It was not merely that the chicken crossed the road, Watson, but that the three Russian midgets and the Italian oboe player did not also cross.
- Sherlock Holmes
She was a victim of the Illuminati One World conspiracy.
- Rev. Pat Robertson
This chicken story seems merely more gaga New Age silliness at first, but may contain something more sinister. No reputable scientists has ever reported a chicken crossing a road. Alleged "close encounters" with such chickens are claimed by ignorant and suggestible people only. Farmers queried all report large fences around their hen-yards, to prevent chickens from escaping. One recalls similar mass delusions in Nazi Germany before Hitler.
- Martin Gardner.
She was brainwashed by the liberal feminazi media.
- Rush Limbaugh
To die. In the rain.
- Ernest Hemingway
Chicken! Godamn! Big! Big fucking birds, hundreds of them, all goddamn demon eyes, black oil glistening their wicked bladed feathers! There's no way to pass these goddamn fuckers, not without the right kind of artiliary! Jesus, we're doomed; we're all fucking doomed!
-HST
:lulz:
And the chicken should consider every road lost on which she has not crossed over at least once. And the chicken should call every road false which was not accompanied by at least one crossing.
-Friedrich Nietzsche
While their is nothkng inherently advantageous in theposition of one side of the road over the other, owing to their equal strategic assets, the chicken by the act of crossing impresses upon his peers his own willingness go cross roads, and perhaps them, in ghe future. This will give them pause before they move against him.
-n. Machiavelli
Because death was his navigator.
- William Burroughs
Quote from: PROFOUNDLY RETARDED CHARLIE MANSON on June 15, 2012, 04:45:07 PM
And the chicken should consider every road lost on which she has not crossed over at least once. And the chicken should call every road false which was not accompanied by at least one crossing.
-Friedrich Nietzsche
WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS CRAP? :crankey:
Because she was looking for her daddy.
-Sylvia Plath.
A chicken always has two reasons for doing anything: a good reason and the real reason.
-J.P. Morgan
As seen in my 12 volume graphic novel work, it can most concisely be described as "The Chicken learns one must either cross the road, or die, and makes his choice"
-Neil Gaiman
The Free Market demanded it.
- Adam Smith
I was before the chicken crossing the road before I was behind it.
-John Kerry
The chicken was crossing the road to step into a brighter future light where all freedom chickens loving American freedoms live free in good ole freedom gosh willickers!
-Sarah Palin
Starting in 1984, I tried to convince the great rooster to pay for supplies and a crew to make the voyage to the other side of the road. He refused to pay for my voyage saying that I would fail. At least he knew the world isn't flat like so many others. He just thought the road is much larger than I do. I decided to ask another great rooster and a goose to pay for my voyage instead. It took me a couple of tries, but they agreed to supply me with the things I needed. Let the chickens walk all the way around the farmhouse and across the road. That is the long way to go! The first great rooster will regret not paying for my voyage!
-Christopher Columbus
The bird, chicken as a chicken, chicken as a brain, if you like, interests me more than what road it crosses, because I've noticed that most fowl only repeat themselves. - Marcel Duchamp
The chicken didn't want to dance so it was ejected from the revolution. - Emma Goldman
All thought must, directly or indirectly, by way of certain characters, relate ultimately to intuitions, and therefore, with us, to sensibility, because in no other way can an object, whereupon inferred as a "chicken," be a priori considered to deduce the extrinsic purposes for which it is contextualized, inherently, outside of cogitation, the logic processes of highway engineers, or asphalt as a structural paradigm that resists the talons of feathered pedagogy. - Immanuel Kant
05:23:00 - Orpington#083-74-0227 emits 5 "buk-buks", moves 8 paces S/SE at 2.8mph.
05:23:05 - Orpington#083-74-0227 emits 2 "buks" 1 "buk-buk" 4 "buks", moves 3 paces S at 1.3mph.
05:23:10 - Orpington#083-74-0227 no audio, stationary.
05:23:15 - Orpington#083-74-0227 emits 5 "buk-buks" 2 "buks" 1 "bukawk", stationary.
05:23:20 - Orpington#083-74-0227 emits 1 "buk-buk", 25 paces S/SW at 8.9mph.
05:23:25 - Drone Freedom Chili fires 1 Hellfire missile. Orpington#083-74-0227 terminated at coordinates 45.522804, -122.648159.
- National Security Agency
"The chicken crossed the road because it had been indoctrinated by the totalitarian communists to believe that the road was so-called 'public property', but in reality it was infringing upon the individual rights of the owner of the road by crossing it. This is another example of how socialism creates lazy, dependent and altruistic individuals who rely on leeching on others rather than producing wealth for themselves." - Ayn Rand
The last two ones :lulz:
The chicken crossed the road, finding a beautiful black hen on the other side. This resulted in an amazing moment of passion and forbidden love. The black hen then took the chicken aboard a beautiful golden submarine run by Capt. Cluckbard Celine. In later discussions, Cluckbard expanded the chicken's mind with some lovely black hash and LSD. Then the world began to shudder violently as Eris, the Goddess of Chaos rose out of the sea performing all the positions of the Kama Sutra with Cthulhu, while zombie Nazi soldiers on a nearby island engaged in homoerotic self-genocide.
- Robert Anton Wilson
Still, "chicken" ... you've managed to cross just about... every other road, but... like a poor marksman you... keep.. missing the target!
--James T Kirk
The chicken crossed the road and, at the same time and with equal probability, the chicken did not cross the road. Until the observer hit the chicken with his moped the chicken was in something we refer to as an "eggenstate".
--Schroedinger
There are only two types of chickens in this world: those who have the huevos to lead from the front and get their feathered, happy fucking asses (and those of their unit) across the goddamned road, get shit done and arrive home victorious and full of their own piss and vomit, and those who stand around, blowing smoke up one-another's egg-holes, making goatfuck decisions that get the road-crossers killed.
--Richard "Demo Dick" Marcinko
(http://d24w6bsrhbeh9d.cloudfront.net/photo/4642137_460s.jpg)
Ask not who the chicken crossed the road for, he crossed for thee.
-Ernest Hemmingway
"Wax on, wax off."- Captain Jean-Luc Skywalker, First Jedi of space station Deathstar Nine
Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on June 18, 2012, 10:26:22 PM"eggenstate"
:mittens:
"Screamingly sentient, dumbly delirious, only the gods that were can tell. A sickened, sensitive shadow writhing in wings that are not wings, and whirled blindly past ghastly midnights of rotting creation, corpses of dead roads with sores that were cracks in the asphalt, charnel winds that brush the pallid streetlights and make them flicker low. Beyond the worlds vague ghosts of monstrous things; half-seen poles of unsanctified road signs that rest on nameless rocks beneath space and reach up to dizzy vacua above the spheres of light and darkness. And through this revolting organic and free-range interchange the muffled, maddening clucking of hens, and thin, monotonous whine of blasphemous birds from inconceivable, unlighted roadsides beyond Time; the detestable unending filthy roads whereunto cross slowly, awkwardly, and absurdly the gigantic, tenebrous ultimate fowl — the blind, voiceless, mindless poultry whose soul is Nyarlathotep." — HP Lovecraft
"The chicken crossed the goddamn road and all because, I don't know really. I guess it was going through a phase or something. All chickens go through phases, don't they?" - J.D. Salinger
"The chicken crossed the road. Its anus looked like this: * The hen house caught on fire after a gust of wind knocked over farmer Michael Freedbrandt's candle. Michael Freedbrandt's penis is 6.25 inches in length and 2.19 inches in girth. He was in the outhouse after eating a spicy pork pie brought over by his neighbors Alan Heffernan and his wife Judy Heffernan. Alan Heffernan's penis is 5.82 inches in length and 3.31 inches in girth. The chicken found a grub on the far side of the road."
-Kurt Vonnegut
The chicken exists as an organ-machine driven by other organ-machines, with all the necessary couplings and connections. Something is produced, the effect of the chicken organ-machine, not mere metaphors.
A chicken crossing the road is a better model than a chicken in a battery farm. While crossing a road, a chicken is in the mountains, amid falling snowflakes, with other gods, or without any gods at all, without a family, without a mother or father, with nature. Everything is a chicken-machine. Celestial machines, the stars or rainbows in the sky, alpine machines - all of them connected to those of its body. The continual whirr of machines. The chicken has transported itself back to a time before the chicken-road dichotomy, before all the co-ordinates based on this fundamental dichotomy have been laid down. He does not cross roads as roads, but as a process of production. There is no such thing either chicken or roads now, only a process that produces one within the other and couples the machines together. Producing-machines, desiring-machines everywhere, schizophrenic machines of all species of life: the chicken and the non-chicken, road and non-road, no longer have any meaning whatsoever.
- Gilles Deleuze and Felix Guattari
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on July 01, 2012, 05:32:24 PM
"The chicken crossed the road. Its anus looked like this: * The hen house caught on fire after a gust of wind knocked over farmer Michael Freedbrandt's candle. Michael Freedbrandt's penis is 6.25 inches in length and 2.19 inches in girth. He was in the outhouse after eating a spicy pork pie brought over by his neighbors Alan Heffernan and his wife Judy Heffernan. Alan Heffernan's penis is 5.82 inches in length and 3.31 inches in girth. The chicken found a grub on the far side of the road."
-Kurt Vonnegut
Needs: "Michael Freedbrandt wasn't a particularly good farmer, as predicted by his father. Nor was he married, having the interest but not the will required to talk to women. He had been this way his whole life. He rather suspected that he would be imprisoned eventually, for a stupid reason, or no reason at all. And so on."
In Iran, we do not have chickens, like in your country. [...] In Iran we do not have this phenomenon. I don't know who's told you that we have this.
- Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
"The chicken hates crossing the road, but loves having crossed it." --Dorothy Parker
If we want a world ruled by law and by international co-operation then we have to support the act of chickens crossing the road, for whatever purpose, as its central pillar. But we need to find a new way to make chickens and their roads work if we are not to return to the deadlock that undermined the effectiveness of the road-crossings during the Cold War. This should be a task for members of the Permanent Five to consider once the Kosovo conflict is complete.
- Tony Blair, Speech on 'Doctrine of the International Community, Economic Club, Chicago, 24 April 1999.
"She rises up out of a sea of faces and embraces me, embraces me passionately--- a thousand eyes, beaks, wings, feathers, wattles, all glaring at us and we in each other's arm oblivious. I sit down beside her and she clucks--- a flood of clucks. Wild consumptive notes of hysteria, perversion, leprosy. I hear not a word because she is beautiful and I love her and now I am happy and willing to cross that road."
Henry Miller
No, Who is the chicken that took the bus. - William Abbot
1.
Chicken saw the sign and breathed out. He had been gritting his beak for the last twenty miles or so without even realizing it. Twenty miles of watching the rows of densely-packed cornstalks with seemingly no end. He'd begun to see them thin out over the last ten minutes or so: first, little gaps, then larger gaps until the gaps became open spaces. Finally, the scenery had begun to shift and now, as he felt himself loosen, he realized he could taste the thick, stale, pastiness of having gone too long without a drop coming up like from the bottom of his crop like sand on his tongue.
You know this ain't finished.
The words, scrawled in what looked like a kindergartener's hand, were stark against the background of the filthy, painted-white section of particle board. Chicken could see the thing had been painted and repainted many times over the years--just the letters, not the background and so age and weather had taken its toll. The panel, no doubt having been soaked by countless Maine rainstorms and parched in the relentless heat, had a slightly puffed out appearance in contrast to the black scrawl. The white paint, now greyed with grime, matched the now-darkening sky and the painted-over, splintered edges made the sign blend with the thunderheads behind it. The effect was that the poorly placed, misspelled words looked almost scratched, as though done by some animal, into the surface of the sky itself.
You ain't gettin' out of this one, buckaroo.
Chicken put the shanks down hard now. Suddenly, he became aware of himself and could feel the sweat drip down the ol' wattles. I'll be glad to wash the stink of that cheap henhouse off me. He paused. For a moment, he saw Camilla: the light of the moon reflected off the glistening, pale of her body. The way she looked just before--
It ain't gonna work. This ain't gonna fly, my friend.
Chicken felt panic well up. He got the urge to change direction and keep blowing past but he put it out of his mind. Somewhere, deep at the bottom of his throat was a lump that knew things his head didn't but for now, he had to keep himself focused. There was no point in running around aimless, he had to keep his head: he had immediate needs and the answers, at least for now, were behind that sign.
-Stephen King
Quote from: Cain on July 01, 2012, 06:20:33 PM
Gilles Deleuze
How odd. There's a Dutch historical comic (http://mannetje-en-mannetje.nl/GillesdeGeus/index.html) whose main character Gilles de Geus (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geuzen) is obviously named after this guy but I can't for the life of me figure out why.
Nav, that was spot on.
Quote from: Triple Zero on July 03, 2012, 11:43:22 PM
Quote from: Cain on July 01, 2012, 06:20:33 PM
Gilles Deleuze
How odd. There's a Dutch historical comic (http://mannetje-en-mannetje.nl/GillesdeGeus/index.html) whose main character Gilles de Geus (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geuzen) is obviously named after this guy but I can't for the life of me figure out why.
Deleuze has a lot of pop culture pull. He's not quite Baudrillard, but since he spent a lot of his philosophy career actually doing literature and cinematic reviews (nice gig if you can get it), a lot of artistic people are semi-aware of him and his views.
"I ordered take-out." - The Lamanite
Quote from: Gen. Disregard on July 12, 2012, 05:20:05 PM
"I ordered take-out." - The Lamanite
An unexpected PD joke! Well done.
:thanks: