So, Frank the Bastard and I were driving from my house down to the hardware store this Saturday, to pick up some MANLY stuff for a MANLY project that required some 2X4s and some roofing nails, when I noticed that the disc in his player went from Beathoven to Orff. Now, I'm pretty sure that the two of them never composed anything together, so I asked FtB what was up with the disc.
"Oh, I just took the best parts of some symphonies and mashed them up, so I don't have to listen to the boring parts."
"So let me get this straight. You cut out all the stuff that isn't sturm & drang, and burned the rest onto a CD?"
"Yeah. Problem with that?"
"As a matter of fact, there is a problem with that. Symphonies tell a story, they paint a complete picture. So if you're taking out the DETAILS, that's kind of like saying we should just snip the smile out of the Mona Lisa, and shit can the rest. We should tear down all of Guernica except that one horse. We should have Godzilla stomping around a green-screen, with nothing in the background. I mean, if the details are BORING."
"Fuck you, baldy. If I just want to hear the 'Hey, I'm burning a village down' part of a symphony, it is my God-given right to do so."
(At this point, we are walking into the store.)
"Your right? I don't see anything in the constitution that gives you the right to FUCK KARL ORFF'S FESTERING CORPSE UP THE ASS."
"Yeah, well, dead people don't have rights. I can fuck 'em all I like."
(People are now staring at us, and moving away.)
"Just you try that with Randy "Macho Man" Savage's corpse. He'd kill you with one punch of his rotting fist."
"Not if I dress up like Miss Elizabeth, and feed him a Slimjim."
(Nervous-looking manager approaches, wearing a cheap clip-on tie.)
"Can I help you fellows?"
FtB and I look at each other.
Frank: "Yes, we're going to need two shovels, 2 boxes of condoms, and a couple of canvas tarps."
Me: "And some Febreeze. Like a gallon of it."
Manager: "I think you guys should leave now."
So we left. But I will now be forced to write Ace Hardware with a complaint, as my sense of American privilege has been violated.
Thanks a lot, Obama! :argh!:
:lol:
You are a bad man, and do bad things.
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on January 28, 2013, 05:50:17 PM
:lol:
You are a bad man, and do bad things.
In my defense, FtB started it. I was only along for the ride.
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
I'm with FTB, TBH. I listen to some sound molecules, bouncing about the way the composer thought they'd taste best and straight away the first question that pops into my head is "was he right?"
That said, if I'd have been in your shoes, I'd have gone for the argument regardless. Some things deserve to be argued about, loudly, in hardware stores and fuck anyone who would deny you that right :argh!:
Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on January 28, 2013, 06:05:08 PM
I'm with FTB, TBH. I listen to some sound molecules, bouncing about the way the composer thought they'd taste best and straight away the first question that pops into my head is "was he right?"
That said, if I'd have been in your shoes, I'd have gone for the argument regardless. Some things deserve to be argued about, loudly, in hardware stores and fuck anyone who would deny you that right :argh!:
Yes, but I didn't get my lumber, and had to go way the fuck across town for it.
I bet it tasted fucking better for it?
Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on January 28, 2013, 06:08:21 PM
I bet it tasted fucking better for it?
You People are
weird.
:lulz:
Do you poor fuckers have pier 1 imports out there? Nurse East and I pulled the same sort of thing on them back around Xmas.
Quote from: Richter on January 28, 2013, 10:49:46 PM
Do you poor fuckers have pier 1 imports out there? Nurse East and I pulled the same sort of thing on them back around Xmas.
What kind of heck would this be if we DIDN'T have Pier One Imports?
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 28, 2013, 11:54:42 PM
Quote from: Richter on January 28, 2013, 10:49:46 PM
Do you poor fuckers have pier 1 imports out there? Nurse East and I pulled the same sort of thing on them back around Xmas.
What kind of heck would this be if we DIDN'T have Pier One Imports?
A heck without the polyphonic scents and clashing colors of 50 shades of obscure cheap wood products.
The high holidays are a shitshow there, every sense is abused to try to stimulate you to buy more and get out. The local one featured a beyond-cougar lounging on one of their sofa-excuses wearing a garment that was only saved from being a bathrobe by labels from a fine designer. NO idea what the fuck she was there for. IT was like some sort of horrible spray-tan Queen Mum.
I tried to queue at the register to buy a gift card and got only stinkeye. Nurse East vanished into the stacks to jingle anything that jingled (there was a LOT) Switching to the other side I struck up a conversation with a fellow shopper, and was mentioning how the staff could smile razorblades through their face like Kali when a register magically opened up for me. We got out before we could find out what the Ur-Guidette was about. Good fucking riddance.
:lulz: This made my night.