YOU
Give me an ailment.
I
Give you a Proven™ and Effective™ method for curing and soothing your troubled body/mind/soul.
Get 'em now, while we still have the slop to make 'em.
My horrible carbuncle masses.
Quote from: Alty on July 27, 2013, 07:08:08 AM
I
Give you a Proven™ and Effective™ method for curing and soothing your troubled body/mind/soul.
While you are otherwise awesome, I somehow doubt you can sort me out.
A cadre of people with advanced degrees and a couple with advanced microsurgery equipment have not succeeded.
As Dok Howl has it, best left to some ordnance.
Quote from: Doktor Howl on July 27, 2013, 07:09:52 AM
My horrible carbuncle masses.
Find a white chicken. Beat it to death with a black cane. Smear the blood on the most tenacious member of your HOA. Do this every tuesday for six weeks. The terror of the chicken will transfer into this person and your mass should constrict to manageable levels.
Quote from: hylierandom, A.D.D. on July 27, 2013, 07:14:49 AM
Quote from: Alty on July 27, 2013, 07:08:08 AM
I
Give you a Proven™ and Effective™ method for curing and soothing your troubled body/mind/soul.
While you are otherwise awesome, I somehow doubt you can sort me out.
A cadre of people with advanced degrees and a couple with advanced microsurgery equipment have not succeeded.
Try suitcasing pinecones to hone in on your funnay.
Quote from: Alty on July 27, 2013, 07:15:55 AM
Quote from: hylierandom, A.D.D. on July 27, 2013, 07:14:49 AM
Quote from: Alty on July 27, 2013, 07:08:08 AM
I
Give you a Proven™ and Effective™ method for curing and soothing your troubled body/mind/soul.
While you are otherwise awesome, I somehow doubt you can sort me out.
A cadre of people with advanced degrees and a couple with advanced microsurgery equipment have not succeeded.
Try suitcasing pinecones to hone in on your funnay.
Hey, think of the toilet paper savings! :)
There are these articulated growths at the end of my palm. Four straight ones with a couple of joints on them and one smaller stubby one that is opposable to the other ones.
Quote from: McGrupp on July 27, 2013, 07:20:20 AM
There are these articulated growths at the end of my palm. Four straight ones with a couple of joints on them and one smaller stubby one that is opposable to the other ones.
Affix them as firmly as possible to the billowing end of Kyptonian outerwear and pull sharply.
I have pollen allergies.
Back pains, runny nose and I'm hungry
My toe itches.
Sometimes when I wake up in the morning there's this yellowish gunk in my eyes or the immediate vicinity thereof.
It's too hot.
I keep waking up half on the floor half on the bed with a pillow over my face.
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on July 27, 2013, 10:43:41 AM
I have pollen allergies.
Take one large onion, slice it evenly, stack the slices while placing sugar between each layer. Let sit in a bowl overnight. Take the ramaining fluid and pour it all over your root chakra while slamming vodka shooters and shouting "Potatoes are beehives!"
I have a horrible cold and a catering gig at 4:30. How can I feel better by 4:30?
Quote from: Waffleman on July 27, 2013, 12:06:53 PM
Back pains, runny nose and I'm hungry
Set up three ukuleles into a little pyramid in a busy walkway. Soak in kerosone.
Wear a teal robe, for the third eye, and ask passersby if they have a moment to talk about the Good News. As soon as someone says Yes, light the ukes on fire and wave your hips suggestively toward the person until they leave.
Also, yoga.
Quote from: Queen Gogira Pennyworth, BSW on July 27, 2013, 03:18:52 PM
Sometimes when I wake up in the morning there's this yellowish gunk in my eyes or the immediate vicinity thereof.
Every night before you sleep coat your eyes in clean, pure bacon grease while singing a hymn of your choice, so long as it relates to the widening crack of heaven's butthole.
Quote from: Waffleman on July 27, 2013, 03:33:41 PM
It's too hot.
This may seen counter intuitive at first, but coat every car you see with a thick layer of napalm.
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on July 27, 2013, 03:40:27 PM
I keep waking up half on the floor half on the bed with a pillow over my face.
Fill a pillowcase with some kind of bird. Chicken works, or you can use quail, they must be mostly alive. Put on a large pair of boots and some clothing that draws the eye, Day-glo orange?, go for a walk. The second someone looks at you funny beat them with the bag of birds until the bag or person is severely reddened.
Take the pillowcase, provided it hasnt been taken as evidence and put it underneath anothed pillowcase when you sleep.
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on July 27, 2013, 06:20:59 PM
I have a horrible cold and a catering gig at 4:30. How can I feel better by 4:30?
Neti pot....crafted from the skull of whomever is nicest to you today. It will be their eternal reward, and you will have a fast, effective tool thats steeped in love and good, healing energy.
Quote from: Alty on July 27, 2013, 06:34:32 PM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on July 27, 2013, 06:20:59 PM
I have a horrible cold and a catering gig at 4:30. How can I feel better by 4:30?
Neti pot....crafted from the skull of whomever is nicest to you today. It will be their eternal reward, and you will have a fast, effective tool thats steeped in love and good, healing energy.
:lol:
Quote from: Alty on July 27, 2013, 07:24:42 AM
Quote from: McGrupp on July 27, 2013, 07:20:20 AM
There are these articulated growths at the end of my palm. Four straight ones with a couple of joints on them and one smaller stubby one that is opposable to the other ones.
Affix them as firmly as possible to the billowing end of Kyptonian outerwear and pull sharply.
iut wopireklesd