Job Interview question time.
IF you were a kind of bread, what kind would you be. And WHY?
Light rye with caraway seeds, because it's good with egg salad.
Sourdough
High maintenance and slightly unpopular
I'd be a soup dumpling. That counts, right?
Whole grain, because I make you shit.
Quote from: Fuck You One-Eye on April 04, 2012, 01:29:33 AM
I'd be a soup dumpling. That counts, right?
I don't see why not. :lulz:
Whitebread because it works hard, pays its dues, and deserves some GOD DAMNED RESPECT.
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on April 04, 2012, 01:30:48 AM
Whole grain, because I make you shit.
No.
Twid, you're whole grain because fuck the rest of this shit.
Fuck production, fuck industrialization, fuck the factories, and the fucking wright brothers bullshit.
This is some old school shit up in this bitch. White flour? Asshole you WISH you ahd time for that. The only thing bleached is going to be your face as the blood runs out of your namby-pamby first world softie colon as this old world bread atrocity storms out the back door.
Son, you gonna WORK for that nutrition, and you better stack some surely fattening shit up ons, since this bastard will take more calories to digest than it's gonna give back. That's the bread that gets bit, yells "NUTS TO YOU WHITE MAN", and bites back.
Quote from: Richter on April 04, 2012, 12:59:12 AM
Job Interview question time.
IF you were a kind of bread, what kind would you be. And WHY?
The Eucharist. Because when you take me with cheap wine I become God incarnate.
Quote from: Richter on April 04, 2012, 01:43:58 AM
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on April 04, 2012, 01:30:48 AM
Whole grain, because I make you shit.
No.
Twid, you're whole grain because fuck the rest of this shit.
Fuck production, fuck industrialization, fuck the factories, and the fucking wright brothers bullshit.
This is some old school shit up in this bitch. White flour? Asshole you WISH you ahd time for that. The only thing bleached is going to be your face as the blood runs out of your namby-pamby first world softie colon as this old world bread atrocity storms out the back door.
Son, you gonna WORK for that nutrition, and you better stack some surely fattening shit up ons, since this bastard will take more calories to digest than it's gonna give back. That's the bread that gets bit, yells "NUTS TO YOU WHITE MAN", and bites back.
Damn. :lulz:
Quote from: Alty on April 04, 2012, 01:40:34 AM
Whitebread because it works hard, pays its dues, and deserves some GOD DAMNED RESPECT.
Dues? What the fuck is this, the Rotary Club?
Hell no, you may be the first shit that any hoosier could grab off the shelf at the local grocery. You may fold flat and cling to the roof of their mouth. You may impact their colons, jack their blood pressure, and take more processing than most goddamn fissionable material.
They'll look down their noses like salesmen and laugh and say "Well boy, what have you done for us lately?"
Screw their wrinkled old condescending diapered asses. You know the fuck what? You are always there for the one that are worth not laughing at when the colon rot cancer sets in.
(Wonderbread claims to restoring sexual potency notwithstanding.)
Quote from: Queen Gogira Pennyworth, BSW on April 04, 2012, 01:24:30 AM
Sourdough
High maintenance and slightly unpopular
Sure, they can forget you on the coutner for awhile. Just.. left there.
But you're not going to stand for that shit. OH bitch, yuo'll be back fro them, and fist fuck down past their uvula with the spite you've been fermenting. Fucking asshole thinking they can neglect their bread. They ASKED for it.
Quote from: Nigel on April 04, 2012, 01:21:25 AM
Light rye with caraway seeds, because it's good with egg salad.
This ain't the shit you toss at the nursery school kids.
One-off school lunches for the crowd? Dangerous when left in the sun?
HELL NO. You're just one frisky, fungus ladden crop away from dropping a Salem Masshole on their Faceholes.
They'll do the twitch and bitch, barbecuing each other for shits and giggles while you sip bourbon and calously laugh.
Some shithead will run out of the mob like that kid at the end of "A Time to Kill", point at you and say "WITCH", like he was the shit for fucking figuring it out, and try to get the others into it.
Well, you'll put a curb stomping stop to that won't you? They'll all look aghast, but will melt like a snowcone at a biker bar when you look them in the eye and say, "YEah? and YUO want some?" smiling like a maniac in the turqoise cowboy boots.
Goddamn lynch mobs haven't had any balls since BArcelona.
Potato
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on April 04, 2012, 02:37:12 AM
Potato
What the dick? CLeverness? Contradictorians?
Trying to be all McDonalds, barging in and showing off the new "Grown up taste" "Arch deluxe" potato bread BS. WHat the hell is this? La Patiserie?
NO.
GODDAMN BREAD TIME.
I think Richter has a case of the Holies. :lulz:
Tiger.
No matter what anyone asks in an interview, if it's a "if you were a category x, what kind of x would you be?" the only correct answer is tiger.
Pumpernickel.
I'm too dense and kind of nasty.
Quote from: Cain on April 04, 2012, 03:18:28 AM
Tiger.
No matter what anyone asks in an interview, if it's a "if you were a category x, what kind of x would you be?" the only correct answer is tiger.
I need to recharge the Holy
tm but I've got something for that. Charlie Sheen and traditional Chinese medicine.
Quote from: Net on April 04, 2012, 03:31:57 AM
Pumpernickel.
I'm too dense and kind of nasty.
HORSECOCK.
Nancing about won't distract us from what you mean.
(http://i463.photobucket.com/albums/qq354/dickthecat/idemnigra.png)
Banana Bread, because it's fucking awesome.
I wake up, drink ludicrous amounts of jack daniels, look at myself in the mirror and ask
"What would banana bread do today?"
So it's pretty much pinball and hookers every day. It's actually gotten pretty...ehem...stale.
Quote from: Richter on April 04, 2012, 03:34:19 AM
Quote from: Cain on April 04, 2012, 03:18:28 AM
Tiger.
No matter what anyone asks in an interview, if it's a "if you were a category x, what kind of x would you be?" the only correct answer is tiger.
I need to recharge the Holytm but I've got something for that. Charlie Sheen and traditional Chinese medicine.
You may also claim you are a warlock, then.
A whole wheat bun. With a hamburger on it. That I eat the hell outta.
Yeah, I eat the hell outta myself. What of it?
Quote from: Richter on April 04, 2012, 03:34:19 AM
Quote from: Cain on April 04, 2012, 03:18:28 AM
Tiger.
No matter what anyone asks in an interview, if it's a "if you were a category x, what kind of x would you be?" the only correct answer is tiger.
I need to recharge the Holytm but I've got something for that. Charlie Sheen and traditional Chinese medicine.
OH DAMNIT.
Drop that shit ont eh interviewing manager and he WILL shit himself in terror.
TIGER.
The Demon answer.
TIGER.
JUST waht he did not want to hear.
TIGER.
That maciavellian motherfucker across the table from him is DAMN sure more adept at the game that he is.
He's stuck in a room now. With a hunter. A devious bastard, a sly fucker who probably dicked his secretary on the way in. A man more than his equal.
He'll try to "casually" chug from the bottle of blood beside his coffee, hoping to somehow equal the beast quotient. OR "Accidentally" drop that Panera baguette down his trousers, to get the ground greatcat penis in it closer to his own shrivelling fearfull manhood somehow to fortify him.
He KNOWS. The first one who moves is going to break teh surface tension, ripple the calm morning glass surface of the lake, and it is all going to explode into violence.
Scream and leap. NO other option.
The winner will walk out of the room calmly. No one will say anything. This is the way of things, the necessary atavistic remnant of brutality in the "civil" ages. The looser will be calmly wiped from records and schedules. the winner, certainly the better man, will take his place.
The higher ups will send down a gym bag of work out clothes and a few clean towels, and the tailor will be along to fit you for your suits.
Sit down at the desk of the man you have just replaced, who's broken cadaver you have left behind in that room. It will be sheetrocked over before then end of the day, like it was never there. Relax into his leather covered chair. Take the scotch from the bottom left hand drawer, and have a short drink before you begin acquainting yourself with the life you have taken from him.
Look out over it all, savor, and imagine what you will take next.
Quote from: ZL 'Kai' Burington, M.S. on April 04, 2012, 03:47:57 AM
A whole wheat bun. With a hamburger on it. That I eat the hell outta.
Yeah, I eat the hell outta myself. What of it?
I-
But...?
You win.
Quote from: ZL 'Kai' Burington, M.S. on April 04, 2012, 03:47:57 AM
A whole wheat bun. With a hamburger on it. That I eat the hell outta.
Yeah, I eat the hell outta myself. What of it?
ONE DAY. ONE goddamn FINE day, when you're old, published to shit, and tenured beyond anyone else and researching at a university, who are going to publish a book.
"The great, dirty, and awesome things I have said and done."
The students who read it will be ashamed they have not had half of that much fun.
I am gingerbread.
BECAUSE I FUCKING SAID SO
Quote from: Oysters Rockefeller on April 04, 2012, 03:50:26 AM
Quote from: ZL 'Kai' Burington, M.S. on April 04, 2012, 03:47:57 AM
A whole wheat bun. With a hamburger on it. That I eat the hell outta.
Yeah, I eat the hell outta myself. What of it?
I-
But...?
You win.
Damn right.
Because the bread isn't the answer. It's what you do with it. The only acceptable answer being, Eat the Hell Outta It.
I think today I'm brioche. If only the poor would eat me, instead of starting a revolution.
BAGEL
Because Hole.
PITA because it's my acronym.
Wheaten bread. Irish, wholegrain, dense yet not heavy, and best eaten with a fuck ton of butter. Made without yeast, but with buttermilk and bicarb of soda.
For a job interview? Okay: [bullshitmode]
What kind of bread? Interesting question... Italian. It works with just about everything. Italian? Makes awesome garlic bread. Nothing to work with but butter? No problem. Cheese? Perfect. Slice any way way needed, or, in an emergency, just grab what you need and, good to go. [/bullshitmode]
Dwarven Battle Bread.
Why? I don't need a why. I'M DWARVEN BATTLE BREAD.
Focaccia, motherfuckers.
beer
To be bread is an illusion. One must be like dough, formless and potential.
Quote from: Richter on April 04, 2012, 12:59:12 AM
Job Interview question time.
IF you were a kind of bread, what kind would you be. And WHY?
Unleavened.
Flat, hard to deal with, and hell on the GI tract.
Irish soda bread with garlic. Delicious, versatile, and messy.
Oh. Wait.
NAAN.
That is all. All is NAAN.
Quote from: Waffle Iron on April 04, 2012, 07:48:33 AM
BAGEL
Because Hole.
"IT has a HOLE!" is the kind of logic that got us AIDS. Are you ready for that? BAked good Aids sweeping our fabulous dance clubs and delightful and horrifying subcultures? Headlines of "Bagelaids, the freak plague"?
Damnit, no wonder everyone keeps leaving on boats to find places to raid and resettle.
Quote from: Richter on April 04, 2012, 09:21:54 PM
Quote from: Waffle Iron on April 04, 2012, 07:48:33 AM
BAGEL
Because Hole.
"IT has a HOLE!" is the kind of logic that got us AIDS. Are you ready for that? BAked good Aids sweeping our fabulous dance clubs and delightful and horrifying subcultures? Headlines of "Bagelaids, the freak plague"?
Damnit, no wonder everyone keeps leaving on boats to find places to raid and resettle.
It's either that, or getting it off a toilet seat.
I'll take the bagel, please.
Bread? I AM FRENCH BREAD. Why? Because French bread is good with butter, and my legs are like buttah, so it follows that I am French bread. QED.
Jewish Rye, because Reubens.
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on April 04, 2012, 01:56:43 PM
Dwarven Battle Bread.
Why? I don't need a why. I'M DWARVEN BATTLE BREAD.
You've reduced yourself to RA SAlvatore?
NO. YOU ARE BETTER.
Quote from: Cainad on April 05, 2012, 12:34:58 AM
Jewish Rye, because Reubens.
(http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMjIwMjYyNjk4Nl5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwNzA4NDYwMw@@._V1._SY314_CR11,0,214,314_.jpg)
?
Quote from: Nigel on April 05, 2012, 03:49:13 AM
Quote from: Cainad on April 05, 2012, 12:34:58 AM
Jewish Rye, because Reubens.
(http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMjIwMjYyNjk4Nl5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwNzA4NDYwMw@@._V1._SY314_CR11,0,214,314_.jpg)
?
Well, if you leave it on the griddle for too long, then yeah.
Quote from: Cainad on April 05, 2012, 05:28:13 AM
Quote from: Nigel on April 05, 2012, 03:49:13 AM
Quote from: Cainad on April 05, 2012, 12:34:58 AM
Jewish Rye, because Reubens.
(http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMjIwMjYyNjk4Nl5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwNzA4NDYwMw@@._V1._SY314_CR11,0,214,314_.jpg)
?
Well, if you leave it on the griddle for too long, then yeah.
:lulz:
Quote from: Richter on April 05, 2012, 03:44:09 AM
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on April 04, 2012, 01:56:43 PM
Dwarven Battle Bread.
Why? I don't need a why. I'M DWARVEN BATTLE BREAD.
You've reduced yourself to RA SAlvatore?
NO. YOU ARE BETTER.
Salvatore? I was going for Pratchett! :cry:
Quote from: Alty on April 04, 2012, 01:40:34 AM
Whitebread because it works hard, pays its dues, and deserves some GOD DAMNED RESPECT.
Fucking hell. :lulz:
Quote from: Waffle Iron on April 04, 2012, 07:48:33 AM
BAGEL
Because Holey shit, I'm tasty!.
Schmear some cream cheese all up on that bitch, y0. Bacon and chive or green olive like a mufugga.
If
were a bread, I would be a freshly-baked french baguette: taken for granted because it's such a classic, she's a shapeshifter of the bread world. You can dress her up and take her to the finest parties among kings and queens or treat her simply with tea and butter or brie in the park, toes in the cool grass, lost in a book.
When she gets a little older, you can toast her with wine and bruschetta and I do believe she adds body and substance to all your dinners when she's at her finest.
But best of all, no one sees it coming when she knocks the wind out of some poor schlub for saying something stupid.
Quote from: navkat on April 05, 2012, 03:26:43 PM
Quote from: Waffle Iron on April 04, 2012, 07:48:33 AM
BAGEL
Because Holey shit, I'm tasty!.
Schmear some cream cheese all up on that bitch, y0. Bacon and chive or green olive like a mufugga.
If I were a bread, would be a freshly-baked french baguette: taken for granted because it's such a classic, she's a shapeshifter of the bread world. You can dress her up and take her to the finest parties among kings and queens or treat her simply with tea and butter or brie in the park, toes in the cool grass, lost in a book.
When she gets a little older, you can toast her with wine and bruschetta and I do believe she adds body and substance to all your dinners when she's at her finest.
But best of all, no one sees it coming when she knocks the wind out of some poor schlub for saying something stupid.
:lulz: Nice.
Quote from: navkat on April 05, 2012, 03:26:43 PM
Quote from: Waffle Iron on April 04, 2012, 07:48:33 AM
BAGEL
Because Holey shit, I'm tasty!.
Schmear some cream cheese all up on that bitch, y0. Bacon and chive or green olive like a mufugga.
If were a bread, I would be a freshly-baked french baguette: taken for granted because it's such a classic, she's a shapeshifter of the bread world. You can dress her up and take her to the finest parties among kings and queens or treat her simply with tea and butter or brie in the park, toes in the cool grass, lost in a book.
When she gets a little older, you can toast her with wine and bruschetta and I do believe she adds body and substance to all your dinners when she's at her finest.
But best of all, no one sees it coming when she knocks the wind out of some poor schlub for saying something stupid.
You're hired.
:lulz:
In event of another one of my absences, see Navkat for necessary HOLY.
Quote from: The Freeky of SCIENCE! on April 04, 2012, 10:54:30 PM
Bread? I AM FRENCH BREAD. Why? Because French bread is good with butter, and my legs are like buttah, so it follows that I am French bread. QED.
KYFTB.
French bread is MY answer.
Classy AND functional.
Works hot or cold.
Long, and hard, to the point of weaponization.
Quote from: Fuck You One-Eye on April 04, 2012, 01:29:33 AM
I'd be a soup dumpling. That counts, right?
It counts, sure.
With yuor job you're afloat in a salty medium anyways, and deceptively white, so it's even appropriate.
Little do they know this is a bread that will RISE from the soup, stomp the salad, jack up the asparagrus for it's GWAR tickets, and sweet talk the salmon into a night of carnal fun.
Who served or plated all that together anyways?
Sure as fuck wasn't the dumpling.
If I were a French baguette, I would call you mon petit dumpling. :fap:
Quote from: Oysters Rockefeller on April 04, 2012, 03:38:11 AM
Banana Bread, because it's fucking awesome.
I wake up, drink ludicrous amounts of jack daniels, look at myself in the mirror and ask
"What would banana bread do today?"
So it's pretty much pinball and hookers every day. It's actually gotten pretty...ehem...stale.
You're already going where you need to be going.
You know the best way to prep banannas for this bread?
When your bannannas go black, freeze them. Then thaw, hold over the bowl, and snip off the tip. The contents of the bannanna will fall, bowel control loss like, into the bowl.
For added effect, give an interloper a meaningful look while doing so. Remember that FReud was right on some accounts.
tangentially relevant to last post: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1g8rlFP0J8c
not really work safe (audio content, no graphic visual content).
Quote from: Fuck You One-Eye on April 06, 2012, 03:26:14 AM
tangentially relevant to last post: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1g8rlFP0J8c
not really work safe (audio content, no graphic visual content).
"Limp wristed boy can't be arsed to relate to humanity. Ruins produce, can't tear duct tape. Schoolchildren emulate and acquire 3rd degree burns to groin. Film at 11"