If you hear any voice suggesting you should waste yourself, say out loud: "AW SHUT UP, DOK, YA BIG FUCKBAG, YOU!"
And if THEN, you still can't bear to go on, at least wear a "rage face" t-shirt when you go. Will your money and possessions, if any, to Faust, for server maintenance. And remember that your memory will be despised by somebody, no matter what. People who commit suicide are assholes to one or more survivors. If it comes to suicide, make sure that you're at least being an asshole to someone who deserves it. Also keep in mind that suicide is an express ticket to the kookhouse if you screw it up and survive, so make sure your method is catastrophic & foolproof.
Is it looking less like an alternative? Good. Unless you're Babylon Horuv.
THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER, EVER TO DO IN A SUICIDE, OR EVEN FOR FUN:
* Lay a big Waffle Iron Face stencil on sidewalk in front of tall building & aim for it when you jump.
* Arm-carving time again? See if you can complete "GIVE ME MEDIOCRITY OR KILL ME" in your arms before you black out.
* Put on a gimp mask, dress in a cheap suit, and walk around 14th & Minna waving and talking like Deputy Dawg or Huckleberry Hound.
* Is it actually possible to be fucked to death?
* In your suicide note, end every sentence with: "TGRR said so." Write "I love you, Dark Empress Nigel" at the bottom.
* ESPECIALLY: DON'T find an overpass where rush hour traffic is usually bumper-to-bumper at around 90 miles an hour. Don't write down the overpass's clearance. Don't get a rope and cut it the length of the clearance. Don't make a hangman's noose, don't put the noose around your neck, don't put on a suit, don't put the rest of the rope inside the jacket, and don't take a pipe and something to smoke with you. Don't go to the overpass, don't tie the other end of the rope to the rail, don't let the rest of the rope fall slack to the cement, don't light the pipe and take a few puffs, don't stroke your dick and get it hard, and, even if you DO do all that, DON'T jump off with your dick in your hand, pipe clenched in your grin, right into the flow of breakneck traffic speeding to work. I mean it, DON'T DO IT.
Epic. The BH line is sheer genius. :lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
Quote from: Doktor Howl on April 18, 2012, 08:08:10 PM
* Is it actually possible to be fucked to death?
FOR SCIENCE?
I was going to kill myself with fire.
But Dok said not to, so here I am.
:lulz:
Quote from: Sir Squid Diddimus on April 18, 2012, 09:03:16 PM
I was going to kill myself with fire.
But Dok said not to, so here I am.
Your services are still required.
In a thousand years, you will again apply for self-termination, and once again rejected. Because your services will still be required.
:argh!: DAMN IT!
Just out of curiosity.... Did that last thing happen?
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on April 18, 2012, 10:36:02 PM
Just out of curiosity.... Did that last thing happen?
Yeah. In my pointy little head. :lulz:
Quote from: Doktor Howl on April 18, 2012, 08:08:10 PM
If you hear any voice suggesting you should waste yourself, say out loud: "AW SHUT UP, DOK, YA BIG FUCKBAG, YOU!"
This is me, pre-coffee at work.
:lulz: This is great. And dark.
:lulz: It's raining men.
Quote* Arm-carving time again?
Just in the interest of because I want to share the info...
cutters, most of the time, aren't suicidal. cutting is more in the vein (pun not intended, for serious) of substance abuse. Something (irrationally) done for a therapeutic release.
just sayin.
Quote from: Reverend What's-His-Name? on April 19, 2012, 02:53:04 AM
Quote* Arm-carving time again?
Just in the interest of because I want to share the info...
cutters, most of the time, aren't suicidal. cutting is more in the vein (pun not intended, for serious) of substance abuse. Something (irrationally) done for a therapeutic release.
just sayin.
Yep. It releases the pain. My sister used to hurt herself. Not cutting, but hurting herself. It was a release.
But uh, even knowing that, takes away from the OP, since some people do opt to kill themselves by cutting their wrists.
Quote from: Reverend What's-His-Name? on April 19, 2012, 02:53:04 AM
Quote* Arm-carving time again?
Just in the interest of because I want to share the info...
cutters, most of the time, aren't suicidal. cutting is more in the vein (pun not intended, for serious) of substance abuse. Something (irrationally) done for a therapeutic release.
just sayin.
Next you are going to tell us that most attempted suicides aren't an attempt to die but a cry for help!
Quote from: Reverend What's-His-Name? on April 19, 2012, 02:53:04 AM
Quote* Arm-carving time again?
Just in the interest of because I want to share the info...
cutters, most of the time, aren't suicidal. cutting is more in the vein (pun not intended, for serious) of substance abuse. Something (irrationally) done for a therapeutic release.
just sayin.
:kojak:
Based on the above responses, I would like to point out that I am not an expert on suicide prevention, and that this thread was a joke.
I have never been a Discordian, but I have taken their material seriously at times as I believe that many other people have. This religion tells you they are a joke, but I have found their material too seductive to just accept them as a joke. I have once believed that there was an underlying truth to their material to believing that their was an underlying Lie. To not knowing. I think they have a lot of destructive ideas in their books & websites, and I think a person could be seriously misled if they took Discordianism as a spiritual foundation to entrust the care of their souls into.
PLEASE MAKE CORRECTIONS, BECAUSE I'M SRSLY SRS.
Quote from: Reverend What's-His-Name? on April 19, 2012, 02:53:04 AM
Quote* Arm-carving time again?
Just in the interest of because I want to share the info...
cutters, most of the time, aren't suicidal. cutting is more in the vein (pun not intended, for serious) of substance abuse. Something (irrationally) done for a therapeutic release.
just sayin. being a dick. a pedantic dick
fixed.
No, no, I needed to be corrected.
Because we can't just have people like me laughing at shit if it isn't accurate.
Quote from: Doktor Howl on April 19, 2012, 05:28:51 PM
No, no, I needed to be corrected.
Because we can't just have people like me laughing at shit if it isn't accurate.
Well,
obviously. If people got to run around laughing at shit all the time without knowing all the facts, where would we be? In bed with Communists, that's where.
Quote from: The Freeky of SCIENCE! on April 19, 2012, 05:32:10 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on April 19, 2012, 05:28:51 PM
No, no, I needed to be corrected.
Because we can't just have people like me laughing at shit if it isn't accurate.
Well, obviously. If people got to run around laughing at shit all the time without knowing all the facts, where would we be? In bed with Communists, that's where.
CATS AND DOGS FUCKING IN THE STREETS!
considering that i am trained in suicide prevention and intervention, i found this thread humorous, until rwhn had to be supersrs.
Quote from: Doktor Howl on April 19, 2012, 05:32:36 PM
Quote from: The Freeky of SCIENCE! on April 19, 2012, 05:32:10 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on April 19, 2012, 05:28:51 PM
No, no, I needed to be corrected.
Because we can't just have people like me laughing at shit if it isn't accurate.
Well, obviously. If people got to run around laughing at shit all the time without knowing all the facts, where would we be? In bed with Communists, that's where.
CATS AND DOGS FUCKING IN THE STREETS!
CROPS GETTING DESTROYED BY LOCUSTS AND RAINING FROGS!
And this is important, because I have loads and loads of sympathy for people who carve themselves up. I have in fact so much sympathy that I send a collection jar around central African villages, to collect money to help address the plight of these poor victims.
I mean, life is PAIN, right? They had the misfortune to be born in places as rough as America or Europe, and it's really hard to cope. They need funding for black clothing (REAL black clothing. A faded black tee shirt ain't gonna cut the mustard), faux silver skull rings, and mascara.
WON'T YOU PLEASE HELP? Your donation could ensure that little Dakota Dark Mistress of Muncie has all the fishnet clothing she NEEDS to get through ONE MORE DAY.
Unicef can wait. These kids NEED YOUR HELP.
Quote from: Doktor Howl on April 19, 2012, 05:28:51 PM
No, no, I needed to be corrected.
Because we can't just have people like me laughing at shit if it isn't accurate.
WHY DIDN'T YOU DO YOUR RESEARCH
WHY DID YOU INCLUDE EXAGGERATIONS AND STEREOTYPES IN YOUR JOKE
JOKES SHOULD ALWAYS BE LITERALLY FACTUAL DAWG, DIDN'T YOU GET THE MEMO?
Quote from: Doktor Howl on April 19, 2012, 05:38:07 PM
And this is important, because I have loads and loads of sympathy for people who carve themselves up. I have in fact so much sympathy that I send a collection jar around central African villages, to collect money to help address the plight of these poor victims.
I mean, life is PAIN, right? They had the misfortune to be born in places as rough as America or Europe, and it's really hard to cope. They need funding for black clothing (REAL black clothing. A faded black tee shirt ain't gonna cut the mustard), faux silver skull rings, and mascara.
WON'T YOU PLEASE HELP? Your donation could ensure that little Dakota Dark Mistress of Muncie has all the fishnet clothing she NEEDS to get through ONE MORE DAY.
Unicef can wait. These kids NEED YOUR HELP.
CUTTING IS NO LAUGHING MATTER
WHAT ARE YOU, HEARTLESS? THESE PEOPLE ARE SUFFERING, AND THEY ARE TELLING YOU ABOUT IT ON THE INTERNET. THEY URGENTLY REQUIRE YOUR ATTENTION AND SYMPATHY.
Quote from: Nigel on April 19, 2012, 05:42:30 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on April 19, 2012, 05:38:07 PM
And this is important, because I have loads and loads of sympathy for people who carve themselves up. I have in fact so much sympathy that I send a collection jar around central African villages, to collect money to help address the plight of these poor victims.
I mean, life is PAIN, right? They had the misfortune to be born in places as rough as America or Europe, and it's really hard to cope. They need funding for black clothing (REAL black clothing. A faded black tee shirt ain't gonna cut the mustard), faux silver skull rings, and mascara.
WON'T YOU PLEASE HELP? Your donation could ensure that little Dakota Dark Mistress of Muncie has all the fishnet clothing she NEEDS to get through ONE MORE DAY.
Unicef can wait. These kids NEED YOUR HELP.
CUTTING IS NO LAUGHING MATTER
WHAT ARE YOU, HEARTLESS? THESE PEOPLE ARE SUFFERING, AND THEY ARE TELLING YOU ABOUT IT ON THE INTERNET. THEY URGENTLY REQUIRE YOUR ATTENTION AND SYMPATHY.
PLEASE GIVE. DIG
DEEP, BROTHERS & SISTERS! FOR JUST $20/MONTH, YOU CAN KEEP ONE OF THESE POOR DARLINGS IN HOT TOPIC ACCESSORIES. YOU'LL RECIEVE A MONTHLY UPDATE AND PICTURES OF YOUR CUTTER, THAT ARE TOTALLY NOT THE SAME UPDATES AND PICS WE SEND EVERYONE ELSE.
Quote from: Nigel on April 19, 2012, 05:40:06 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on April 19, 2012, 05:28:51 PM
No, no, I needed to be corrected.
Because we can't just have people like me laughing at shit if it isn't accurate.
WHY DIDN'T YOU DO YOUR RESEARCH
WHY DID YOU INCLUDE EXAGGERATIONS AND STEREOTYPES IN YOUR JOKE
JOKES SHOULD ALWAYS BE LITERALLY FACTUAL DAWG, DIDN'T YOU GET THE MEMO?
I am naked and ashamed. :sad:
ALL I SEE IS HAIR AND TEARS EVERYWHERE.
The More You Know!
Quote from: Doktor Howl on April 19, 2012, 05:38:07 PM
And this is important, because I have loads and loads of sympathy for people who carve themselves up. I have in fact so much sympathy that I send a collection jar around central African villages, to collect money to help address the plight of these poor victims.
I mean, life is PAIN, right? They had the misfortune to be born in places as rough as America or Europe, and it's really hard to cope. They need funding for black clothing (REAL black clothing. A faded black tee shirt ain't gonna cut the mustard), faux silver skull rings, and mascara.
WON'T YOU PLEASE HELP? Your donation could ensure that little Dakota Dark Mistress of Muncie has all the fishnet clothing she NEEDS to get through ONE MORE DAY.
Unicef can wait. These kids NEED YOUR HELP.
They should take all those excess prosthetic limbs dumped in African villages to these kids, so once they've finished cutting up their appendages, they can have some nice, new, shiny limbs.
Quote from: Doktor Howl on April 19, 2012, 06:38:05 PM
Quote from: Reverend What's-His-Name? on April 19, 2012, 06:36:59 PM
The More You Know!
Yeah.
You know, it's funny, I used to cut myself as an expression of inner pain which originated in childhood trauma. Yet, oddly, I didn't feel a need to kill the joke by announcing that.
Also, it's very common for people who commit suicide to have also self-harmed intermittently.
:lulz:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W7IxliAPjAk
I like it, Dok. It almost makes me want to hand out BobTM masks to everyone I know with depression.