Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Apple Talk => Topic started by: tyrannosaurus vex on August 13, 2012, 03:27:31 PM

Title: Reproductive health question
Post by: tyrannosaurus vex on August 13, 2012, 03:27:31 PM
How tight are these things supposed to be? Is it normal to feel like you're racing against the clock to prevent cell death from blood starvation?
Title: Re: Reproductive health question
Post by: Freeky on August 13, 2012, 03:29:05 PM
Huh?
Title: Re: Reproductive health question
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on August 13, 2012, 03:35:57 PM
Attn: Jubilee clips do not make good cock rings!  :eek:
Title: Re: Reproductive health question
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on August 13, 2012, 03:53:37 PM
Quote from: v3x on August 13, 2012, 03:27:31 PM
How tight are these things supposed to be? Is it normal to feel like you're racing against the clock to prevent cell death from blood starvation?

Do not put dick in vise.

Also, those things come in different sizes.
Title: Re: Reproductive health question
Post by: East Coast Hustle on August 13, 2012, 05:58:10 PM
Bollocks.

They're all the same size, they just put different marking on the packages so people with insecurities will pay a few cents more for MAGNUM or XTRA or MASSIVEHORSECOCK or whatever they're calling it these days.
Title: Re: Reproductive health question
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on August 13, 2012, 06:08:27 PM
Quote from: Echo Chamber Music on August 13, 2012, 05:58:10 PM
Bollocks.

They're all the same size, they just put different marking on the packages so people with insecurities will pay a few cents more for MAGNUM or XTRA or MASSIVEHORSECOCK or whatever they're calling it these days.

Personally, I use "Glad 50 Gallon Garbage Bag" brand.
Title: Re: Reproductive health question
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on August 13, 2012, 06:41:20 PM
Please note that the staples are, in fact, part of the packaging and not intended for use in attaching product to genitals
Title: Re: Reproductive health question
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on August 13, 2012, 06:55:02 PM
Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on August 13, 2012, 06:41:20 PM
Please note that the staples are, in fact, part of the packaging and not intended for use in attaching product to genitals

Killjoy.
Title: Re: Reproductive health question
Post by: tyrannosaurus vex on August 13, 2012, 07:08:40 PM
Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on August 13, 2012, 06:41:20 PM
Please note that the staples are, in fact, part of the packaging and not intended for use in attaching product to genitals

But how else do I relieve the pressure?
Title: Re: Reproductive health question
Post by: P3nT4gR4m on August 13, 2012, 07:37:19 PM
Gate valve? ... no ... hold on ... I have a better idea ...























wait for it...
































...STOPCOCK  :lulz:
Title: Re: Reproductive health question
Post by: The Dark Monk on August 13, 2012, 10:00:15 PM
Spermicidal foam or sponges, birth control, The Houdini (two of these or) -ectomies.

Condoms even for the "slightly larger than average man" will make you race the clock with the dulling sensation of latex, which NEVER works.
Title: Re: Reproductive health question
Post by: AFK on August 13, 2012, 10:58:18 PM
We've had one of the -ectomies due to a complicated pregnancy, so we've been able to avoid this issue as of late. Not helpful, I know.



Title: Re: Reproductive health question
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on August 13, 2012, 11:42:38 PM
I went and saw the man with the microsurgery tools.

Great for stopping pregnancies, not so good for STDs.  So you still gotta do the right thing.

Anyways, as for my 2nd to last post, I am relying on Ricteriania 3:34 - "Every man has a right to make jimmy jokes, no matter if they're funny or not."

Title: Re: Reproductive health question
Post by: Anna Mae Bollocks on August 14, 2012, 01:11:20 AM
Quote from: v3x on August 13, 2012, 03:27:31 PM
How tight are these things supposed to be? Is it normal to feel like you're racing against the clock to prevent cell death from blood starvation?

For a second I thought he was talking about the cooch. I was like, wha.....?
Title: Re: Reproductive health question
Post by: Da6s on August 14, 2012, 01:21:33 AM
If she's taller than you avoid stretching large muscles (standing on tip toes). Really doesn't help with aforementioned blood circulation and is a guaranteed way to give her a complex about her appearance.


Source: SCIENCE

Title: Re: Reproductive health question
Post by: AFK on August 14, 2012, 11:59:52 AM
Last night I learned I am too old to be in those kinds of positions for an extended period of time.  My legs were all wobbly afterwards.
Title: Re: Reproductive health question
Post by: Luna on August 14, 2012, 02:03:25 PM
Given that, while disposing of such expired items, the RA in my college dorm (many moons ago) unrolled one of the discussed items over the bottom of a full-sized wine bottle...  Cope, dude.
Title: Re: Reproductive health question
Post by: The Dark Monk on August 15, 2012, 03:07:07 PM
Twas my advice for relationship type sexuals, the after testing fun. I should have pointed that out.

Sadly the strangerfucking will still require rubber. Not that it will protect from everything, still better than burning itching and falling off or a screaming child.

Also to Luna: Cope? Yes. Happy? No. Those things hurt like hell on quite a few men even to the point of losing sensation due to numbing which isn't pleasant at all. Others it doesn't bother so much.
I used them all the time and had indentations for a short while due to it and can only wear them for about 15 minutes, which cuts things short sadly and aggravatingly. So I use them sparingly as of recently and started using other methods.
Title: Re: Reproductive health question
Post by: Don Coyote on August 15, 2012, 09:14:28 PM
assuming we are talking about condoms, I do buy the magnum sized ones because the normal sized ones are uncomfortable and much more prone to breakages. So hey that's cool that an expired rubber will fit over the bottom of a wine bottle, but that wine bottle is not alive you dig.
Title: Re: Reproductive health question
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on August 15, 2012, 11:32:30 PM
Quote from: The Dark Monk on August 15, 2012, 03:07:07 PM
Twas my advice for relationship type sexuals, the after testing fun. I should have pointed that out.

Sadly the strangerfucking will still require rubber. Not that it will protect from everything, still better than burning itching and falling off or a screaming child.

Also to Luna: Cope? Yes. Happy? No. Those things hurt like hell on quite a few men even to the point of losing sensation due to numbing which isn't pleasant at all. Others it doesn't bother so much.
I used them all the time and had indentations for a short while due to it and can only wear them for about 15 minutes, which cuts things short sadly and aggravatingly. So I use them sparingly as of recently and started using other methods.

I can't use the latex ones, but the polyurethane ones are much nicer and because they're not so stretchy seem more pleasant for the guys too.
Title: Re: Reproductive health question
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on August 15, 2012, 11:34:01 PM
By which I mean they don't seem to have that rubber-band effect.

However, you also have to use the right brand/size, because they're not so stretchy, and if they're too big they're more prone to falling off, and if too small they don't go on at all.