6:38 AM: Woke up 7 minutes before the alarm goes off. Awesome! As a reward, I will allow myself to sleep until that alarm rings.
7:53 AM: Woke up again. Shit, supposed to be at work by 8. Fuck.
7:57 AM: Hotel lobby. Of course there's a line at the coffee machine. Oh well, I'm going to be late anyway, fuck it I'll wait.
8:05 AM: Ran down the stairs, swiped the MetroCard 6 times (oh good, looks like it's gonna be a banner day for technology!) and arrived at the platform in time to catch a glimpse of the train as it disappeared down the tunnel. Another 5 minute wait, oh well.
8:10 AM: Coffee on pants. Eh. Whatever.
8:25 AM: Arrive at the office. People are running around yelling and waving their arms, like one of those Simpsons episodes where they run out of ideas halfway through the script. "NETWORK IS DOWN OMG WHAT WILL WE DO!?" Nevermind that I informed them the network would be down until at least 8:45 this morning. Everything is on schedule despite my sleeping late... but these people do not seem to notice.
9:07 AM: Network finally back online. GO GO GO! Hit the spreadsheets, everyone! I'm going to find a Starbucks.
9:30 AM: CEO says "ARRGH WHAT ABOUT MY PRINTER?" It doesn't work with the new system, I'm sorry you're inconvenienced. I'll go downstairs and buy one at Staples.
9:35 AM: Staples does not sell printers at this location. Walking to nearest suitable store.
10:00 AM: Arrived back at the office with the new printer. Replace old printer. Set up new one. Fuck with network wires and find THIS behind the CEO's desk:
(https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/1715856/a_mouse.jpg)
Well, looks like I found out why this place is plagued with so many issues...
10:30 AM: [Warning: technical] The Juniper guy says he's ready to apply the new network configuration so IP phones will work. Okay, I say, go ahead and do it. Five seconds later the whole network goes dark and there's a throng of angry villagers outside the server room door with pitchforks and torches, crying out for someone's head. I try to hold them off, but I can't. I throw the intern at them and let them work him over for a while, as I curse the Juniper guy over a staticky cell phone connection. He doesn't seem to understand that in a network, there are "routers" and "switches" for a reason. Routers route, and switches switch. He wants to make the switch do the routing. I call him a filthy carpetbagger from Texas, tell him to pack up his Trans-Am and go back to the trailer park where nobody cares about the proper way to build a network. He ends the phone call politely.
12:00 PM: Fuck this, the network is still down, but it's lunch time. This company needs to know what it means to be owned by a rag-tag bunch of ex-educators from Arizona, and they'll never be properly familiarized if we don't inconvenience them.
I am surrounded by imbeciles.
It's too early to start drinking.
....
Did you try updating the drivers on the mouse?
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on April 24, 2013, 08:46:47 PM
Did you try updating the drivers on the mouse?
http://www.instantrimshot.com
Is that a rat plugged into your CEO's desk?
1:30 PM: Network is back up, and everything is quiet. Except for me, that is, because the only way to bring the network back up was to completely give up on the required configuration changes. What that means is that I get to stay late tonight until either the changes have been made successfully, or I can no longer smell New Jersey from here, neither of which is likely to occur in this decade.
Quote from: Queen Gogira Pennyworth, BSW on April 24, 2013, 09:02:46 PM
Is that a rat plugged into your CEO's desk?
Technically, it's a mouse, and it's plugged in to the power outlet behind his desk. I don't mind, though. They have hand sanitizer and decent soap in the bathroom, and this CEO is a snotty, spoiled New Yorker whose shit doesn't stink, and now that I've passed this image around to everyone else in the company, he is now the object of satisfying, if slightly unwitty, jokes and puns from everywhere.
Also since we purchased this company, he isn't technically the CEO anymore. He's more like, I dunno, just some guy with an ego that no longer fits inside his official title. He's like "Office Manager II" or something, which of course means he's redundant and will be downsized shortly.
Was it already a dead thing?
Quote from: Queen Gogira Pennyworth, BSW on April 24, 2013, 09:24:36 PM
Was it already a dead thing?
Yes I found it that way and I'm leaving it that way.
Quote from: Queen Gogira Pennyworth, BSW on April 24, 2013, 10:09:03 PM
Quote from: V3X on April 24, 2013, 09:29:50 PM
Quote from: Queen Gogira Pennyworth, BSW on April 24, 2013, 09:24:36 PM
Was it already a dead thing?
Yes I found it that way and I'm leaving it that way.
That's gonna get REAL stinky :(
Not my problem. Besides, it can't get much stinkier than it already is. If you could capture the aromatic essence of NYC and bottle it, the FBI would raise your house and charge you with manufacturing chemical weapons.
This whole thing is :lulz:.
The corpsemouse really tops it off, though.
Did you try turning it off and then on?
Noooooo....
Get back in there and turn it around. Then arrange for him to find it.
Yesterday: 8AM to 11:30PM: I must have blacked out because I can't remember anything from that period, and when I went in today, NO PROGRESS HAD BEEN MADE. I am filled with rage.
Today
10:00 AM: After a conference call, the Juniper guy finally decided my idea about how to configure the fucking thing was "worth a shot."
10:15 AM: Oh look, everything is working. How weird. And it only took 2 entire days, including no less than 6 after-closing hours, to do what actually takes 15 minutes when you do it correctly.
11:00 AM-5:00 PM: Printers. Users. Wires. Coffee. Coffee. Coffee. Smoke. Wires. Printers.
6:00 PM: Fuck you all, I'm leaving.
Can't wait for tomorrow.
Because I become involved with very VERY EEERILY similar situations .... I'm eagerly awaiting the next installment in this story.
Also: Please to label the mouse in the wall...we can't have unlabeled data ports / power outlets / mouse butts. Unlabeled ports is just...unprofessional.
Worked til 10PM last night. Accomplished nothing at all.
This morning, I got in and everything is on fire again. Why? Did something I do last night fuck something up? Nope, all that is working. Hmm... Oh look! MY BOSS LOGGED INTO THE SYSTEM EARLY THIS MORNING AND DELETED EVERY LAST MOTHERFUCKER IN THIS OFFICE FROM THE SYSTEM! Oh good. Now I get to redo ALL THE THINGS!
Seriously. There's no coming back from what he did with a simple restore or undelete. Everything I did for the last two weeks is up in smoke.
It's okay though because I realize now what is happening. My life is literally a Dilbert cartoon. There's no other way to explain it. I am the butt of some cruel cosmic joke. The universe is punishing me, either because I was a terrible person in a past life, or I am going to be a terrible person in this life and I just don't know it yet. After all, I am starting to feel like mass murder isn't entirely off the table, so maybe this little pre-emptive strike by the universe is justified.
Our main power bus in the wet end has a mouse on one lead, forever frozen in the "Karate Kid" pose.
Why on earth would your boss delete the motherfuckers?
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on April 30, 2013, 06:48:38 PM
Why on earth would your boss delete the motherfuckers?
Because he was "TESTING" something, which apparently is an acceptable excuse for almost anything.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 30, 2013, 06:47:32 PM
Our main power bus in the wet end has a mouse on one lead, forever frozen in the "Karate Kid" pose.
Which is at least respectable. Our mouse is eternally stuck in the "get me THE FUCK OUT of here" pose. Sadly, he never escaped. I suspect that neither will I.
If you see any exceptionally large spiderwebs around, GET THE FUCK OUT.
Quote from: V3X on April 30, 2013, 07:01:07 PM
Because he was "TESTING" something, which apparently is an acceptable excuse for almost anything.
My old friend Chef Diesel had the answer for that. Boss's teeth rolling down the street like Chicklets, DO NEVER TEST.
Of course, the bastards want to HELP now. "Give us instructions!" they say. So, knowing that they will never actually read any instructions I send them, I send them this:
(https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/1715856/clips/sss.jpg)
That's awesome. I wish you could be our Network Admin.
V3X, you are a GOD. :lulz:
Come back down anytime, you just earned yourself many bourbon.
Bonus points to "Verify various shits are in order."
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
No fewer than 3 conference calls about this mess. Finally I had to inform all the "let's talk about this" people that being on a conference call sort of distracts from, you know, fixing things.
Quote from: V3X on May 01, 2013, 12:07:45 AM
No fewer than 3 conference calls about this mess. Finally I had to inform all the "let's talk about this" people that being on a conference call sort of distracts from, you know, fixing things.
Welcome to my world. If I didn't dodge meetings about how to fix shit, nothing would get fixed.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 01, 2013, 12:26:53 AM
Quote from: V3X on May 01, 2013, 12:07:45 AM
No fewer than 3 conference calls about this mess. Finally I had to inform all the "let's talk about this" people that being on a conference call sort of distracts from, you know, fixing things.
Welcome to my world. If I didn't dodge meetings about how to fix shit, nothing would get fixed.
I'm starting to wonder if the same people who build your facility went on to build education technology companies.
UPDATE
Users are all recreated, but the two Juniper Networks ninjas who arrived at the office to fix everything have, predictably, broken everything instead. Now I can't even talk to the rest of the network. I'm currently reporting in via the Verizon card build into my laptop. The villagers have all given up and gone home, presumably to write strongly-worded letters to their CEO who is, truth be known, about as powerless against this force of Corporate Progress as the rest of them are.
I, meanwhile, between alternating bouts of rage-smoking and unbridled maniac-laughter, am learning a whole lot about the joys of moving people off of tested but slightly dated systems into new, shiny systems that almost work, some of the time. It's a good thing I'm comfortable with chaos, because if I wasn't, I'd have no fingernails left and CNN would have a breaking news story from midtown Manhattan.
The network ninjas in the server room are starting to giggle. I'd better go see what's happening.
Quote from: V3X on May 01, 2013, 12:45:38 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 01, 2013, 12:26:53 AM
Quote from: V3X on May 01, 2013, 12:07:45 AM
No fewer than 3 conference calls about this mess. Finally I had to inform all the "let's talk about this" people that being on a conference call sort of distracts from, you know, fixing things.
Welcome to my world. If I didn't dodge meetings about how to fix shit, nothing would get fixed.
I'm starting to wonder if the same people who build your facility went on to build education technology companies.
My facility wasn't "built", so much as it "grew" as they invented the technology.
In other words, it was designed by chemical engineers instead of plant engineers. Which is kind of like having your brain surgery performed by a proctologist.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 01, 2013, 01:24:52 AM
Quote from: V3X on May 01, 2013, 12:45:38 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on May 01, 2013, 12:26:53 AM
Quote from: V3X on May 01, 2013, 12:07:45 AM
No fewer than 3 conference calls about this mess. Finally I had to inform all the "let's talk about this" people that being on a conference call sort of distracts from, you know, fixing things.
Welcome to my world. If I didn't dodge meetings about how to fix shit, nothing would get fixed.
I'm starting to wonder if the same people who build your facility went on to build education technology companies.
My facility wasn't "built", so much as it "grew" as they invented the technology.
In other words, it was designed by chemical engineers instead of plant engineers. Which is kind of like having your brain surgery performed by a proctologist.
Yes. Sort of like our network, which has more layers than a love child of Venice and Pompeii. It actually grew by "Test Environments" becoming "Production Environments" by executive decree.
(http://farm6.staticflickr.com/5269/5616559901_307d6fffba_o.jpg)
HAhaha this tread is fantastic. Either that or the Paxil is talking.
Srlsy, this whole this parallels a particular clusterfuck where I'm at....although it's less concentrated and more detached. It's like watching someone slowly die by the way of tickling.
:evil:
UPDATE!
Back in NYC to install a new wifi network. This has been previously configured at HQ and shipped here, so it's just plug and play.
Unbox components. Nothing broken! Hooray for FedEx!
Plug in. Lights up! Well, that's a good sign. So far, so good.
Connect to wifi. It works! Holy shit we did something right!
Now to check the guest network.
It connects!
Internet access is GO!
Wait...
There is no password on this guest network.
WAIT.
I can reach the entirety of our internal network this way.
CONGRATULATIONS! We have just opened a completely unsecured, unencrypted wifi network that leads directly to our corporate intranet (including mission-critical production systems)! In the middle of Midtown Manhattan! With equipment powerful enough to drive out all the interference from the surrounding networks!
Fuck.
Quote from: V3X on August 22, 2013, 07:51:30 PM
UPDATE!
Back in NYC to install a new wifi network. This has been previously configured at HQ and shipped here, so it's just plug and play.
Unbox components. Nothing broken! Hooray for FedEx!
Plug in. Lights up! Well, that's a good sign. So far, so good.
Connect to wifi. It works! Holy shit we did something right!
Now to check the guest network.
It connects!
Internet access is GO!
Wait...
There is no password on this guest network.
WAIT.
I can reach the entirety of our internal network this way.
CONGRATULATIONS! We have just opened a completely unsecured, unencrypted wifi network that leads directly to our corporate intranet (including mission-critical production systems)! In the middle of Midtown Manhattan! With equipment powerful enough to drive out all the interference from the surrounding networks!
Fuck.
Let me guess: The only off-switch also turns off every other system?
Quote from: :regret: on August 22, 2013, 09:58:00 PM
Quote from: V3X on August 22, 2013, 07:51:30 PM
UPDATE!
Back in NYC to install a new wifi network. This has been previously configured at HQ and shipped here, so it's just plug and play.
Unbox components. Nothing broken! Hooray for FedEx!
Plug in. Lights up! Well, that's a good sign. So far, so good.
Connect to wifi. It works! Holy shit we did something right!
Now to check the guest network.
It connects!
Internet access is GO!
Wait...
There is no password on this guest network.
WAIT.
I can reach the entirety of our internal network this way.
CONGRATULATIONS! We have just opened a completely unsecured, unencrypted wifi network that leads directly to our corporate intranet (including mission-critical production systems)! In the middle of Midtown Manhattan! With equipment powerful enough to drive out all the interference from the surrounding networks!
Fuck.
Let me guess: The only off-switch also turns off every other system?
No, I can disconnect it. But since I'm not "The Juniper Guy," I'm not allowed to reconfigure it myself. "The Juniper Guy" is in another state, and must log in remotely, which means everything must be turned on and connected. Oh, and he's BUSY, because he's one of the peers that are currently designing my company's "Values Blueprint."
Good thing there are a lot of bars in NYC.