Illiteracy", admission standards at the most elite schools have been declining, rather than increasing, over the last five decades. Lasch extensively cites Harvard, Yale, and Columbia as examples of this trend.
He later told me that he was basing his argument on a "gut feeling". Which apparently trumps a research paper.
Sometimes a "gut feeling" isn't intuition, it's just something people get when they have to poomp.
Quote from: Anna Mae Bollocks on April 01, 2012, 08:34:10 PM
Quote from: Nigel on April 01, 2012, 08:10:07 PM
QuoteMy only argument is that in the last couple of decades more presidents and presidential candidates have come from institutions like Ivy League law schools that overwhelmingly admit only high-IQ students. This was not true in previous decades and centuries, when candidates simply had to make it through the gauntlet of the old boys' network to stand a chance at being nominated.
You know, I really have nothing further to add. Well, I do, but I'll save it for later.
If for any reason you ever do have to interact with him again, just say "Bush".
That's actually the funniest thing ever... he seems to be basing the "Ivy League" comment almost entirely on the Bush family having gone to Yale, which heavily skews the educational record of Presidents of "the last couple decades" toward Ivy League schools.
So he is basically saying that the Bushes are dragging the average Presidential IQ
up. :lulz:
If he weren't so obnoxious, the level of self-ownage would be hilarious.
Oh, by the way, he wants me to admit my role in making him be so obnoxious, because apparently he only does it because I'm asking for it.
I
make him act like that. :horrormirth:
Just holy shit. What.
Posted on my private forum:
Quotewow, leave for a day and you miss so much.
I am not going to wade into this one except to say that I think that Nigel is mostly right in most of the generalities, that I am really quite disrespectful of her sometimes, and that I should chill the fuck out. I disagree with most of the specifics. I also feel like Nigel "baits" me and goads me into arguments at least as much as I do her, and that reason I don't get in arguments like this with other people is that they do not bait and goad me.
Nigel broke off the argument the other night by rolling her eyes at me and saying, more or less, "I'll be gone for five minutes. Why don't you try coming up with a way to explain yourself that makes sense and isn't stupid." That got a bit of a rise out of me, and I walked after her, grabbed her shoulder, and yelled "here's what I'm trying to say. [two sentences of stupid crap pertaining to our discussion.]" That was really inexcusable on my part, and I'm sorry. The right thing to do would have been to ignore it, walk away, or say something to deescalate the situation.
I hope a REALLY SMALL ARGUMENT ABOUT HYPOTHETICAL PRESIDENTIAL IQ is not enough to end a 20-year-friendship, and I doubt it will. I also know that this is more about a pattern of behavior than any one specific instance, and that I really need to chill out and be less of a dick. Which is my fault.
At the same time, I'd really like to hear Nigel take responsibility for the things she is responsible for. Surely she can't think she has no role in this besides letting me walk all over her. If she thinks that's her only fault here, perhaps she needs to look in the mirror and think about it harder. In these twenty years, I don't think I have EVER heard Nigel apologize for ANYTHING, admit she was wrong about ANYTHING, or take responsibility for her actions. It is always somebody else's fault. Always. It's ridiculous. I have never met anybody else who has this problem. Most will at least make fake apologizes, which are honestly better than nothing. At least they represent an acknowledgement that some parallel universe exists in which there could be at minimum joint responsibility.
Just for myself, I'd also like to apologize to the rest of you for my substantial, maybe even primary, role in causing these disputes. You don't deserve to deal with the fallout with something that I have the ability to stop on my own - regardless of who's at fault. I'd really appreciate any feedback, constructive or otherwise, you could throw my way (privately, of course) and maybe a gentle nudge in the ribs from time to time if you notice me getting out of line. I know I'm a really difficult person to put up with sometimes, and I'm thankful to have friends (including Nigel) who are so patient with me. I've always been thankful for you. You are all awesome.
Just wow.
:horrormirth:
He's a walking self-enclosed cube of compacted dysfunction, isn't he? :x
Quote from: Anna Mae Bollocks on April 01, 2012, 08:57:15 PM
He's a walking self-enclosed cube of compacted dysfunction, isn't he? :x
Completely. I think he took every cliche he could find in the category of "smacking down an uppity woman" and applied it.
Quote from: Cain on April 01, 2012, 08:19:35 PM
Also now smarter than average = genius?
Shit, we've a population who are 50% genius!
:lulz:
Quote from: Nigel on April 01, 2012, 09:16:19 PM
Quote from: Anna Mae Bollocks on April 01, 2012, 08:57:15 PM
He's a walking self-enclosed cube of compacted dysfunction, isn't he? :x
Completely. I think he took every cliche he could find in the category of "smacking down an uppity woman" and applied it.
Should. Not. Be . Allowed. To. Breed.
Quote from: Cain on April 01, 2012, 08:18:49 PM
This is especially amusing considering how Law School is, for the most part, an overly expensive scam (http://insidethelawschoolscam.blogspot.co.uk/).
:lulz: I just finished reading that. It makes it extra funny because this SGitR just finished law school.
Quote from: Anna Mae Bollocks on April 01, 2012, 09:28:45 PM
Quote from: Nigel on April 01, 2012, 09:16:19 PM
Quote from: Anna Mae Bollocks on April 01, 2012, 08:57:15 PM
He's a walking self-enclosed cube of compacted dysfunction, isn't he? :x
Completely. I think he took every cliche he could find in the category of "smacking down an uppity woman" and applied it.
Should. Not. Be . Allowed. To. Breed.
Luckily, see aforementioned part about never having been in a serious relationship. Those are genes that probably won't get passed along.
Quote from: Nigel on April 01, 2012, 09:36:02 PM
Quote from: Anna Mae Bollocks on April 01, 2012, 09:28:45 PM
Quote from: Nigel on April 01, 2012, 09:16:19 PM
Quote from: Anna Mae Bollocks on April 01, 2012, 08:57:15 PM
He's a walking self-enclosed cube of compacted dysfunction, isn't he? :x
Completely. I think he took every cliche he could find in the category of "smacking down an uppity woman" and applied it.
Should. Not. Be . Allowed. To. Breed.
Luckily, see aforementioned part about never having been in a serious relationship. Those are genes that probably won't get passed along.
Ah. The women have spoken. :lulz:
I think you need to give him some radioactive condoms just to make sure.
Plutonium flavoured - For the worlds pleasure.
Wow, what a DICK. :x
Yeah, as the day wears on and the full reality of never having to deal with his bullshit again sinks in, I am feeling less angry than relieved. My main thought is, why the hell didn't I think of this sooner?
Quote from: Nigel on April 01, 2012, 08:10:07 PM
At which point he GRABBED MY SHOULDER and started yelling.
Have we talked about bear spray? We should talk about bear spray.
Also, the kicker here isn't that he's a loudmouth. The world is full of loudmouths, and if that made people unable to function in society, we'd have gone extinct long ago.
The fact that he felt that he had the right to grab on to your shoulder, however, indicates that he doesn't actually have any respect for your (and probably anyone else's) person.
Then saying the next day that "It was wrong, BUT..." sort of makes it even worse.
"I din' wanna do it, officer, but she baited me." <--- Can't tell the difference between this "genius" and a po'bucker from Nashville.
He kinda sounds like those pick-up artist guys. Which is to say it sounds like he doesn't really have a grasp on interpersonal interactions outside of delusion-based 'fact'. I think he envies you, Nigel. And/or is hot for your body. Or he's just an idiot and you're well rid of him.
He very well deserves to get bear sprayed, and probably will at some point. And the lack of respect is exactly the issue... an issue which I have tried talking to him about in the past, and he simply doesn't absorb it, because, of course, he doesn't respect me. Or anyone, really, because he's convinced that he is smarter than everyone else, which means that he knows better than they do what respect they deserve. My error has been in thinking that I was defending my boundaries by telling him that his behavior was unacceptable... because after he'd been horribly disrespectful and I'd talked to him about how unacceptable it was and he continued to do it, I continued to reward his bad behavior by continuing to be his friend, effectively allowing him to continue. I really just didn't realize that the ultimate "no, that's not OK" is simply to not talk to him or be his friend.
He may well envy me or be hot for my body, and the awesome thing is that it doesn't matter anymore because as not-his-friend I have no social obligation to tolerate him in my life on any level. Also, I'm thinking about this behavior as a mating strategy and :horrormirth:
Quote from: Nigel on April 02, 2012, 09:16:01 AM
I really just didn't realize that the ultimate "no, that's not OK" is simply to not talk to him or be his friend.
I'm Cardinal Pizza Deliverance and I approve of this message.
Quote from: Nigel on April 02, 2012, 09:16:01 AM
Also, I'm thinking about this behavior as a mating strategy and...
...BEAR SPRAY
SGitR?
"Smartest Guy in the Room".
There's a thread introducing us to the character type around here somewhere.
Ah.
got it.
Quote from: Nigel on April 02, 2012, 04:44:16 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on April 02, 2012, 02:16:50 PM
Quote from: Nigel on April 02, 2012, 09:16:01 AM
Also, I'm thinking about this behavior as a mating strategy and...
...BEAR SPRAY
:lulz:
Bear spray is the cure for many, many social problems. Your ex-friend is of course one of these social problems. One good blast to the face and he's entertaining again, as he rolls around under the table trying to claw his eyeballs out.
Well, Nigel, maybe if you just would acknowledge the parallel universes, NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED.
I can't help but giggle when he talks about fake apologies and passing the blame onto everyone else, while he's in the middle of his "I'm 'sorry', BUT...(not really and it's everyone else's fault).
I am sorry about the loss of your friendship and/or happy for you to be getting away from such a destructive person
Quote from: Doktor Howl on April 02, 2012, 05:12:26 PM
Quote from: Nigel on April 02, 2012, 04:44:16 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on April 02, 2012, 02:16:50 PM
Quote from: Nigel on April 02, 2012, 09:16:01 AM
Also, I'm thinking about this behavior as a mating strategy and...
...BEAR SPRAY
:lulz:
Bear spray is the cure for many, many social problems. Your ex-friend is of course one of these social problems. One good blast to the face and he's entertaining again, as he rolls around under the table trying to claw his eyeballs out.
:lulz: Just imagining it is pretty entertaining all by itself.
Quote from: trippinprincezz13 on April 02, 2012, 05:15:01 PM
Well, Nigel, maybe if you just would acknowledge the parallel universes, NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED.
I can't help but giggle when he talks about fake apologies and passing the blame onto everyone else, while he's in the middle of his "I'm 'sorry', BUT...(not really and it's everyone else's fault).
I am sorry about the loss of your friendship and/or happy for you to be getting away from such a destructive person
Yeah, that made me angry at first but then it was funny and, finally, sad, as I realized that he will never be able to recognize or take responsibilities for his behavior, and as such will never have satisfying interpersonal relationships.
SGitR really is a handicap for the sufferer.
Wow, that is sad. Does he have any redeeming traits, or were you just friends with him out of habit?
Quote from: Danny Muffin on April 03, 2012, 01:10:35 AM
Wow, that is sad. Does he have any redeeming traits, or were you just friends with him out of habit?
He has many redeeming traits, which makes it sadder. He is quite intelligent, funny, and quirky, has a strong sense of social justice and a desire to make the world better, and I do believe that he cares deeply, is loyal, and really loves people.
Unfortunately, his seemingly non-overridable tendency to be disrespectful, and to assume he knows better than other people about almost everything, including their own fields of study, often makes him deeply unpleasant to be around. And while, as my friends have pointed out, he does this to everyone, he particularly does it to people he feels he has a familial "right" to, and for some reason he seems to feel he has a "right" to me. His behavior with me borders on possessive, which I find highly offensive and unacceptable, and since asking him to step off hasn't worked, defriending is the next logical measure.
Quote from: Nigel on April 03, 2012, 06:40:32 PM
Quote from: Danny Muffin on April 03, 2012, 01:10:35 AM
Wow, that is sad. Does he have any redeeming traits, or were you just friends with him out of habit?
He has many redeeming traits, which makes it sadder. He is quite intelligent, funny, and quirky, has a strong sense of social justice and a desire to make the world better, and I do believe that he cares deeply, is loyal, and really loves people.
Unfortunately, his seemingly non-overridable tendency to be disrespectful, and to assume he knows better than other people about almost everything, including their own fields of study, often makes him deeply unpleasant to be around. And while, as my friends have pointed out, he does this to everyone, he particularly does it to people he feels he has a familial "right" to, and for some reason he seems to feel he has a "right" to me. His behavior with me borders on possessive, which I find highly offensive and unacceptable, and since asking him to step off hasn't worked, defriending is the next logical measure.
That's creepy as fuck. In spite of is better tendencies. :aaa:
^^^ What she said.
Quote from: Anna Mae Bollocks on April 03, 2012, 06:51:10 PM
Quote from: Nigel on April 03, 2012, 06:40:32 PM
Quote from: Danny Muffin on April 03, 2012, 01:10:35 AM
Wow, that is sad. Does he have any redeeming traits, or were you just friends with him out of habit?
He has many redeeming traits, which makes it sadder. He is quite intelligent, funny, and quirky, has a strong sense of social justice and a desire to make the world better, and I do believe that he cares deeply, is loyal, and really loves people.
Unfortunately, his seemingly non-overridable tendency to be disrespectful, and to assume he knows better than other people about almost everything, including their own fields of study, often makes him deeply unpleasant to be around. And while, as my friends have pointed out, he does this to everyone, he particularly does it to people he feels he has a familial "right" to, and for some reason he seems to feel he has a "right" to me. His behavior with me borders on possessive, which I find highly offensive and unacceptable, and since asking him to step off hasn't worked, defriending is the next logical measure.
That's creepy as fuck. In spite of is better tendencies. :aaa:
Yeah... it's incredibly offputting. Probably less so than it would be if someone else did it though, simply because he seems perhaps slightly autistic, or maybe something else in the pervasive developmental disorder spectrum.
I feel sorry for him, but I also want nothing more to do with him.