Inspired by Pixie's suggestion and several of the excellent recent ongoing threads about sex and gender interaction in society, I thought I'd start this thread as a repository/discussion box for the topic.
Everyone should feel free to include sex and dating advice from their own perspective; don't feel like it needs to be massaged to be applicable to everyone, although in many, if not most, cases, it will be to some degree or another, regardless of what the specific combination of dongles and ports may be. I'll start by digging up an old post I wrote last year.
This is some of the accumulated wisdom of my recent dating experiences as I continue to go on dismayingly bad dates and find new, fascinating ways in which men sabotage their own chances. These are all tips harvested from actual first dates. They're directed at men because I date men, but ladies; most or all of these tips apply to you too. Don't blow it.
I'm going to start with some don'ts for a first date:
1. Don't ninja-kiss.
Ninja-kissing is any kind of move that gets your lips to her lips unexpectedly, before she has a chance to intercept or deflect. A classic is the lean-in-close, "What's that perfume you're wearing?" and then BAM. This may be charming at some point AFTER the first kiss, but is completely unacceptable for the first kiss. For the first kiss, you want there to be an unmistakable connection and mutual interest; you should be facing each other and she should be leaning toward you, making lots of eye contact.
2. Don't put your fingers in her ears.
This should be self-explanatory.
3. Don't go for the first kiss while you're still in the restaurant.
Some girls may be OK with PDA, but until you know, don't do it. It's awkward and embarrassing to disentangle yourself from a guy who you had been interested in right up until he went in for a makeout session at your table at Besaw's while the other patrons watch and the waiter awkwardly avoids your table.
4. Take no for an answer.
This is obvious when it comes to sex (and it's a first date, so you SHOULD NOT be trying to get into her pants yet anyway) but it applies to everything. If you want to offer to pick up the tab, that's fine, but if she says no, don't reply with "I insist". If you offer to walk her or give her a ride home and she says no, DO NOT insist or try to talk her into it. That crosses the boundary to creepyland, and you will not be getting a second date. Likewise, if you do end up making out at the end of the night and you invite her in, if she says no, drop it. And don't angle for excuses to get insider her house, either; I don't care how badly you have to pee. If she doesn't invite you in, don't ask. See next point:
5. Don't try to get laid on the first date.
This is a big one. This can be THE dealbreaker on a date where everything else went smoothly. She may be totally into you and think you're the cat's pajamas, but as soon as you angle for pussy, the doors slam shut and you won't be seeing her again, ever. If she is totally into you and wants to fuck your brains out RIGHT THIS SECOND, it will only get her hotter if you make her wait for it, and if she's on the fence, this could be the bucket of cold water that gets her off of it and securely back on her own side with a scattergun aimed at your face. Don't ever mention anything about your cock; this does not get girls hot on the first date. Don't try to put your hand in her pants or under her shirt. Don't make a show of adjusting your erection after you make out. Just don't.
6. Don't ask her out on a second date while you're still on the first date.
It's a tricky line to walk, because if she's totally super into you, this won't be a dealbreaker. But if she's not sure, it will make you seem pathetic and desperate. You can mention things you think would be fun, and you can even say something like "if we hang out again we should (fill in the blank)" but not more than once. If you keep on repeating anything about hanging out in the future, you start to look pitiful and needy, like you need constant reassurance and are also already mentally filling out a wedding registry. Focus on the now. Tell her you're having a great time and are really glad you're hanging out. But save the talk of future plans for later. Related:
7. If you absolutely cannot refrain from texting her immediately after the date, text her once.
Only once. Don't be effusive, don't ask her out again yet, just say something like "I had a great time" or "You're so beautiful!" Better yet, don't. And DEFINITELY don't text her 14 or 15 times and then call her before she's even made it home. For the love of god, don't look up her work email address on the internet and email her several times the next day asking if she got your texts and why she hasn't gotten back to you yet and talking about your amazing connection and how you just know she's the one.
8. Don't text her shirtless (or naked) cell phone pics and ask her for some in return.
Especially on a major holiday that she is undoubtedly spending with her family. You definitely won't get a second date that way.
9. When you're making out behind the bar after hours and she asks what you should do now, it is not a good time to mention that you'd really love to crash at her place because you live in your car and it gets cold at night.
10. After you have completely disregarded all the above advice and she declines to go on a second date with you, or simply ignores your increasingly desperate attempts at reaching her, leave her the fuck alone. Don't text her overwrought messages about how you can't believe she's just throwing it all away and you should have known better than to open up because it always just means you get burned, and don't your feelings have any influence in the matter, and she is such a cold unfeeling bitch but oh god if she would just give you a chance and stop pushing you away you know you could heal her and you'd be good to her baby, THAT WHORE she's probably fucking her ex-boyfriend. But you're so glad you got to have sushi with her for that one precious hour, even if it had to end like this.
Don't do that, for sure.
Quote from: Dear Departed Uncle Nigel on August 08, 2012, 03:36:22 AM
2. Don't put your fingers in her ears.
This should be self-explanatory.
That's kinda hot.
(serious material tomorrow)
Don't talk about people you hate. Most especially you should not go on at great length about how you hate your ex, or jews, or anyone else. In fact, never talk about that at any point in your relationship/courtship, it's most important that you not talk about how much you hate the gays when someone is trying to get to know you.
Don't try to convince people of widely unpopular "truths" on a first date. This may include, but is not limited to, telling people Obama is not American OR Kenyan, but is Nigerian (and also Jewish).
Do be up front if all you're looking for is sex, sex, and more sex. Don't get upset if the people you try to date decide to not date you. Do try to understand that the people you may be courting are looking for something more meaningful, and move on.
- Unless you already know this person fairly well, do not try to hug them when you meet up for the first date. It comes off as over-familiar and that's a no-no, particularly for females and women.
- If, at the end of the date, you feel the need to hug them and they indicate (verbally or physically) that they don't want you to, accept it. Forcing a hug is fucking creepy (at best) and creepers don't get a second date.
All of what Nigel said, but especially this.There is nothing more woman repellant than a guy who acts like a starving dog.
Quote from: Dear Departed Uncle Nigel on August 08, 2012, 03:36:22 AM
5. Don't try to get laid on the first date.
This is a big one. This can be THE dealbreaker on a date where everything else went smoothly. She may be totally into you and think you're the cat's pajamas, but as soon as you angle for pussy, the doors slam shut and you won't be seeing her again, ever. If she is totally into you and wants to fuck your brains out RIGHT THIS SECOND, it will only get her hotter if you make her wait for it, and if she's on the fence, this could be the bucket of cold water that gets her off of it and securely back on her own side with a scattergun aimed at your face. Don't ever mention anything about your cock; this does not get girls hot on the first date. Don't try to put your hand in her pants or under her shirt. Don't make a show of adjusting your erection after you make out. Just don't.
If we're thinking that way, we will LET YOU KNOW. Women are not shy. We are filthy little beings, oh yes. :fap:
Make us wait anyway.
Dont complain about your ex. (at least for a month, and not out of the blue)
Instead of telling things that are supposed to show me how you are "so over him" and he was an "asshole", you are actually showing me how much you think about him still, making me want to leave right there, because i know getting involved with you might involve a clusterfuck that involves the ex.
Dont date people that are in a relationship.
I dated a person for about 2 weeks and found out they were not really single; i should have stopped going out with her as soon as i had found out, and it just led to a lot of drama.
The best way to make a woman feel the special feeling for you is not drugs, you unevolved knuckle-dragging proto-primate. It's DISCO! ...Seriously though, it isn't disco, either.
On a serious note, it may seem somewhat obvious, but for a first date -- and generally for subsequent ones, too -- try to have something to do. The standards are dinner, a movie, or for the adventurous type, dinner and a movie. There are also other activities, but I've never gotten far enough to try any of them out before I was engaged and we had 2 kids. Having something to do -- anything -- works that well. But I've also been on a "date" that consists of sitting in someone's living room, wondering what to do. This is not a date. It's just sad.
Speaking of sad things, funerals are more like a six-month anniversary thing than a first or second date thing. The exception to this is when neither you nor your date knows the deceased, and you just show up for snacks. In this case, however, if you are a male, it's incredibly important that you restrain your instinct to pick up a different date at the funeral, unless that's the plan from the beginning and you're both in on it.
And, of course, when one of your dates brings you to a moment where sexual activity is likely, please remember to wear protection, and not just the Viking helmet.
Don't play any goddamned games..
I went on two dates with a girl that would make out, say "I'm not really in the mood", then would start making out two minutes later, then say 'no' a minute later and then start the tongue again. That shit is confusing as fuck.
Be clear if "Do you want to go to the club tonight?" means "lets go on a date to the club" or "let's go to the club as friends, because there is a hot guy there that I like."
Finally, do not say "I used to have a problem with drugs." If what you really mean is "I haven't shot heroin in two weeks." When the sweater comes off, the tracks are obvious and that will end the evening.
(Seriously, the first three girls after my wife left; almost made me become a voluntary eunuch.)
Oh and don't show up drunk at the guys house at 1 AM after three dates... ask to sleep over, then leave with the blankets while he's sleeping because you puked all over them. All of that is just badwrong.
(...and you all wonder wtf is wrong with me :lulz: )
Don't go on about how lame you are. If you make a blunder, make your genuine apology and move on. Don't talk about how much saying something kind of dumb in second grade makes you want to stab yourself in the head and snap the fucking knife off at the hilt. Don't talk about how you hate hurting people, it makes you feel like cutting up your face with with broken glass. Don't lament to your date friends you lost contact with several years ago. I don't care if you still miss them, if they were your soul mate. Leave it be for now.
ON the subject of soul mates, don't use the term "soul mate" on a first date unless a question similar to "What are you looking for?" pops up, and even then, that's a bit on the side of creepy enough to make a girl flinch. Definitely do not latch onto a person and think of them as your soul mate if you get to the sex part.
Learn to read body language. Tense muscles means tense emotional state. Leaning away = negative (uncomfortable), leaning forward = positive (engaged). Glazed eyes = boredom, either change the subject or ask the other person some questions to reengage their interest.
If you are becoming bored, do not start fooling around on your iPhone. Cut short the date, and stop wasting everyone's time, instead.
Dont go on long soliloquies about your cat on the first date.
In retrospective, i think it was her attempt to hold a conversation rather than have the possibility of an awkward silence... in a sense its trying to keep the ball rolling with a person you like, but if the person is too caught up in the moment and doesnt notice the intent, it creates cringy moments for the partner.
Quote from: Joh'Nyx on August 08, 2012, 05:47:12 AM
Dont go on long soliloquies about your cat on the first date.
Ohhh. :lol: Whoops.
- If your date looks bored by your story, wrap it up and find something else to talk about (or hand the proverbial mic over to them)
It would be patronising to post this as a tip of what not to do, as it's more a case study of sheer sickening horror (assuming that it's not actually a troll (please be a troll)): http://vgperson.tumblr.com/post/21533650696/help-the-girl-i-like-wont-respond-to-my-emails
Quote from: Dear Departed Uncle Nigel on August 08, 2012, 03:36:22 AM2. Don't put your fingers in her ears.
This should be self-explanatory.
I have one exception. I was in the noisy part of a club and couldn't hear anything. The girl I was with pushed the flappy part over the canal and could shout in my ear without it hurting. Genius and also thoughtful.
(Wasn't exactly a date, though.)
Quote from: Freeky Queen of DERP on August 08, 2012, 05:28:51 AM
Don't go on about how lame you are. If you make a blunder, make your genuine apology and move on. Don't talk about how much saying something kind of dumb in second grade makes you want to stab yourself in the head and snap the fucking knife off at the hilt. Don't talk about how you hate hurting people, it makes you feel like cutting up your face with with broken glass. Don't lament to your date friends you lost contact with several years ago. I don't care if you still miss them, if they were your soul mate. Leave it be for now.
ON the subject of soul mates, don't use the term "soul mate" on a first date unless a question similar to "What are you looking for?" pops up, and even then, that's a bit on the side of creepy enough to make a girl flinch. Definitely do not latch onto a person and think of them as your soul mate if you get to the sex part.
Learn to read body language. Tense muscles means tense emotional state. Leaning away = negative (uncomfortable), leaning forward = positive (engaged). Glazed eyes = boredom, either change the subject or ask the other person some questions to reengage their interest.
If you are becoming bored, do not start fooling around on your iPhone. Cut short the date, and stop wasting everyone's time, instead.
Is this just me and the shit I hear in my line of work, or should that be amended to DON'T SAY "SOUL MATE" EVER OR I WILL DRIVE A 57 CHEVY WITH FINS UP YOUR ASS IF YOU DON'T GTFO NAO?
I feel like it ought to be, but I sort of side eye the whole concept.
Quote from: TEXAS FAIRIES FOR ALL YOU SPAGS on August 08, 2012, 08:14:18 AM
Quote from: Freeky Queen of DERP on August 08, 2012, 05:28:51 AM
Don't go on about how lame you are. If you make a blunder, make your genuine apology and move on. Don't talk about how much saying something kind of dumb in second grade makes you want to stab yourself in the head and snap the fucking knife off at the hilt. Don't talk about how you hate hurting people, it makes you feel like cutting up your face with with broken glass. Don't lament to your date friends you lost contact with several years ago. I don't care if you still miss them, if they were your soul mate. Leave it be for now.
ON the subject of soul mates, don't use the term "soul mate" on a first date unless a question similar to "What are you looking for?" pops up, and even then, that's a bit on the side of creepy enough to make a girl flinch. Definitely do not latch onto a person and think of them as your soul mate if you get to the sex part.
Learn to read body language. Tense muscles means tense emotional state. Leaning away = negative (uncomfortable), leaning forward = positive (engaged). Glazed eyes = boredom, either change the subject or ask the other person some questions to reengage their interest.
If you are becoming bored, do not start fooling around on your iPhone. Cut short the date, and stop wasting everyone's time, instead.
Is this just me and the shit I hear in my line of work, or should that be amended to DON'T SAY "SOUL MATE" EVER OR I WILL DRIVE A 57 CHEVY WITH FINS UP YOUR ASS IF YOU DON'T GTFO NAO?
:lol: I dont know. I think it might be suitable sometimes, with an indeterminate number (almost said two, which is kinda ehhhh for poly people) of extremlly compatible partners who seem to have been made for each other, and like cliche poetry.
Because isn't that what a lot of people want? Someone or several someones with whom they would be happy to spend a long time with? Someone whose inner light shines brightly, warmly enough for them that the dark and the cold is fended off long enough to take a breath, to feel buoyed enough that the weight of your world doesn't break your brain into tiny little bits? A person who might give some measure to a cacophonous string orchestra, with all the strings wound so tightly that were you to try and play normally you'd cut yourself?
It's what I want. Not a savior or anything, but someone I could write poetry about.
Storks.
They are bipeds and they bring you babbies.
That's all I got. Sorry.
Quote from: Xooxe on August 08, 2012, 07:29:59 AM
It would be patronising to post this as a tip of what not to do, as it's more a case study of sheer sickening horror (assuming that it's not actually a troll (please be a troll)): http://vgperson.tumblr.com/post/21533650696/help-the-girl-i-like-wont-respond-to-my-emails
DEAR GOD I HOPE THAT'S A TROLL.
Your hair looks great. Please don't engage in a 3 hour monologue of how it got that way.
Also, "tee hee" is a deal-killer.
(Oh, the horror stories I could tell...)
-DONT try to find a similar personal experience to match or compare with every damn thing your date mentions.
-DONT feign interest .( Be REAL © ). if you don't give a airborne session of gonzo copulation: say so.
-REFRAIN from being/seeming desperate. (self-explanatory, but tricky for those who really are , as it sorta contradicts the .( Be REAL © ). part.
Quote from: standvast on August 08, 2012, 02:13:22 PM
-DONT try to find a similar personal experience to match or compare with every damn thing your date mentions.
-DONT feign interest .( Be REAL © ). if you don't give a airborne session of gonzo copulation: say so.
-REFRAIN from being/seeming desperate. (self-explanatory, but tricky for those who really are , as it sorta contradicts the .( Be REAL © ). part.
REAL is bullshit. Just saying.
DON'T
- Be nasty to the waiter, etc.
- Talk about your last relationship.
DO
- Smile
- Let the other person talk.
QuoteREAL is bullshit. Just saying.
Can't contest that. I prefer it over the many (Bullshit diguised as a tasty plate of nachos) alternatives though.
Quote from: standvast on August 08, 2012, 02:18:07 PM
QuoteREAL is bullshit. Just saying.
Can't contest that. I prefer it over the many (Bullshit diguised as a tasty plate of nachos) alternatives though.
I'm guessing you don't get too many second dates, when expressed as a percentage of overall dates.
QuoteI'm guessing you don't get too many second dates, when expressed as a percentage of overall dates.
-dead wrong- i just carbondated your guessingmechanism .
Quote from: standvast on August 08, 2012, 02:30:14 PM
QuoteI'm guessing you don't get too many second dates, when expressed as a percentage of overall dates.
-dead wrong- i just carbondated your guessingmechanism .
Whatever you say, man.
Quote from: Freeky Queen of DERP on August 08, 2012, 08:48:52 AM
Quote from: TEXAS FAIRIES FOR ALL YOU SPAGS on August 08, 2012, 08:14:18 AM
Quote from: Freeky Queen of DERP on August 08, 2012, 05:28:51 AM
Don't go on about how lame you are. If you make a blunder, make your genuine apology and move on. Don't talk about how much saying something kind of dumb in second grade makes you want to stab yourself in the head and snap the fucking knife off at the hilt. Don't talk about how you hate hurting people, it makes you feel like cutting up your face with with broken glass. Don't lament to your date friends you lost contact with several years ago. I don't care if you still miss them, if they were your soul mate. Leave it be for now.
ON the subject of soul mates, don't use the term "soul mate" on a first date unless a question similar to "What are you looking for?" pops up, and even then, that's a bit on the side of creepy enough to make a girl flinch. Definitely do not latch onto a person and think of them as your soul mate if you get to the sex part.
Learn to read body language. Tense muscles means tense emotional state. Leaning away = negative (uncomfortable), leaning forward = positive (engaged). Glazed eyes = boredom, either change the subject or ask the other person some questions to reengage their interest.
If you are becoming bored, do not start fooling around on your iPhone. Cut short the date, and stop wasting everyone's time, instead.
Is this just me and the shit I hear in my line of work, or should that be amended to DON'T SAY "SOUL MATE" EVER OR I WILL DRIVE A 57 CHEVY WITH FINS UP YOUR ASS IF YOU DON'T GTFO NAO?
:lol: I dont know. I think it might be suitable sometimes, with an indeterminate number (almost said two, which is kinda ehhhh for poly people) of extremlly compatible partners who seem to have been made for each other, and like cliche poetry.
Being it is different than saying it.
Also, "first date".
Also, anyone who starts messing with an iphone on a date?
Just get up and leave.
WOMEN: It may be a new century and a new era in gender equality, but please let the Male pay for the first date. Being newly sensitive, the male species is fragile and prone to bouts of depression when his urge to be The Provider cannot be satisfied.
MEN: It is a new century and a new era for gender equality! Do you know what that means? YES! It is no longer your responsibility to pay for the first date! Leave your wallet at home and relax. She's got this one covered.
After you've decided to date, unexpected flowers are always nice. Expected flowers, or an expectation of sex, is not as nice.
Note: this can also apply to women. I've been given flowers from a GF, and it was a pretty awesome feeling.
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on August 08, 2012, 03:27:18 PM
After you've decided to date, unexpected flowers are always nice. Expected flowers, or an expectation of sex, is not as nice.
Note: this can also apply to women. I've been given flowers from a GF, and it was a pretty awesome feeling.
Flowers and other gifts are 100% more fun and effective when sent to the workplace than presented in person. This creates a diversion at work, which is always fun, causes the person's friends to say good things about you and pisses off the person's enemies, if they have any.
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on August 08, 2012, 02:15:37 PM
DON'T
- Be nasty to the waiter, etc.
- Talk about your last relationship.
DO
- Smile
- Let the other person talk.
I can't stress that top one enough. Some people seem to be under the impression that they will look important if they're unpleasant, dismissive, or demanding toward service staff. They don't; they look like shallow jackasses who are only nice to people they're trying to impress or get something out of. That is a serious vetting tool for me; if a date is rude to the waiter, there will be no second date.
Quote from: v3x on August 08, 2012, 03:24:50 PM
WOMEN: It may be a new century and a new era in gender equality, but please let the Male pay for the first date. Being newly sensitive, the male species is fragile and prone to bouts of depression when his urge to be The Provider cannot be satisfied.
MEN: It is a new century and a new era for gender equality! Do you know what that means? YES! It is no longer your responsibility to pay for the first date! Leave your wallet at home and relax. She's got this one covered.
Vex should be put in some sort of government position, regulating important shit.
DON'T bombard your date with info you dug up on them on the intehwebs.
Do NOT tell her you've been logged into PD.com for 63 days. This will NOT impress her.
Unless she is Aini, in which case... jesus.
Quote from: standvast on August 08, 2012, 04:37:22 PM
DON'T bombard your date with info you dug up on them on the intehwebs.
I'd almost think that would go without saying. :lulz:
Quote from: Hoopla on August 08, 2012, 04:39:38 PM
Do NOT tell her you've been logged into PD.com for 63 days. This will NOT impress her.
Unless she is Aini, in which case... jesus.
184 days, and that's just under this account.
If that doesn't impress the ladies, what will?
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on August 08, 2012, 04:40:42 PM
Quote from: Hoopla on August 08, 2012, 04:39:38 PM
Do NOT tell her you've been logged into PD.com for 63 days. This will NOT impress her.
Unless she is Aini, in which case... jesus.
184 days, and that's just under this account.
If that doesn't impress the ladies, what will?
See, 184 days in an achievement... 63 days, though... embarrassing.
QuoteDON'T bombard your date with info you dug up on them on the intehwebs.
QuoteI'd almost think that would go without saying.
So did I , 'till this dude i know decided it was a viable tactic. she wasn't flattered.
Quote from: standvast on August 08, 2012, 04:46:38 PM
QuoteDON'T bombard your date with info you dug up on them on the intehwebs.
QuoteI'd almost think that would go without saying.
So did I , 'till this dude i know decided it was a viable tactic. she wasn't flattered.
That's an understatement. He's lucky he didn't get a restraining order nailed to his head by the local cops.
We are in the heart of Belgium. The cops were out for waffles.
Don't keep talking if it's obvious the other person doesn't want to listen to you (they themselves dominate the conversation, messing with phone, scoffing at things you say and providing a similar but MOAR personal experience, etc.) Like DOUR said, just leave.
Think of a date like a job interview: if you look like you're unemployed, you won't get one.
Quote from: v3x on August 08, 2012, 05:51:10 PM
Think of a date like a job interview: if you look like you're unemployed, you won't get one.
This is not self explanatory. Expand?
Quote from: Freeky Queen of DERP on August 08, 2012, 05:56:05 PM
Quote from: v3x on August 08, 2012, 05:51:10 PM
Think of a date like a job interview: if you look like you're unemployed, you won't get one.
This is not self explanatory. Expand?
People do not enjoy dating bums, or people who look like they were recently bums, or may in the near future become bums. Not because bums aren't sexy (in fact bums comprise roughly 70% of the sex-getting population, and enjoy a higher socio-sexual crossover rate to other denominations of human than most other minorities), but because bums are
broke. And in this economy, chances are your date is already approaching broke already. The point is that you should dress nice, and look like you're in charge of your finances, even if that's a damn dirty lie and you have to take out a second mortgage on your refrigerator box just to finance a bottle of cheap wine and a ticket to The Godfather Part III in your buddy's mom's basement.
This is terrible advice if you want a
meaningful relationship, but anyone who's reading a sex and dating advice guide created by Discordians deserves what they get.
Ah.
Quote from: v3x on August 08, 2012, 06:07:52 PM
Quote from: Freeky Queen of DERP on August 08, 2012, 05:56:05 PM
Quote from: v3x on August 08, 2012, 05:51:10 PM
Think of a date like a job interview: if you look like you're unemployed, you won't get one.
This is not self explanatory. Expand?
People do not enjoy dating bums, or people who look like they were recently bums, or may in the near future become bums. Not because bums aren't sexy (in fact bums comprise roughly 70% of the sex-getting population, and enjoy a higher socio-sexual crossover rate to other denominations of human than most other minorities), but because bums are broke. And in this economy, chances are your date is already approaching broke already. The point is that you should dress nice, and look like you're in charge of your finances, even if that's a damn dirty lie and you have to take out a second mortgage on your refrigerator box just to finance a bottle of cheap wine and a ticket to The Godfather Part III in your buddy's mom's basement.
This is terrible advice if you want a meaningful relationship, but anyone who's reading a sex and dating advice guide created by Discordians deserves what they get.
In reviewing the reasons for starting this thread, I find the above post FAIL.
V3x, please review the word "biped" in the thread title, and reconsider your post.
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on August 08, 2012, 06:59:12 PM
Quote from: v3x on August 08, 2012, 06:07:52 PM
Quote from: Freeky Queen of DERP on August 08, 2012, 05:56:05 PM
Quote from: v3x on August 08, 2012, 05:51:10 PM
Think of a date like a job interview: if you look like you're unemployed, you won't get one.
This is not self explanatory. Expand?
People do not enjoy dating bums, or people who look like they were recently bums, or may in the near future become bums. Not because bums aren't sexy (in fact bums comprise roughly 70% of the sex-getting population, and enjoy a higher socio-sexual crossover rate to other denominations of human than most other minorities), but because bums are broke. And in this economy, chances are your date is already approaching broke already. The point is that you should dress nice, and look like you're in charge of your finances, even if that's a damn dirty lie and you have to take out a second mortgage on your refrigerator box just to finance a bottle of cheap wine and a ticket to The Godfather Part III in your buddy's mom's basement.
This is terrible advice if you want a meaningful relationship, but anyone who's reading a sex and dating advice guide created by Discordians deserves what they get.
In reviewing the reasons for starting this thread, I find the above post FAIL.
V3x, please review the word "biped" in the thread title, and reconsider your post.
I realize that everyone is being all "serious and straightforward and no funny business" with their contributions to this thread, but that doesn't mean that's what
I'm doing. In fact I'm really tired of Discordianism that's too smart to make me giggle like an idiot, but that's a different story.
Bottom line for THIS post is: People are not always as dumb as you think they are, and are likely to translate even a fairly complex, abstract idea relatively accurately without always holding their hand. The tongue-in-cheek nature of my explanation is clearly not meant to be SERIOUS, for fuck's sake. The resulting idea is that "bending over backwards to look richer than you are is stupid," but that means asking the reader to form connections and conclusions on his own, which is
a no-no these days.
My opinion is that anyone needing dating advice that would take Vex's totally over the top posts as serious doesn't need to be wading around in the gene pool anyway.
And while I've been enjoying the recent threads, I also have to say that if we can't joke about this shit, then we've all put on uniforms of our own.
Fine. Me --> :lord:
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on August 08, 2012, 07:13:12 PM
Fine. Me --> :lord:
OH YEAH?
ME ---> :winner:
DOUR,
Dumber than ALL of you fuckers.
I propose a mental experiment while reading this thread:
Think about to which kind of people you would appeal to, by doing the opposite of the advice given in this thread. :lol:
For example, going back to OP page 1:
Ninja kissing might be a succesful move, but only with women that are very passive and dont take charge of their involvement in the developtment of the relationship, possibly with some self esteem problems.
Do talk about hateful and unfounded rumours about how the president is Kenyan and a socialist-
if you want a Teabagger for a lover.
Quote from: Joh'Nyx on August 08, 2012, 08:18:32 PM
Do talk about hateful and unfounded rumours about how the president is Kenyan and a socialist-
if you want a Teabagger for a lover.
That's terrifying. :lulz:
Continuing with the thought experiment, when told that you're creepy and unbalanced, turn up your intensity, because that'll show her you are really serious about her. This might appeal to people who think stalking is the purest form of love expression. They exist, I know one of them.
If your date does something you disagree with, no matter how slight, begin to pout, and become withdrawn. IMPORTANT: Do not say what's bothering you. Continue this behavior until your date begins desperately doing whatever they can to please you.
On the first date, sometime during the first ten minutes, talk about having children. In the next ten minutes, enumerate qualities you've seen thus far in your date as being what you're looking for in a potential mate. Declare your love for him/her, begin planning wedding registry.
This technique will work on about 1/3 of men over 30, and 1/2 over 35, on OKC, I don't know about the women.
DATING TIP #793: ANAL ON THE FIRST DATE.
http://vgperson.tumblr.com/post/21533650696/help-the-girl-i-like-wont-respond-to-my-emails
Do everything this person did.
Goofus worries that his date might be too drunk to give actual consent.
Gallant knows his frat brothers can intimidate her family if necessary.
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on August 08, 2012, 09:52:32 PM
Goofus worries that his date might be too drunk to give actual consent.
Gallant knows his frat brothers can intimidate her family if necessary.
Hilights? :lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
ETA: Needs crappy cartoons!
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on August 08, 2012, 04:40:02 PM
Quote from: standvast on August 08, 2012, 04:37:22 PM
DON'T bombard your date with info you dug up on them on the intehwebs.
I'd almost think that would go without saying. :lulz:
OH, YOU WOULD THINK. :lol:
I like the serious and am glad we are all trying to build a better biped, but we can't all save the world at once so it's a good idea of some of us crank up the funny sometimes. :lulz:
I miss Cram for that. But I'm glad we have the funnymakers we do have.
Maybe a cultural thing but in scotland we pretty much always fuck on the first date. Sometimes we fuck before the first date. Other than that, yeah, I'd say most of the advice ITT will translate across the pond.
Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on August 09, 2012, 10:46:00 AM
Maybe a cultural thing but in scotland we pretty much always fuck on the first date. Sometimes we fuck before the first date. Other than that, yeah, I'd say most of the advice ITT will translate across the pond.
The fucking usually comes before the dating in England too. Most of my relationships came after a shag, and then we had the chat about where it was going, or just hung out and fucked for a while until it became a relationship. Formal dating in the UK is usually as a result of being set up with someone or internet dating, unless you are uber religious.
Quote from: Pixie on August 09, 2012, 12:23:21 PM
Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on August 09, 2012, 10:46:00 AM
Maybe a cultural thing but in scotland we pretty much always fuck on the first date. Sometimes we fuck before the first date. Other than that, yeah, I'd say most of the advice ITT will translate across the pond.
The fucking usually comes before the dating in England too. Most of my relationships came after a shag, and then we had the chat about where it was going, or just hung out and fucked for a while until it became a relationship. Formal dating in the UK is usually as a result of being set up with someone or internet dating, unless you are uber religious.
Exactly. Wasn't sure about england. My only experience of dating an english person was when she came up to scotland for a shag and to see if we liked each other enough to date. It makes perfect sense to me - physical attraction comes first, then a relationship might happen if you're compatible. The - don't fuck on first date - thing always struck me as some some weird, contrived shit that only happened in american sitcoms by way of advancing the plot. :eek:
It's the same in Norway, too. I don't know, but I am fairly certain most of Europe is like that.
So we're agreed, then, it's just America and countries where the Taliban have a foothold?
Would seem like that, yes.
Quote from: Pixie on August 09, 2012, 12:23:21 PM
Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on August 09, 2012, 10:46:00 AM
Maybe a cultural thing but in scotland we pretty much always fuck on the first date. Sometimes we fuck before the first date. Other than that, yeah, I'd say most of the advice ITT will translate across the pond.
The fucking usually comes before the dating in England too. Most of my relationships came after a shag, and then we had the chat about where it was going, or just hung out and fucked for a while until it became a relationship. Formal dating in the UK is usually as a result of being set up with someone or internet dating, unless you are uber religious.
in the 90's here, dating went by the wayside completely, and people just fucked and then assumed they were a couple.
Not having sex on the first date is a function largely of online dating and dating people you don't already know well. If you already know them, there's no point in holding off... the whole concept behind it is that you want to take a couple dates to get a sense for who they are.
Age and socioeconomic factors come into play, as well.
I think I see what you're saying, Nigel. In my scene, when I was single, people didn't really go on dates with strangers, or relative strangers. There was a crowd of people, who knew each other, or had friends vouching for friends-of-friends, so the "get to know you" part of it was already well established before dating occurred. Which resulted in a lot of fucking-before-dating, and first-date-fucking. The "date" part was to establish romantic/commitment ties, after the sexual compatibility component was confirmed.
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on August 09, 2012, 04:37:03 PM
I think I see what you're saying, Nigel. In my scene, when I was single, people didn't really go on dates with strangers, or relative strangers. There was a crowd of people, who knew each other, or had friends vouching for friends-of-friends, so the "get to know you" part of it was already well established before dating occurred. Which resulted in a lot of fucking-before-dating, and first-date-fucking. The "date" part was to establish romantic/commitment ties, after the sexual compatibility component was confirmed.
I think that's common everywhere. The not having sex on the first date thing is really only applicable when you're dating a stranger or near-stranger. Especially as people get older and their social pool becomes more settled, with fewer new people coming into it as people party less, when they find themselves single they're more likely to turn to online dating or singles meetup groups or speed dating, those kinds of situations where you might end up on a date with someone you don't know.
Are you trying to say that context is important when dating?
Preposterous!
If you're on a date with a gal/female, please please for the love of god, do not monopolize the conversation the entire. It's jerky and there are at least three guys I have not called back because he hardly let me get a word on edgewise.
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on August 09, 2012, 04:51:44 PM
Are you trying to say that context is important when dating?
Preposterous!
:lulz:
Something I've learned goes against the grain of some of the existing advice because I'm in general more likely to be too reserved than too forward.
-if there's something in your head, spit it out. It won't sound stupid.
-talk about stuff you're passionate about. If they're not into it, and least you'll get an indication of how well you click, and you can always follow up with a question to get them starting a new topic.
-make lots of offers (this is a good drama term for moving action forward in an improvised scene). Put out suggestions and ideas while hanging out, and more of them will be taken up than you imagine.
Quote-talk about stuff you're passionate about. If they're not into it, and least you'll get an indication of how well you click, and you can always follow up with a question to get them starting a new topic.
That's a good one, as it can lead to both amazing experiences, as well as cutting useless dates short.
Quote from: Placid Dingo on August 09, 2012, 11:37:57 PM
-make lots of offers (this is a good drama term for moving action forward in an improvised scene). Put out suggestions and ideas while hanging out, and more of them will be taken up than you imagine.
This. Anything is a good idea when the alternative is just staring awkwardly at each other. Scaring birds. Climbing rooftops. Going dumpster diving (a bit hard to combine with not coming across as a bum). My brother is really good at this (ignoring for a second that he's an inconsiderate PUA asshole at times. Note: that perception is possibly colored by my own envy and bitterness due to being rather useless romantically)
I don't have much to contribute here, but this thread could be useful when I eventually decide to try to break out of my celibacy.
Quote from: Placid Dingo on August 09, 2012, 11:37:57 PM
Something I've learned goes against the grain of some of the existing advice because I'm in general more likely to be too reserved than too forward.
-if there's something in your head, spit it out. It won't sound stupid.
-talk about stuff you're passionate about. If they're not into it, and least you'll get an indication of how well you click, and you can always follow up with a question to get them starting a new topic.
-make lots of offers (this is a good drama term for moving action forward in an improvised scene). Put out suggestions and ideas while hanging out, and more of them will be taken up than you imagine.
THIS THIS THIS!
"Hey, do you want to walk down to the Superfund site and leave a pile of mutilated stuffed animals under the railroad trestle?"
"I know this pipe that goes under the city and comes out under the river down by Front Street... wanna get headlamps and water shoes and go down it with me?"
These are things that determine compatibility much better than any dinner-and-a-movie ever could. Plus, if you've ever listened to or read Helen Fisher's work on the neurochemistry of love, you know that novel stimuli actually make the brain more susceptible to infatuation. (Be careful with that knowledge, it can go awry.)
When you are interested in a girl, you are both gamers, the subject of your conversation is bad gamer habits, and the girl abashedly admits to sometimes getting grabby with the loot, DO NOT FUCKING SAY, "Well, I hate to say it, but that's because you're a woman." Nor should you follow this with a tangent on how women always want to be bought things.
Also, don't be surprised if the store suddenly feels about ten degrees cooler, and the girl is suddenly terse and not talkative.
Never say the phrase "I'm okay with gay marriage, because I think everyone has the right to be miserable for the rest of their life because of being stuck with someone else," or any variation on that. Just don't fucking say it.
Nigel said something earlier, and it got me thinking..."Who dates, anymore?"
I hear some of you do, but I've never really bothered. At least not formally. I meet people through people, hang out, and wherever it goes is wherever it goes. I'm most likely to go out and do things with them AFTER we're "a thing".
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on August 10, 2012, 01:58:45 PM
Nigel said something earlier, and it got me thinking..."Who dates, anymore?"
I hear some of you do, but I've never really bothered. At least not formally. I meet people through people, hang out, and wherever it goes is wherever it goes. I'm most likely to go out and do things with them AFTER we're "a thing".
To me, other than my stint with the excruciatingly formal Mr. Language, "dating" is something I do with people from online, like OK Cupid or whatever.
I guess the first person in my life I "dated" proper-like was Polar Bear Pants, because I met him one night at a party and he called me a couple days later and asked me out. We went out, and then he sent me roses at work, and we went out a couple more times and had sex and got married and had a baby and it was all very old-fashioned and romantic until what, six-seven years later when it all fell apart.
Anyway, it turns out, statistically speaking in the US, that formal "dating" is increasingly popular, probably due to the rise in popularity and common accepted use of online dating services among younger people.
Myself, I'm going to fall back on the old "got drunk, fucked someone I've known for years" method. That seems to be my most personally reliable method of finding a mate.
I can also see the appeal with dating when one is older... even though I'm not in the dating pool, I think I've done enough stupid shit to realize that I may want to be extra sure I'm compatible with someone socially before I start churning up huge vats of oxytocin.
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on August 10, 2012, 04:43:21 PM
I can also see the appeal with dating when one is older... even though I'm not in the dating pool, I think I've done enough stupid shit to realize that I may want to be extra sure I'm compatible with someone socially before I start churning up huge vats of oxytocin.
OH yeah. Especially when you're somebody like me, who grew up with a complete lack of healthy relationships to model mine after and went straight into a dysfunctional marriage without bothering to fuck, let alone date, anyone else first. And then a second dysfunctional marriage, and a couple years later a third, slightly less dysfunctional one. This right now is the longest in my adult life that I have been unmarried, let alone single; Polar Bear Pants moved out four years ago this month. The dating I've done over the last couple of years has been a really good way of strengthening my boundaries and figuring out what I'm looking for in a person I want to spend my life with, vs. my usual "We're fucking, I guess you're my new husband!" MO.
Normal healthy people with normal healthy parents do this kind of exploration in high school and their early 20's, but I was raised in the middle of the woods by a crazy woman and didn't go to high school, so I missed out on all that and have to figure it out in my forties.
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on August 10, 2012, 01:58:45 PM
Nigel said something earlier, and it got me thinking..."Who dates, anymore?"
I hear some of you do, but I've never really bothered. At least not formally. I meet people through people, hang out, and wherever it goes is wherever it goes. I'm most likely to go out and do things with them AFTER we're "a thing".
I'm pretty much right there. I've only "dated" a few times. It's kind of always an awkward bag of wretch.
The main advantage that I've seen to the way you describe is that you can actually make *FRIENDS*. I've dated a couple of women that I totally dug person to person but there was absolutely no chemistry. Having met on a date-date, any attempt to hang out with them after that is treated like an attempt to pursue something romantic, instead of just, you know, hanging out with some rad person you get along with.
Which brings me to my one and only addition to this thread: KNOW WHAT YOU WANT BEFORE YOU GO LOOKING FOR IT!
My friends have a sort of unofficial "don't shit where you eat" policy when it comes to dating in our social group. Messy endings result in splintering of the group. :/
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on August 10, 2012, 10:35:10 PM
My friends have a sort of unofficial "don't shit where you eat" policy when it comes to dating in our social group. Messy endings result in splintering of the group. :/
This.
Also, if your partner won't let you hang out with friends of the opposite or same sex, as applicable, unaccompanied, run.
If most of your friends and family don't like your new partner, there's a reason and you should think about things.
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on August 10, 2012, 11:13:14 PM
Also, if your partner won't let you hang out with friends of the opposite or same sex, as applicable, unaccompanied, run.
THISTHISTHISTHIS. :x
QuoteIf most of your friends and family don't like your new partner, there's a reason and you should think about things.
See above.
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on August 10, 2012, 11:13:14 PM
Also, if your partner won't let you hang out with friends of the opposite or same sex, as applicable, unaccompanied, run.
If most of your friends and family don't like your new partner, there's a reason and you should think about things.
I fucking hate this about my family. They never told me until after I broke up, that they didn't like whichever chick I was dating at the time. :argh!: Granted I ofcourse have no sense I would never have listened anyways. :lulz:
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on August 10, 2012, 11:13:14 PM
Also, if your partner won't let you hang out with friends of the opposite or same sex, as applicable, unaccompanied, run.
This.
As for telling people, they never listen. Then they say "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME!", and I reply "BECAUSE THE LAST TIME I DID THAT, YOU TOLD ME TO JAM A SOCK IT."
My first wife's mother, before we married, took me aside and said "I love you like a son. You really shouldn't marry her. I don't want you to have to deal with it..."
If only I had listened.
Quote from: Bebek Sincap Ratatosk on August 10, 2012, 11:31:34 PM
My first wife's mother, before we married, took me aside and said "I love you like a son. You really shouldn't marry her. I don't want you to have to deal with it..."
If only I had listened.
Wow.
If her own mom is warning you off, you know...
On the other hand, it could just has easily been her way of saying "get away from my daughter."
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on August 10, 2012, 11:34:01 PM
Quote from: Bebek Sincap Ratatosk on August 10, 2012, 11:31:34 PM
My first wife's mother, before we married, took me aside and said "I love you like a son. You really shouldn't marry her. I don't want you to have to deal with it..."
If only I had listened.
Wow.
If her own mom is warning you off, you know...
On the other hand, it could just has easily been her way of saying "get away from my daughter."
She treated Andi with kid gloves all the time, well ever since she got the Daibetus at age 12. I just assumed it was more mommy behavior. Now I know it was serious. When the shit fell apart, I went out and got drunk. Passed out on the park bench drunk. They found my ID, called my Father in law (the presiding overseer of our JW congregation) and he came and got me, and never said a word.... Somehow I had a terrible wife and wonderful in-laws.
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on August 10, 2012, 11:13:14 PM
Also, if your partner won't let you hang out with friends of the opposite or same sex, as applicable, unaccompanied, run.
If most of your friends and family don't like your new partner, there's a reason and you should think about things.
Anything remotely resembling "won't let", RUN LIKE A SCALDED CAT.
Quote from: TEXAS FAIRIES FOR ALL YOU SPAGS on August 11, 2012, 02:19:20 AM
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on August 10, 2012, 11:13:14 PM
Also, if your partner won't let you hang out with friends of the opposite or same sex, as applicable, unaccompanied, run.
If most of your friends and family don't like your new partner, there's a reason and you should think about things.
Anything remotely resembling "won't let", RUN LIKE A SCALDED CAT.
Unless it's "won't let you control them", "won't let you steamroller them", etc.
Quote from: Dear Departed Uncle Nigel on August 11, 2012, 02:51:09 AM
Quote from: TEXAS FAIRIES FOR ALL YOU SPAGS on August 11, 2012, 02:19:20 AM
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on August 10, 2012, 11:13:14 PM
Also, if your partner won't let you hang out with friends of the opposite or same sex, as applicable, unaccompanied, run.
If most of your friends and family don't like your new partner, there's a reason and you should think about things.
Anything remotely resembling "won't let", RUN LIKE A SCALDED CAT.
Unless it's "won't let you control them", "won't let you steamroller them", etc.
That's when you run after them, not from them. :fnord:
Quote from: Dear Departed Uncle Nigel on August 11, 2012, 02:51:09 AM
Quote from: TEXAS FAIRIES FOR ALL YOU SPAGS on August 11, 2012, 02:19:20 AM
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on August 10, 2012, 11:13:14 PM
Also, if your partner won't let you hang out with friends of the opposite or same sex, as applicable, unaccompanied, run.
If most of your friends and family don't like your new partner, there's a reason and you should think about things.
Anything remotely resembling "won't let", RUN LIKE A SCALDED CAT.
Unless it's "won't let you control them", "won't let you steamroller them", etc.
Well yeah, that's different. :fap:
Quote from: Joh'Nyx on August 11, 2012, 05:42:36 AM
Quote from: Dear Departed Uncle Nigel on August 11, 2012, 02:51:09 AM
Quote from: TEXAS FAIRIES FOR ALL YOU SPAGS on August 11, 2012, 02:19:20 AM
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on August 10, 2012, 11:13:14 PM
Also, if your partner won't let you hang out with friends of the opposite or same sex, as applicable, unaccompanied, run.
If most of your friends and family don't like your new partner, there's a reason and you should think about things.
Anything remotely resembling "won't let", RUN LIKE A SCALDED CAT.
Unless it's "won't let you control them", "won't let you steamroller them", etc.
That's when you run after them, not from them. :fnord:
Yeah, it is if you're me. :horrormirth:
One I learned in restrospect: If you can't be in the company of your buddies and your new squeeze without constantly gritting your teeth and hoping like fuck she doesn't start some dumb argument that requires you to take a side - club her to death, leave her in a ditch and go find a replacement. :argh!:
Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on August 13, 2012, 03:55:11 PM
One I learned in restrospect: If you can't be in the company of your buddies and your new squeeze without constantly gritting your teeth and hoping like fuck she doesn't start some dumb argument that requires you to take a side - club her to death, leave her in a ditch and go find a replacement. :argh!:
"Ex-Boyfriends - you, especially, Roger - should be tied in a sack full of cats, and thrown in the ocean."
- Dawn, the second girl I ever dated, 26 years after the fact.
Take chances asking for what you want, be it a kiss or a dance or a climb up a tree.
Thats never worked out badly for me. I've either found the other person keen our been politely refused with minimum embarrassment.
I'm at an early stage in this entire thing, just barely approaching the Dating and Sex parts of it all, so maybe this is just vaguely related to the thread topic.
Generally (without specifying sexual or romantic or emotional interest), I've noticed that I tend to "weird out" girls with long silences and apparent lack of interest (yes, it's ridiculous that I behave differently around males and females, and it makes me feel a bit guilty about succumbing to traditional perceptions of gender). I think I'm showing interest, but it turns out it's not that visible from outside my mind. They're not completely weirded out, just so that we at best end up as friendly acquaintances. If I wasn't so inhibited by my anxiety, that could have developed into relations that would better satisfy my need for intimacy. At least I'm growing up, and gradually making progress at handling situations like that in a better way.
Quote from: Lenin/McCarthy on August 14, 2012, 01:03:44 AM
I'm at an early stage in this entire thing, just barely approaching the Dating and Sex parts of it all, so maybe this is just vaguely related to the thread topic.
Generally (without specifying sexual or romantic or emotional interest), I've noticed that I tend to "weird out" girls with long silences and apparent lack of interest (yes, it's ridiculous that I behave differently around males and females, and it makes me feel a bit guilty about succumbing to traditional perceptions of gender). I think I'm showing interest, but it turns out it's not that visible from outside my mind. They're not completely weirded out, just so that we at best end up as friendly acquaintances. If I wasn't so inhibited by my anxiety, that could have developed into relations that would better satisfy my need for intimacy. At least I'm growing up, and gradually making progress at handling situations like that in a better way.
Social skills are a learned behavior. There is no substitute for practice.
Note that by "social skills" I mean "conversation", not "PUA tricks".
Don't fucking invite yourself. Jesus Mokeyass Christ.
Invite them, or wait for them to invite you, but don't be the asshole that says:
"Hey nice to meet you, what are you doing?"
"Oh I think I might go for a walk."
"Oh that sounds great, I'd love to go for a walk!"
:cheney:
Quote from: Alty on September 08, 2012, 01:31:53 AM
Don't fucking invite yourself. Jesus Mokeyass Christ.
Invite them, or wait for them to invite you, but don't be the asshole that says:
"Hey nice to meet you, what are you doing?"
"Oh I think I might go for a walk."
"Oh that sounds great, I'd love to go for a walk!"
:cheney:
Sweet assfucking Messiah, yes.
Quote from: A Very Hairy Monkey In An Ill-Fitting Tunic on August 08, 2012, 03:36:22 AM1. Don't ninja-kiss.
Ninja-kissing is any kind of move that gets your lips to her lips unexpectedly, before she has a chance to intercept or deflect. A classic is the lean-in-close, "What's that perfume you're wearing?" and then BAM. This may be charming at some point AFTER the first kiss, but is completely unacceptable for the first kiss. For the first kiss, you want there to be an unmistakable connection and mutual interest; you should be facing each other and she should be leaning toward you, making lots of eye contact.
I've done this. And on the first kiss. And it worked.
Quote from: Chaser on September 08, 2012, 08:16:05 AM
Quote from: A Very Hairy Monkey In An Ill-Fitting Tunic on August 08, 2012, 03:36:22 AM1. Don't ninja-kiss.
Ninja-kissing is any kind of move that gets your lips to her lips unexpectedly, before she has a chance to intercept or deflect. A classic is the lean-in-close, "What's that perfume you're wearing?" and then BAM. This may be charming at some point AFTER the first kiss, but is completely unacceptable for the first kiss. For the first kiss, you want there to be an unmistakable connection and mutual interest; you should be facing each other and she should be leaning toward you, making lots of eye contact.
I've done this. And on the first kiss. And it worked.
If it "worked" as in, she was into it and liked you and went out with you again, it's because she ALREADY liked you and would have kissed you
anyway. In other words, you lucked out, because if she had been on the fence or not into you, you would then have been "that douche" and she wouldn't have gone out with you again.
It's a douche move. If she really likes you, you won't have to trick her into kissing you, and if she doesn't, tricking her will definitely not make her like you and if she's on the fence about going out with you again it will probably push her off it. Onto the other side.
Quote from: A Very Hairy Monkey In An Ill-Fitting Tunic on September 08, 2012, 05:20:21 PM
Quote from: Chaser on September 08, 2012, 08:16:05 AM
Quote from: A Very Hairy Monkey In An Ill-Fitting Tunic on August 08, 2012, 03:36:22 AM1. Don't ninja-kiss.
Ninja-kissing is any kind of move that gets your lips to her lips unexpectedly, before she has a chance to intercept or deflect. A classic is the lean-in-close, "What's that perfume you're wearing?" and then BAM. This may be charming at some point AFTER the first kiss, but is completely unacceptable for the first kiss. For the first kiss, you want there to be an unmistakable connection and mutual interest; you should be facing each other and she should be leaning toward you, making lots of eye contact.
I've done this. And on the first kiss. And it worked.
If it "worked" as in, she was into it and liked you and went out with you again, it's because she ALREADY liked you and would have kissed you anyway. In other words, you lucked out, because if she had been on the fence or not into you, you would then have been "that douche" and she wouldn't have gone out with you again.
It's a douche move. If she really likes you, you won't have to trick her into kissing you, and if she doesn't, tricking her will definitely not make her like you and if she's on the fence about going out with you again it will probably push her off it. Onto the other side.
Yep.
And with the nice guys, there's a subtext of "Are you ok with this? I don't wanna do this if you're not ok with it."
She was probably ok with it for a
good while before you did it and wondering what took you so long. She was probably spewing nonverbal cues ALL OVER THE PLACE that she was ok with it.
Quote from: Lenin/McCarthy on August 14, 2012, 01:03:44 AM
I'm at an early stage in this entire thing, just barely approaching the Dating and Sex parts of it all, so maybe this is just vaguely related to the thread topic.
Generally (without specifying sexual or romantic or emotional interest), I've noticed that I tend to "weird out" girls with long silences and apparent lack of interest (yes, it's ridiculous that I behave differently around males and females, and it makes me feel a bit guilty about succumbing to traditional perceptions of gender). I think I'm showing interest, but it turns out it's not that visible from outside my mind. They're not completely weirded out, just so that we at best end up as friendly acquaintances. If I wasn't so inhibited by my anxiety, that could have developed into relations that would better satisfy my need for intimacy. At least I'm growing up, and gradually making progress at handling situations like that in a better way.
I think I've experienced something a lot like that, repeatedly over years.
I read this blog post a year or two ago about "ways to be a better listener" – which I thought I was already great at, btw – and picked up two really important tips: ask follow-up questions, even when they're totally banal, and sometimes rephrase what the other person said to show you're listening and are interested in knowing you got it right.
Stuff like:
Other person says "So then I opened the fridge and MY MILK WAS GONE!"
One way to signal you're listening: "ALL OF IT?!"
Another way: "Your milk, all gone, from the fridge." (replace period with question mark and it works too)
Their reply either way: "Yeah!"
Other scenario:
"I'm a graphic designer"
"So you like design logos and websites and pamphlets and stuff?" or "You're in graphic design."
Obviously, this is even easier to do when the topic isn't completely banal in the first place. But the signals work in any context, in my experience.
This is probably super obvious to the social butterflies amongst us but to me this was like FINALLY A WAY TO NOT ALWAYS COME ACROSS AS DISTRACTED AND BORED. (I've been in a stable monogamous relationship for longer than I've known this though, so no idea if I'd have the presence of mind to do it while flirting with someone I want to get with.)
ETA: minor clarifications in the last sentence.