Brothers and Sisters1:
Having taken a quick glance at the TV again for only the 3rd time since 1987, I have to say that it's even DUMBER THAN I REMEMBERED. It is in fact dumber than I thought it would get, given this much time. Therefore, I shall not bother with it again until 2039, unless the following things happen:
1. They never show the Home Alone movies ever again.
2. They stop with the Law & Order knockoffs. No shit. EVERY CHANNEL except the History Channel is showing SOME kind of direct rip off, except that they pull their guns EVERY EPISODE, which even L&O was too smart to portray.
3. The History Channel and all the "science" channels all stop showing ghost & UFO programs.
4. Reality TV is outlawed, and everyone responsible for the ones to date are shipped to Phoenix.
5. If the above cannot be managed, I will settle for going COMPLETELY over the top, and having a show about a cop who goes from town to town, investigating haunted antiques while being pursued by East coast Guidos in UFOs. And his partner is a profoundly damaged ex-kiddie pageant winner who is addicted to energy drinks and has an extra thumb on each hand. TOO MUCH IS ALWAYS BETTER THAN NOT ENOUGH. WHAT'S THAT? YOU FUCKERS WANT MORE SLACK?
Hallalujah, and pass the Goddamn remote,
The Good Reverend Roger
1 I realize that "brothers and sisters" reeks of privilege, but it would fuck the header up to include all the groups, sub-groups, and sub-sub-groups. I'd just say "PUNY HUMANS", but that would be speciesist, and we can't have that shit.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 18, 2013, 09:08:33 PM
Brothers and Sisters1:
Having taken a quick glance at the TV again for only the 3rd time since 1987, I have to say that it's even DUMBER THAN I REMEMBERED. It is in fact dumber than I thought it would get, given this much time. Therefore, I shall not bother with it again until 2039, unless the following things happen:
1. They never show the Home Alone movies ever again.
2. They stop with the Law & Order knockoffs. No shit. EVERY CHANNEL except the History Channel is showing SOME kind of direct rip off, except that they pull their guns EVERY EPISODE, which even L&O was too smart to portray.
3. The History Channel and all the "science" channels all stop showing ghost & UFO programs.
4. Reality TV is outlawed, and everyone responsible for the ones to date are shipped to Phoenix.
5. If the above cannot be managed, I will settle for going COMPLETELY over the top, and having a show about a cop who goes from town to town, investigating haunted antiques while being pursued by East coast Guidos in UFOs. And his partner is a profoundly damaged ex-kiddie pageant winner who is addicted to energy drinks and has an extra thumb on each hand. TOO MUCH IS ALWAYS BETTER THAN NOT ENOUGH. WHAT'S THAT? YOU FUCKERS WANT MORE SLACK?
Hallalujah, and pass the Goddamn remote,
The Good Reverend Roger
1 I realize that "brothers and sisters" reeks of privilege, but it would fuck the header up to include all the groups, sub-groups, and sub-sub-groups. I'd just say "PUNY HUMANS", but that would be speciesist, and we can't have that shit.
What the fuck did I ever do to you, to deserve
that?
Quote from: V3X on March 18, 2013, 09:12:11 PM
What the fuck did I ever do to you, to deserve that?
Jesus, you try to send a man some entertainment, he gets all pissy. Just think what you could do with those fuckers, V3X. You could pave your back yard with their skulls, or maybe sell them to extra-orifice perverts in Mesa.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 18, 2013, 09:15:08 PM
Quote from: V3X on March 18, 2013, 09:12:11 PM
What the fuck did I ever do to you, to deserve that?
Jesus, you try to send a man some entertainment, he gets all pissy. Just think what you could do with those fuckers, V3X. You could pave your back yard with their skulls, or maybe sell them to extra-orifice perverts in Mesa.
Fat chance. The TV-consuming demographic in Phoenix exists on a diet of 99% reality TV as it is. If we had all those producers here, our entire economy would become the world's biggest circlejerk in no time, and then collapse in on itself under the sheer mass of its own self-obsession. Before we knew what hit us, Phoenix would be a bigger entertainment black hole than Hollywood, and there'd be no ocean nearby to go drown myself in.
Reality tv ruins it,people watch tv to forget reality.
We need more fantasy cheese, or another Start Trek. The old kind, which was really about social issues and not JUST alien sex.
Quote from: V3X on March 18, 2013, 09:18:42 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 18, 2013, 09:15:08 PM
Quote from: V3X on March 18, 2013, 09:12:11 PM
What the fuck did I ever do to you, to deserve that?
Jesus, you try to send a man some entertainment, he gets all pissy. Just think what you could do with those fuckers, V3X. You could pave your back yard with their skulls, or maybe sell them to extra-orifice perverts in Mesa.
Fat chance. The TV-consuming demographic in Phoenix exists on a diet of 99% reality TV as it is. If we had all those producers here, our entire economy would become the world's biggest circlejerk in no time, and then collapse in on itself under the sheer mass of its own self-obsession. Before we knew what hit us, Phoenix would be a bigger entertainment black hole than Hollywood, and there'd be no ocean nearby to go drown myself in.
Yes, but when everyone croaked in front of their TVs from sheer ennui, you get all of their STUFF. Pawn the ticky-tacky stuff in Tempe, and we'll drink the proceeds in Tucson.
It's GENIUS.
Quote from: Richter on March 18, 2013, 09:19:15 PM
Reality tv ruins it,people watch tv to forget reality.
We need more fantasy cheese, or another Start Trek. The old kind, which was really about social issues and not JUST alien sex.
I'd personally try wiring up every TV producer to a car battery by the junk, and when they sound off with an idea, we check to see if it's been done before. If it has, we throw the switch. If it hasn't, they get a food pellet.
People would pay to see that, but that violates the reality clause.
Speaking of which, axe the game shows. Those only teach people that their cindarella koment will in fact ruin their lives
HISTORY(TM) in the 21st century consists of THE BIBLE* and PAWN STARS.
*LAWL (http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-207_162-57574950/the-bible-producers-dismiss-obama-satan-connection/)
Quote from: Richter on March 18, 2013, 09:37:06 PM
People would pay to see that, but that violates the reality clause.
Speaking of which, axe the game shows. Those only teach people that their cindarella koment will in fact ruin their lives
Or make the game shows more interesting.
"YOU BET YOUR SPLEEN"
or
"ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A CHILD SOLDIER?"
Quote from: stelz on March 18, 2013, 09:40:33 PM
HISTORY(TM) in the 21st century consists of THE BIBLE* and PAWN STARS.
*LAWL (http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-207_162-57574950/the-bible-producers-dismiss-obama-satan-connection/)
Saw that. Shameless attention-whoring, on the level of Mel Gibson.
Quote from: stelz on March 18, 2013, 09:40:33 PM
HISTORY(TM) in the 21st century consists of THE BIBLE* and PAWN STARS.
*LAWL (http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-207_162-57574950/the-bible-producers-dismiss-obama-satan-connection/)
The Vikings thing they're doing is at least entertaining.*
*QG will watch anything where monks get invited to a threesome
Quote from: Queen Gogira Pennyworth, BSW on March 18, 2013, 10:09:16 PM
Quote from: stelz on March 18, 2013, 09:40:33 PM
HISTORY(TM) in the 21st century consists of THE BIBLE* and PAWN STARS.
*LAWL (http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-207_162-57574950/the-bible-producers-dismiss-obama-satan-connection/)
The Vikings thing they're doing is at least entertaining.*
*QG will watch anything where monks get invited to a threesome
And about as accurate as Eric the Viking.
Waffles,
Viking'd his teevee in 2001.
I wish I could get rid of my TV, but TVs are just so damned cool these days. I don't pay for content though, and I don't watch commercials, so that's something.
I watch TV very rarely now, after Norwegian State TV started putting up their stuff on the web, free and ad-free.
Quote from: V3X on March 18, 2013, 10:21:18 PM
I wish I could get rid of my TV, but TVs are just so damned cool these days. I don't pay for content though, and I don't watch commercials, so that's something.
true.
it's not the hardware that's is railed against here though, afaict.
i consider my house to have been TV free for about 9 years now, but i still square my eyes in front of the screen all the time.
it's just not scheduled programming...
I, for one, am really looking forward to parts II-V.
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on March 19, 2013, 12:15:33 PM
I, for one, am really looking forward to parts II-V.
Same here. This is the best thing to come from TV in quite a while.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 18, 2013, 09:08:33 PM
5. If the above cannot be managed, I will settle for going COMPLETELY over the top, and having a show about a cop who goes from town to town, investigating haunted antiques while being pursued by East coast Guidos in UFOs. And his partner is a profoundly damaged ex-kiddie pageant winner who is addicted to energy drinks and has an extra thumb on each hand. TOO MUCH IS ALWAYS BETTER THAN NOT ENOUGH. WHAT'S THAT? YOU FUCKERS WANT MORE SLACK?
What worries me is that this sounds like a completely reasonable premise for a show.
His partner needs to have some quirky specialization though, and tragic backstory which justifies their involvement in working with the police. Like they are an expert on rare 19th century Austro-Hungarian Jazz album covers, and the main villain of the series poisoned their pet budgie. Naturally, every case they work on will somehow reference their speciality.
Quote from: Cain on March 19, 2013, 03:58:15 PM
His partner needs to have some quirky specialization though, and tragic backstory which justifies their involvement in working with the police. Like they are an expert on rare 19th century Austro-Hungarian Jazz album covers, and the main villain of the series poisoned their pet budgie. Naturally, every case they work on will somehow reference their speciality.
:lulz:
I work in reality TV. It's hilarious. Things are slowing down though. Might need to start working in porn.
Quote from: MMMW on March 22, 2013, 12:36:31 AM
I work in reality TV. It's hilarious. Things are slowing down though. Might need to start working in porn.
FUCK THAT.
You guys are just getting started.
Come Aboriginal - C-list celebrities are dropped off with Australian aboriginee tribes and are filmed in their day to day lives for a period of six months.
Cock Wars - Ongoing efforts of American Southwest teams to end the underground cock fighting rings plaguing their towns.
Wall Street Hobo - Homeless people are given a one week crash course in the high powered world of Wall St then dropped into the action - their capital? Middle class 401(k)s.
Gary Busey Does Anything - People apparently love this crazy motherfuck so just put a camera on him forever. Best bet, convince him he's the object of a not very well hidden conspiracy. Observe.
Sagal School - Steven Sagal (sp?) is put in charge of a troublesome last-chance school with one clear message: these kids have to shape up.
Peak Oil - Actual small sized cities (pop. 100-200k) are put under Peak Oil conditions and challenged to thrive.
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on March 22, 2013, 01:25:58 AM
Quote from: MMMW on March 22, 2013, 12:36:31 AM
I work in reality TV. It's hilarious. Things are slowing down though. Might need to start working in porn.
FUCK THAT.
You guys are just getting started.
Come Aboriginal - C-list celebrities are dropped off with Australian aboriginee tribes and are filmed in their day to day lives for a period of six months.
Cock Wars - Ongoing efforts of American Southwest teams to end the underground cock fighting rings plaguing their towns.
Wall Street Hobo - Homeless people are given a one week crash course in the high powered world of Wall St then dropped into the action - their capital? Middle class 401(k)s.
Gary Busey Does Anything - People apparently love this crazy motherfuck so just put a camera on him forever. Best bet, convince him he's the object of a not very well hidden conspiracy. Observe.
Sagal School - Steven Sagal (sp?) is put in charge of a troublesome last-chance school with one clear message: these kids have to shape up.
Peak Oil - Actual small sized cities (pop. 100-200k) are put under Peak Oil conditions and challenged to thrive.
Haven't heard of those. Wouldn't mind checking out Wall Street Hobo.
I work in Canadian reality TV (the low budget version of the low budget stuff). The company I work for is slowing down right now anyways. They are making a Real Hipsters of Vancouver here though. :lulz:
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 18, 2013, 09:45:56 PM
Quote from: stelz on March 18, 2013, 09:40:33 PM
HISTORY(TM) in the 21st century consists of THE BIBLE* and PAWN STARS.
*LAWL (http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-207_162-57574950/the-bible-producers-dismiss-obama-satan-connection/)
Saw that. Shameless attention-whoring, on the level of Mel Gibson.
I spent part of last weekend watching that show (because windy season + above ground phone lines = no interbutts). I could feel my brain dying a little bit every time somebody opened their mouths. Is that normal? I've hardly watched TV since that one guy huffed a sharpie during the finale of the first season of
Survivor.
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on March 22, 2013, 01:25:58 AM
Quote from: MMMW on March 22, 2013, 12:36:31 AM
I work in reality TV. It's hilarious. Things are slowing down though. Might need to start working in porn.
FUCK THAT.
You guys are just getting started.
Come Aboriginal - C-list celebrities are dropped off with Australian aboriginee tribes and are filmed in their day to day lives for a period of six months.
Cock Wars - Ongoing efforts of American Southwest teams to end the underground cock fighting rings plaguing their towns.
Wall Street Hobo - Homeless people are given a one week crash course in the high powered world of Wall St then dropped into the action - their capital? Middle class 401(k)s.
Gary Busey Does Anything - People apparently love this crazy motherfuck so just put a camera on him forever. Best bet, convince him he's the object of a not very well hidden conspiracy. Observe.
Sagal School - Steven Sagal (sp?) is put in charge of a troublesome last-chance school with one clear message: these kids have to shape up.
Peak Oil - Actual small sized cities (pop. 100-200k) are put under Peak Oil conditions and challenged to thrive.
Oh my god. This made me laugh and laugh.