So I'm currently working 2 jobs, 7 days a week all summer long like the good little masochistic whore that I am. Currently sitting in a "kiosk" for my rafting company gig, where is really just a fucking glass octagon cage that I sit in while tourists walk by constantly. I endearingly refer to work station as the punishment chamber, since it's nigh impossible to be productive while having to smile at every jackass that happens by, on the off chance they'll come inside and actually ask me about rafting/zipline trips, and not 15 minutes of Q and fucking A about all things town. Since I'm on display as a zoo for 5 hours today meanwhile phones are dead, I'm going to rant about every single tourist stereotype that has the misfortune to walk past me. Just cause.
Summers in high country ski resort town CO are the best climate imaginable. Daily: highs do not exceed mid 70's, no humidity, no allergies, no bugs. It's a special kind of paradise. At least until 4th of july. 4th of july is when the fucking summer mountain tourists arrive and the absolute tranquility of this place is shattered by infuriating idiots everywhere.
So I've mentioned it elsewhere, but I live in Breckenridge, CO, in a fucking clutch apartment on main street. Mainstreets got tons of pedestrian crosswalks along it, with main itself stretching about a 15 minute walk. I don't know distances, nor do I care. There are really 3 red lights along main, one at north, one at mid, and one at south. The south redlight is part of what inspired this.
Today was the FOURTH fucking time in the past 2 weeks that I was almost clipped by a goddamned tourist turning right on red when I was crossing in the fucking crosswalk with the walky man as my spirit guide. The tags on this offender? Illinois. It's like because this is a peaceful place all rules of the road and how to interact with pedestrians fucking vanishes in a dismal case of vacation brain. Shit's awful.
There's a restaurant behind my cage called "rasta pasta". There's a french bakery beside it. 70% of people who walk by me will speak one of these two phrases. There's another place beside them called the Lost Cajun. It has obnoxious facehole plywood cut outs of a gator and a what i'm assuming is supposed to be a cajun guy? by their door. Three little shits just ran down the stairs screaming wanting their picture taken. One of them started crying when he didn't have a facehole. Smiling at the people who just walked by was easier.
Some geriatric fucks just had a make out session for about 20 seconds right in front of my goddamned window. I don't know why.
ASIAN TOURISTS! I love these guys. They never talk except to ask directions and when they do if you point to guide with your hand they point as well. Typical asian tourists for everyone, but they aren't bad. Unless they're driving, which I don't recall seeing this summer yet.
Main street has shit loads of parallel parking. Tourists have no idea how to parallel park their SUV's. I have a game wherein I stare at the driver. HOLY SHIT IM NOT KIDDING THIS FAT UNSIGHTLY LADY JUST BUMBED THE RED CAR SHE WAS PARALLEL PARKING BEHIND! Couldn't have been scripted if I wanted it to be. Just watched that happen in real time. I'm now leaving a sticky note on teh victims windshield notifying them of what happened. YESSSSSS. Ok, as I was saying, I stare down the driver while they do a shitawful parallel parking job in the hopes that what LITERALLY just happened happens, so that then they know there's a local witness. That was awesome. Hail Eris.
Colorado is for dog lovers. Especially up in the high country. Since I started typing this there's been at least 8 different breeds strolls by on their leashes, from a great pyr to a pug. 95% of these animals are extremely well behaved, but for whatever stupid reason the other 5% have shitty owners and they are unruly. One of these 5% just went by, started barking insanely loud and agressively for no fucking reason. And the owner just patted it on its head and told it to hush. Real effective lady.
I think a schizo just walked by. Either that or he had a bluetooth douche headset on. Either's possible. Probably the latter. May've been high on something.
We are a fat fucking country. CO is spared from this mostly, but our fat demographics increase exponentially in summer when the tourists flock. Lady just walked by with a hershey kiss shaped body. Unfortunate.
There's a weird ass trend in bootwear this summer where there's like frilly leather strap tassels hanging from boots with poof balls. What I don't even.
I really enjoy the eye candy that summer brings. Especially when it's families. My routine is typical smile through my glass cage at the approach family, make eye contact, do a quick up down check out of the attractive daughter, proceed immediately to making eye contact with the father while I purposefully widen my smile. Their brows usually furrow. It's the little things. Also, whoever inspired the yoga pants trend needs to be rewarded and knighted and praised and sainted. Hail that beautiful man/lesbian/exhibitionist. Going further into the eye candy aspect, this county is a sausage fest hell of 3 to 1 male to female ratios, with a local saying of "it's not your chick, it's just your turn". This was told to me by multiple bartenders. I probably mentioned this in a shangri, but it needed to be repeated.
And as if on cue, a trio of neckbeards walks by! And the largest among them who had to be pushing 300 was wheezing hard. Red faced too. Breathing at 9600 feet sucks a bit.
And then two more stereotypes that are annoying happened. For starters, cycling is huge up here. Lots of shops to rent cruzer bikes from since there are miles and miles of bike paths. In town here, there are bike lanes alongside the road. Dumb tourists just cruised by on the sidewalk, because fuck it, I don't give a shit about all these people walking, I'm a tourist on a bike! Fuck your sideWALK!. The second stereotype was the elderly couple that doubles back. This happens probably at least 3 times a day - old couple walks by slowly, stops, looks at the shops behind my cage, continues walking 15 feet past my cage, stops again, looks around for 45 seconds, turns around and walks back the way they came.
Some douche with a faux hawk acros the street just let his dog shit on the sidewalk and didn't pick it up. Fucking tourists. A few seconds later a guy with a popped collar strolls by. That's out of style, right?
Just had to play tour guide for a family from Kansas who stepped inside my shop to ask me where teh closest bathroom is. After that, they proceeded to ask me all things breck resort related (not town related), and didn't seem to understand that my 2 day a week job is to tell her about rafting.
In the past 3 minutes I've heard 3 lost cajuns, 1 rasta pasta, and 1 french bakery. Make that 2 rasta pastas. Now 3. I should really keep a tally one day. They don't even inquire about the places or look at their menu, they just say the restaurants name outloud for whatever reason as they walk by. The mind reels. Another common thing that I've noticed today is I've heard 3 different older fellows bitch to their families about carrying all the shopping bags. And a fat lady in a breck got oxygen t shirt just wheezed loudly going DOWN the 8 stairs behind me. No oxygen is a bitch.
I'm not sure why but loud ass motorcycles driven loudly in the summer up here are a thing. And the drivers do this in packs. It's like the tranquil peaceful quiet of the rustling leaves and chirping birds is too much for them to take and they have to drive these ass blaster bikes as loud as they possibly fucking can in a herd of 4+. One of these packs just drove by. I had a call right as they did, and they were too loud for me to hear the lost person who was asking me directions questions.
One of my favorite parts of summer up here is that every day like clockwork between 3 - 7 pm it rain. It never lasts more than 10 - 15 minutes tops, and usually is a light drizzle except for maybe 2 minutes of downpour, tops. Today it started at 2:45. When it starts the tourists FREAK. There were multiple families that sprinted by. The veterans who know their shit have been strolling around in their rain jackets like bosses. I just had a couple duck into my kisosk for a minute and a half, asking me inane questions about rafting with no real curiosity behind their voices so it didn't look obvious to me they were avoiding the heavy parts of the rain. 8 minutes later and the sky is blue again.
I had kind of hoped there'd have been more worthwhile examples to cross my path today so that I could share them with the expected amount of vitriol Or Kill Me warrants, providing more than just generic people watching that is partially what you find in any hub with people. Alas, not to be today.
Of course now that I'm closing this out I'm sure the shitshow will arrive. Until the next time I'm raging in this glass octogon.
-Or Kill Me
Hahahaha that was enjoyable!
Poor li'l guy, stuck in a cage. I feel bad for ya. Funny post though. :)
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BPoV148CAAEKFYt.jpg:large)
^
For your visual reference. This is my 2 day a week part time summer job that i was considering walking out on when I got full time at my main gig, but opted to stay. Because money. May be revealing information in that pic, but fuck it, I'm not even putting this place on my resume. Call me to book a rafting trip yo.
Banished again today to this glass encased octogon. Already had 3 packs of obnoxiously loud motorcyclists. Let's see what else we get in the next few hours.
2 more packs drove by. There's 5 motorcycles in this picture, their pack had about 11 in it:
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BPoYqMuCAAAQf47.jpg:large)
Town's quiet this morning. That's a relief. There's a yappy dog across the street. I've been asked for directions once. Back when I was doing the property management thing at Keystone I would vent my employment frustration by giving bad directions to certain tourists whom I felt deserved it. I should go back to that. Always good for warm fuzzies.
Fucking hate people. Guy just called in, standard rez, paying, blah blah. Go through the whole spiel, cancellation policy and all, confirm card number, tell him i'm about to process the payment for the full amount. He says ok. I process the payment. HE THROWS A SHIT FIT because he wanted the payment split over 2 cards. He never said this at any time until after I started the processing of his card. A 10 minute pain in my ass later he hangs up the phone. Fuck that guy.
Fishtank!
The things we do for money. I'm dressing up like an island girl and serving punch at an "tropical" themed river event next week. No kidding.
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on July 20, 2013, 05:36:34 PM
Fishtank!
The things we do for money. I'm dressing up like an island girl and serving punch at an "tropical" themed river event next week. No kidding.
Kinky.
Is your fishtank next to a playground? What's that small structure in the background?
To the front is an apartment complex. To the left is a stair of this shopping center. Which are you referring to, and I'll snag a pic for reference.
It's to the far left in the bottom picture, it looks like some little house-thing on stilts or something.
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on July 20, 2013, 06:36:01 PM
It's to the far left in the bottom picture, it looks like some little house-thing on stilts or something.
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BPonEA5CYAAoj4j.jpg:large)
Obnoxious rasta pasta featured as well. Hideous pink buildings, right? They look so much better snow covered with xmas lights all over.
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BBAZ48_CMAAc_Oy.jpg:large)
Because she's sexy. And I'm looking through old wintry pics I never posted in shangri but meant to.
An example of the Colorado snow roads I mentioned at length in Shangri:
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/A6Dfe1aCMAI7H_i.jpg:large)
Here's the view from outside the front door of my apartment in winter:
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BC1lNXBCEAAzGNe.jpg:large)
Nice pics! I always dig it when you post this stuff - reminds me of when I was younger and even more highly irresponsible.
Quote from: Da6s on July 20, 2013, 06:39:53 PM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on July 20, 2013, 06:36:01 PM
It's to the far left in the bottom picture, it looks like some little house-thing on stilts or something.
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BPonEA5CYAAoj4j.jpg:large)
Obnoxious rasta pasta featured as well. Hideous pink buildings, right? They look so much better snow covered with xmas lights all over.
It's some kind of... unused signboard shelter? Weird. And WHAT THE FUCK does "Rasta pasta" even MEAN? Jamaican pasta?
That is a hell of a view! It gave me a momentary pang of nostalgia for Spokane, which is insane.
Quote from: Balls Wellington on July 20, 2013, 07:26:18 PM
Nice pics! I always dig it when you post this stuff - reminds me of when I was younger and even more highly irresponsible.
Highly irresponsible and resort town living seem to go hand in hand. I should've died or been paralyzed by a bastard tree at Beaver Creek last year for being careless, but somehow I walked away from that shitshow crash without even breaking my helmet. Had some pretty nasty scrapes from the impact on the side of my goggles. Needless to say, every time I did that run afterward I swung to the absolute opposite side of the slope.
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on July 20, 2013, 08:14:14 PM
That is a hell of a view! It gave me a momentary pang of nostalgia for Spokane, which is insane.
It is. I won the Craigslist lottery when I found this apt. 675 a month, everything included except electricity (heat's building wide and included which is the big thing up here). Electric bill is barely 18 a month typically per person. 2 bed 2 bath on fucking main street. Needless to say since I'm staying up here for another year for the full time job I'm renewing that lease. The building with all the cars in the parking lot in that view pic is the Gondola for Breck, literally 4 minutes walking time for me.
Always heard great things about Spokane. My roommate graduated from Oregon in Eugene and one of his friends who was born in and lives in Spokane is currently hungover on our couch for the week. Kid doesn't understand drinking at elevation.
In the octagon for the 2nd day in a row. Let's see what Breck kindly throws in my face today.
Ditzy valley girl accent tourist just walked by and commented on the hideous pink buildings behind me: "Are all these places vacant? How is that even possible?". Here's the answer I really didn't care enough to yell to her - Some niche local businesses up here do not make enough money to warrant staying open in the summer time. These include but are not limited to gear rental companies who don't do bikes in the summer, chain outerwear stores for whom it is pointless to keep more than one location open in town in the summer, shitty art galleries who can't pay their bills overcharging for their art (we're talking 2k+ pricing on paintings that look like someone did following along to a bob ross episode), or shops that feature the exact same tourist crap as a dozen others in town and didn't have enough in reserves to stay in business. All of these examples are behind me. Or were, rather.
Tourist family panting just ran by trying to flag down an in town resort mini-bus. As they were flailing their arms and said shuttle bus drove through the redlight leaving them stranded and looking foolish, the 50 something overweight lady in teh back of the group panting exclaimed " *whimper* UGH! This is a long walk!". Wish I had gotten a pic or a vid of that, but I was kind of entranced watching them. Moments like those were the ones I always wanted to record in Shangri but always got too fucking busy to do so.
And I totally just got caught by a mom while staring at her daughters amazing yoga pant wearing ass. Insert hit it like the fist of an angry god.jpg here. Her look of condescension made me chuckle while making eye contact. That needs to happen more often.
Mountain culture/resort town/bro-brah culture has been sleeping with dub step music for far too long. Even before it was really common elsewhere dubstep was the go-to music for any and all snowboard videos produced. It's been that way since before I fled TN, easily 6+ years now. It needs to go away. Total bro-brah just drove by in his black SUV with his shitty sounding speakers blasting dubstep. Because fuck your mountain tranquility.
And my stint here is done for the day. Until next weekend.
-Or Kill Me
Actually, don't, it's quite nice here.
The dubstep thing is also true of skateboard videos, I'm like, c'mon guys. Really?
Boring ass day here today. Or may it's just because there's too many damn little shits running around town today and I'm ignoring a lot of potential worthy mentions.
This sounds like a special circle of customer service hell. Do you at least get to go on some of the rafting/zipline trips?
Great thread, dags. Love the pictures.
I liked the bit about how people just say the phrase "rasta pasta" out loud when they see the place. Funny that you're in the most likely spot to overhear that. I challenge you to modify the area around the octagon somehow. Maybe put up a subtle sticker with a phrase on it. See if you can overhear people talking about it. If they're in that tourist moment where they're just saying things they see, I bet you can hack into their conversations.
Quote from: Cramulus on July 23, 2013, 05:24:16 PM
Great thread, dags. Love the pictures.
I liked the bit about how people just say the phrase "rasta pasta" out loud when they see the place. Funny that you're in the most likely spot to overhear that. I challenge you to modify the area around the octagon somehow. Maybe put up a subtle sticker with a phrase on it. See if you can overhear people talking about it. If they're in that tourist moment where they're just saying things they see, I bet you can hack into their conversations.
This is a great idea. See if you can get them to say "Disco Tacos"!
I wish I had mad web programming skillz, I would love to make a fake Disco Taco website just to see how many people would visit it.
Quote from: Cramulus on July 23, 2013, 05:24:16 PM
Great thread, dags. Love the pictures.
I liked the bit about how people just say the phrase "rasta pasta" out loud when they see the place. Funny that you're in the most likely spot to overhear that. I challenge you to modify the area around the octagon somehow. Maybe put up a subtle sticker with a phrase on it. See if you can overhear people talking about it. If they're in that tourist moment where they're just saying things they see, I bet you can hack into their conversations.
I've been around this site for 5ish years now. Still not dags, he was here and gone long before my time.
I've got three more weekends potentially in that box. Currently scheming something I could print off that would be effective. I think part of why rasta and lost get mentioned often is they have the range/long field of vision. I don't think something in my windows would have that same impact.
I may just try Nigel's Disco Tacos though.
It would be worth it just for ULTIMATE POWAAAAAAHHHHH!
Back in the chamber. Just saw a hilarious sight of an angsty teen on a tandem bike with his dad. So much angst. It was beautiful.
And obnoxious bitchy lady #1 has already incurred my angst. She felt the need to yell and proclaim how funny her thought was TO THE ENTIRE FUCKING STREET. She was literally 45 feet from me and I still couldn't hear the person on my call giving me their CC info. She should be tazed.
I say this every time i'm in here but i fucking LOVE this yoga pants trend. I said god damn. GOD DAMN.
And we have a monkey in the zoo moment. Never you fucking mind lady that both of my doors are open. You're going to press your face up to the 2 tiny ass windows in between the doors to peer and see what's inside! Fucking tourists.
Quote from: Da6s on August 03, 2013, 04:53:11 PM
Back in the chamber. Just saw a hilarious sight of an angsty teen on a tandem bike with his dad. So much angst. It was beautiful.
:lulz: I can picture this.
I've got a ton of sticky notes, black electrical tape, countless brochures, some napkins, some lost cajun food punch cards, company stickers, 2 yellow note pads, a dvd case, an empty water bottle, 3 pens, and speakers.
Give me brain hack ideas. Currently thinking something spelled out with the sticky notes or electrical tape.
Deciding against disco tacos...too close to disco biscuits and i'm not enough of a trustafarian to dig them.
Quote from: Da6s on August 03, 2013, 05:13:44 PM
I've got a ton of sticky notes, black electrical tape, countless brochures, some napkins, some lost cajun food punch cards, company stickers, 2 yellow note pads, a dvd case, an empty water bottle, 3 pens, and speakers.
Give me brain hack ideas. Currently thinking something spelled out with the sticky notes or electrical tape.
Deciding against disco tacos...too close to disco biscuits and i'm not enough of a trustafarian to dig them.
WTF are disco biscuits?
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on August 03, 2013, 05:37:21 PM
Quote from: Da6s on August 03, 2013, 05:13:44 PM
I've got a ton of sticky notes, black electrical tape, countless brochures, some napkins, some lost cajun food punch cards, company stickers, 2 yellow note pads, a dvd case, an empty water bottle, 3 pens, and speakers.
Give me brain hack ideas. Currently thinking something spelled out with the sticky notes or electrical tape.
Deciding against disco tacos...too close to disco biscuits and i'm not enough of a trustafarian to dig them.
WTF are disco biscuits?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disco_Biscuits electronic funk jam band. I.E. filthy CO stoner hippy obsession.
No me gusta
Since this is on the next page just doing a new post for the rest of today's observations. Which will be here, when they happen.
Older asian fellow with gerry curls just walked by. Have never seen that before.
A weird dog lady just tried to sell me dog sitting services and made some broad generalized conversation and idle chit chat. I can't decide if she was just a weird, crazy dog lady or she was trying to hit on me. Just saw her duck into another business in the same fashion so I'm leaning towards weird crazy dog lady.
Quiet morning. Pleasant morning.
Quote from: Da6s on August 03, 2013, 05:41:08 PM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on August 03, 2013, 05:37:21 PM
Quote from: Da6s on August 03, 2013, 05:13:44 PM
I've got a ton of sticky notes, black electrical tape, countless brochures, some napkins, some lost cajun food punch cards, company stickers, 2 yellow note pads, a dvd case, an empty water bottle, 3 pens, and speakers.
Give me brain hack ideas. Currently thinking something spelled out with the sticky notes or electrical tape.
Deciding against disco tacos...too close to disco biscuits and i'm not enough of a trustafarian to dig them.
WTF are disco biscuits?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disco_Biscuits electronic funk jam band. I.E. filthy CO stoner hippy obsession.
No me gusta
Ugh, that sounds awful!