Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Apple Talk => Topic started by: Phox on May 16, 2012, 06:55:30 AM

Title: ATTN: PEEDEE
Post by: Phox on May 16, 2012, 06:55:30 AM
It has come to my attention that you are no longer producing work at the quality I've come to expect. While this might not be a problem with some of your previous supervisors, but here at Discordicorp, we hold our employees to a higher standard. If this continues, I will have to write a formal infraction. What have you got to say for yourself?
Title: Re: ATTN: PEEDEE
Post by: Danny Muffin on May 16, 2012, 07:09:32 AM
Well I just started in this position, but frankly the in-house training has been disappointing. Also, I put a Diet Pepsi in the fridge last thursday and it went missing. Not a huge deal, but it's a bit of a discouraging start.
Title: Re: ATTN: PEEDEE
Post by: Deepthroat Chopra on May 16, 2012, 07:14:24 AM
I was hired during mental health week. I think it was a token thing.
Title: Re: ATTN: PEEDEE
Post by: Cain on May 16, 2012, 07:15:46 AM
 :goatse:
Title: Re: ATTN: PEEDEE
Post by: East Coast Hustle on May 16, 2012, 07:26:15 AM
I'm just trying to get sent to in-school suspension so I can slack off and hit on the teachers' aides.
Title: Re: ATTN: PEEDEE
Post by: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on May 16, 2012, 07:58:28 AM
Excuse me, but I think, think you have my stapler? My red Swingline stapler? It's mine. I want my stapler back, please. It doesn't bind up as much, as much as the Boston staplers. And you took it. Took it and didn't give it back. If I don't get it back, I'll burn down the building. I could. I could do that. Burn down the building. If you don't give me back my stapler.
Title: Re: ATTN: PEEDEE
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on May 16, 2012, 09:06:24 AM
I never produce work at a quality that anyone expects. It's a tactic that helps me stay one step ahead of appraisals.
Title: Re: ATTN: PEEDEE
Post by: Faust on May 16, 2012, 09:35:10 AM
Post more, post more!
Title: Re: ATTN: PEEDEE
Post by: AnarChloe on May 16, 2012, 09:40:53 AM
I'd say my posts at least make up for it in quantity.

But, well. Y'know.
Title: Re: ATTN: PEEDEE
Post by: AFK on May 16, 2012, 01:11:06 PM
I'm biding my time for a better offer.
Title: Re: ATTN: PEEDEE
Post by: Doktor Howl on May 16, 2012, 01:54:46 PM
Quote from: Faust on May 16, 2012, 09:35:10 AM
Post more, post more!

I'm trying, I'm trying.  But everything I say gets flattened out during its trip through the intertube, and when it gets where it's going, you can't see what I'm trying to say.  I mean, the WORDS come through, but it's just not the same.  There's no spittle, no raspy voice telling you what's what and who did it.  If I had the resources and the time, I'd try to visit you all in person to tell you how it goes, but even then the grabby girls would have me before I got from the parking lot to the terminal, and what then?

Well, we know that bit, don't we?  Then I get thrown down the chute to land in the Maricopa County Jail with welts all over me and weird puncture wounds up and down my back.  I'd have to wear pink, which just ain't my color, and Sheriff Joe's minions would come in twice a day to beat me and tell me that I have all the wrong values, that I'm a spic-loving troublemaker from out of town, and God knows I'd never get to see my family again.

So yeah, post more, post more.  Talk is cheap, they say, but they haven't looked at the cost for the alternative:  life in jail without charges, for unspecified crimes against the caucasian protestant majority.  You want that, YOU do that.  So I'll just sit in my silent town in my silent desert, and try to POST MORE, POST MORE about what's gone wrong and what hasn't gone right, and I can learn to live with shouting to an empty room, and I can learn to live with the mockery that comes when I complain about it.

Because it isn't a patch on what They would do to me, if I were to fall into their clutches.

Or words to that effect.

Okay forever,
Dok
Title: Re: ATTN: PEEDEE
Post by: Faust on May 16, 2012, 02:27:08 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on May 16, 2012, 01:54:46 PM
Quote from: Faust on May 16, 2012, 09:35:10 AM
Post more, post more!

I'm trying, I'm trying.  But everything I say gets flattened out during its trip through the intertube, and when it gets where it's going, you can't see what I'm trying to say.  I mean, the WORDS come through, but it's just not the same.  There's no spittle, no raspy voice telling you what's what and who did it.  If I had the resources and the time, I'd try to visit you all in person to tell you how it goes, but even then the grabby girls would have me before I got from the parking lot to the terminal, and what then?

Well, we know that bit, don't we?  Then I get thrown down the chute to land in the Maricopa County Jail with welts all over me and weird puncture wounds up and down my back.  I'd have to wear pink, which just ain't my color, and Sheriff Joe's minions would come in twice a day to beat me and tell me that I have all the wrong values, that I'm a spic-loving troublemaker from out of town, and God knows I'd never get to see my family again.

So yeah, post more, post more.  Talk is cheap, they say, but they haven't looked at the cost for the alternative:  life in jail without charges, for unspecified crimes against the caucasian protestant majority.  You want that, YOU do that.  So I'll just sit in my silent town in my silent desert, and try to POST MORE, POST MORE about what's gone wrong and what hasn't gone right, and I can learn to live with shouting to an empty room, and I can learn to live with the mockery that comes when I complain about it.

Because it isn't a patch on what They would do to me, if I were to fall into their clutches.

Or words to that effect.

Okay forever,
Dok
That wasn't me mocking anyone, well maybe light teasing but it really bother me when people complain about how quiet it is here, at least its trying something.
Title: Re: ATTN: PEEDEE
Post by: Doktor Howl on May 16, 2012, 02:34:32 PM
Quote from: Faust on May 16, 2012, 02:27:08 PMThat wasn't me mocking anyone, well maybe light teasing but it really bother me when people complain about how quiet it is here, at least its trying something.


Quiet is the problem.  Well, my problem, anyway.  There's no sound in the desert, and God only knows there's no sound in my office, other than the air conditioner making weird gurgling noises that tell me that there's another half dozen dead mice inside it again.

Thing is, at least over here, the time is coming when we'll all SHUT UP LIKE HELL, the only proof of which I need offer is the legislation heaping up about what's okay to say over the interhole, and what isn't free speech at all, but rather MEAN things that HAVE TO BE STOPPED.

But that legislation doesn't seem to be necessary, Faust, as everyone on the intercrap is already SHUTTING UP LIKE HELL, because they're too busy LIKING Walmart on Facebook, or maybe using amusing screeching end o' times prophets as television.  It's just another form of consumerism, and when you mention that nobody ever engages in conversations, you're told that the person in question feels "intimidated" or "unworthy" or is "too busy" (but not too busy to VIEW), when it really boils down to the fact that they're just SHUTTING UP LIKE HELL because they're jaded or they're lazy, or they've been successfully conditioned to SHUT UP LIKE HELL.

I imagine the Roman forum got that way, after a while.
Title: Re: ATTN: PEEDEE
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on May 16, 2012, 03:21:06 PM
I was voting yesterday in a bar with EOT and there was this huge TV there, and the TV was displaying a program which graphically featured, and then explained, various strange ways to die.

I am pretty sure that I no longer give a shit about the survival of civilization. This is what our society hath wrought.
Title: Re: ATTN: PEEDEE
Post by: Doktor Howl on May 16, 2012, 03:22:44 PM
Quote from: PROFOUNDLY RETARDED CHARLIE MANSON on May 16, 2012, 03:21:06 PM
I was voting yesterday in a bar with EOT and there was this huge TV there, and the TV was displaying a program which graphically featured, and then explained, various strange ways to die.

I am pretty sure that I no longer give a shit about the survival of civilization. This is what our society hath wrought.

I've heard of that show.  If that's not conditioning, then I've never seen or heard of conditioning.
Title: Re: ATTN: PEEDEE
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on May 16, 2012, 03:38:22 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on May 16, 2012, 03:22:44 PM
Quote from: PROFOUNDLY RETARDED CHARLIE MANSON on May 16, 2012, 03:21:06 PM
I was voting yesterday in a bar with EOT and there was this huge TV there, and the TV was displaying a program which graphically featured, and then explained, various strange ways to die.

I am pretty sure that I no longer give a shit about the survival of civilization. This is what our society hath wrought.

I've heard of that show.  If that's not conditioning, then I've never seen or heard of conditioning.

IF YOU DON'T BEHAVE YOURSELF YOU WILL HAVE A TERRIBLE ACCIDENT.
Title: Re: ATTN: PEEDEE
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on May 16, 2012, 03:39:10 PM
DO NOT DEVIATE FROM THE SOCIAL NORMS. DEATH AWAITS AROUND EVERY UNPRESCRIBED CORNER.
Title: Re: ATTN: PEEDEE
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on May 16, 2012, 03:39:43 PM
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS TO PEOPLE WHO AREN'T NORMAL. THEY BROUGHT IT ON THEMSELVES.
Title: Re: ATTN: PEEDEE
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on May 16, 2012, 03:40:31 PM
LOOK AT THAT GUY HUH HUH HUH HE TRIED TO FUCK A RACCOON AND IT BIT HIS DICK OFF HE DESERVED TO DIE FOR BEING A FREAK.
Title: Re: ATTN: PEEDEE
Post by: EK WAFFLR on May 16, 2012, 03:44:01 PM
CHILDREN, DON'T LOOK AT THE WEIRD PEOPLE IN THE STREET! YOU CAN WATCH THEM ON THE TELLY LATER.
Title: Re: ATTN: PEEDEE
Post by: Doktor Howl on May 16, 2012, 04:57:43 PM
Do they still have "funniest home videos" on?  You know, the show where people engineer accidents for their toddlers so they can win the GRAND PRIZE?
Title: Re: ATTN: PEEDEE
Post by: Triple Zero on May 16, 2012, 05:04:32 PM
Quote from: Deepthroat Chopra on May 16, 2012, 07:14:24 AM
I was hired during mental health week. I think it was a token thing.

I think yuu must have misread your employment sheet, it says

    Mental health: weak

right here ...
Title: Re: ATTN: PEEDEE
Post by: Phox on May 16, 2012, 06:43:37 PM
To Whom It May Horrify:

We have seen the projections for the coming quarter and we are not impressed. If we don't get these numbers up significantly  by the end of May, we will have to ask you to return to your key to the bathroom, and revert to using the technique referred to in the employee manual as "Emergency Sock Use #67".

We will also be turning you over to LMNO and his special committee for advanced motivation training. That is all.
Title: Re: ATTN: PEEDEE
Post by: Doktor Howl on May 16, 2012, 06:50:26 PM
Quote from: Phox, Mistress of Many Names on May 16, 2012, 06:43:37 PM
We will also be turning you over to LMNO and his special committee for advanced motivation training. That is all.

:fap:

I may never post again.
Title: Re: ATTN: PEEDEE
Post by: Doktor Howl on May 16, 2012, 07:07:47 PM
Incidentally, I suppose it's safe now to admit that *I* am in fact the cancer that is killing PD.

Just thought I'd mention that, since you can confess to ANYTHING when there's nobody else in the room.
Title: Re: ATTN: PEEDEE
Post by: Cain on May 16, 2012, 07:10:24 PM
But the real question is, what kind of cancer?

My money is on colon cancer.
Title: Re: ATTN: PEEDEE
Post by: Doktor Howl on May 16, 2012, 07:12:39 PM
Quote from: Cain on May 16, 2012, 07:10:24 PM
But the real question is, what kind of cancer?

My money is on colon cancer.

Close.  I'm the prostate kinda guy...Although there's no telling where I've metastasized off to by now.
Title: Re: ATTN: PEEDEE
Post by: I_Kicked_Kennedy on May 17, 2012, 03:53:05 AM
Is it possible to get scrotal cancer? Not testicular cancer, just the scrote...?
Title: Re: ATTN: PEEDEE
Post by: Danny Muffin on May 17, 2012, 06:22:25 AM
That would fall under skin cancer. And from my admittedly limited observations, Dok seems to one those deep-seated, nasty cancers that only start showing their symptoms once it's too late.
Title: Re: ATTN: PEEDEE
Post by: Doktor Howl on May 17, 2012, 01:50:57 PM
Quote from: Danny Muffin on May 17, 2012, 06:22:25 AM
That would fall under skin cancer. And from my admittedly limited observations, Dok seems to one those deep-seated, nasty cancers that only start showing their symptoms once it's too late.

I am stage 4.
Title: Re: ATTN: PEEDEE
Post by: Salty on May 17, 2012, 06:01:52 PM
Dok, you may or may not be a hideous clump of evil DOOM cells, hellbent on eating away all that's good and pure, but darn it, I still like you.

Also, I was the one who upper-decked the second floor ladies room toilet.
:regret:
Title: Re: ATTN: PEEDEE
Post by: Doktor Howl on May 17, 2012, 06:05:54 PM
Quote from: Al "Fuck Legumes" Ty on May 17, 2012, 06:01:52 PM
Dok, you may or may not be a hideous clump of evil DOOM cells, hellbent on eating away all that's good and pure, but darn it, I still like you.

Also, I was the one who upper-decked the second floor ladies room toilet.
:regret:

That reminds me, I have to go back to that hipster wine & coffee bar and leave them some more of that good, good upper deck lovin'.