Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Apple Talk => Topic started by: The Good Reverend Roger on October 14, 2012, 07:26:00 PM

Title: They Are My People, and I am Their King.
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on October 14, 2012, 07:26:00 PM
It comes as little surprise to me that I am not universally loved.  I am obnoxious, opinionated, and I am insufficiently committed to Sparkle Motion™.  I have offended people, pooped on their precious isms, and generally thrown about a million tantrums on this here board alone.

What's really strange though, is how many people seem to need to TELL me how awful I am.  I mean, I already KNOW that.  So it strikes me as hilarious when someone like Zara tells me I'm a one-man walking Carcinoma That is Killing Discordianism (to be fair, he mentioned LMNO, too, and I'd hate for LMNO to miss out on the fun). 

In fact, we should add to the intro thread a form that gives people a chance to say who they are, what they're about, come visit my music website, and WHY I HATE THE GOOD REVEREND ROGER.  It would save time, and might even be funnier than what's happening right now.

FACT #1:  If you are obsessed about me that much, then I am your KING.  You may commence bowing and scraping now.  If you merely ignore me or talk around me, then I'd have to say that you're CHEATING YOURSELF of the chance to TELL ME WHAT A JERK I AM, then pile onto the bus with the rest of My subjects.  You know you want to.

FACT #2:  No matter how outraged you are by my horrible behavior, you're not as outraged as my son is.  No, your most horrible butthurt moments are as a lit match to my son's stellar-sized shock and horror about the things I do every day in real life.  At that's not even touching on my inlaws, who break out the bell, book, and candle when I visit.  So I'm not really impressed when you tell me what a Horrible Bastard I am. 

FACT #3:  Regardless of the size of your tantrum, I cannot seem to give a fuck.  All fucks have been given, there's none left.  When I log off, I instantly forget about all the terrible things that have been said about me, and I sleep like a baby...While my fan club chews on their pillows in rage until 3AM. 

The above being said, I now have some edicts to issue to My People:

#1:  Go outside.  Talk to a girl (or boy, whatever).

#2:  SHUT UP.  Not for my sake, but for yours.  I am nothing if not a caring king.

#3:  You're wrong.  About everything.  That's why you're mad.

Now, this isn't an invitation to argue about what a JERK I am, I think everyone understands it.  It's just a few statements of fact, so everybody shut up.  And start kowtowing.  And maybe peel me a grape.

That is all.  You may now return to your regularly scheduled F5.

Love & Kisses,
King Carbuncle the Asshat I
Ruler of the internet freaks and protector of public morals.
Title: Re: They Are My People, and I am Their King.
Post by: Freeky on October 14, 2012, 07:40:30 PM
 :lulz: Certainly, you are a wise and loving king.
Title: Re: They Are My People, and I am Their King.
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on October 14, 2012, 07:43:02 PM
Quote from: Freeky Queen of DERP on October 14, 2012, 07:40:30 PM
:lulz: Certainly, you are a wise and loving king.

It's that Noblesse Obligee thing.
Title: Re: They Are My People, and I am Their King.
Post by: Anna Mae Bollocks on October 14, 2012, 08:43:41 PM
Quote from: Freeky Queen of DERP on October 14, 2012, 07:40:30 PM
:lulz: Certainly, you are a wise and loving king.

The beautiful and the proud can afford to be generous.  :lulz:
Title: Re: They Are My People, and I am Their King.
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on October 14, 2012, 10:21:37 PM
Roger, if only you could harness the power of SEETHING, you could rule the world!
Title: Re: They Are My People, and I am Their King.
Post by: Luna on October 15, 2012, 01:44:43 AM
In your honor, I peeled a couple of grapes tonight.

Well, not GRAPES, as such...

Close enough, right?

Besides, he REALLY deserved it.  He was a teabagger.

Not any more.
Title: Re: They Are My People, and I am Their King.
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on October 15, 2012, 02:51:50 AM
Quote from: Luna on October 15, 2012, 01:44:43 AM
In your honor, I peeled a couple of grapes tonight.

Well, not GRAPES, as such...

Close enough, right?

Besides, he REALLY deserved it.  He was a teabagger.

Not any more.

:lulz:
Title: Re: They Are My People, and I am Their King.
Post by: Anna Mae Bollocks on October 15, 2012, 02:55:40 AM
Put the coin purses on etsy!  :lulz:
Title: Re: They Are My People, and I am Their King.
Post by: Sano on October 15, 2012, 10:25:55 PM
 :lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
Title: Re: They Are My People, and I am Their King.
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on October 15, 2012, 10:28:45 PM
Quote from: Man Green on October 14, 2012, 10:21:37 PM
Roger, if only you could harness the power of SEETHING, you could rule the world!

Global warming fact:  The radiant heat from the sore red asses of PDers is responsible for 80% of permafrost melt off.

Title: Re: They Are My People, and I am Their King.
Post by: EK WAFFLR on October 15, 2012, 10:30:52 PM
Quote from: Man Yellow on October 15, 2012, 10:28:45 PM
Quote from: Man Green on October 14, 2012, 10:21:37 PM
Roger, if only you could harness the power of SEETHING, you could rule the world!

Global warming fact:  The radiant heat from the sore red asses of PDers is responsible for 80% of permafrost melt off.

The remaining 20% is due to dancing in the forests.
Title: Re: They Are My People, and I am Their King.
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on October 15, 2012, 10:31:25 PM
Quote from: The Waffler on October 15, 2012, 10:30:52 PM
Quote from: Man Yellow on October 15, 2012, 10:28:45 PM
Quote from: Man Green on October 14, 2012, 10:21:37 PM
Roger, if only you could harness the power of SEETHING, you could rule the world!

Global warming fact:  The radiant heat from the sore red asses of PDers is responsible for 80% of permafrost melt off.

The remaining 20% is due to dancing in the forests.

SHOOT A HIPPY TODAY.