1. Cut his sideburns off.
2. Mapcase.
3. Doesn't wear makeup anymore.
4. Beaten in a fight by the Bad Spongebob.
5. Doesn't Think For Himself properly.
6. "Choking Skeeter" isn't a sports term. Never was.
7. Insufficient whiteboy fro.
8. Has wrecked every vehicle he's ever driven.
9. Ran off a year ago, singing Johnny Cash songs (badly).
10. Only comes back when he needs his fix.
Everyone should feel free to add to this list.
Cainad is a menace, and I think it's time to tell the truth about him.
11. Made the pope quit.
12. Prank calls the Ronald McDonald house, claiming to be the Hamburglar.
13. Prank calls Speaker Boehner until he cries.
14. Dresses up in God's clothes and does cheesy imitations when God isn't around to defend himself.
15. Talked Cram into "manhole cover frisbee" tournament next door to the old folk's home.
16. Runs off when confronted with his felonius deeds.
17. Shamelessly promotes his own notoriety by adding to lists of his deeds.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 14, 2013, 08:54:33 PM
2. Mapcase.
HEY MAN
SOMETIMES A GUY HAS TO SPEND SOME TIME WITH HIS FAVORITE COORDINATE SYSTEMS ONCE IN A WHILE, OKAY?!
I know You People talk about me and Universal Transverse Mercator. I'll have you know, there is NOTHING WEIRD about us, or how we choose to spend our evenings. And the Sinusoidal Global Projection is a lying whore, just fyi.
Quote3. Doesn't wear makeup anymore.
I was about to contest this, but then I remembered that there is no recent picture evidence to confirm my position. Since there's no pics, it didn't happen. Damn.
Quote8. Has wrecked every vehicle he's ever driven.
If we only count vehicles that have been considered "mine," then this is technically true. :lulz: Little bastard wasn't totaled though, and it's still going strong to this day.
If the HIMEOBS Low-Altitude Interceptor existed, then I guess we could have added that to the list.
Quote10. Only comes back when he needs his fix.
...The defense rests.
18. Waits until Roger gives up on PD in disgust at the passive "interaction" for the day, THEN posts.
Quote from: Cainad on March 14, 2013, 09:12:39 PM
And the Sinusoidal Global Projection is a lying whore, just fyi.
Yeah, she wanted it. Just look how she was positioned.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 14, 2013, 09:03:15 PM
13. Prank calls Speaker Boehner until he cries.
Oh my god, this is so unfair. All I did was tell him about the onions I was chopping up, and he just
let go. The man's tear ducts could receive a citation for misuse of water during drought in some counties.
Quote from: Cainad on March 14, 2013, 09:15:00 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 14, 2013, 09:03:15 PM
13. Prank calls Speaker Boehner until he cries.
Oh my god, this is so unfair. All I did was tell him about the onions I was chopping up, and he just let go. The man's tear ducts could receive a citation for misuse of water during drought in some counties.
Balls. I have the tape. You were telling him about Christian vs Mexican birth rates again.
Mexican isn't even a religion! YOU MAKE NO SENSE.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 14, 2013, 09:14:42 PM
Quote from: Cainad on March 14, 2013, 09:12:39 PM
And the Sinusoidal Global Projection is a lying whore, just fyi.
Yeah, she wanted it. Just look how she was positioned.
JUST LOOK AT IT:
(https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/b/b9/Sinusoidal_projection_SW.jpg/450px-Sinusoidal_projection_SW.jpg)
You're gonna take THIS buttnugget's word over mine?
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 14, 2013, 09:16:19 PM
Mexican isn't even a religion! YOU MAKE NO SENSE.
Says the Holy Man
TM who abdicated his position as Mexico. Just where were those campaign donations going, anyway?
Quote from: Cainad on March 14, 2013, 09:18:09 PM
Says the Holy ManTM who abdicated his position as Mexico. Just where were those campaign donations going, anyway?
The People™ have spoken.
You will also notice that the guy who yanked the
joke job out from underneath me STILL hasn't posted THE SECOND HALF OF THE JOKE.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 14, 2013, 09:19:28 PM
Quote from: Cainad on March 14, 2013, 09:18:09 PM
Says the Holy ManTM who abdicated his position as Mexico. Just where were those campaign donations going, anyway?
The People™ have spoken.
You will also notice that the guy who yanked the joke job out from underneath me STILL hasn't posted THE SECOND HALF OF THE JOKE.
When was the last time The People™ knew jack shit about what was best for their joke needs?
:lulz:
19. Keeps his crimes secret from everyone except Roger, who receives emails every week describing it all in wretched detail. There's a link in each email to "unsubscribe," but the last time he tried clicking it the power went out across four states.
Quote from: Cainad on March 14, 2013, 09:25:19 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 14, 2013, 09:19:28 PM
Quote from: Cainad on March 14, 2013, 09:18:09 PM
Says the Holy ManTM who abdicated his position as Mexico. Just where were those campaign donations going, anyway?
The People™ have spoken.
You will also notice that the guy who yanked the joke job out from underneath me STILL hasn't posted THE SECOND HALF OF THE JOKE.
When was the last time The People™ knew jack shit about what was best for their joke needs?
No argument. But I am not a tyrant. If The People™ wish to settle for half-told, second-rate jokes, then who am I to get in their way? No, I shall simply sneer at their lack of taste and feel deliciously superior.
And as for the punchline, I have written it down, and on my death it will be sent to Nigel, to be told or not told as she sees fit. In the unlikely event that she preceeds me in death, then I suggest you hire a medium. I heard John Edwards needs work.
Quote from: Cainad on March 14, 2013, 09:28:18 PM
19. Keeps his crimes secret from everyone except Roger, who receives emails every week describing it all in wretched detail. There's a link in each email to "unsubscribe," but the last time he tried clicking it the power went out across four states.
I stay up nights, in stark horror. Then I go get drunk and beat hipsters senseless. The police know, but do nothing...It's how we roll here.
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on March 14, 2013, 09:25:53 PM
:lulz:
And don't get me started on YOU, lady. We here in Tucson have PROVERBS about you.
"If you have no shoes, Nigel will take them from you. If you have shoes, she will give them to you."
"A Nigel in the hand is better than AAAAARRRRRRRRRG!"
"Stay away from the storm drains."
THE SECOND HALF OF THE JOKE does not exist. Rumors of THE SECOND HALF OF THE JOKE were started by a disgraced and outed former Cuba seeking to besmirch the good name of Mexico. Project Infinite Mexico stands against fake jokes.
20. Cainad was the real life inspiration of the Futurama character Calculon.
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on March 14, 2013, 09:36:44 PM
THE SECOND HALF OF THE JOKE does not exist. Rumors of THE SECOND HALF OF THE JOKE were started by a disgraced and outed former Cuba seeking to besmirch the good name of Mexico. Project Infinite Mexico stands against fake jokes.
Yeah, when faced with the real-life requirements of the job, retreat into conspiracy theory.
Our new mayor is like that, so why not the man who TOOK the job, but
no longer even bothers with the title?But I ain't here to hate on you. The People™ voted for inferior jokes. And we are nothing if not a democracy.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 14, 2013, 09:31:44 PM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on March 14, 2013, 09:25:53 PM
:lulz:
And don't get me started on YOU, lady. We here in Tucson have PROVERBS about you.
"If you have no shoes, Nigel will take them from you. If you have shoes, she will give them to you."
"A Nigel in the hand is better than AAAAARRRRRRRRRG!"
"Stay away from the storm drains."
It's true. Most of them are awful, too:
"A Nigel a day keeps the Nigel away."
"A Nigel in time saves spines."
"When you stare into the abyss, Nigel gives you a push."
Quote from: Cainad on March 14, 2013, 09:39:56 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 14, 2013, 09:31:44 PM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on March 14, 2013, 09:25:53 PM
:lulz:
And don't get me started on YOU, lady. We here in Tucson have PROVERBS about you.
"If you have no shoes, Nigel will take them from you. If you have shoes, she will give them to you."
"A Nigel in the hand is better than AAAAARRRRRRRRRG!"
"Stay away from the storm drains."
It's true. Most of them are awful, too:
"A Nigel a day keeps the Nigel away."
"A Nigel in time saves spines."
"When you stare into the abyss, Nigel gives you a push."
At night, Nigel runs through Tucson (getting here via the Underground, as described in LOBB), leaving death, dismemberment, and empty bottles of bourbon
1 in her wake.
The survivors receive counseling, but the papers
never talk about it. Her activities are blamed on swamp gas
2 and supply-side economics.
1 That's right...
littering.
2 THIS ISN'T EVEN A SWAMP. IT IS A DESERT.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 14, 2013, 09:31:44 PM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on March 14, 2013, 09:25:53 PM
:lulz:
And don't get me started on YOU, lady. We here in Tucson have PROVERBS about you.
"If you have no shoes, Nigel will take them from you. If you have shoes, she will give them to you."
"A Nigel in the hand is better than AAAAARRRRRRRRRG!"
"Stay away from the storm drains."
If they didn't go around being all
like that all the time, they wouldn't have anything to worry about.
Quote from: Cainad on March 14, 2013, 09:39:56 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 14, 2013, 09:31:44 PM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on March 14, 2013, 09:25:53 PM
:lulz:
And don't get me started on YOU, lady. We here in Tucson have PROVERBS about you.
"If you have no shoes, Nigel will take them from you. If you have shoes, she will give them to you."
"A Nigel in the hand is better than AAAAARRRRRRRRRG!"
"Stay away from the storm drains."
It's true. Most of them are awful, too:
"A Nigel a day keeps the Nigel away."
"A Nigel in time saves spines."
"When you stare into the abyss, Nigel gives you a push."
Hey, that last one really isn't so bad.
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on March 14, 2013, 09:45:25 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 14, 2013, 09:31:44 PM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on March 14, 2013, 09:25:53 PM
:lulz:
And don't get me started on YOU, lady. We here in Tucson have PROVERBS about you.
"If you have no shoes, Nigel will take them from you. If you have shoes, she will give them to you."
"A Nigel in the hand is better than AAAAARRRRRRRRRG!"
"Stay away from the storm drains."
If they didn't go around being all like that all the time, they wouldn't have anything to worry about.
Like WHAT? "Having skin"? "Possessed of all original limbs and digits"? "Not having any permanent brain damage"?
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on March 14, 2013, 09:46:01 PM
Quote from: Cainad on March 14, 2013, 09:39:56 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 14, 2013, 09:31:44 PM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on March 14, 2013, 09:25:53 PM
:lulz:
And don't get me started on YOU, lady. We here in Tucson have PROVERBS about you.
"If you have no shoes, Nigel will take them from you. If you have shoes, she will give them to you."
"A Nigel in the hand is better than AAAAARRRRRRRRRG!"
"Stay away from the storm drains."
It's true. Most of them are awful, too:
"A Nigel a day keeps the Nigel away."
"A Nigel in time saves spines."
"When you stare into the abyss, Nigel gives you a push."
Hey, that last one really isn't so bad.
I laughed.
Beats the hell out of that Fred Neechee guy's version.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 14, 2013, 09:46:56 PM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on March 14, 2013, 09:45:25 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 14, 2013, 09:31:44 PM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on March 14, 2013, 09:25:53 PM
:lulz:
And don't get me started on YOU, lady. We here in Tucson have PROVERBS about you.
"If you have no shoes, Nigel will take them from you. If you have shoes, she will give them to you."
"A Nigel in the hand is better than AAAAARRRRRRRRRG!"
"Stay away from the storm drains."
If they didn't go around being all like that all the time, they wouldn't have anything to worry about.
Like WHAT? "Having skin"? "Possessed of all original limbs and digits"? "Not having any permanent brain damage"?
Well, yeah.
The main reason Cainad is a spag is because:
a) his name is just a cheap rip-off of mine, and
b) the "hidden lail" thread. Those of you who were there know what I mean.
I know I spelled Neechee wrong, but I suck at French.
Quote from: Cain on March 14, 2013, 10:07:55 PM
The main reason Cainad is a spag is because:
a) his name is just a cheap rip-off of mine, and
b) the "hidden lail" thread. Those of you who were there know what I mean.
Ultimately, it does all come back to that. :horrormirth:
Quote from: Cainad on March 14, 2013, 10:25:37 PM
Quote from: Cain on March 14, 2013, 10:07:55 PM
The main reason Cainad is a spag is because:
a) his name is just a cheap rip-off of mine, and
b) the "hidden lail" thread. Those of you who were there know what I mean.
Ultimately, it does all come back to that. :horrormirth:
I can still remember your horrified realization of what was going on.
And since the search has been fixed, so can everyone else (http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php/topic,17029.msg555256.html#msg555256).
Quote from: Cain on March 14, 2013, 11:39:00 PM
Quote from: Cainad on March 14, 2013, 10:25:37 PM
Quote from: Cain on March 14, 2013, 10:07:55 PM
The main reason Cainad is a spag is because:
a) his name is just a cheap rip-off of mine, and
b) the "hidden lail" thread. Those of you who were there know what I mean.
Ultimately, it does all come back to that. :horrormirth:
I can still remember your horrified realization of what was going on.
And since the search has been fixed, so can everyone else (http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php/topic,17029.msg555256.html#msg555256).
WHAT
You did this while I wasn't looking? You
bastards.
Quote from: Cainad on March 14, 2013, 11:40:47 PM
Quote from: Cain on March 14, 2013, 11:39:00 PM
Quote from: Cainad on March 14, 2013, 10:25:37 PM
Quote from: Cain on March 14, 2013, 10:07:55 PM
The main reason Cainad is a spag is because:
a) his name is just a cheap rip-off of mine, and
b) the "hidden lail" thread. Those of you who were there know what I mean.
Ultimately, it does all come back to that. :horrormirth:
I can still remember your horrified realization of what was going on.
And since the search has been fixed, so can everyone else (http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php/topic,17029.msg555256.html#msg555256).
WHAT
You did this while I wasn't looking? You bastards.
Don't blame US because you fucked off for a year, while we toiled in the trenches.
And by "we", of course, I mean "Faust".