I was thinking about an old friend who drowned years ago, and how at his funeral he got the standard "Don't be sad, rejoice, he died in Christ" send off. The thing was, he was a total athiest. Everybody knew this.
And it occurred to me that out of all the funerals I've been to, there have been exactly TWO where they even bothered to talk to the family and get some insights about the person who died, so they could say something about that. One was for a Black lady, the other was for a Jewish guy.
ALL the others have been the generic "Rejoice, he died in Christ. 23rd Psalm."
Fuck that noise.
For the record, I here formally request that if anybody says that line at my own funeral, one of you spags slaps him across the mouth with his dick. (Or, borrow one, if you are not equipped with your own.)
Thank you.
Quote from: TEXAS FAIRIES FOR ALL YOU SPAGS on July 22, 2012, 08:23:38 AM
I was thinking about an old friend who drowned years ago, and how at his funeral he got the standard "Don't be sad, rejoice, he died in Christ" send off. The thing was, he was a total athiest. Everybody knew this.
And it occurred to me that out of all the funerals I've been to, there have been exactly TWO where they even bothered to talk to the family and get some insights about the person who died, so they could say something about that. One was for a Black lady, the other was for a Jewish guy.
ALL the others have been the generic "Rejoice, he died in Christ. 23rd Psalm."
Fuck that noise.
I agree but conditionally. If it was someone who truly was a friend who was religious and set it up via their pastor, I wouldn't mind. Someone who does not have family or anything like that it seems to be the standard too. The thoughts behind it are caring and since I am dead it doesn't matter to me, I could be thrown in a body pile and it wouldn't make a difference to me. Funerals are really for the people mourning and not you.
On the other hand, depending on my mood before I died, I would want a funeral exactly the way I wanted it
as if I was alive and attending and drinking with my friends It's one of those things I honestly think about often and have constantly changing opinion, simply because half the time I am okay with death and the other half I would like more time, on top of the OTHER half where I would like to know when so I could do something amazing.
All in all, to wrap it up, as long as it was done by caring people I don't care. I just don't want some asshole I don't know talking about how I was a great person and walked with Christ, when all he does is repeat lines for strangers because that's his job.
ive seen this sort of thing happen a few times, usually when the deceased died in an unexpected/sudden manner. The family is usually too grief-stricken to do any in-depth setup for the funeral; they just want it over and done with (which may be counter-productive for their grieving process)
or they simply didn't believe the deceased was actually an atheist, just a "Lamb astray from the path" as christians would put it.
(Never having been required to do a funeral for an actual friend, which may cause bias) I'd probably ask the family what kind of funeral they would have for the deceased friend before it occurs, and call out any bullshit over the phone.'
Question: why do people try to hold the funeral as soon as possible after a death these days? Important people get to Lie in State for weeks, is there something preventing the average funeral home from delaying the decomposition for a few more days? Is it just the immediate family's haste?
Quote from: Forsooth on July 22, 2012, 02:01:12 PM
Question: why do people try to hold the funeral as soon as possible after a death these days? Important people get to Lie in State for weeks, is there something preventing the average funeral home from delaying the decomposition for a few more days? Is it just the immediate family's haste?
I had about 5 funerals in one year about 2 years ago, two were open casket and both were drug overdoses.
The first one the body was cleaned and the funeral happened within two days and was a 40 year old relative. He looked almost alive and sleeping.
The second was my 13 year old cousin, in which the body was held for about two weeks. The poor child had degraded over that time and he looked as if he had rotten chicken pox covered with Revlon, and speaking to the funeral home itself they had said the quicker they set them up for open caskets the better they tend to look.
So for open caskets time seems to truly be a factor so the body looks less grotesque, at least from what I've seen.
For closed caskets, I don't imagine a time frame would matter since the embalming fluid and refrigeration would keep them from smelling for a while yet.
My mother's family doesn't do funerals, and that's how I tend to lean. There is death, cremation, a wake, and that's it. My father's side does the whole memorial service thing, and then every member of family gets up and says something. I'm sure the pastor speaks as well, it's just irrelevant. When my brother died, with a dozen or so attending siblings getting up and saying their piece and everyone bawling, it got long. That part was good, I think. Afterward, the three or four of us who could deal with it went to the funeral home and paraded through the room where he lay in state, and frankly, I will never do that again if I can help it. It's a vile and barbaric custom.
I wouldn't want to die in Christ.
I want to die with Christ in me. Hopefully clawing out of me like a chest burster. Or possibly axing his way out of me like Jack Nicholson.
Quote from: Luna on July 22, 2012, 12:40:52 PM
For the record, I here formally request that if anybody says that line at my own funeral, one of you spags slaps him across the mouth with his dick. (Or, borrow one, if you are not equipped with your own.)
Thank you.
Noted.
Quote from: The Payne on July 22, 2012, 03:57:41 PM
I wouldn't want to die in Christ.
I want to die with Christ in me. Hopefully clawing out of me like a chest burster. Or possibly axing his way out of me like Jack Nicholson.
:fap: :fap: :fap:
Quote from: Forsooth on July 22, 2012, 02:01:12 PM
ive seen this sort of thing happen a few times, usually when the deceased died in an unexpected/sudden manner. The family is usually too grief-stricken to do any in-depth setup for the funeral; they just want it over and done with (which may be counter-productive for their grieving process)
or they simply didn't believe the deceased was actually an atheist, just a "Lamb astray from the path" as christians would put it.
(Never having been required to do a funeral for an actual friend, which may cause bias) I'd probably ask the family what kind of funeral they would have for the deceased friend before it occurs, and call out any bullshit over the phone.'
Question: why do people try to hold the funeral as soon as possible after a death these days? Important people get to Lie in State for weeks, is there something preventing the average funeral home from delaying the decomposition for a few more days? Is it just the immediate family's haste?
I'm not sure "wanting it over and done with" is anything to do with it.
At the Jewish guy's funeral I saw the the Rabbi talking to the family just prior to the services, putting together a little speech on what he was like. The same thing happened at the Black lady's funeral, it was only then that I found out she'd been the first Black person to attend the local college (she was elderly). She just never did anything that could be interpreted as bragging. It was kind of like Nigel said, some of the family members came up and talked about her. Her son sang a song she used to like. At the time (ESPECIALLY remembering the athiest guy's funeral) I thought it was a wonderful thing, now that Nigel mentions "barbaric" I'm rethinking that...one of the speakers was about ten and could barely get words out. Both of these funerals were religious-themed, but the deceased were believers.
The atheist guy's situation was a clusterfuck. They couldn't locate his mom for over week, she'd moved back to her home town and she was on vacation someplace, on top of that. I remember trying to find out where the funeral was and only being told that he was in a morgue in Houston. Me and another lady were phoning morgues trying to locate him. I went to the local JP and told him the situation and he said "The county already spent enough money on that god damn Mexican". (He'd been a kind of Robin Hood type, breaking into stores and giving people stuff. He got caught and did time twice.) I told the other lady and she told me to talk to one of the county judges, who agreed to have the county pick up the tab, but later that same day, his mom called back. He had a standard Catholic funeral with kneeling, dying in Christ, and the 23rd psalm. Afterward, we all went to somebody's house out in the country and just got trashed. We didn't call it a wake, but that's what it was.
But I can see his mom not wanting to deal with it. The vacation story always bothered me, he has a lot of siblings who probably would have known how to get in touch with her.
Just doing a wake does sound like the way to go.
Quote from: Suu on July 22, 2012, 04:33:05 PM
Quote from: Luna on July 22, 2012, 12:40:52 PM
For the record, I here formally request that if anybody says that line at my own funeral, one of you spags slaps him across the mouth with his dick. (Or, borrow one, if you are not equipped with your own.)
Thank you.
Noted.
Word.
Quote from: PROFOUNDLY RETARDED CHARLIE MANSON on July 22, 2012, 05:17:55 PM
Quote from: The Payne on July 22, 2012, 03:57:41 PM
I wouldn't want to die in Christ.
I want to die with Christ in me. Hopefully clawing out of me like a chest burster. Or possibly axing his way out of me like Jack Nicholson.
:fap: :fap: :fap:
Now THAT would be a funeral. :lol:
Quote from: TEXAS FAIRIES FOR ALL YOU SPAGS on July 22, 2012, 06:41:18 PM
Quote from: PROFOUNDLY RETARDED CHARLIE MANSON on July 22, 2012, 05:17:55 PM
Quote from: The Payne on July 22, 2012, 03:57:41 PM
I wouldn't want to die in Christ.
I want to die with Christ in me. Hopefully clawing out of me like a chest burster. Or possibly axing his way out of me like Jack Nicholson.
:fap: :fap: :fap:
Now THAT would be a funeral. :lol:
My actual funeral requests do insist that everyone be drunk throughout the cheapest possible proceedings and then make their way to the bar.
Combine this with a mass-turbation, and I may well have to be at least sort of famous before I die to make the most out of it all in terms of leaving a legacy.
TO THE CELEB-MOBILE!
Quote from: TEXAS FAIRIES FOR ALL YOU SPAGS on July 22, 2012, 06:37:32 PM
Quote from: Forsooth on July 22, 2012, 02:01:12 PM
ive seen this sort of thing happen a few times, usually when the deceased died in an unexpected/sudden manner. The family is usually too grief-stricken to do any in-depth setup for the funeral; they just want it over and done with (which may be counter-productive for their grieving process)
or they simply didn't believe the deceased was actually an atheist, just a "Lamb astray from the path" as christians would put it.
(Never having been required to do a funeral for an actual friend, which may cause bias) I'd probably ask the family what kind of funeral they would have for the deceased friend before it occurs, and call out any bullshit over the phone.'
Question: why do people try to hold the funeral as soon as possible after a death these days? Important people get to Lie in State for weeks, is there something preventing the average funeral home from delaying the decomposition for a few more days? Is it just the immediate family's haste?
I'm not sure "wanting it over and done with" is anything to do with it.
At the Jewish guy's funeral I saw the the Rabbi talking to the family just prior to the services, putting together a little speech on what he was like. The same thing happened at the Black lady's funeral, it was only then that I found out she'd been the first Black person to attend the local college (she was elderly). She just never did anything that could be interpreted as bragging. It was kind of like Nigel said, some of the family members came up and talked about her. Her son sang a song she used to like. At the time (ESPECIALLY remembering the athiest guy's funeral) I thought it was a wonderful thing, now that Nigel mentions "barbaric" I'm rethinking that...one of the speakers was about ten and could barely get words out. Both of these funerals were religious-themed, but the deceased were believers.
The atheist guy's situation was a clusterfuck. They couldn't locate his mom for over week, she'd moved back to her home town and she was on vacation someplace, on top of that. I remember trying to find out where the funeral was and only being told that he was in a morgue in Houston. Me and another lady were phoning morgues trying to locate him. I went to the local JP and told him the situation and he said "The county already spent enough money on that god damn Mexican". (He'd been a kind of Robin Hood type, breaking into stores and giving people stuff. He got caught and did time twice.) I told the other lady and she told me to talk to one of the county judges, who agreed to have the county pick up the tab, but later that same day, his mom called back. He had a standard Catholic funeral with kneeling, dying in Christ, and the 23rd psalm. Afterward, we all went to somebody's house out in the country and just got trashed. We didn't call it a wake, but that's what it was.
But I can see his mom not wanting to deal with it. The vacation story always bothered me, he has a lot of siblings who probably would have known how to get in touch with her.
Just doing a wake does sound like the way to go.
Quote from: Suu on July 22, 2012, 04:33:05 PM
Quote from: Luna on July 22, 2012, 12:40:52 PM
For the record, I here formally request that if anybody says that line at my own funeral, one of you spags slaps him across the mouth with his dick. (Or, borrow one, if you are not equipped with your own.)
Thank you.
Noted.
Word.
The part that I found barbaric was where we went to view the corpse... the memorial service, and everyone talking about him and crying, I think was good and cathartic.
Yeah, I guess it comes down to whether it was the kid's own decision to get up there and try to talk. I think it probably was.
Having the body there for viewing is probably ok. Sometimes people need to see it for it to be real to them.
Having a formal segment where everybody's expected to file past the body just reminds me of those news clips of the funerals of public figures. Entirely too ritualized for a friends-and-family situation and totally creepy.
Whoever is in charge of the funeral asks if someone wants to speak so presumably the ten year old agreed to it. Whether they did so out of obligation is another thing entirely.
As for myself i want the standard wake funeral and burial. I used to want cremation until i considered the environmental implications. Funeral service is to be nonchristian but some sort of watered down spiritual thing. Getting hammered is obligatory and some whiskey is to be spilled on my grave. Extra points if the wake is arranged such that people think its a party at a bar and theres a half consumed drink in front of my slumped over body with cool kid written on my forehead. Poor bastard who realizes im dead gets one on the house.
I want to be stuffed in a sack and tossed in Portland's drinking water.
Quote from: The Dead Reverend Roger on July 22, 2012, 11:44:35 PM
I want to be stuffed in a sack and tossed in Portland's drinking water.
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
Quote from: The Dead Reverend Roger on July 22, 2012, 11:44:35 PM
I want to be stuffed in a sack and tossed in Portland's drinking water.
:lulz:
Quote from: Bruce Twiddleton on July 22, 2012, 11:23:46 PM
Whoever is in charge of the funeral asks if someone wants to speak so presumably the ten year old agreed to it. Whether they did so out of obligation is another thing entirely.
As for myself i want the standard wake funeral and burial. I used to want cremation until i considered the environmental implications. Funeral service is to be nonchristian but some sort of watered down spiritual thing. Getting hammered is obligatory and some whiskey is to be spilled on my grave. Extra points if the wake is arranged such that people think its a party at a bar and theres a half consumed drink in front of my slumped over body with cool kid written on my forehead. Poor bastard who realizes im dead gets one on the house.
Being buried probably has environmental implications, too. I wonder how much embalming fluid has seeped into the groundwater?
I like Tibetan Sky Burials. Feed me to the fuckin' buzzards and make cool stuff out of my bones...oh wait. Can't do that here. :x
I guess I don't care. I'll be dead. Hope everybody puts a good buzz on AND NO JEBUS. Live music would be cool though. :lol:
Quote from: TEXAS FAIRIES FOR ALL YOU SPAGS on July 23, 2012, 12:39:53 AM
Quote from: Bruce Twiddleton on July 22, 2012, 11:23:46 PM
Whoever is in charge of the funeral asks if someone wants to speak so presumably the ten year old agreed to it. Whether they did so out of obligation is another thing entirely.
As for myself i want the standard wake funeral and burial. I used to want cremation until i considered the environmental implications. Funeral service is to be nonchristian but some sort of watered down spiritual thing. Getting hammered is obligatory and some whiskey is to be spilled on my grave. Extra points if the wake is arranged such that people think its a party at a bar and theres a half consumed drink in front of my slumped over body with cool kid written on my forehead. Poor bastard who realizes im dead gets one on the house.
Being buried probably has environmental implications, too. I wonder how much embalming fluid has seeped into the groundwater?
I like Tibetan Sky Burials. Feed me to the fuckin' buzzards and make cool stuff out of my bones...oh wait. Can't do that here. :x
I guess I don't care. I'll be dead. Hope everybody puts a good buzz on AND NO JEBUS. Live music would be cool though. :lol:
Being buried is great, if you're not embalmed.
Embalming fluid is one of the reasons people have to get buried in concrete grave liners these days. It's pretty dumb but it'll make for some great mummies in a few thousand years.
Quote from: PROFOUNDLY RETARDED CHARLIE MANSON on July 23, 2012, 01:07:55 AM
Quote from: TEXAS FAIRIES FOR ALL YOU SPAGS on July 23, 2012, 12:39:53 AM
Quote from: Bruce Twiddleton on July 22, 2012, 11:23:46 PM
Whoever is in charge of the funeral asks if someone wants to speak so presumably the ten year old agreed to it. Whether they did so out of obligation is another thing entirely.
As for myself i want the standard wake funeral and burial. I used to want cremation until i considered the environmental implications. Funeral service is to be nonchristian but some sort of watered down spiritual thing. Getting hammered is obligatory and some whiskey is to be spilled on my grave. Extra points if the wake is arranged such that people think its a party at a bar and theres a half consumed drink in front of my slumped over body with cool kid written on my forehead. Poor bastard who realizes im dead gets one on the house.
Being buried probably has environmental implications, too. I wonder how much embalming fluid has seeped into the groundwater?
I like Tibetan Sky Burials. Feed me to the fuckin' buzzards and make cool stuff out of my bones...oh wait. Can't do that here. :x
I guess I don't care. I'll be dead. Hope everybody puts a good buzz on AND NO JEBUS. Live music would be cool though. :lol:
Being buried is great, if you're not embalmed.
Embalming fluid is one of the reasons people have to get buried in concrete grave liners these days. It's pretty dumb but it'll make for some great mummies in a few thousand years.
The other reason is so the grave doesn't turn into a sinkhole when the casket collapses. When I was running the maintenance bay in a concrete joint in Chicago, one of their sidelines was vaults AND installing/closing them. The two guys that did the gravedigging/interment were straight out of Gahan Wilson...Their motto was "We're the last guys who will ever let you down."
On a serious note, when I go, I'm gonna get parted out, and the balance of my carcass will go off to a forensic training "corpse farm".
I've considered that. A corpse farm sounds pretty cool. :)
Getting parted out would be an awesome thing to do for people too...as long as Cheney doesn't get our shit. :horrormirth:
Quote from: The Dead Reverend Roger on July 23, 2012, 01:12:10 AM
On a serious note, when I go, I'm gonna get parted out, and the balance of my carcass will go off to a forensic training "corpse farm".
That's my plan too.
Quote from: TEXAS FAIRIES FOR ALL YOU SPAGS on July 23, 2012, 12:39:53 AM
Quote from: Bruce Twiddleton on July 22, 2012, 11:23:46 PM
Whoever is in charge of the funeral asks if someone wants to speak so presumably the ten year old agreed to it. Whether they did so out of obligation is another thing entirely.
As for myself i want the standard wake funeral and burial. I used to want cremation until i considered the environmental implications. Funeral service is to be nonchristian but some sort of watered down spiritual thing. Getting hammered is obligatory and some whiskey is to be spilled on my grave. Extra points if the wake is arranged such that people think its a party at a bar and theres a half consumed drink in front of my slumped over body with cool kid written on my forehead. Poor bastard who realizes im dead gets one on the house.
Being buried probably has environmental implications, too. I wonder how much embalming fluid has seeped into the groundwater?
I like Tibetan Sky Burials. Feed me to the fuckin' buzzards and make cool stuff out of my bones...oh wait. Can't do that here. :x
I guess I don't care. I'll be dead. Hope everybody puts a good buzz on AND NO JEBUS. Live music would be cool though. :lol:
Zoroastrian, actually.
They have interesting religious reasons for it. Being buried pollutes the earth. Being cremated pollutes fire, and they use Fire as a symbol of Ahura Mazda, so that's kinda no-no. So they make open air towers, and throw the bodies in. Does not pollute the earth. Does not pollute fire or air. Feeds the vultures. It's considered on last act of kindness.
Twid,
As a college project interviewed a Zoroastrian priest. Was surprised I could find one as close as Norwood (10 minute drive from mom's).
Dakhma, I think they are called. (Towers of Silence)
Checking....
Yep.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dakhma
I see at the end of the article, that there is a link to a similar Tibetan "Sky Burial." I apologize. Sometimes lightning does strike twice.
Several native American tribes also do this.
Quote from: PROFOUNDLY RETARDED CHARLIE MANSON on July 23, 2012, 03:05:45 AM
Quote from: The Dead Reverend Roger on July 23, 2012, 01:12:10 AM
On a serious note, when I go, I'm gonna get parted out, and the balance of my carcass will go off to a forensic training "corpse farm".
That's my plan too.
Speaking as a maintenance geek, it bothers the hell out of me to think of perfectly good corneas, kidneys, etc, getting thrown in a hole in the ground.
Because nothing gets wasted around here.
Quote from: The Dead Reverend Roger on July 23, 2012, 01:57:06 PM
Quote from: PROFOUNDLY RETARDED CHARLIE MANSON on July 23, 2012, 03:05:45 AM
Quote from: The Dead Reverend Roger on July 23, 2012, 01:12:10 AM
On a serious note, when I go, I'm gonna get parted out, and the balance of my carcass will go off to a forensic training "corpse farm".
That's my plan too.
Speaking as a maintenance geek, it bothers the hell out of me to think of perfectly good corneas, kidneys, etc, getting thrown in a hole in the ground.
Because nothing gets wasted around here.
SALVAGE IT ALL!
The grossest part is the skin, but that's also probably one of the most useful parts.
Quote from: PROFOUNDLY RETARDED CHARLIE MANSON on July 23, 2012, 03:48:24 PM
Quote from: The Dead Reverend Roger on July 23, 2012, 01:57:06 PM
Quote from: PROFOUNDLY RETARDED CHARLIE MANSON on July 23, 2012, 03:05:45 AM
Quote from: The Dead Reverend Roger on July 23, 2012, 01:12:10 AM
On a serious note, when I go, I'm gonna get parted out, and the balance of my carcass will go off to a forensic training "corpse farm".
That's my plan too.
Speaking as a maintenance geek, it bothers the hell out of me to think of perfectly good corneas, kidneys, etc, getting thrown in a hole in the ground.
Because nothing gets wasted around here.
SALVAGE IT ALL!
The grossest part is the skin, but that's also probably one of the most useful parts.
That's gross and unsettling.
Quote from: PROFOUNDLY RETARDED CHARLIE MANSON on July 23, 2012, 07:10:32 AM
Several native American tribes also do this.
I like the scaffolds. They put people in trees, too.
Tibetans have a burial for each of their elements, I think. They do a divination of some kind when a person dies to dermine the mode of burial.
Quote from: PROFOUNDLY RETARDED CHARLIE MANSON on July 23, 2012, 03:48:24 PM
Quote from: The Dead Reverend Roger on July 23, 2012, 01:57:06 PM
Quote from: PROFOUNDLY RETARDED CHARLIE MANSON on July 23, 2012, 03:05:45 AM
Quote from: The Dead Reverend Roger on July 23, 2012, 01:12:10 AM
On a serious note, when I go, I'm gonna get parted out, and the balance of my carcass will go off to a forensic training "corpse farm".
That's my plan too.
Speaking as a maintenance geek, it bothers the hell out of me to think of perfectly good corneas, kidneys, etc, getting thrown in a hole in the ground.
Because nothing gets wasted around here.
SALVAGE IT ALL!
The grossest part is the skin, but that's also probably one of the most useful parts.
It's true.
You can do
soooo much with skin.
So very much...
I think there was a recent post about a gorgeous European lampshade...
Quote from: Bruce Twiddleton on July 23, 2012, 03:57:07 PM
Quote from: PROFOUNDLY RETARDED CHARLIE MANSON on July 23, 2012, 03:48:24 PM
Quote from: The Dead Reverend Roger on July 23, 2012, 01:57:06 PM
Quote from: PROFOUNDLY RETARDED CHARLIE MANSON on July 23, 2012, 03:05:45 AM
Quote from: The Dead Reverend Roger on July 23, 2012, 01:12:10 AM
On a serious note, when I go, I'm gonna get parted out, and the balance of my carcass will go off to a forensic training "corpse farm".
That's my plan too.
Speaking as a maintenance geek, it bothers the hell out of me to think of perfectly good corneas, kidneys, etc, getting thrown in a hole in the ground.
Because nothing gets wasted around here.
SALVAGE IT ALL!
The grossest part is the skin, but that's also probably one of the most useful parts.
That's gross and unsettling.
You don't know the half of it, mister. Like what they use to get the skin OFF, or the noise it makes.
Quote from: PROFOUNDLY RETARDED CHARLIE MANSON on July 24, 2012, 01:32:29 AM
Quote from: Bruce Twiddleton on July 23, 2012, 03:57:07 PM
Quote from: PROFOUNDLY RETARDED CHARLIE MANSON on July 23, 2012, 03:48:24 PM
Quote from: The Dead Reverend Roger on July 23, 2012, 01:57:06 PM
Quote from: PROFOUNDLY RETARDED CHARLIE MANSON on July 23, 2012, 03:05:45 AM
Quote from: The Dead Reverend Roger on July 23, 2012, 01:12:10 AM
On a serious note, when I go, I'm gonna get parted out, and the balance of my carcass will go off to a forensic training "corpse farm".
That's my plan too.
Speaking as a maintenance geek, it bothers the hell out of me to think of perfectly good corneas, kidneys, etc, getting thrown in a hole in the ground.
Because nothing gets wasted around here.
SALVAGE IT ALL!
The grossest part is the skin, but that's also probably one of the most useful parts.
That's gross and unsettling.
You don't know the half of it, mister. Like what they use to get the skin OFF, or the noise it makes.
Ugh.
Not sure what I want to do...but if I'm not cremated, I better go colorfully and with lots of company.
Quote from: TEXAS FAIRIES FOR ALL YOU SPAGS on July 23, 2012, 01:23:01 AM
I've considered that. A corpse farm sounds pretty cool. :)
Getting parted out would be an awesome thing to do for people too...as long as Cheney doesn't get our shit. :horrormirth:
So help me, if Cheney gets any of my parts, I hope said part backs up in the most revolting way possible, preferably somewhere on camera.
Farm out whatever's useful, toss the rest in a hole under an apple tree.
Quote from: Luna on July 24, 2012, 03:29:08 AM
Quote from: TEXAS FAIRIES FOR ALL YOU SPAGS on July 23, 2012, 01:23:01 AM
I've considered that. A corpse farm sounds pretty cool. :)
Getting parted out would be an awesome thing to do for people too...as long as Cheney doesn't get our shit. :horrormirth:
So help me, if Cheney gets any of my parts, I hope said part backs up in the most revolting way possible, preferably somewhere on camera.
Farm out whatever's useful, toss the rest in a hole under an apple tree.
I hope the bastard gets my colon.
Quote from: The Dead Reverend Roger on July 24, 2012, 03:31:49 AM
Quote from: Luna on July 24, 2012, 03:29:08 AM
Quote from: TEXAS FAIRIES FOR ALL YOU SPAGS on July 23, 2012, 01:23:01 AM
I've considered that. A corpse farm sounds pretty cool. :)
Getting parted out would be an awesome thing to do for people too...as long as Cheney doesn't get our shit. :horrormirth:
So help me, if Cheney gets any of my parts, I hope said part backs up in the most revolting way possible, preferably somewhere on camera.
Farm out whatever's useful, toss the rest in a hole under an apple tree.
I hope the bastard gets my colon.
That made me laugh a laugh that frightened me...
Quote from: Luna on July 24, 2012, 03:33:21 AM
Quote from: The Dead Reverend Roger on July 24, 2012, 03:31:49 AM
Quote from: Luna on July 24, 2012, 03:29:08 AM
Quote from: TEXAS FAIRIES FOR ALL YOU SPAGS on July 23, 2012, 01:23:01 AM
I've considered that. A corpse farm sounds pretty cool. :)
Getting parted out would be an awesome thing to do for people too...as long as Cheney doesn't get our shit. :horrormirth:
So help me, if Cheney gets any of my parts, I hope said part backs up in the most revolting way possible, preferably somewhere on camera.
Farm out whatever's useful, toss the rest in a hole under an apple tree.
I hope the bastard gets my colon.
That made me laugh a laugh that frightened me...
It should.
My colon requires redundant stomach muscles. Without them, I'd flip inside out when I took one of my more epic turds.
Ask Richter. I dented his toilet.
Quote from: The Dead Reverend Roger on July 24, 2012, 03:35:01 AM
Quote from: Luna on July 24, 2012, 03:33:21 AM
Quote from: The Dead Reverend Roger on July 24, 2012, 03:31:49 AM
Quote from: Luna on July 24, 2012, 03:29:08 AM
Quote from: TEXAS FAIRIES FOR ALL YOU SPAGS on July 23, 2012, 01:23:01 AM
I've considered that. A corpse farm sounds pretty cool. :)
Getting parted out would be an awesome thing to do for people too...as long as Cheney doesn't get our shit. :horrormirth:
So help me, if Cheney gets any of my parts, I hope said part backs up in the most revolting way possible, preferably somewhere on camera.
Farm out whatever's useful, toss the rest in a hole under an apple tree.
I hope the bastard gets my colon.
That made me laugh a laugh that frightened me...
It should.
My colon requires redundant stomach muscles. Without them, I'd flip inside out when I took one of my more epic turds.
Ask Richter. I dented his toilet.
The thought of that backing up on Cheney, on camera is making me make that laugh again... It's kind of a lighter version of the one Nigel uses when she peels some poor hipster out of his skin...
Quote from: Bruce Twiddleton on July 22, 2012, 11:23:46 PM
Whoever is in charge of the funeral asks if someone wants to speak so presumably the ten year old agreed to it. Whether they did so out of obligation is another thing entirely.
As for myself i want the standard wake funeral and burial. I used to want cremation until i considered the environmental implications. Funeral service is to be nonchristian but some sort of watered down spiritual thing. Getting hammered is obligatory and some whiskey is to be spilled on my grave. Extra points if the wake is arranged such that people think its a party at a bar and theres a half consumed drink in front of my slumped over body with cool kid written on my forehead. Poor bastard who realizes im dead gets one on the house.
Honestly I am surprised the bolded was never acknowledged.
Quote from: Bruce Twiddleton on July 24, 2012, 03:38:20 AM
Quote from: Bruce Twiddleton on July 22, 2012, 11:23:46 PM
Whoever is in charge of the funeral asks if someone wants to speak so presumably the ten year old agreed to it. Whether they did so out of obligation is another thing entirely.
As for myself i want the standard wake funeral and burial. I used to want cremation until i considered the environmental implications. Funeral service is to be nonchristian but some sort of watered down spiritual thing. Getting hammered is obligatory and some whiskey is to be spilled on my grave. Extra points if the wake is arranged such that people think its a party at a bar and theres a half consumed drink in front of my slumped over body with cool kid written on my forehead. Poor bastard who realizes im dead gets one on the house.
Honestly I am surprised the bolded was never acknowledged.
We can do this... Is "cool kid" obligatory, or may we, in our sodden delirium, improvise?
Quote from: Bruce Twiddleton on July 24, 2012, 03:38:20 AM
Quote from: Bruce Twiddleton on July 22, 2012, 11:23:46 PM
Whoever is in charge of the funeral asks if someone wants to speak so presumably the ten year old agreed to it. Whether they did so out of obligation is another thing entirely.
As for myself i want the standard wake funeral and burial. I used to want cremation until i considered the environmental implications. Funeral service is to be nonchristian but some sort of watered down spiritual thing. Getting hammered is obligatory and some whiskey is to be spilled on my grave. Extra points if the wake is arranged such that people think its a party at a bar and theres a half consumed drink in front of my slumped over body with cool kid written on my forehead. Poor bastard who realizes im dead gets one on the house.
Honestly I am surprised the bolded was never acknowledged.
Totally missed it.
I approve, but for some reason, prudes in government call that "desecrating a corpse", when you and I know it's really "having a laugh".
Quote from: Luna on July 24, 2012, 03:41:35 AM
Quote from: Bruce Twiddleton on July 24, 2012, 03:38:20 AM
Quote from: Bruce Twiddleton on July 22, 2012, 11:23:46 PM
Whoever is in charge of the funeral asks if someone wants to speak so presumably the ten year old agreed to it. Whether they did so out of obligation is another thing entirely.
As for myself i want the standard wake funeral and burial. I used to want cremation until i considered the environmental implications. Funeral service is to be nonchristian but some sort of watered down spiritual thing. Getting hammered is obligatory and some whiskey is to be spilled on my grave. Extra points if the wake is arranged such that people think its a party at a bar and theres a half consumed drink in front of my slumped over body with cool kid written on my forehead. Poor bastard who realizes im dead gets one on the house.
Honestly I am surprised the bolded was never acknowledged.
We can do this... Is "cool kid" obligatory, or may we, in our sodden delirium, improvise?
Improvisation is allowed. It can be a big dick pointing at my mouth if you like. It has to be in the cool kid spirit though. People need to look at me and think I'm passed out way too early until the horrible truth is realized.
Quote from: The Dead Reverend Roger on July 24, 2012, 03:43:32 AM
Quote from: Bruce Twiddleton on July 24, 2012, 03:38:20 AM
Quote from: Bruce Twiddleton on July 22, 2012, 11:23:46 PM
Whoever is in charge of the funeral asks if someone wants to speak so presumably the ten year old agreed to it. Whether they did so out of obligation is another thing entirely.
As for myself i want the standard wake funeral and burial. I used to want cremation until i considered the environmental implications. Funeral service is to be nonchristian but some sort of watered down spiritual thing. Getting hammered is obligatory and some whiskey is to be spilled on my grave. Extra points if the wake is arranged such that people think its a party at a bar and theres a half consumed drink in front of my slumped over body with cool kid written on my forehead. Poor bastard who realizes im dead gets one on the house.
Honestly I am surprised the bolded was never acknowledged.
Totally missed it.
I approve, but for some reason, prudes in government call that "desecrating a corpse", when you and I know it's really "having a laugh".
I'll put a provision in my will once I get one together so that anyone involved is not unduly prosecuted. And seriously that's the difference between a funeral and a wake, at least in my mind. The wake is to celebrate, the funeral is to mourn. What better way to celebrate if I can pull of a post mortem prank?
There was a story that some UT medical students stole a body and took it to a party. They arranged him at a picnic table like he was passed out. I don't know if there's any truth to it, but if it happened it was an utter waste of effort because NONE OF THE PARTYGOERS NOTICED
That makes twid sad.
Twid
alcohol works like fucking caffeine on me.
Caffeine interestingly keeps me barely awake. I consider it the lamest drug ever because it cant even do what it says on the label for me as of 1998
Quote from: Bruce Twiddleton on July 24, 2012, 04:42:42 AM
Caffeine interestingly keeps me barely awake. I consider it the lamest drug ever because it cant even do what it says on the label for me as of 1998
It usually wires me up a little, but sometimes it'll make me nod off for a minute or two. WTF?
The crappy thing about caffeine addiction is that it barely gets you to normal. Booze is the only thing that keeps me consistantly awake because well genetic propensity towards alcoholism. I always want to get more drunk. I at least recognize this.
Caffiene makes me oh god oh god oh god.
Alcohol makes me OH FUCKING GOD IS THIS A BAD IDEA? WHATEVERRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!
Speaking of bad ideas and god and death, where the FUCK is Squid?
Alcohol makes me pee too much, even when I'm not drunk. DAMN YOU HIGH METABOLISM :argh!:
Caffeine on the other hand....makes me pee a lot.