1) The "artsy" approach: Dress in black. Wear a goatee (even if you're female). Write a poem about everything you see. EVERYTHING. This doesn't mean that every time you see a beautiful sunset, you should write a heartfelt sonnet. This means you should READ your heartfelt sonnet to everyone you
see. Whether you know them or not. When you're in a bookstore, recite clever literary limericks to the cashier (a good first line would be "Edna St. Vincent Millay"). Sit in coffee shops and draw sketches of other patrons. Then insist on making the sketches "personal gifts".
2) The "whiny" approach: This comes naturally to most people. Complain about everything, even stuff that doesn't exist ("You're only saying 'Hello' because you think you HAVE to, aren't you?").
3) The "clever" approach: Laugh at inappropriate times. Deny ever watching television. For that matter, deny ever doing anything ("Oh, you still read . . . books? How quaint. I don't read anything written after 950 BC."). Claim that the New York Times Crossword Puzzle has a mis-spelling in it. Then, just when you've convinced everyone of your intellectual pretensions, change directions violently ("That Mike & Maty show really speaks to me.").
4) Operate under the mistaken impression that you live in portland.
If I ever make the pilgrimage to Tuscon... what's the limit on bagging morons?
I mean, if it's less than three a day, I'm not sure I can go...
I suspect there's no limit, but they're probably like carbuncles...when you squish one, it breaks up into a bunch of new ones.