The Portland PD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The FBI goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The CIA goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The Portland PD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!'
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 11, 2012, 03:55:30 PM
The Portland PD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The FBI goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The CIA goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The Portland PD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!'
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
:mittens: :lulz:
:lulz: :kingmeh: This is the Portland we asked for.
Well really. Rabbit or bear, either way the forest is safer, right? :horrormirth:
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on December 11, 2012, 07:43:32 PM
Well really. Rabbit or bear, either way the forest is safer, right? :horrormirth:
I think it stands to reason that the bear had to be guilty of
something, right? You know how Those People are.
Ew, ick. I feel dirty even doing that satirically.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 11, 2012, 07:46:20 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on December 11, 2012, 07:43:32 PM
Well really. Rabbit or bear, either way the forest is safer, right? :horrormirth:
I think it stands to reason that the bear had to be guilty of something, right? You know how Those People are.
HOMOPHOBIA!
An Oak and Acorn level curfew is in effect for YOUR protection.
:lulz:
:lulz: :lulz: brilliant.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 11, 2012, 03:55:30 PM
The Portland PD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The FBI goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The CIA goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The Portland PD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!'
:potd:
Seguin PD didn't even go into the forest. They just grabbed a smudgey guy and posed for a pic on the front page of the
Gazette-Enterprise with the slogan "WE GOT HIM!"
Fresno PD wouldn't have beat him. they'd have filled him full of lead and said they saw him reaching for a gun (the bear would turn out to have been unarmed).
The Metropolitan Police would hack the phones of the rabbits and then sell the story to the tabloids.
Quote from: Cain on December 13, 2012, 12:53:56 AM
The Metropolitan Police would hack the phones of the rabbits and then sell the story to the tabloids.
The Met would shoot a stoat in the subway and call it a day.
This is also true. The long list of cruel things the Met would do to animals would likely even shock the hardened investigators at the RSPCA
The bpd would shoot a doe in the eye with a rubber bullet because the rabbits were getting boisterous about a red sox victory.