We all get it from time to time.
And yeah, it's not the same as depression. It's kinda more like, I don't want to do anything. Except I do. I really really do. Just not that. Or that. Or that.
Well, fuck that.
I know what I want to do, and I don't want to do it. I just have to get there.
Last night rehearsing with Daniel, he pulled out a lot of old cassettes. I have never once seen a more prolific unsigned musician. He has albums up the wazz, it's just that most of them aren't actual releases.
What the hell am I doing wrong? He's ten years older than me and has like, 7 times my discography.
I've got something like the ennui. I've got it really fucking bad. I don't know if it's the season or if it's because I'm finally healing or if something is going haywire, but these last few days, I'm itchy as shit and kind of manic and I wake up early and I walk around the house looking for something to eat or fuck or kill only nothing sounds good AT ALL. And then occasionally I start crying for no reason.
What the shit is this.
Well, it's not simply about doing things right or wrong. If you want to make music, then play, write, record. If you can't do one, do another. You know what I mean?
I don't have the ennui. Had it a while ago, though, and it sucks.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 29, 2012, 03:48:21 AM
I don't have the ennui. Had it a while ago, though, and it sucks.
I think ennui might not be the right word for what I have. Maybe it is, but it feels more like Spring fever at the dead wrong time of year.
Quote from: FROTISTED FUDGE CAK on November 29, 2012, 03:50:04 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 29, 2012, 03:48:21 AM
I don't have the ennui. Had it a while ago, though, and it sucks.
I think ennui might not be the right word for what I have. Maybe it is, but it feels more like Spring fever at the dead wrong time of year.
Are you holding your cigarettes backward?
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 29, 2012, 03:51:10 AM
Quote from: FROTISTED FUDGE CAK on November 29, 2012, 03:50:04 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 29, 2012, 03:48:21 AM
I don't have the ennui. Had it a while ago, though, and it sucks.
I think ennui might not be the right word for what I have. Maybe it is, but it feels more like Spring fever at the dead wrong time of year.
Are you holding your cigarettes backward?
Not even a little bit.
Quote from: FROTISTED FUDGE CAK on November 29, 2012, 04:03:18 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 29, 2012, 03:51:10 AM
Quote from: FROTISTED FUDGE CAK on November 29, 2012, 03:50:04 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 29, 2012, 03:48:21 AM
I don't have the ennui. Had it a while ago, though, and it sucks.
I think ennui might not be the right word for what I have. Maybe it is, but it feels more like Spring fever at the dead wrong time of year.
Are you holding your cigarettes backward?
Not even a little bit.
Then it's not ennui.
EET EES ALL SO BORRRING!
Quote from: FROTISTED FUDGE CAK on November 29, 2012, 03:50:04 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 29, 2012, 03:48:21 AM
I don't have the ennui. Had it a while ago, though, and it sucks.
I think ennui might not be the right word for what I have. Maybe it is, but it feels more like Spring fever at the dead wrong time of year.
What ever it is, it feels wrong, cigarette or not.
I want to EAT
everything tasty to the human palate seriously gimme that food
I want to DRINK
all the wicked good shit. I want the good booze. I want the balance of percentage and novelty
I want to FIGHT
I've never been in a proper fight in my life. GIve me a reason. Seriously. There's so much to fight for. Pick a fight.
I FEEL ALIVE.
FEEL ALIVE WITH ME. OR DIE.
I feel like a human trying to be human.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 29, 2012, 04:07:01 AM
Quote from: FROTISTED FUDGE CAK on November 29, 2012, 04:03:18 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 29, 2012, 03:51:10 AM
Quote from: FROTISTED FUDGE CAK on November 29, 2012, 03:50:04 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 29, 2012, 03:48:21 AM
I don't have the ennui. Had it a while ago, though, and it sucks.
I think ennui might not be the right word for what I have. Maybe it is, but it feels more like Spring fever at the dead wrong time of year.
Are you holding your cigarettes backward?
Not even a little bit.
Then it's not ennui.
EET EES ALL SO BORRRING!
I think I might be going into rut.
Except the only thing I've found satisfying in days is MATH.
That's abnormal.
Quote from: FROTISTED FUDGE CAK on November 29, 2012, 04:21:31 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 29, 2012, 04:07:01 AM
Quote from: FROTISTED FUDGE CAK on November 29, 2012, 04:03:18 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 29, 2012, 03:51:10 AM
Quote from: FROTISTED FUDGE CAK on November 29, 2012, 03:50:04 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 29, 2012, 03:48:21 AM
I don't have the ennui. Had it a while ago, though, and it sucks.
I think ennui might not be the right word for what I have. Maybe it is, but it feels more like Spring fever at the dead wrong time of year.
Are you holding your cigarettes backward?
Not even a little bit.
Then it's not ennui.
EET EES ALL SO BORRRING!
I think I might be going into rut.
Except the only thing I've found satisfying in days is MATH.
That's abnormal.
Nigel,
I come home and I want to punch my temples.
Because that's something to do.
There's a better use of my time and your time.
But really, I just want to punch myself in the head.
Fucked up, no?
I mean, I know what I should be doing.
But I CANT FUCKING DO IT.
Music right, yeah, that sound arranging thing......
I AM TOO BORED TO DO THAT THING THAT DEFINES MY EXISTENCE.
I think I used to have THINGS that I DID when I got like this, and those things were A: point myself North and drive fast and far until I got to the part where I couldn't go any farther without a boat, B: pour whiskey on it, C: GO OUTSIDE to fuck and fight my way through it, or D: all of the above.
None of those things sound like reasonable options to me now, though. So I guess I'll ride it out.
Quote from: FROTISTED FUDGE CAK on November 29, 2012, 04:32:08 AM
I think I used to have THINGS that I DID when I got like this, and those things were A: point myself North and drive fast and far until I got to the part where I couldn't go any farther without a boat, B: pour whiskey on it, C: GO OUTSIDE to fuck and fight my way through it, or D: all of the above.
None of those things sound like reasonable options to me now, though. So I guess I'll ride it out.
Fucking hell.
If I had a car I'd shun B. C is not an option because I should have A.
No Bostonian ever needs a car. No Bostonian should have a car.
Except between November and March.
I hate the cold. I hate it.
I fucking hate it.
I have a Soviet Navy coat which usually stops my bitching. Except... I had bedbugs and shit this year.
Twid,
Praying to plastic bag.
I really really love that Soviet coat. Warmest thing ever. I mean, it's Soviet. What says colder than fuck than Soviet?
Twid, I hate to be the one to tell you this...
But my popularity is increasing and I have an irresistible compulsion to do something about that, so (I've been keeping this to myself for weeks):
Your music sucks. Choose something different to define your life.
No, you don't want to drink all that marvellous stuff, it's the booze talking.
Move more. Find a boxing club. Have a fight with someone who has a reasonable chance of not breaking your nose by accident the first time.
Quote from: holist on November 29, 2012, 06:34:25 AM
Twid, I hate to be the one to tell you this...
But my popularity is increasing and I have an irresistible compulsion to do something about that, so (I've been keeping this to myself for weeks):
Your music sucks. Choose something different to define your life.
No, you don't want to drink all that marvellous stuff, it's the booze talking.
Move more. Find a boxing club. Have a fight with someone who has a reasonable chance of not breaking your nose by accident the first time.
I'd take your musical tastes into consideration, but I don't fucking care about your take on it.
If any other PDers agree with Holist about my music, feel free to tell me. I won't be offended.
Maybe Holist is right.
Maybe my music sucks. I'll just assume you don't want to hear about any of it unless you tell me otherwise.
Roger- I know you want a copy, it's coming with the Christmas card.
LMNO, I know you already have a copy.
Holist, thank you for your money.
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 29, 2012, 08:29:06 AM
Maybe Holist is right.
Maybe my music sucks. I'll just assume you don't want to hear about any of it unless you tell me otherwise.
Roger- I know you want a copy, it's coming with the Christmas card.
LMNO, I know you already have a copy.
Holist, thank you for your money.
so hey. I bought this album by some irish spag and his band easterners. it's not too terrible. When is the next album coming out?
Coyote, his musical tastes are probably shite.
I don't want to turn this into a drugs thread... but when I've been bitten by ennui (which happens on the rare occasion) I've found that a mild LSD trip pulls me out of it and seems to reboot my brain. Not recommending it for everyone, but it seems to work for me.
I don't think LSD is a magical thing that magically shows me the real world or any hippy shit like that... but, for me, it does seem to shift my perspective enough that I forget about how bored I am and creative stuff starts exploding out of me like an over full twinkie. Maybe its the several hours of uninterrupted distraction, maybe its something else. One of my friends would engage in what he called extreme meditation (the yoga freak ;-) ) to ward off ennui and it seemed to work for him.
So maybe its just that there is sometimes a need to completely distract yourself in some way for a day to restart the brain? Maybe its the daily repeating pattern that drags us down?
Coyote- i hear this band wants to write new material in january because they are tired of playing the same set list.
Rat- my ompletely absorb brain reboot is usualluy playing civ for a whole day. And ive been playing civ and i find myself getting frustrated because im playing civ.
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 29, 2012, 04:19:13 AM
Quote from: FROTISTED FUDGE CAK on November 29, 2012, 03:50:04 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on November 29, 2012, 03:48:21 AM
I don't have the ennui. Had it a while ago, though, and it sucks.
I think ennui might not be the right word for what I have. Maybe it is, but it feels more like Spring fever at the dead wrong time of year.
What ever it is, it feels wrong, cigarette or not.
I want to EAT
everything tasty to the human palate seriously gimme that food
I want to DRINK
all the wicked good shit. I want the good booze. I want the balance of percentage and novelty
I want to FIGHT
I've never been in a proper fight in my life. GIve me a reason. Seriously. There's so much to fight for. Pick a fight.
I FEEL ALIVE.
FEEL ALIVE WITH ME. OR DIE.
It honestly sounds like you have a case of the Dimos. Go down to RI and go to a hardcore show together. Then start writing music with him.
Not a bad idea. I am due for a visit.
This makes me realise I'm long overdue for a good old fashioned pub brawl.
Doesnt even really have to be that for me. I just need something to do. I feel even more fidgety today.
Actually the less alcohol it involves the better. Its easy for me not to be bored if im drinking. I want to address the root problem though. Im bored with myself.
So, it occurs to me that I'm a student again, and that my college has a gym, and my college is between home and work. Next week I'm going to get some sneakers and my student ID and just go every morning.
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 29, 2012, 07:29:07 PM
So, it occurs to me that I'm a student again, and that my college has a gym, and my college is between home and work. Next week I'm going to get some sneakers and my student ID and just go every morning.
brilliant
:thumb:
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on November 29, 2012, 07:55:16 PM
:thumb:
Mind, that will probably just keep my mood up. I'll still probably have to go out and do stuff, but I won't be as fidgety. Which is good. I hate being fidgety.
Twid, I thank you for posting your realization about the gym. I was inspired to do similar for myself. :)
Quote from: Freeky Queen of DERP on November 30, 2012, 02:02:45 AM
Twid, I thank you for posting your realization about the gym. I was inspired to do similar for myself. :)
No problemo!
And yeah, it makes no sense for me not to go to that one. My school is one stop away from here. It's a real easy thing for me to just take a minor detour on my commute, and I have class on Friday mornings anyhow.
Plus, while I'm pretty close to the weight I was at the beginning of my 20s there's a bit of pudge that doesn't want to fuck off.
Granted my weight loss plan was basically unintentionally not eating as much, but now that I'm there I might as well get rid of it. And it will make me sharper for studying.
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 30, 2012, 02:15:12 AM
Plus, while I'm pretty close to the weight I was at the beginning of my 20s there's a bit of pudge that doesn't want to fuck off.
Granted my weight loss plan was basically unintentionally not eating as much, but now that I'm there I might as well get rid of it. And it will make me sharper for studying.
Yes. :)
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 29, 2012, 07:29:07 PM
So, it occurs to me that I'm a student again, and that my college has a gym, and my college is between home and work. Next week I'm going to get some sneakers and my student ID and just go every morning.
That whole school gym thing is superb. The university has a beautiful gym with a swimming pool on the second floor with windows all around. In just one more week I'll be cleared for swimming, and I can't wait!
Quote from: FROTISTED FUDGE CAK on November 30, 2012, 04:34:13 AM
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 29, 2012, 07:29:07 PM
So, it occurs to me that I'm a student again, and that my college has a gym, and my college is between home and work. Next week I'm going to get some sneakers and my student ID and just go every morning.
That whole school gym thing is superb. The university has a beautiful gym with a swimming pool on the second floor with windows all around. In just one more week I'll be cleared for swimming, and I can't wait!
That's something I can't do.
But maybe now I can! Wait... does mine have a pool?
ETA: Nope. But like I said, I can't swim. :)
Also, our sports team is apparently called the Bulldogs.
This is the pool at the university:
(http://www.pdx.edu/sites/www.pdx.edu.recreation/files/lp_Aquatics.jpg)
I haven't checked yet to see whether OHSU has a pool. I would be kind of surprised if they don't, but then again I am already surprised that gym membership isn't included in tuition, even for NS students.
Oh yay, they do!
(http://www.ohsu.edu/xd/about/services/march-wellness/facilities/images/pool-3-250.jpg)
Those are pools.
Maybe one of these days I'll learn to swim. Probably when the ice caps melt and Boston is submerged. :lulz:
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on November 30, 2012, 05:17:44 AM
Those are pools.
Maybe one of these days I'll learn to swim. Probably when the ice caps melt and Boston is submerged. :lulz:
Swimming is fun!