Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Apple Talk => Topic started by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 28, 2013, 07:42:44 PM

Title: How to Know if You're in Tucson
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 28, 2013, 07:42:44 PM
1.  Your clock doesn't tell you the time, it just says "Doesn't really matter."

2.  Your fortune cookie says "Why bother?"

3.  Shel Silverstein is banned, because the sidewalk never ends.

4.  Muggers issue you a customer satisfaction survey.  Which is pinned to your chest with a knife.

5.  The "cold water" faucet is a FUCKING LIE.

6.  The Baptists are always crying.

7.  Shot glasses and steins at bars have the impressions of fingers embedded in them.

8.  You can actually visit the Hackey Sack Hall of Fame (no shit), which is in a Greco-Roman marble building (also no shit).

9.  The saloons are so sleazy and disgusting that the patrons go home to unwind.

10.  On a clear day, you can see forever fry like bacon in a pan.
Title: Re: How to Know if You're in Tucson
Post by: Anna Mae Bollocks on January 28, 2013, 07:46:39 PM
1, 5, 9, and 10 could also apply to Seguin.
The fortune cookies say "GET THE FUCK OUT. NOW." though.
Title: Re: How to Know if You're in Tucson
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 28, 2013, 07:47:45 PM
Quote from: Wuli Fufu on January 28, 2013, 07:46:39 PM
1, 5, 9, and 10 could also apply to Seguin.
The fortune cookies say "GET THE FUCK OUT. NOW." though.

Ours would too, but there's nowhere to go.
Title: Re: How to Know if You're in Tucson
Post by: East Coast Hustle on January 28, 2013, 07:55:59 PM
Stella has Austin.

Roger, on the other hand....well, let's just say that compared to the rest of Arizona, Tucson IS Austin.
Title: Re: How to Know if You're in Tucson
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 28, 2013, 08:19:47 PM
Quote from: East Coast Hustle on January 28, 2013, 07:55:59 PM
Stella has Austin.

Roger, on the other hand....well, let's just say that compared to the rest of Arizona, Tucson IS Austin.

Yeah, pretty much.  The nearest thing resembling actual civilization is San Diego, which is 8 hours drive on the other side of the planet.
Title: Re: How to Know if You're in Tucson
Post by: Anna Mae Bollocks on January 28, 2013, 08:44:28 PM
I always have people telling me how great Amsterdam is.

Which is almost literally on the other side of the planet. I could do bong hits here if I felt like it, but it WOULD be nice to TOTALLY LEAVE AMURKA AND SEE PEOPLE NOT GETTING THEIR PANTIES IN A KNOT OVER STUPID SHIT LIKE OTHER PEOPLES' BUSINESS.
Title: Re: How to Know if You're in Tucson
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 28, 2013, 08:45:34 PM
Quote from: Wuli Fufu on January 28, 2013, 08:44:28 PM
I always have people telling me how great Amsterdam is.

Which is almost literally on the other side of the planet. I could do bong hits here if I felt like it, but it WOULD be nice to TOTALLY LEAVE AMURKA AND SEE PEOPLE NOT GETTING THEIR PANTIES IN A KNOT OVER STUPID SHIT LIKE OTHER PEOPLES' BUSINESS.

Thing is, Amsterdam is ALSO full of the sort of people that would be attracted to a situation in which loads of foreigners get smashed all the damn time.  If you catch my drift.
Title: Re: How to Know if You're in Tucson
Post by: East Coast Hustle on January 28, 2013, 08:47:07 PM
Hell, if you want to take legal bong hits you don't have to go to Amsterdam. You can just go to Denver or Seattle. :lulz:
Title: Re: How to Know if You're in Tucson
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 28, 2013, 08:49:11 PM
Quote from: East Coast Hustle on January 28, 2013, 08:47:07 PM
Hell, if you want to take legal bong hits you don't have to go to Amsterdam. You can just go to Denver or Seattle. :lulz:

Or Tucson, where the cops just don't care anymore.
Title: Re: How to Know if You're in Tucson
Post by: Anna Mae Bollocks on January 28, 2013, 08:53:30 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 28, 2013, 08:45:34 PM
Quote from: Wuli Fufu on January 28, 2013, 08:44:28 PM
I always have people telling me how great Amsterdam is.

Which is almost literally on the other side of the planet. I could do bong hits here if I felt like it, but it WOULD be nice to TOTALLY LEAVE AMURKA AND SEE PEOPLE NOT GETTING THEIR PANTIES IN A KNOT OVER STUPID SHIT LIKE OTHER PEOPLES' BUSINESS.

Thing is, Amsterdam is ALSO full of the sort of people that would be attracted to a situation in which loads of foreigners get smashed all the damn time.  If you catch my drift.

A little slow on the uptake today and I have several situations rattling around in my heat-seared brain. Which one do you mean?

Quote from: East Coast Hustle on January 28, 2013, 08:47:07 PM
Hell, if you want to take legal bong hits you don't have to go to Amsterdam. You can just go to Denver or Seattle. :lulz:

Yeah, but I want to go in a coffeeshop and order it.
Maybe you have to be from Texas to want that kind of shit.  :lol:

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 28, 2013, 08:49:11 PM
Quote from: East Coast Hustle on January 28, 2013, 08:47:07 PM
Hell, if you want to take legal bong hits you don't have to go to Amsterdam. You can just go to Denver or Seattle. :lulz:

Or Tucson, where the cops just don't care anymore.

APATHY FUCK YEAH
Title: Re: How to Know if You're in Tucson
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 28, 2013, 08:55:15 PM
Quote from: Wuli Fufu on January 28, 2013, 08:53:30 PM
A little slow on the uptake today and I have several situations rattling around in my heat-seared brain. Which one do you mean?

The kind of people that knock you over the head, take all your shit, and throw you in the ocean.


Quote from: Wuli Fufu on January 28, 2013, 08:53:30 PM
APATHY FUCK YEAH

More like OVERWORKED CAN'T EVEN STOP THE GRAFFITI OR RESPOND TO TRAFFIC ACCIDENTS FUCK YEAH
Title: Re: How to Know if You're in Tucson
Post by: Anna Mae Bollocks on January 28, 2013, 09:17:26 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 28, 2013, 08:55:15 PM
Quote from: Wuli Fufu on January 28, 2013, 08:53:30 PM
A little slow on the uptake today and I have several situations rattling around in my heat-seared brain. Which one do you mean?

The kind of people that knock you over the head, take all your shit, and throw you in the ocean.

I'd be used to that, but Houston doesn't have an ocean.

Quote
Quote from: Wuli Fufu on January 28, 2013, 08:53:30 PM
APATHY FUCK YEAH

More like OVERWORKED CAN'T EVEN STOP THE GRAFFITI OR RESPOND TO TRAFFIC ACCIDENTS FUCK YEAH

:horrormirth: :horrormirth: :horrormirth:
Title: Re: How to Know if You're in Tucson
Post by: East Coast Hustle on January 28, 2013, 10:40:45 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 28, 2013, 08:49:11 PM
Quote from: East Coast Hustle on January 28, 2013, 08:47:07 PM
Hell, if you want to take legal bong hits you don't have to go to Amsterdam. You can just go to Denver or Seattle. :lulz:

Or Tucson, where the cops just don't care anymore.

I was going to add more, but ever since we legalized we've had packs of feral children raised by the demon weed roaming the streets stealing anything that isn't nailed down to pay for their insidious addiction. They just came by and stole my laptSDZ?><vfgafh
Title: Re: How to Know if You're in Tucson
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on January 28, 2013, 11:55:33 PM
Quote from: East Coast Hustle on January 28, 2013, 10:40:45 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 28, 2013, 08:49:11 PM
Quote from: East Coast Hustle on January 28, 2013, 08:47:07 PM
Hell, if you want to take legal bong hits you don't have to go to Amsterdam. You can just go to Denver or Seattle. :lulz:

Or Tucson, where the cops just don't care anymore.

I was going to add more, but ever since we legalized we've had packs of feral children raised by the demon weed roaming the streets stealing anything that isn't nailed down to pay for their insidious addiction. They just came by and stole my laptSDZ?><vfgafh

Not to mention all the poor kids that OD.
Title: Re: How to Know if You're in Tucson
Post by: Pæs on January 29, 2013, 12:45:02 AM
The clocks in New Zealand go backwards. We use them to wind springs.
Title: Re: How to Know if You're in Tucson
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on January 29, 2013, 01:09:27 AM
Quote from: East Coast Hustle on January 28, 2013, 10:40:45 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 28, 2013, 08:49:11 PM
Quote from: East Coast Hustle on January 28, 2013, 08:47:07 PM
Hell, if you want to take legal bong hits you don't have to go to Amsterdam. You can just go to Denver or Seattle. :lulz:

Or Tucson, where the cops just don't care anymore.

I was going to add more, but ever since we legalized we've had packs of feral children raised by the demon weed roaming the streets stealing anything that isn't nailed down to pay for their insidious addiction. They just came by and stole my laptSDZ?><vfgafh

I've been afraid to go across the river since the New Year. I've heard that it's nothing but ravening hordes of marijuana-addled face-craving zombies feeding doobies to babies and raping grandmothers.

Also, that you're totally out of Little Debbie Nutty Bars.
Title: Re: How to Know if You're in Tucson
Post by: Anna Mae Bollocks on January 29, 2013, 05:21:27 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on January 29, 2013, 01:09:27 AM
Quote from: East Coast Hustle on January 28, 2013, 10:40:45 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 28, 2013, 08:49:11 PM
Quote from: East Coast Hustle on January 28, 2013, 08:47:07 PM
Hell, if you want to take legal bong hits you don't have to go to Amsterdam. You can just go to Denver or Seattle. :lulz:

Or Tucson, where the cops just don't care anymore.

I was going to add more, but ever since we legalized we've had packs of feral children raised by the demon weed roaming the streets stealing anything that isn't nailed down to pay for their insidious addiction. They just came by and stole my laptSDZ?><vfgafh

I've been afraid to go across the river since the New Year. I've heard that it's nothing but ravening hordes of marijuana-addled face-craving zombies feeding doobies to babies and raping grandmothers.

Also, that you're totally out of Little Debbie Nutty Bars.

Shooting marijuana leads to smoking LSD.
Title: Re: How to Know if You're in Tucson
Post by: East Coast Hustle on January 29, 2013, 06:49:57 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on January 29, 2013, 01:09:27 AM
Quote from: East Coast Hustle on January 28, 2013, 10:40:45 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 28, 2013, 08:49:11 PM
Quote from: East Coast Hustle on January 28, 2013, 08:47:07 PM
Hell, if you want to take legal bong hits you don't have to go to Amsterdam. You can just go to Denver or Seattle. :lulz:

Or Tucson, where the cops just don't care anymore.

I was going to add more, but ever since we legalized we've had packs of feral children raised by the demon weed roaming the streets stealing anything that isn't nailed down to pay for their insidious addiction. They just came by and stole my laptSDZ?><vfgafh

I've been afraid to go across the river since the New Year. I've heard that it's nothing but ravening hordes of marijuana-addled face-craving zombies feeding doobies to babies and raping grandmothers.

Also, that you're totally out of Little Debbie Nutty Bars.

Not true, however, the asian supermarket by my new job is now ALWAYS out of taro ice cream. :lulz:
Title: Re: How to Know if You're in Tucson
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on January 29, 2013, 06:55:53 AM
Quote from: East Coast Hustle on January 29, 2013, 06:49:57 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on January 29, 2013, 01:09:27 AM
Quote from: East Coast Hustle on January 28, 2013, 10:40:45 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on January 28, 2013, 08:49:11 PM
Quote from: East Coast Hustle on January 28, 2013, 08:47:07 PM
Hell, if you want to take legal bong hits you don't have to go to Amsterdam. You can just go to Denver or Seattle. :lulz:

Or Tucson, where the cops just don't care anymore.

I was going to add more, but ever since we legalized we've had packs of feral children raised by the demon weed roaming the streets stealing anything that isn't nailed down to pay for their insidious addiction. They just came by and stole my laptSDZ?><vfgafh

I've been afraid to go across the river since the New Year. I've heard that it's nothing but ravening hordes of marijuana-addled face-craving zombies feeding doobies to babies and raping grandmothers.

Also, that you're totally out of Little Debbie Nutty Bars.

Not true, however, the asian supermarket by my new job is now ALWAYS out of taro ice cream. :lulz:

DAMNING PROOF OF THE SCOURGE OF MARIJUANA!  :argh!:
Title: Re: How to Know if You're in Tucson
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on January 29, 2013, 06:56:47 AM
Wait, taro ice cream

how is that even a flavor?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HONEY, I MADE YOU SOME STARCH-FLAVORED ICE CREAM.
Title: Re: How to Know if You're in Tucson
Post by: East Coast Hustle on January 29, 2013, 07:51:23 AM
No, it's SO GOOD. Seriously, go immediately to Fubonn or someplace like it and get you some.
Title: Re: How to Know if You're in Tucson
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on January 29, 2013, 07:54:46 AM
Quote from: East Coast Hustle on January 29, 2013, 07:51:23 AM
No, it's SO GOOD. Seriously, go immediately to Fubonn or someplace like it and get you some.

I totally am. Fuck yes. Also, I am overdue for a Fubonn run.