http://www.today.com/health/do-trendy-cleanses-help-or-harm-body-6C10488683
QuoteIn his Los Angeles kitchen, Martin Muoto makes his own version of the Master Cleanse. For 10 days, he swaps solid food for a mix of water, lemon juice, cayenne pepper and agave.
"The first three days are the toughest in the Master Cleanse. That's when you're most hungry," Muoto said in the TODAY segment. "If you can get beyond three days, you feel the toxins just seeping out of your body."
As he progresses, Muoto says: "You feel fantastic. You have more energy. You sleep better and you go through what is almost a spiritual experience."
Okay, this is CRAP. I work HARD for my "toxins" and in any case I'm reasonably sure that my liver and kidneys HAVE THAT SHIT COVERED. I am also reasonable sure that a 10 day diet of cayenne pepper and water gives a "spiritual experience", all right...it's called STARVING TO DEATH.
I mean, if I want to lose weight, that's a little extreme, right? Also doesn't seem sustainable. I could instead, you know, CUT MY PORTIONS IN HALF AND WALK AROUND A BIT. Like OUTSIDE, maybe. But that isn't "trendy" and it doesn't have the same sort of exclusive appeal and blanket/fart huffing marketability.
I hate people. I hate them so much I could IN GOOD CONSCIENCE make them SNORT THAT SHIT. Or even arrange a Goddamn cayenne pepper and lemon juice SUPPOSITORY.
<3 Roger
Sometimes I just want to take a crowbar to Derrick's Femur and shatter it, and watch the whole HFT community rub olive oil, and garlic all over him.
I guess I'm just a dreamer.
Ten days? So when does Darwin show up? :lulz:
Quote from: /b/earman on July 01, 2013, 08:08:43 PM
<3 Roger
Sometimes I just want to take a crowbar to Derrick's Femur and shatter it, and watch the whole HFT community rub olive oil, and garlic all over him.
I guess I'm just a dreamer.
Well, that's a bit of an exaggeration, Bearman.
He'd have to eat lots of veggies, too.
Cruelty free veggies right?
Quote from: /b/earman on July 01, 2013, 08:29:26 PM
Cruelty free veggies right?
We did tell you about the pagans whimpering about people "traumatizing crystals", yeah?
LOL
Something about this guy who could talk to grumpy Sapphires?
Quote from: Doktor Howl on July 01, 2013, 08:02:02 PM
http://www.today.com/health/do-trendy-cleanses-help-or-harm-body-6C10488683
QuoteIn his Los Angeles kitchen, Martin Muoto makes his own version of the Master Cleanse. For 10 days, he swaps solid food for a mix of water, lemon juice, cayenne pepper and agave.
"The first three days are the toughest in the Master Cleanse. That's when you're most hungry," Muoto said in the TODAY segment. "If you can get beyond three days, you feel the toxins just seeping out of your body."
As he progresses, Muoto says: "You feel fantastic. You have more energy. You sleep better and you go through what is almost a spiritual experience."
Okay, this is CRAP. I work HARD for my "toxins" and in any case I'm reasonably sure that my liver and kidneys HAVE THAT SHIT COVERED. I am also reasonable sure that a 10 day diet of cayenne pepper and water gives a "spiritual experience", all right...it's called STARVING TO DEATH.
I mean, if I want to lose weight, that's a little extreme, right? Also doesn't seem sustainable. I could instead, you know, CUT MY PORTIONS IN HALF AND WALK AROUND A BIT. Like OUTSIDE, maybe. But that isn't "trendy" and it doesn't have the same sort of exclusive appeal and blanket/fart huffing marketability.
I hate people. I hate them so much I could IN GOOD CONSCIENCE make them SNORT THAT SHIT. Or even arrange a Goddamn cayenne pepper and lemon juice SUPPOSITORY.
I gotta try to find the forum posts of the guy who almost died of a "master cleanse" last year. He kept posting asking what he should do as his body shut the fuck down after an epsom salt soak. Eventually someone was like DUDE CALL AN AMBULANCE.
:horrormirth:
Quote from: Doktor Howl on July 01, 2013, 08:31:07 PM
Quote from: /b/earman on July 01, 2013, 08:29:26 PM
Cruelty free veggies right?
We did tell you about the pagans whimpering about people "traumatizing crystals", yeah?
Gravel roads must break their fucking hearts.
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on July 01, 2013, 09:03:34 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on July 01, 2013, 08:02:02 PM
http://www.today.com/health/do-trendy-cleanses-help-or-harm-body-6C10488683
QuoteIn his Los Angeles kitchen, Martin Muoto makes his own version of the Master Cleanse. For 10 days, he swaps solid food for a mix of water, lemon juice, cayenne pepper and agave.
"The first three days are the toughest in the Master Cleanse. That's when you're most hungry," Muoto said in the TODAY segment. "If you can get beyond three days, you feel the toxins just seeping out of your body."
As he progresses, Muoto says: "You feel fantastic. You have more energy. You sleep better and you go through what is almost a spiritual experience."
Okay, this is CRAP. I work HARD for my "toxins" and in any case I'm reasonably sure that my liver and kidneys HAVE THAT SHIT COVERED. I am also reasonable sure that a 10 day diet of cayenne pepper and water gives a "spiritual experience", all right...it's called STARVING TO DEATH.
I mean, if I want to lose weight, that's a little extreme, right? Also doesn't seem sustainable. I could instead, you know, CUT MY PORTIONS IN HALF AND WALK AROUND A BIT. Like OUTSIDE, maybe. But that isn't "trendy" and it doesn't have the same sort of exclusive appeal and blanket/fart huffing marketability.
I hate people. I hate them so much I could IN GOOD CONSCIENCE make them SNORT THAT SHIT. Or even arrange a Goddamn cayenne pepper and lemon juice SUPPOSITORY.
I gotta try to find the forum posts of the guy who almost died of a "master cleanse" last year. He kept posting asking what he should do as his body shut the fuck down after an epsom salt soak. Eventually someone was like DUDE CALL AN AMBULANCE.
:horrormirth:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypermagnesemia
WELL DONE, MOONBEAM!
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on July 01, 2013, 09:06:22 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on July 01, 2013, 08:31:07 PM
Quote from: /b/earman on July 01, 2013, 08:29:26 PM
Cruelty free veggies right?
We did tell you about the pagans whimpering about people "traumatizing crystals", yeah?
Gravel roads must break their fucking hearts.
We just sank anchor bolts into bedrock this morning. Great big bastards, 4" across, 40 feet straight down.
That will teach that uppity rock to talk back when we tell it what.
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on July 01, 2013, 09:03:34 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on July 01, 2013, 08:02:02 PM
http://www.today.com/health/do-trendy-cleanses-help-or-harm-body-6C10488683
QuoteIn his Los Angeles kitchen, Martin Muoto makes his own version of the Master Cleanse. For 10 days, he swaps solid food for a mix of water, lemon juice, cayenne pepper and agave.
"The first three days are the toughest in the Master Cleanse. That's when you're most hungry," Muoto said in the TODAY segment. "If you can get beyond three days, you feel the toxins just seeping out of your body."
As he progresses, Muoto says: "You feel fantastic. You have more energy. You sleep better and you go through what is almost a spiritual experience."
Okay, this is CRAP. I work HARD for my "toxins" and in any case I'm reasonably sure that my liver and kidneys HAVE THAT SHIT COVERED. I am also reasonable sure that a 10 day diet of cayenne pepper and water gives a "spiritual experience", all right...it's called STARVING TO DEATH.
I mean, if I want to lose weight, that's a little extreme, right? Also doesn't seem sustainable. I could instead, you know, CUT MY PORTIONS IN HALF AND WALK AROUND A BIT. Like OUTSIDE, maybe. But that isn't "trendy" and it doesn't have the same sort of exclusive appeal and blanket/fart huffing marketability.
I hate people. I hate them so much I could IN GOOD CONSCIENCE make them SNORT THAT SHIT. Or even arrange a Goddamn cayenne pepper and lemon juice SUPPOSITORY.
I gotta try to find the forum posts of the guy who almost died of a "master cleanse" last year. He kept posting asking what he should do as his body shut the fuck down after an epsom salt soak. Eventually someone was like DUDE CALL AN AMBULANCE.
:horrormirth:
What kind of sick bastard would tell someone like that to call an ambulance? That's what's fucking wrong with the world these days. surely anyone with a single shred of human decency would be telling him - Moar epson salts and get that shit on youtube :argh!:
Alternate-day "fasting" (you eat 500-700 calories on a down day) seems to help with immune response.
It also strips weight off like nobody's business, and seems to be fairly safe for the majority of people...(Hypoglycemics or diabetics, probably not...)
I like it because it means I only have to be miserable every other day, instead of every day.
That master cleanse crap? a ten-day fast isn't safe.
Master cleanse is for amateurs. You have to go total breatharian in order to truly cleanse. Pranic Light or go home.
Quote from: McGrupp on July 02, 2013, 05:31:11 PM
Master cleanse is for amateurs. You have to go total breatharian in order to truly cleanse. Pranic Light or go home.
Srsly.
The only people I've seen do this are women who happen to not have the constitution of a greyhound, and lament this state of being, but want to keep going out to the club.
Quote from: hylierandom, A.D.D. on July 02, 2013, 03:55:42 AM
Alternate-day "fasting" (you eat 500-700 calories on a down day) seems to help with immune response.
It also strips weight off like nobody's business, and seems to be fairly safe for the majority of people...(Hypoglycemics or diabetics, probably not...)
I like it because it means I only have to be miserable every other day, instead of every day.
That master cleanse crap? a ten-day fast isn't safe.
I always do some kind of juice fast or raw food diet for a couple weeks every spring, mostly just to reset any bad habits I've picked up over the winter and reassess my diet.
There's no "cleansing" or "detoxing" like that a healthy body can do when you're feeding it wholesome foods and getting plenty of exercise, though. Most people just don't eat enough fiber.
Personally I have switched to a mostly raw/unsalted nut and fruit-based diet on account of I am not allowed to eat any sodium. A single god damn french fry has a greater than zero chance of causing a stroke. Which sucks because all the best foods are neither fruit nor nuts.
Quote from: V3X on July 02, 2013, 05:44:47 PM
Personally I have switched to a mostly raw/unsalted nut and fruit-based diet on account of I am not allowed to eat any sodium. A single god damn french fry has a greater than zero chance of causing a stroke. Which sucks because all the best foods are neither fruit nor nuts.
Yeah, I'm hypertensive and I just stepped on a scale last night and I have GAINED FIVE POUNDS since I started mad bicycling everywhere. Which means that I now need to lose TWENTY pounds. So now I'm knuckling down on the diet too.
I eat a salad a day. The results in the morning are all the "detox" I need. I'm already getting complaints from the city...And These People want me to do MORE?
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on July 02, 2013, 05:51:19 PM
Quote from: V3X on July 02, 2013, 05:44:47 PM
Personally I have switched to a mostly raw/unsalted nut and fruit-based diet on account of I am not allowed to eat any sodium. A single god damn french fry has a greater than zero chance of causing a stroke. Which sucks because all the best foods are neither fruit nor nuts.
Yeah, I'm hypertensive and I just stepped on a scale last night and I have GAINED FIVE POUNDS since I started mad bicycling everywhere. Which means that I now need to lose TWENTY pounds. So now I'm knuckling down on the diet too.
Some of it might be muscle if you're mad biking. Nothing wrong with muscle.
l alternate between just beans a few days a week and anything I damn please the rest of the time. Fasting only when I'm really, really broke. I don't feel like fasting cleanses anything, there's nothing to push the old stuff OUT.
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on July 02, 2013, 05:51:19 PM
Quote from: V3X on July 02, 2013, 05:44:47 PM
Personally I have switched to a mostly raw/unsalted nut and fruit-based diet on account of I am not allowed to eat any sodium. A single god damn french fry has a greater than zero chance of causing a stroke. Which sucks because all the best foods are neither fruit nor nuts.
Yeah, I'm hypertensive and I just stepped on a scale last night and I have GAINED FIVE POUNDS since I started mad bicycling everywhere. Which means that I now need to lose TWENTY pounds. So now I'm knuckling down on the diet too.
I get 99% less exercise than I should get, and I can make excuses but the main reason is I just don't feel like putting that much effort into it. Of course, this approach does little for the hypertension, or my weight, which is apparently "okay" but I'm not personally happy with it. Blah.
Quote from: stelz on July 02, 2013, 06:34:41 PM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on July 02, 2013, 05:51:19 PM
Quote from: V3X on July 02, 2013, 05:44:47 PM
Personally I have switched to a mostly raw/unsalted nut and fruit-based diet on account of I am not allowed to eat any sodium. A single god damn french fry has a greater than zero chance of causing a stroke. Which sucks because all the best foods are neither fruit nor nuts.
Yeah, I'm hypertensive and I just stepped on a scale last night and I have GAINED FIVE POUNDS since I started mad bicycling everywhere. Which means that I now need to lose TWENTY pounds. So now I'm knuckling down on the diet too.
Some of it might be muscle if you're mad biking. Nothing wrong with muscle.
It might all be muscle, I put on muscle bulk like a mad bastard. I'm like, genetically programmed to be a bodybuilder or something. :lol: But I'm still a lot fatter/unhealthier than I want to be, and it has to go. The good news is that now that my tumor-riddled baby chamber is gone and I'm healed from surgery, I feel ready to fucking the world.
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on July 02, 2013, 07:45:26 PM
Quote from: stelz on July 02, 2013, 06:34:41 PM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on July 02, 2013, 05:51:19 PM
Quote from: V3X on July 02, 2013, 05:44:47 PM
Personally I have switched to a mostly raw/unsalted nut and fruit-based diet on account of I am not allowed to eat any sodium. A single god damn french fry has a greater than zero chance of causing a stroke. Which sucks because all the best foods are neither fruit nor nuts.
Yeah, I'm hypertensive and I just stepped on a scale last night and I have GAINED FIVE POUNDS since I started mad bicycling everywhere. Which means that I now need to lose TWENTY pounds. So now I'm knuckling down on the diet too.
Some of it might be muscle if you're mad biking. Nothing wrong with muscle.
It might all be muscle, I put on muscle bulk like a mad bastard. I'm like, genetically programmed to be a bodybuilder or something. :lol: But I'm still a lot fatter/unhealthier than I want to be, and it has to go. The good news is that now that my tumor-riddled baby chamber is gone and I'm healed from surgery, I feel ready to fucking the world.
FUCKING THE WORLD, FUCK YES
Just got done at the doctor's office. Did a huge range of tests on me, including the body fat thing where they chuck you in a thing of water.
Since last time (3 months ago), I have lost 25 pounds of fat and gained 10 pounds of muscle, near as they can tell.
Blood pressure: Normal
Pulse rate: Normal (high end, but still in tolerance).
Bloodwork: 2 weeks before I know.
From size 40 jeans to comfy size 36, and I feel fucking great. 20 more pounds of fat and 2" more off the waistline, and I'm at goal.
Quote from: Doktor Howl on July 02, 2013, 10:09:02 PM
Just got done at the doctor's office. Did a huge range of tests on me, including the body fat thing where they chuck you in a thing of water.
Since last time (3 months ago), I have lost 25 pounds of fat and gained 10 pounds of muscle, near as they can tell.
Blood pressure: Normal
Pulse rate: Normal (high end, but still in tolerance).
Bloodwork: 2 weeks before I know.
From size 40 jeans to comfy size 36, and I feel fucking great. 20 more pounds of fat and 2" more off the waistline, and I'm at goal.
Goddamn Dok, that's awesome!
Dok knows his stuff on How Not To Be A Fat Bastard.
WIN.