FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASEPANGO! INTERNATIONAL OFFICIAL BUSINESS DEPARTMENTATTENTION DOGS:DUE TO PLAINLY EVIDENT REALITY THAT "DISCORDICORP" HAS PRODUCED APPROXIMATELY ZERO THINGS OF ANY VALUE FOR QUITE SOME TIME, IS HEREBY DECLARED THAT PANGO! INTERNATIONAL IS MAKE OFFER* TO PURCHASING** "DISCORDICORP" FOR FULL MARKET VALUE OF $0.00USD PER SHARE.AS MOST REASONABLE TERMS OF STATED ARRANGEMENT, PANGO! INTERNATIONAL (P!I) PROMISE TO ABIDE*** BY FOLLOWING GUIDELINES:
- P!I WILL NOT HARM DISCORDIAN BRAND BY RELEASING ANYTHING UNDER SAID BRAND WHICH WOULD EMBARRASS DISCORDIANS. FOR EXAMPLE, P!I PROMISE NOT TO DEVELOP AND PUBLISH "DISCORDIAN GUIDE TO PORTLAND AREA PUBLIC RESTROOM DO'S AND DON'TS" .
- P!I WILL NOT DECLARE OWNERSHIP OR SPIRITUAL LEADERSHIP OF "DISCORDIANISM IN GENERAL." SPECIFICALLY, P!I WILL ABSOLUTELY NOT DECLARE ALL CURRENTLY LIVING DISCORDIANS APOSTATES AND/OR MOLES PLANTED BY THE FIRST PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH OF PLANK, TEXAS.
- P!I WILL NOT AMEND OR ABOLISH CURRENT CORPORATE MISSION STATEMENT OF DISCORDICORP™, ALSO KNOWN INFORMALLY AS THE "LICK IT BEFORE YOU STICK IT" RULE.
- UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE WILL THIS HOSTILE TAKEOVER RESULT IN LOSS OF ANY PAID, FULL-TIME EMPLOYMENT POSITIONS AT DISCORDICORP™.
PANGO! INTERNATIONAL FEEL MARKET IS IN RIGHT PLACE FOR THIS MANEUVER, AND HOPE TO MAKE STRONG FRIENDSHIP WITH EVERY LITTLE PEOPLE WHO COMPRISE DISCORDICORP™. TOGETHER WE WILL STRONG LIKE OX, AND INVEST LARGE MONEY IN SCIENCE!* IN SAME SENSE AS BANK ROBBER MAKE "OFFER" TO TAKE ALL TROUBLESOME CASH FROM HANDS OF POOR OVERWORKED DESK CLERK.** BY "PURCHASE" WE USE TRADITIONAL SALAZOREAN DEFINITION, WHICH IS ANALOGOUS TO ENGLISH "SWINDLE."*** FOR AT LEAST THREE DAYS.SIGNEDDK. PANGO GILLESPIOWNER & CEOPANGO! INTERNATIONAL
I welcome our new corporate overlords with open arms*.
*KNOWN TO BE SALAZOREAN DECLARATION OF WAR. YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE.
I'm down with this.
Pango makes my pants tight.
Quote from: Pæs on July 29, 2013, 03:51:33 AM
I welcome our new corporate overlords with open arms*.
*KNOWN TO BE SALAZOREAN DECLARATION OF WAR. YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE.
NO WORRY. TAKING YOU ALIVE WAS NEVER PART OF PLAN.
Quote from: Doktor Howl on July 29, 2013, 03:52:36 AM
I'm down with this.
Pango makes my pants tight.
MAYBE YOU THINK IS GOOD IDEA NOW, BUT WAIT UNTIL FIRST FEW COMPANYWIDE MEMORANDUMS GO OUT.
IN FACT, PROBABLY BEST TO GET JANITOR TO STOCK UP BROOM CLOSET WITH BOXES OF DEPENDS AHEAD OF TIME.
Pango sound like Uncle Enrico :eek:
What if we refuse? Speaking purely hypothetically, of course.
Will I keep my benefits?
Quote from: Delcon on July 29, 2013, 04:12:37 AM
Pango sound like Uncle Enrico :eek:
YOU NOT KNOW PANGO!'S DECIDEDLY IMPRESSIVE STORY. PANGO! WILL TELL YOU SOMETIME. NOT NOW, DOG. TOO BUSY COMPILING BUSINESS PAPERS FOR HANDLING BY INSIDE MAN AT I.R.S.
Quote from: Alty on July 29, 2013, 04:15:31 AM
Will I keep my benefits?
ALL DISCORDICORP™ BENEFITS WILL REMAIN IN PLACE. AS LONGTIME
ENDENTURED SERVANT EMPLOYEE OF DISCORDICORP™ DOUBTLESSLY YOU REMEMBER BENEFIT PACKAGE INCLUDE TWO SHOWERS PER WEEK AND ONE HOUR EXERCISE IN ARTIFICIAL SUNLIGHT PER DAY.
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on July 29, 2013, 04:14:00 AM
What if we refuse? Speaking purely hypothetically, of course.
EMPLOYMENT, LIKE PERMISSION TO CONTINUE SUCKING DOWN PANGO! INTERNATIONAL BRAND OXYGEN, IS ENTIRELY AT-WILL AND NO PARTY IS UNDER COMPULSION OR OBLIGATION TO CONTINUE DOING EITHER.
Quote from: PANGO! on July 29, 2013, 04:30:51 AM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on July 29, 2013, 04:14:00 AM
What if we refuse? Speaking purely hypothetically, of course.
EMPLOYMENT, LIKE PERMISSION TO CONTINUE SUCKING DOWN PANGO! INTERNATIONAL BRAND OXYGEN, IS ENTIRELY AT-WILL AND NO PARTY IS UNDER COMPULSION OR OBLIGATION TO CONTINUE DOING EITHER.
I was wondering what that tingly feeling in my face was.
PANGO! I would like you to consider my offer of dinner at my place. PANGO! will have a few glasses of wine and relax, relax, relax.
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on July 29, 2013, 04:44:17 AM
PANGO! I would like you to consider my offer of dinner at my place. PANGO! will have a few glasses of wine and relax, relax, relax.
PANGO! MUST GRACIOUSLY DECLINE DINNER AT THIS TIME, WITH LEGITIMATE SADNESS FEELING, AS PANGO! ADVANCED PHYSIOLOGY PRECLUDES ASSIMILATION OF NUTRITIONAL UNITS VIA FACEPORTAL. HOWEVER PANGO! GLADLY WILL CONSUME HUMAN-GRADE INTOXIFICATION FLUID AT EARLIEST OPPORTUNITY.
I smell romance in the air . . . just think of all the profit when the PANGO! and Nigel! posters and bobble-heads go on sale.
DRINKS, PANGO! YOU AND ME AND A BOTTLE OF BOURBON. MAY THE BEST MAN ESCAPE A DISORIENTING ROUND OF SODOMY.
I think our new PANGO! style corporate structure included a slight change to the Human Resources Department.
I mean, it's still called Human Resources, but the whole thing seems a bit more... moist. And literal.
PANGO how do you feel about half bear/half men?
Quote from: /b/earman on July 29, 2013, 02:45:56 PM
PANGO how do you feel about half bear/half men?
ALWAYS OPPORTUNITIES FOR ANIMAL TEST SUBJECTS IN PANGO! INTERNATIONAL COSMETICS LABORATORY. IS DEPARTMENT WITH FASTEST GROWING SURVIVAL RATE!
QuoteP!I WILL NOT HARM DISCORDIAN BRAND BY RELEASING ANYTHING UNDER SAID BRAND WHICH WOULD EMBARRASS DISCORDIANS. FOR EXAMPLE, P!I PROMISE NOT TO DEVELOP AND PUBLISH "DISCORDIAN GUIDE TO PORTLAND AREA PUBLIC RESTROOM DO'S AND DON'TS"
GLORIOUS PANGO!, How do we know you won't do a yahoo and take all the porn? What makes this hostile takeover more trustworthy than average?
Quote from: PANGO! on July 29, 2013, 06:40:53 PM
Quote from: /b/earman on July 29, 2013, 02:45:56 PM
PANGO how do you feel about half bear/half men?
ALWAYS OPPORTUNITIES FOR ANIMAL TEST SUBJECTS IN PANGO! INTERNATIONAL COSMETICS LABORATORY. IS DEPARTMENT WITH FASTEST GROWING SURVIVAL RATE!
Finally a excuse to wear make-up.
But what about Belgium?
Quote from: Junkenstein on July 29, 2013, 06:51:03 PM
QuoteP!I WILL NOT HARM DISCORDIAN BRAND BY RELEASING ANYTHING UNDER SAID BRAND WHICH WOULD EMBARRASS DISCORDIANS. FOR EXAMPLE, P!I PROMISE NOT TO DEVELOP AND PUBLISH "DISCORDIAN GUIDE TO PORTLAND AREA PUBLIC RESTROOM DO'S AND DON'TS"
GLORIOUS PANGO!, How do we know you won't do a yahoo and take all the porn? What makes this hostile takeover more trustworthy than average?
PANGO! INTERNATIONAL IS GLOBAL LEADER IN PORN. WOULD MAKE NO SENSE FOR TAKING AWAY THE PORN, AND WOULD CAUSE DANGEROUS SPIKE IN FURRY UNEMPLOYMENT. HAVE YOU NEVER WONDER WHY PANHANDLERS NEVER DRESSED AS ZEBRAS? IS THANKS TO PANGO! INTERNATIONAL.
AS FOR TRUSTWORTHINESS, COME NOW MORTAL DOG, EXACTLY WHAT DOES "MORE TRUSTWORTHY THAN AVERAGE" MEAN WHEN TALKING ABOUT DISCORDICORP™? DISCORDIANS LESS TRUSTWORTHY THAN APOLOGY TEXT FROM ANTHONY WEINER. IS NO STANDARD.
Even though my salary is exactly the same, apparently working for PANGO! INTERNATIONAL puts me in a different tax bracket somehow.
Mr. The DR PANGO!, what exactly is going on here?
Quote from: Cainad on July 29, 2013, 08:47:50 PM
Even though my salary is exactly the same, apparently working for PANGO! INTERNATIONAL puts me in a different tax bracket somehow.
Mr. The DR PANGO!, what exactly is going on here?
TECHNICALLY YOU ARE WHOLLY OWNED SUBSIDIARY OF PANGO! INTERNATIONAL. THIS IS MOSTLY HARMLESS LEGAL CLASSIFICATION BUT DOES HAVE SOMEWHAT INCONVENIENT EFFECT OF REQUIRING YOUR NET INCOME APPROACH ZERO AFTER TAXES. IS COMPLICATED, PANGO! NOT HAVE TIME FOR LEARNING IT ALL. ASK ACCOUNTING DEPARTMENT.
ALSO WE HAVE NOT YET HIRED ACCOUNTING DEPARTMENT.
But... but I AM in Accounting... :? :eek:
Quote from: Cainad on July 29, 2013, 09:15:20 PM
But... but I AM in Accounting... :? :eek:
THEN IT IS OWN FAULT
PANGO! INTERNATIONAL
DISCORDICORP DIVISION
M E M O R A N D U M
EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY, ALL CURRENT AND FUTURE DISCORDICORP EMPLOYEES (FULL-TIME AND PART-TIME), CONTRACTORS, CONSULTANTS, AND OTHER AFFILIATES MUST CEASE USING THE RESTROOM ON FLOOR 3. AS YOU KNOW THESE FACILITIES ARE HOME TO AN INVASIVE FUNGUS THAT THRIVES ON HUMAN EXCREMENT, AND WHILE WE APPRECIATE EVERYONE'S ENTHUSIASM FOR SEEING JUST HOW HUNGRY IT IS, THE TENANTS ON FLOOR 2 ARE BEGINNING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT SEEPAGE.
FOR MORE INFORMATION CONTACT PHIL IN MAINTENANCE.
(http://apartmentsbelgium.eu/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/Belgium-Beyond-Expectations-1a1.jpg)
they forgot about Belgium ... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFo428N7xec)
Quote from: Waffleman on July 29, 2013, 10:28:16 PM
Quote from: Waffleman on July 29, 2013, 08:05:15 PM
But what about Belgium?
WHAT IS BELGIUM?
SMALL, MEANINGLESS COUNTRY IN EUROPE, NO?
I BELIEVE CHIEF EXPORT IS BROKEN DREAMS.
PANGO! INTERNATIONAL NOT INTERESTED TO BE
THAT INTERNATIONAL.
But i work on the third floor. Where should twid make bank deposit now? Also what are the tax break implications of moving home base to salazore and what sort of research ethics can we now ignore?