Quote from: Cain on October 03, 2012, 12:15:23 AM
Naw. This is temporary.
Cain, Cain, Cain. As the board's one man CIA you clearly know this isn't true. You can say what you want to comfort the board, but raising their hopes will only serve to more violently shatter their spirits when they realize the truth.
Roger is gone. Hard. And forever.
Some of the more astute members of the board may have noticed that this comes one week after my glorious return. This is no coincidence. In a series of private messages I hit Roger with an assault of brilliance and "logic" that would make Lecter pull a Miggs (both the jack off thing and the suicide).With Roger out of the way I am free to use this board as I see fit. I have subtly hinted at my agenda, but have no worries, in time subtlety will not be needed.
But how? No one is that good, right? Wrong. I have spent the last 3 years honing my mind and body with the singular purpose of eliminating Roger. I knew the man was capable of anything, and that's exactly what I trained for. Illegal hardcore back-alley philosophy debates. Panamanian roulette tournaments under the Chinese restaurant at 0300. Most of you soft-bodies couldn't even survive a Yukon rules Cuddle-Off, I was winning them. I won't reveal all my training techniques, but let's just say James Carville will never have another discussion about 1850's Japan in Morse code without seeing me in his tortured mind.
A new era is here.
The Reverend is dead.
Long live The Beard.
It's all that coddling that did Roger in. He needed a smack in the head or two and we just didn't give it to him; we were too soft. He'd mess the carpet and tear apart his newest chew toy and we should've done something. We should've rolled up a newspaper, or put on a choke collar (the kind that he didn't like) but we didn't.
And now look at it. I don't even know who this guy is. He smells like he showers, all of his hair is on his face instead of inexplicably everywhere else, he can probably pour a bowl of cereal without causing a wildfire. I don't know it and I don't like it. It's unfamiliar and it's wrong and it's our fault.
Freeky, get the MEATHAMMAH. The TGRR is acting up again.
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on October 03, 2012, 03:33:48 AM
It's all that coddling that did Roger in.
What the shit are you talking about? I, hunter s.durden, The Beard, "did Roger in." Only that.
I covered it in the part above when I said that thing I just said.
Fuck.
You won't last long under this new regime.
I dunno, after seeing him come back after that time he got torn apart by feral Roombas I'm pretty sure he can come back from anything.
The worst part was when they kept bumping into walls afterward, drunk on the murder glee. :sad:
THREAD SUMMARY: It took 3 years for Tyler to regrow his beard.
Quote from: Net on October 03, 2012, 11:20:13 AM
THREAD SUMMARY: It took 3 years for Tyler to regrow his beard.
Hush. I'm sensitive about developing late.
And by "Beard" I mean I'm here to use my violent, undiluted masculinity and straitness quash rumors that this board is merely a homosexual meetup for conspiracy theorists.
Quote from: hunter s.durden on October 04, 2012, 05:18:34 PM
Quote from: Net on October 03, 2012, 11:20:13 AM
THREAD SUMMARY: It took 3 years for Tyler to regrow his beard.
Hush. I'm sensitive about developing late.
And by "Beard" I mean I'm here to use my violent, undiluted masculinity and straitness quash rumors that this board is merely a homosexual meetup for conspiracy theorists.
So... I have spent 6 years flirting with Roger for
nothing?
Roger is indeed gone forever, yet he remains...Much like that horrible stain on the carpet when the party got out of hand when Nigel had enough of EoC's shit and did that thing with the bean slicer.
We don't like to talk about that.
Anyway, I shall remain, reborn like a phoenix rising from its own poop. The Mighty Arizona Cockroach is not so easily disposed of. You can poison me, shoot me, electricute me, drop a lifted load at me (today, as a matter of fact), but I'm still here.
Neither politics nor religion can stop me, no beardo can even slow me down. I stomp the terra like a diseased buffalo, and those who get in my way suffocate under the enormous piles I leave in my wake. I fear nothing but boredom (and Sharps rifles), and would indeed poke Richter when he isn't looking, with or without tools in his hand, on account of
I'M
STILL
HERE.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 04, 2012, 05:32:48 PM
I'M
STILL
HERE.
Aww, fuck.
Hey, buddy! Glad to have you back! You know I was only joking right? Just having some fu
Quote from: hunter s.durden on October 04, 2012, 05:36:49 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 04, 2012, 05:32:48 PM
I'M
STILL
HERE.
Aww, fuck.
Hey, buddy! Glad to have you back! You know I was only joking right? Just having some fu
Who's looking SEXAY with his new "leather" hat?
Could it be TGRR?
:lulz: :horrormirth: :lulz:
Also, bean slicer :lulz:
Quote from: A Very Hairy Monkey In An Ill-Fitting Tunic on October 04, 2012, 06:16:03 PM
:lulz: :horrormirth: :lulz:
Also, bean slicer :lulz:
You can do a lot of damage with small kitchen tools, you know. Of course you know.
Quote from: A Very Hairy Monkey In An Ill-Fitting Tunic on October 04, 2012, 06:16:03 PM
:lulz: :horrormirth: :lulz:
Also, bean slicer :lulz:
To this day I can't get an erection without one. :sad:
Freedom is a virus.
Isn't self-expression a small price to pay for safety and stability?
Don't be part of the problem. Be part of the future.
Pax Durdenica.
What Hunter meant in the OP is that anyone can be The Good Reverend Roger. They just download the memories of dead people into your head, and one day you could wake up as me. Ha ha! Only kidding. They wouldn't lie to you; you're special and unique, and you aren't really living in a gigantic bomb shelter. The war never happened. And nothing around you is poisoned with various industrial toxins, metals, whatever. You're just being paranoid.
The television will tell you what's good. It's more important to be TRENDING...After all, you can't learn what society is doing if you're TALKING and not LISTENING. Your ideas of what is important are, of course, perfectly valid. But look around: Most people know that reality TV is important, and what's more likely? The fact that all those millions of people are wrong, or that it's just you?
The television is the best method by which you, the citizen, can learn about - and therefore participate in - the Pax Durdenica. It's so convenient...Right there in your living room. And it's so easy. You just turn it on and sit down. The channel you watch isn't the important part; there's something for everybody. Are you a revolutionary freedom fighter and a culture jammer? There's a channel just for you, up in the three-digit area. Do you want to laugh? They have prepackaged humiliation fun all set up, with a laugh track to tell you when it's okay and appropriate to laugh.
And They've even been so considerate as to tell you what you want to buy and what political beliefs you want to endorse. Those are provided at scientifically derived periodic intervals during your TV fun/education.
The alternative is to become a social illiterate, with no common frame of reference with respect to your workmates, your friends, your children, etc. And we know what THAT means. TGRRism. Like I said, ANYBODY can be The Good Reverend Roger.
And you don't want that, do you?
Pax Durdenica.
Do not ask where the trash goes in this new society. It's really not your concern. Let Them worry about that, about where the brass piping goes, about what labyrinthine twists and turns and junctions and pump houses exist beneath your streets. About the dead hookers and junkies that wash down those drains along with the used condoms and hypodermic needles. They were the wrong sort of people anyway, and if the street didn't get them, The Cleaners would.
Don't ask about where it all eventually ends. The physics of the situation would only make your head hurt, and therefore make you unhappy, and They are all about your happiness. If you're clean.
No. The muck is pumped underground for a reason. The status quo must be maintained, for the mental hygiene of our brave new world. Anything that threatens the status quo must be Cleaned, and rendered safe for consumption. If it is an idea, it must be neutered. If it is a person, then It must also either be neutered...Or perhaps Cleaned in a more permanent fashion, and Its memories NOT stored for future use.
Stay healthy. Stay Clean.
Pax Durdenica.
For those of you experiencing the normal, healthy urge to rebel that happens in your early 20s and mid 40s, They have provided you with many ways to rebel and stay Clean. They do this because They realize that rebelling is part of human nature, part of the primate pack structure that's wired into your head, and that you won't be healthy if some amount of rebellion isn't permitted.
Acceptable forms of rebellion can be selected from those shown on TV. For example, you can join Occupy (which is now about flouridation in your water, and has therefore been rendered Clean), or perhaps anger your parents by adopting a hip-hop/thrash/alternative mindset and clothing array. For you older folks, the Tea Party has been shown to be a safe, Clean way of expressing dissatisfaction that you are in fact growing older, and that you resent this and wish to regress in certain ways (ie, refusal to believe that bills must be paid for infrastructure, etc).
The internet also provides many ways in which you can safely rebel. You can join a "free thinkers" group, and exhort people to drop out of the system and not vote (in fact, one such organization has declared that voting is violence). They approve very strongly of this sort of ultra-Clean rebellion, and as an added bonus, you can scream about Them all day long, without harming Them, society, or yourself.
By all means, rebel. It's healthy. It's Clean. It's sanctioned.
Pax Durdenica
It is also important that you choose between Man Red and Man Blue, and voice your opinion as loudly as you can to everyone around you. Be sure to "stay true to your school" by refusing to befriend anyone on the other side, or even speak to them about anything but this very important decision.
After all, one of them is going to spend the next 4 years as the public face of The Cleaners, and we'd hate to deal with the gritty filthy mess we'd have if That Filthy Bastard On The Other Side gets in. One group is terrified of the safety of being in a group, and the other is terrified by the conformity of being in a group. Which is superior? They've left THAT decision up to you. The only important thing is that you be PART of one group, while detesting the appropriate segment of that group.
You can YELL about the group and stay Clean, as long as you remain IN the group. We're not against free speech, after all. Just "free" behavior, which is not regulated and therefore cannot be guaranteed to remain Clean...And just because certain perverts don't LIKE being Clean, doesn't mean they can spread their filth all over everyone around them, does it? No. Your freedoms end where other peoples' freedoms begin, and Good Citizens have the right to be Clean, and to live in Clean surroundings.
Report perverts. Protect your family. Stay Clean.
Pax Durdenica.
You're on a roll, Roger!
There are always, of course, those who don't want to be Clean. They wish to be prostitutes or drug dealers or worse, "special" in non-Clean ways. You can tell who they are, because they're always on about how Gay people and "gender queer" people have "rights" just like real people. And there are abortionists. Vandals. Women who want to upset the natural order of things.
And that's where The Cleaners come in.
You may notice your streets getting less crowded, over time. You may also notice less of the filthy perverts making things all dingy for you. That's The Cleaners, hard at work.
To put it another way, sometimes you get a ring of calcium build up in your toilet bowl, and you have to get some pumice and scrape it off. It's not a pleasant job, to be sure, but necessary. And just as that makes your bathroom cleaner, so does the "pumice" Clean your streets, until we can all have an America we can be proud of, one that won't embarrass us in front of our friends in England, for example.
Clean your toilet, America.
Pax Durdenica.
The 1960s have gone on for long enough. It's time we scrape all this riff-raff off the walls and get back to basics. Of course, we'll keep up a semblance of progress, just because some of the trinkets you all have put together add an extra sparkle to the place. For instance, we won't make it illegal for a black family to live next door again -- that would be wrong. We'll just make it economically impossible.
A place for everything, and everything in its place. That's what we say. It's time to Clean your Room, America.
Quote from: vȝx on October 05, 2012, 06:13:04 PM
The 1960s have gone on for long enough. It's time we scrape all this riff-raff off the walls and get back to basics. Of course, we'll keep up a semblance of progress, just because some of the trinkets you all have put together add an extra sparkle to the place. For instance, we won't make it illegal for a black family to live next door again -- that would be wrong. We'll just make it economically impossible.
A place for everything, and everything in its place. That's what we say. It's time to Clean your Room, America.
Improper and un-Clean free speech can be controlled by market forces. Just as in the 1950s, those who can't dress appropriately, who insist on a different cut of suit or fedora, will be removed from the workplace.
And I think we can all agree that we don't need a bunch of homeless, unemployed people making our fair cities all smelly. One solution is to cut out that "unemployed" time, and merely assign these malcontents jobs. There are plenty of jobs that you and I do not wish to do. Uranium mining in Alaska, for example. Gotta have that Clean power.
Stay Clean. Stay uniform.
Pax Durdenica.
I love you guys!