Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Discordian Recipes => Topic started by: Salty on April 29, 2013, 06:57:24 PM

Title: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Salty on April 29, 2013, 06:57:24 PM
Oatmeal is super nutritional, yeah? And you need it because your metabolism is a small black hole, no mass can escape it. Its a miracle you don't digest yourself away in the night and you need some fucking CALORIES right? RIGHT?

Then again, maybe you just need a simple staple food to start the day that isn't sweet potatoes. But, like, oats are nasty. You can add peanut butter, until your body betrays you and you can't, and banana. This will make eating oatmeal bearable. If you cannot eat peanut butter you are FUCKED FOREVER...

Unless....

Rolled oats or steel cut.
Banana or other similarly enjoyable fruit.
COCONUT MILK
Salt
Cinnamon
Honey

Oh my sweet Jesus fuck. Oatmeal is suddenly no longer a laborious burden to bear. It actually easily transfers from a bowel to your belly. Magic.
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Cain on April 29, 2013, 07:31:19 PM
Quoteeasily transfers from a bowel to your belly

That doesn't sound entirely sanitary...
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Reginald Ret on June 05, 2013, 12:23:51 PM
I never tried cinnamon. Good idea!
Coconut milk sounds strange, can you describe the taste?
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on June 05, 2013, 03:24:25 PM
It tastes like fucking coconut.
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Salty on June 05, 2013, 04:31:00 PM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on June 05, 2013, 03:24:25 PM
It tastes like fucking coconut.

Fuck yeah, it does!
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on June 05, 2013, 07:30:58 PM
As I lurve coconut, I must try this. I imagine it would work with almond milk or rice milk, yes?
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Salty on June 05, 2013, 11:47:02 PM
Sure but I used canned coconut milk, that boxed stuff is horrible to me.
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on June 06, 2013, 12:50:58 AM
Quote from: Alty on June 05, 2013, 11:47:02 PM
Sure but I used canned coconut milk, that boxed stuff is horrible to me.

Canned stuff is horrible to me so I feel ya.
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Eater of Clowns on June 06, 2013, 01:06:24 AM
I get 100% of my coconuts straight from the coconut's teat.
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Eater of Clowns on June 06, 2013, 01:07:48 AM
Ah fuck I thought I filtered that through my "too stupid to say" area and deleted it before hitting post.
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Salty on June 06, 2013, 02:06:20 AM
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on June 06, 2013, 01:07:48 AM
Ah fuck I thought I filtered that through my "too stupid to say" area and deleted it before hitting post.

That's how I Derp about half the shit I've posted recently. I blame solar flares and Barack Obama.

Wow. I'm just going to leave that autocorrect there.
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Richter on June 06, 2013, 02:53:38 AM
Wow, I want to try this, and I consider oatmeal fucking abhorent.  It's one of those "Health foods" that concerned hippie parents were always sliding into the cookies.  Motherfuckers.  Goddamn cookies shouldnt be like chewing sheetrock.  Fuckign raisins.

I've got a few other alternate versions:

Rolled oats + Dark beer.  Traditional Richterran wedding breakfast.

Oats + milk + whiskey.  Scottish brose.
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Don Coyote on June 06, 2013, 04:36:35 AM
Quote from: Richter on June 06, 2013, 02:53:38 AM
Wow, I want to try this, and I consider oatmeal fucking abhorent.  It's one of those "Health foods" that concerned hippie parents were always sliding into the cookies.  Motherfuckers.  Goddamn cookies shouldnt be like chewing sheetrock.  Fuckign raisins.

I've got a few other alternate versions:

Rolled oats + Dark beer.  Traditional Richterran wedding breakfast.

Oats + milk + whiskey.  Scottish brose.

If an oatmeal cookie is like chewing sheetrock someone done fucked up hardcore. Oatmeal raisin is supposed to be CHEWY and moist.
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on June 06, 2013, 04:55:43 AM
Oatmeal is fucking tasty as fuck. You fuckers are doing something WRONG if it isn't. For instance, don't fucking stir it, what is fucking wrong with your fucking head? Also, quick oats are gross, and instant oats are gross.

Look that shit up on the internet, it isn't the fucking 1990s anymore. Seriously.
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on June 06, 2013, 04:56:30 AM
BASICALLY, IF YOUR OATS ARE GROSS, YOU ARE FUCKING UP.
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Don Coyote on June 06, 2013, 04:57:35 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on June 06, 2013, 04:55:43 AM
Oatmeal is fucking tasty as fuck. You fuckers are doing something WRONG if it isn't. For instance, don't fucking stir it, what is fucking wrong with your fucking head? Also, quick oats are gross, and instant oats are gross.

Look that shit up on the internet, it isn't the fucking 1990s anymore. Seriously.

But I like quick oats, and instant oats. :oops:
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on June 06, 2013, 05:34:31 AM
Quote from: six to the quixotic on June 06, 2013, 04:57:35 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on June 06, 2013, 04:55:43 AM
Oatmeal is fucking tasty as fuck. You fuckers are doing something WRONG if it isn't. For instance, don't fucking stir it, what is fucking wrong with your fucking head? Also, quick oats are gross, and instant oats are gross.

Look that shit up on the internet, it isn't the fucking 1990s anymore. Seriously.

But I like quick oats, and instant oats. :oops:
They are adaptible, if you're ok with weird shitty mushy whatever
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Don Coyote on June 06, 2013, 05:35:47 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on June 06, 2013, 05:34:31 AM
Quote from: six to the quixotic on June 06, 2013, 04:57:35 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on June 06, 2013, 04:55:43 AM
Oatmeal is fucking tasty as fuck. You fuckers are doing something WRONG if it isn't. For instance, don't fucking stir it, what is fucking wrong with your fucking head? Also, quick oats are gross, and instant oats are gross.

Look that shit up on the internet, it isn't the fucking 1990s anymore. Seriously.

But I like quick oats, and instant oats. :oops:
They are adaptible, if you're ok with weird shitty mushy whatever
I am. I also like regular oats, because texture.
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Salty on June 06, 2013, 05:51:14 AM
No. Fucking. Instant.

Instant oatmeal is for slack jawed mutants trying to steal your gasoline.

Steel cut, if you have the leisure time.
Or a crock pot.

Rolled oats if you're trying to survive in Murrica without fucking people up. Peanut bttrer banana if you're not fucked, OP if you are.

Motherfuckers.
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on June 06, 2013, 06:07:41 AM
Quote from: six to the quixotic on June 06, 2013, 05:35:47 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on June 06, 2013, 05:34:31 AM
Quote from: six to the quixotic on June 06, 2013, 04:57:35 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on June 06, 2013, 04:55:43 AM
Oatmeal is fucking tasty as fuck. You fuckers are doing something WRONG if it isn't. For instance, don't fucking stir it, what is fucking wrong with your fucking head? Also, quick oats are gross, and instant oats are gross.

Look that shit up on the internet, it isn't the fucking 1990s anymore. Seriously.

But I like quick oats, and instant oats. :oops:
They are adaptible, if you're ok with weird shitty mushy whatever
I am. I also like regular oats, because texture.

Oats are goddamn delicious. special oats are a goddamn special wildcard.
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Cain on June 06, 2013, 06:27:48 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on June 06, 2013, 04:56:30 AM
BASICALLY, IF YOUR OATS ARE GROSS, YOU ARE FUCKING UP.

Alty is, in his own words, transferring it from his bowel to his belly.  In that order. 

This could explain a whole lot of grossness.
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Salty on June 06, 2013, 06:31:06 AM
Quote from: Cain on June 06, 2013, 06:27:48 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on June 06, 2013, 04:56:30 AM
BASICALLY, IF YOUR OATS ARE GROSS, YOU ARE FUCKING UP.

Alty is, in his own words, transferring it from his bowel to his belly.  In that order. 

This could explain a whole lot of grossness.

I have...difficult taste.
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Cain on June 06, 2013, 06:33:58 AM
Or your meals are going in reverse.
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Don Coyote on June 06, 2013, 06:37:09 AM
Quote from: Alty on June 06, 2013, 05:51:14 AM
No. Fucking. Instant.

Instant oatmeal is for slack jawed mutants trying to steal your gasoline.

Steel cut, if you have the leisure time.
Or a crock pot.

Rolled oats if you're trying to survive in Murrica without fucking people up. Peanut bttrer banana if you're not fucked, OP if you are.

Motherfuckers.

For some reason this makes me want wrassle Alty to the ground and shove handfuls of uncooked instant oats into his mouth.
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Eater of Clowns on June 06, 2013, 02:35:04 PM
Quote from: six to the quixotic on June 06, 2013, 06:37:09 AM
Quote from: Alty on June 06, 2013, 05:51:14 AM
No. Fucking. Instant.

Instant oatmeal is for slack jawed mutants trying to steal your gasoline.

Steel cut, if you have the leisure time.
Or a crock pot.

Rolled oats if you're trying to survive in Murrica without fucking people up. Peanut bttrer banana if you're not fucked, OP if you are.

Motherfuckers.

For some reason this makes me want wrassle Alty to the ground and shove handfuls of uncooked instant oats into his mouth.

I'd fap to it.

Also, this:

http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php/topic,28299.0.html (http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php/topic,28299.0.html)
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on June 06, 2013, 03:05:17 PM
I HATE PEANUT BUTTER AND BANANAS.

There. I said it.

I hate them each individually, and I triple hate them when they're together.
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on June 06, 2013, 03:06:18 PM
Quote from: Cain on June 06, 2013, 06:27:48 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on June 06, 2013, 04:56:30 AM
BASICALLY, IF YOUR OATS ARE GROSS, YOU ARE FUCKING UP.

Alty is, in his own words, transferring it from his bowel to his belly.  In that order. 

This could explain a whole lot of grossness.

:vom:
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on June 06, 2013, 03:06:56 PM
Quote from: six to the quixotic on June 06, 2013, 06:37:09 AM
Quote from: Alty on June 06, 2013, 05:51:14 AM
No. Fucking. Instant.

Instant oatmeal is for slack jawed mutants trying to steal your gasoline.

Steel cut, if you have the leisure time.
Or a crock pot.

Rolled oats if you're trying to survive in Murrica without fucking people up. Peanut bttrer banana if you're not fucked, OP if you are.

Motherfuckers.

For some reason this makes me want wrassle Alty to the ground and shove handfuls of uncooked instant oats into his mouth.

I'd pay to watch that.  :fap:
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Anna Mae Bollocks on June 06, 2013, 03:41:13 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on June 06, 2013, 12:50:58 AM
Quote from: Alty on June 05, 2013, 11:47:02 PM
Sure but I used canned coconut milk, that boxed stuff is horrible to me.

Canned stuff is horrible to me so I feel ya.

http://www.yumuniverse.com/2013/02/07/plant-powerful-dairy-free-milk/

Blender. Cheesecloth. :)
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Doktor Howl on June 06, 2013, 04:39:52 PM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on June 06, 2013, 03:05:17 PM
I HATE PEANUT BUTTER AND BANANAS.

There. I said it.

I hate them each individually, and I triple hate them when they're together.

:cry:  <--- Roger, Elvis, and 32,000,000 Canadians.
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on June 06, 2013, 06:35:27 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on June 06, 2013, 04:39:52 PM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on June 06, 2013, 03:05:17 PM
I HATE PEANUT BUTTER AND BANANAS.

There. I said it.

I hate them each individually, and I triple hate them when they're together.

:cry:  <--- Roger, Elvis, and 32,000,000 Canadians.

:lol:
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Salty on June 06, 2013, 09:59:36 PM
Sometimes....

I like it with egg and cayenne pepper.

Coyote:
BRING IT.

INSTANTLY.

CAIN:
The best food is in the bowels. Always.

Mmm, bowely.

Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Don Coyote on June 06, 2013, 10:03:12 PM
Quote from: Alty on June 06, 2013, 09:59:36 PM
Sometimes....

I like it with egg and cayenne pepper.

Coyote:
BRING IT.

INSTANTLY.

CAIN:
The best food is in the bowels. Always.

Mmm, bowely.

I will drop everything the next time you are in PDX simply to force feed you instant oatmeal.
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Cain on June 06, 2013, 10:04:11 PM
Even the beat? 
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Sita on June 06, 2013, 10:09:17 PM
Instant oatmeal is the only kind I will eat. Can't stand the texture of oats.
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Don Coyote on June 06, 2013, 10:12:14 PM
Quote from: Cain on June 06, 2013, 10:04:11 PM
Even the beat?

I don't know why but I feel that there is some extended metaphor for feeding someone food they don't like in dropping the beat.
I shall meditate on this.
And write Alty a sonnet.
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Cain on June 06, 2013, 10:18:04 PM
Never let the beat drop, Coyote.

Never.
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Don Coyote on June 06, 2013, 10:18:59 PM
Quote from: Cain on June 06, 2013, 10:18:04 PM
Never let the beat drop, Coyote.

Never.

What would happen if someone picked up the beat?
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Anna Mae Bollocks on June 07, 2013, 04:10:40 AM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on June 06, 2013, 04:39:52 PM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on June 06, 2013, 03:05:17 PM
I HATE PEANUT BUTTER AND BANANAS.

There. I said it.

I hate them each individually, and I triple hate them when they're together.

:cry:  <--- Roger, Elvis, and 32,000,000 Canadians.

And me. Only I don't FRY THEM IN BUTTER.  :x :x :x
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on June 07, 2013, 04:14:11 AM
I actually like fried green bananas.
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Salty on June 07, 2013, 06:32:56 AM
Another word on the canned coconut, not all are created equal. I really dislike some.over others, though they should all be the same damned fruit.

I'd love to get it fresh and blend it myself. Alas.
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Anna Mae Bollocks on June 07, 2013, 07:59:54 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on June 07, 2013, 04:14:11 AM
I actually like fried green bananas.

I like fried plaintains. :)
I just don't do peanut butter and banana sandwiches a la Elvis.
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on June 07, 2013, 03:22:16 PM
Quote from: stelz on June 07, 2013, 07:59:54 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on June 07, 2013, 04:14:11 AM
I actually like fried green bananas.

I like fried plaintains. :)
I just don't do peanut butter and banana sandwiches a la Elvis.

I like plantains too, as long as they're still firm. They're very different though.
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Freeky on June 07, 2013, 06:29:08 PM
Nigel, have you ever tried burro bananas? They are firmer and differently flavored from regular bananas.
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on June 08, 2013, 06:14:33 PM
Quote from: Freeky Queen of DERP on June 07, 2013, 06:29:08 PM
Nigel, have you ever tried burro bananas? They are firmer and differently flavored from regular bananas.

I don't know, what do they look like?

I'm not sure there's any point in trying to find a banana that I like, because there are lots of fruits I do like that aren't produced by slaves in ruined colonial economies.
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Salty on June 08, 2013, 06:21:00 PM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on June 08, 2013, 06:14:33 PM
Quote from: Freeky Queen of DERP on June 07, 2013, 06:29:08 PM
Nigel, have you ever tried burro bananas? They are firmer and differently flavored from regular bananas.

I don't know, what do they look like?

I'm not sure there's any point in trying to find a banana that I like, because there are lots of fruits I do like that aren't produced by slaves in ruined colonial economies.

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=V-z18oL-z_c&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DV-z18oL-z_c
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on June 08, 2013, 06:22:18 PM
Quote from: Alty on June 08, 2013, 06:21:00 PM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on June 08, 2013, 06:14:33 PM
Quote from: Freeky Queen of DERP on June 07, 2013, 06:29:08 PM
Nigel, have you ever tried burro bananas? They are firmer and differently flavored from regular bananas.

I don't know, what do they look like?

I'm not sure there's any point in trying to find a banana that I like, because there are lots of fruits I do like that aren't produced by slaves in ruined colonial economies.

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=V-z18oL-z_c&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DV-z18oL-z_c

Old Crow Medicine Show?  :?
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Salty on June 08, 2013, 06:27:17 PM
Ci mi hombre.
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on June 08, 2013, 06:58:03 PM
Quote from: Alty on June 08, 2013, 06:27:17 PM
Ci mi hombre.

I think the link isn't working, it's just a list of some of their videos.
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Salty on June 08, 2013, 07:01:54 PM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on June 08, 2013, 06:58:03 PM
Quote from: Alty on June 08, 2013, 06:27:17 PM
Ci mi hombre.

I think the link isn't working, it's just a list of some of their videos.

:argh!:  :argh!:

OK. That's not right.
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Salty on June 08, 2013, 07:02:40 PM
I thought to myself, man, Deportee is pretty darned tangentially relevant.
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Freeky on June 08, 2013, 10:59:21 PM
(http://3.bp.blogspot.com/---FM0H3hFtc/TVqKIUyxUvI/AAAAAAAAJho/5qTGyci-Jxo/s1600/1c+burro+banana.JPG)

It's possible you'll still hate them, I was just curious if you'd ever had them.
Title: Re: Best of all possible uses for oatmeal.
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on June 09, 2013, 03:31:41 PM
They look like small bananas.

I've had most of the banana variants I've found at the markets. Not keen on any of them really.