You DESERVE an SUV or a Lexus or a NEW COMPUTER. You DESERVE easy credit. And you NEED these things, because you're a SPECIAL FLOWER, and how will people know you're special, if your car doesn't take up two spaces when you park straight?
You deserve new low prices for our new low quality goods. You deserve a 20% return on your investments AND a good job market. You deserve to have your religious beliefs validated by legislation. You deserve an illegal-free nation AND low, low food prices.
You deserve to be heard. Not just the right to speak, but the right to have other people LISTEN to what you have to say, while you sit on your scooter and hold up your badly-spelled sign that lets everyone know just where you stand (well, sit).
Yes, you deserve all of this and more.
For example, you deserve to have the universe plod up and explain to you - once more - that you can't have things both ways. You deserve to be "corrected" in the true "market" sense of the word. You deserve an education in the fact that reality doesn't care what you think you deserve. You deserve to be shown that the moon is not Stilton; that it is in fact not cheese at all.
In fact, you deserve everything you've demanded.
I hope you get it.
Okay for now,
Doktor Howl
MWAAAAAAA HAHAHAHAHA :lulz:
Quote from: Anna Mae Bollocks on May 29, 2012, 06:41:18 PM
MWAAAAAAA HAHAHAHAHA :lulz:
I have a bad case of the Holies™ today. This doesn't bode well.
Quote from: Doktor Howl on May 29, 2012, 06:42:13 PM
Quote from: Anna Mae Bollocks on May 29, 2012, 06:41:18 PM
MWAAAAAAA HAHAHAHAHA :lulz:
I have a bad case of the Holies™ today. This doesn't bode well.
For whom? The toilets? The Interwebs? The Free Market? BABY JESUS????
PREACH THE HOLINESS
TM!!!!!!!
You deserve low, low taxes, and perfectly maintained roads, and police and fire departments at your beck and call. You deserve to have those police leave you the fuck alone when you are flying down the highway at a buck ten, so they have the time to arrest that asshole who keeps blowing past your front yard at five miles over the limit.
You DESERVE to plant your ass on the sofa watching TV and stuffing your face with Lays(TM) and onion dip hour after hour and STILL look like AWESOME, and we have JUST THE THING. FIND OUT how to LOSE WEIGHT WITHOUT DIET OR EXERCISE, TONE WITH OUR MIRACLE ELECTRIC SHIT THAT WORKS WHILE YOU'RE SITTING THERE LIKE JABBA THE HUT, and don't forget to check out our COSMETIC SURGERY LINKS*!!!!!
*All our surgeons are certified by somebody somewhere. Not responsible for paralysis, strokeface, migrating silicone tits, botched buttwork or death.
Quote from: Anna Mae Bollocks on May 29, 2012, 08:04:44 PM
You DESERVE to plant your ass on the sofa watching TV and stuffing your face with Lays(TM) and onion dip hour after hour and STILL look like AWESOME, and we have JUST THE THING. FIND OUT how to LOSE WEIGHT WITHOUT DIET OR EXERCISE, TONE WITH OUR MIRACLE ELECTRIC SHIT THAT WORKS WHILE YOU'RE SITTING THERE LIKE JABBA THE HUT, and don't forget to check out our COSMETIC SURGERY LINKS*!!!!!
Muscle stuff aside, I'd suggest Tapeworms
I don't know why cosmetic medicine hasn't brought these back into style yet
"WORKS WHILE YOU SLEEP! UNOBTRUSIVE
for a few weeks AND THEN YOU JUST TAKE ANOTHER PILL AND THEY GO AWAY! RELAX OFF THE POUNDS!"
You deserve to have your LifeTM laid out before you, organized in little boxes along a straight and narrow path leading to a beautiful conclusion riding into the sunset. You deserve to have all the tools needed, placed in direct relation to the times you'll need them. You deserve to have the tools labeled for your satisfaction, and replaced when malfunctioning.
YOU deserve to get all of YOUR ideas from OTHER PEOPLE.
You deserve to laugh at your own jokes, and scratch where it itches.
You deserve to wait for the elevator rather than walk a flight of stairs.
You deserve to STAND on the escalator --- You deserve to render technologies as useless as you damn well please.
You deserve to drop a class because actual effort is required (trans. You have a bad professor).
YOU DESERVE TO BE YOU - the You that everyone expects.
You deserve to Supersize your soda in the drive-thru rather than have to walk inside for a free refill.
You deserve all the things you didn't predict you might need.
You deserve exemption from consequence.
You deserve exemption from creativity.
You deserve exemption from boredom.
You deserve ease. You deserve the New Spangled Florida Vacation!
You deserve what THEY have.
You deserve what they WANT.
You deserve a second helping.
You deserve absence, you deserve emptiness.
You deserve exemption from activity.
You deserve gelatinous bliss.
Just sign here.
You deserve a SOULMATE.
You deserve somebody who will TAKE CARE OF YOU.
You deserve somebody who will NEVER SO MUCH AS LOOK AT ANYONE ELSE.
You deserve somebody who will DO ANYTHING YOU TELL THEM TO.
You deserve somebody who will FORGIVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO.
You deserve somebody who will BE A YOUR BECK AND CALL 24/7.
You deserve somebody who will CUT ALL TIES WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY.
You deserve somebody who will NEVER ASK ANYTHING OF YOU.
You deserve somebody who will BE A GOOD SPORT IF YOU "LOSE YOUR TEMPER".
You deserve somebody who will UNDERSTAND WHEN YOU GO THROUGH THEIR PHONE, WALLET, ETC.
You deserve somebody who will NOT HAVE ANY OUTSIDE INTERESTS.
You deserve somebody who will NOT COMPLAIN. EVER.
You deserve somebody who will CLEAN UP EVERY MESS YOU GET YOURSELF INTO.
You deserve somebody who will NOT GIVE A SHIT IF YOU LET YOURSELF GO.
You deserve somebody who will WORK HARD AT THE RELATIONSHIP.
To expound and illustrate on OP...
You Deserve:
-Welfare reform. Those bitches need to stop squeezing out snot-nosed criminals and go to WORK. They need to learn to lower their PRIDE and take a job--ANY JOB--instead of being too high-and-mighty to work at McDonald's for $7.25/hour.
-A repeal of the minimum wage. This is an UNFAIR burden on the companies that keep our economy running and provide JOBS. If the working-poor don't like it, they should have stayed in SCHOOL. Flipping burgers at McDonald's was never intended to be anything but an after school job, anyway and I'll be GODDAMNED if I'm going to pay more than $1 for a cheeseburger to support some dropout and her six brats when she should be a little more ambitious and a little less LAZY.
-An END to SOCIALIZED EDUCATION PRACTICES. People don't respect what they don't earn. Pell grants, loan forgiveness and pumping money into a failing system is just teaching these people they can walk all over the Taxpayer. If they want education, they're going to have to suck it up, GET A JOB and WORK for it. It's either that or JOIN THE MILITARY.
-Gated Communities. Ever hear of the Broken Window Theory? Cheap, unstylish housing encourages CRIME and needs to be RAZED so that beautiful, well-planned communities--complete with heated pool and gym behind the leasing office--put in. And there needs to be card-entry security in place. We don't want to tempt thieves and panhandlers now, do we?
-An END to housing subsidy. Government Section-8 programs are artificially keeping MY RENT HIGH and using MY TAX DOLLARS to do it. If the POOR need someplace to live, they can move OUT of the city where it's CHEAPER. Buses run every hour or so. It's not impossible, they just need to pick themselves up by their BOOTSTRAPS and DO IT. If you let the market do its job, everything will equalize by itself.
-Lower gas prices. The government needs to stop fleecing Big Oil for money and let the market settle this. Those oil companies make LESS PROFIT THAN YOU THINK and don't they know those taxes are passed on to ME? And no one takes into account the money spend on discovery and exploration for NEW WELLS the Oil companies perform with their own money, FREE OF CHARGE. We ought to let the spirit of innovation flourish UNHINDERED because it's better for EVERYONE.
-To stop being lied to in the media. If Peak oil or Global warming was REALLY a problem, something would have HAPPENED by now and THE GOVERNMENT would have stepped in to fix it. America is the SMARTEST and MOST POWERFUL NATION ON EARTH. Believe me, if something was wrong, we would have fixed it by now.
-Everyday Rollback Prices. This is how poor, third-world nations fight their way to the top: by doing the jobs no one else wants and providing cheap, outsourced labor for pennies an hour. If they work really hard, pretty soon, they'll be outsourcing too.
-To vote with your dollar. Will you choose Walmart or Target? Home Depot or Lowes? Will you buy an iPhone or Android? If you're displeased with their business practices, price-gouging, lobbying to legislate away our liberties, you have the RIGHT to LET THEM KNOW HOW DISPLEASED YOU ARE BY SPENDING THAT $400 ELSEWHERE. They will listen! LET THE MARKET DO ITS JOB.
-Symbolic protest. Because buying a hundred boxes of Lipton's at $3 per box and throwing it into the local pond will really CHAFE THEIR ASSES and make them think twice before messing with YOU again.
-Temporary boycotts. Because not buying gas for an entire day will show them how much POWER we have as consumers...just make sure you fill the tank up double the day before so you don't find yourself in a bind.
-Zero tolerance laws. Marijuana is a gateway drug. Allow potheads to accumulate unincarcerated and the next thing you know, you're living next door to a Meth lab. NOT IN MY BACKYARD.
-A safe, drug-free work environment. I don't know about you but I'd GLADLY give up my Fourth Amendment rights for the security of knowing the guy in the next cubicle isn't operating that computer or telephone under the influence of DANGEROUS, MIND-ALTERING CHEMICALS. And while they're at it, they should do more BAG SEARCHES on women. Theft hurts my company's BOTTOM LINE and that hurts ME. For every box of pens those sneaks stash in their purses is another dollar in overhead that affects my stock-options. Besides, it's not like it's THE GOVERNMENT doing the testing and searching, it's just the private sector exercising THEIR RIGHTS.
-Religion. It's called freedom OF religion, not freedom FROM religion. This country was FOUNDED on Judeo-Christian values. I want MY elected representatives to uphold the laws of the TRUE and RIGHTFUL leader of this nation and of the world...that's Christ, our Lord, not a Muslim president. If you don't like it, go move to Russia with the rest of the pagans.
-To SUPPORT THE TROOPS. We live in a world where endless enemies are trying to TAKE OUR FREEDOMS so it is in our best interests to maintain a STANDING army, a well-funded navy and to NEVER BACK DOWN. To KEEP FIGHTING FOREVER. The best way to show support is to KEEP OUR ECONOMY ROLLING. Don't be afraid to open those wallets and show your support for the American Way of Life. Make sure you raise your children to be PATRIOTS and to join this great nation's military forces when called or needed. It is their RESPONSIBILITY to lay down and SACRIFICE for our RIGHTS...and while you're at the checkout line, don't forget to buy a yellow ribbon magnet for your car.
You deserve to get A CHOICE. You deserve to choose if you want to get screwed over by the left or the right.
You deserve to have barely elected officials with illusions of grandeur make decisions about your life, or delegate the task to the Free MarketTM.