16. And lo, a man came up out of the crowd and asked Teabagger Jesus, "Lord, what shall be done about the filthy rich bastard who lives up on the mountain? Shall he pay taxes, that we can have food and shelter, and that we may visit the Doctor when we are ill?" Teabagger Jesus frowned, for he was displeased with this line of reasoning, and said unto the man:
17. O thou selfish fool! Cast not thine eyes upon the riches of other men, to take them for yourself, for their riches are their own. If thou disirest riches, thou mayest surely obtain them by hard work and sacrifice. Let thine own hands build up thy 401(k), and let not others steal from the Job Creators to make thee more financially secure, lest once thou hast riches, they steal from thee.
18. But the man was not satisfied with this answer, and asked Teabagger Jesus again, saying, "But O Lord! There are no jobs in the land, and the people starve! How shall we gain riches with work, when there is no work?"
19 And Jesus, hating sorely when his talking points were tested, spat at the man and rebuked him, saying, Didst thou not hear me, Satan? The rich man createth the jobs, and the poor man worketh them. If thou hast no jobs, it is surely because the rich man is not rich enough! Verily I say unto thee, empty thy pockets of what lint and stones thou might have, and render it unto the rich man as an offering, and have thy entire village do the same. In this way, the rich man may gain enough wealth to create jobs. Raise thine own taxes and lower the rich man's taxes, so that in his joy he shall have mercy on thee. If this answer doeth nothing to please thee, then vote for Obama, thou Socialist.
20. And the multitude, hearing the word Socialist, did rise up and stone the man to death.
:lulz::mittens: :lulz:
Now we need to do Acts II, where the apostles are basically espousing communist ideals, and teabagger it.
:horrormirth:
Quote from: V3X on October 18, 2012, 06:43:22 PM
16. And lo, a man came up out of the crowd and asked Teabagger Jesus, "Lord, what shall be done about the filthy rich bastard who lives up on the mountain? Shall he pay taxes, that we can have food and shelter, and that we may visit the Doctor when we are ill?" Teabagger Jesus frowned, for he was displeased with this line of reasoning, and said unto the man:
17. O thou selfish fool! Cast not thine eyes upon the riches of other men, to take them for yourself, for their riches are their own. If thou disirest riches, thou mayest surely obtain them by hard work and sacrifice. Let thine own hands build up thy 401(k), and let not others steal from the Job Creators to make thee more financially secure, lest once thou hast riches, they steal from thee.
18. But the man was not satisfied with this answer, and asked Teabagger Jesus again, saying, "But O Lord! There are no jobs in the land, and the people starve! How shall we gain riches with work, when there is no work?"
19 And Jesus, hating sorely when his talking points were tested, spat at the man and rebuked him, saying, Didst thou not hear me, Satan? The rich man createth the jobs, and the poor man worketh them. If thou hast no jobs, it is surely because the rich man is not rich enough! Verily I say unto thee, empty thy pockets of what lint and stones thou might have, and render it unto the rich man as an offering, and have thy entire village do the same. In this way, the rich man may gain enough wealth to create jobs. Raise thine own taxes and lower the rich man's taxes, so that in his joy he shall have mercy on thee. If this answer doeth nothing to please thee, then vote for Obama, thou Socialist.
20. And the multitude, hearing the word Socialist, did rise up and stone the man to death.
I want to see the Teabagger Jesus Beatitudes. :lulz:
You should write them.
Blessed are the numb and the ignorant, for theirs is the bliss of heaven.
Blessed are the cheats and the swindlers, for they shall possess the land.
Blessed are they who steal, for they shall be called Successful.
Blessed are merciless, for they shall instill Efficiency and Responsibility in the colons of millions.
Blessed are the filthy rich, for their greed shall set up whole empires.
Blessed are the warmakers, for they shall decide who are the children of God.
Blessed are they that falsely claim to suffer persecution, for they shall make Oppressor synonymous with Oppressed, causing the complete logical collapse of all language and making it impossible for words to convince anyone of anything.
Ye are the salt of the earth, but if the salt no longer makes us money, wherewith shall it be salted? It is thence no good, but to be cast out on the pavement and trodden under the feet of real americans.
BLESSED ARE THE DUMBFUCKS, FOR THEY SHALL GET EVERYTHING THEY CLAMOR FOR.
eta: GOOD AND HARD.
Quote from: Man Yellow on October 18, 2012, 08:01:14 PM
BLESSED ARE THE DUMBFUCKS, FOR THEY SHALL GET EVERYTHING THEY CLAMOR FOR.
eta: GOOD AND HARD.
NO KISS
NO DINNER
NO MOVIE
NO LUBE
Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name,
Though profits come,
Thy tax be none, on Earth,
As it is in Heaven.
Give us this year our annual bonus
And forgive our debts, as we prosecute to the fullest extent of the law those who have borrowed from us.
And lead us not into bankruptcy,
But deliver us from it if it comes, using the money of working people.
For thine is the House,
And the Senate, and all the Courts,
Forever and ever.
Amen.
Quote from: V3X on October 18, 2012, 08:23:06 PM
Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name,
Though profits come,
Thy tax be none, on Earth,
As it is in Heaven.
Give us this year our annual bonus
And forgive our debts, as we prosecute to the fullest extent of the law those who have borrowed from us.
And lead us not into bankruptcy,
But deliver us from it if it comes, using the money of working people.
For thine is the House,
And the Senate, and all the Courts,
Forever and ever.
Amen.
Yoink (with credit)
Hell yeah. Also yoinking... is "V3X from PD" good enough?
:mittens: :mittens:
in WEB 4.0 SHAREABLE MEDIA FORMAT
(https://dl.dropbox.com/u/1715856/clips/teabillysprayer.png)
The reworked lords prayer almost made me choke on my clove just now
Awesome. FB'd.
FB'ed as well. Lets see how many shares this thing gets...
1. I believe in Koch, the Men almighty, creator of jobs and bread.
2. I believe in Teabagger Christ, Their only Son, our Lord.
3. He was conceived by the power of the Invisible Hand and born of the Astronturf.
4. He suffered under Barack Obama, was crucified, died, and was buried.
5. He descended to the taxpayers. On the third day he rose again.
6. He ascended into the One Percent and is seated at the right hand of the Koch.
7. He will come again to judge the patriots and the socialists.
8. I believe in the Invisible Hand,
9. the holy Captains of Industry the communion of CEOs,
10. the forgiveness of poverty,
11. the resurrection of the golden age,
12. and personal prosperity everlasting.
Amen.
In the name of the dollar and of the sum and of the holy rollers as it was with the founders is now and ever shall be a world with our spend amen
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on October 19, 2012, 12:02:44 AM
1. I believe in Koch, the Men almighty, creator of jobs and bread.
2. I believe in Teabagger Christ, Their only Son, our Lord.
3. He was conceived by the power of the Invisible Hand and born of the Astronturf.
4. He suffered under Barack Obama, was crucified, died, and was buried.
5. He descended to the taxpayers. On the third day he rose again.
6. He ascended into the One Percent and is seated at the right hand of the Koch.
7. He will come again to judge the patriots and the socialists.
8. I believe in the Invisible Hand,
9. the holy Captains of Industry the communion of CEOs,
10. the forgiveness of poverty,
11. the resurrection of the golden age,
12. and personal prosperity everlasting.
Amen.
:mittens: :lulz:
Bail mary morgan chase the board is with thee. Blessed art thou among criminals and blessed is the loot of thy womb seized. Holy mary mother of fraud pay for us winners now and at the hour of our debt
:lulz: This is some awesomeness!
Quote from: V3X on October 19, 2012, 12:10:51 AM
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on October 19, 2012, 12:02:44 AM
1. I believe in Koch, the Men almighty, creator of jobs and bread.
2. I believe in Teabagger Christ, Their only Son, our Lord.
3. He was conceived by the power of the Invisible Hand and born of the Astronturf.
4. He suffered under Barack Obama, was crucified, died, and was buried.
5. He descended to the taxpayers. On the third day he rose again.
6. He ascended into the One Percent and is seated at the right hand of the Koch.
7. He will come again to judge the patriots and the socialists.
8. I believe in the Invisible Hand,
9. the holy Captains of Industry the communion of CEOs,
10. the forgiveness of poverty,
11. the resurrection of the golden age,
12. and personal prosperity everlasting.
Amen.
:mittens: :lulz:
:thanks:
Hail, holy Greed, Mother of purses, hail, our fief, our discreetness and our grope. To thee do we cry, "more brainwashed children of Thieve!" to thee do we spend up our sighs, scorning and keeping in this vale of fears. Turn then, most gracious Advocate, thy crack team of mercilessness towards fuss, and after this our beguile, show unto us the blessed boot of thy tomb, and diseases, O merciless, O shoving, O cheat Surgeon Wary!