I rarely get excited about Huffpo articles, but I really like this one and it relates strongly to discussions we've had here:
QuoteDear Parents of White Children,
I vote that we strike the following from our parental lexicon:
1. "Everybody is equal."
2. "We're all the same underneath our skin."
I realize this is counterintuitive. But I'm completely serious.
These statements are so abstract they're mostly meaningless when handed to a 7- (or even 17) year-old. That's at best. At worst, they're empty filler -- stand-ins for the actual conversations about race, racial difference and racism we need to be having with our kids.
Sugar when our kids need protein.
Yet, if white college students are to be believed, these statements are standard in many white households.
My students write racial autobiography papers. It's a pretty straightforward assignment: describe the impact of racial identity in your life -- not race generally, but your race and any significant experiences, teachings and thoughts pertaining to that identity at various life stages. I require that they interview two family members about their experiences of and beliefs about being "x." (As it turns out, this is a really hard assignment for white students for reasons that are important and revealing. More on that in another venue.)
Time and again, my white students write that "everybody's equal" is the "most important" thing their parents taught them about race. Time and again, a not-insignificant number of them then proceed to describe their present trepidation about a.) telling their parents they date interracially; b.) bringing home a Latino/a or black classmate; c.) Thanksgiving break, when everyone will silently tolerate the family member who makes racist comments; or d.) something else that reveals how deeply and clearly these students know this "most important teaching" doesn't mean a hell of a lot to their actual white experience.
Hmmmmm.
Few notice the contradiction they have themselves managed to describe in the space of only four pages.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jennifer-harvey/dear-parents-of-white-children_b_3719818.html
WARNING: BITTER TEA ALERT.
Not sure if strictly related, but as a kid I grew up in a rather small, very white village. And I was taught these, or very similar things. Most importantly that discrimination is bad. When I moved to larger places, the first couple of times seeing or meeting a coloured person, I felt this anxiety: SHIT BE CAREFUL I MUST NOT DISCRIMINATE THEM. Fortunately it got less with more exposure, to the point I'm pretty sure that thought it hardly even there (even though that test from the other thread showed there's still a "slight" effect. though I think there's more factors to that than what I was taught about equality when young).
I wish somebody had made me do that assignment when I was in school. :lulz:
Quote from: Triple Zero on August 19, 2013, 08:29:19 PM
Not sure if strictly related, but as a kid I grew up in a rather small, very white village. And I was taught these, or very similar things. Most importantly that discrimination is bad. When I moved to larger places, the first couple of times seeing or meeting a coloured person, I felt this anxiety: SHIT BE CAREFUL I MUST NOT DISCRIMINATE THEM. Fortunately it got less with more exposure, to the point I'm pretty sure that thought it hardly even there (even though that test from the other thread showed there's still a "slight" effect. though I think there's more factors to that than what I was taught about equality when young).
Yeah, I think the tension generated by the message really undermines people's ability to relate to people who look different. The undertones of WE DON'T ACKNOWLEDGE ANY DIFFERENCES in particular is very counterproductive.
Quote from: TALK TO ME ABOUT YOUR GENITALS on August 19, 2013, 08:52:31 PM
Quote from: Triple Zero on August 19, 2013, 08:29:19 PM
Not sure if strictly related, but as a kid I grew up in a rather small, very white village. And I was taught these, or very similar things. Most importantly that discrimination is bad. When I moved to larger places, the first couple of times seeing or meeting a coloured person, I felt this anxiety: SHIT BE CAREFUL I MUST NOT DISCRIMINATE THEM. Fortunately it got less with more exposure, to the point I'm pretty sure that thought it hardly even there (even though that test from the other thread showed there's still a "slight" effect. though I think there's more factors to that than what I was taught about equality when young).
Yeah, I think the tension generated by the message really undermines people's ability to relate to people who look different. The undertones of WE DON'T ACKNOWLEDGE ANY DIFFERENCES in particular is very counterproductive.
Well, it's a progression thing.
1. Enslavement.
2. Emancipation.
3. Jim Crow.
4. Figuring out that Jim Crow is bad, but what about my property values?
5. Realizing that all people are humans. This is when people make well-intentioned comments like "I don't see color" that are offensive as hell but not
deliberately so.
THEN
6. Realizing that all people are humans, BUT that differences DO exist, and that those differences are not only okay, but good for society in general. Also realizing that color - for example - DOES still make a hell of a lot of difference for the people who HAVE to "see" it, because they ARE it, and because there are still very real social and career impediments to people because of it.
THEN
7. Focusing on those remaining impediments, rather than congratulating themselves on how progressive they are toward...you know...
Those People.
Right now, most of America is stuck somewhere between 5 & 6, with about 20% somewhere between 3 & 4. I don't know many people at 6, and I don't know ANYONE at 7, and this includes myself, though I'm working on that.
Quote from: TALK TO ME ABOUT YOUR GENITALS on August 19, 2013, 07:59:19 PM
I rarely get excited about Huffpo articles, but I really like this one and it relates strongly to discussions we've had here:
QuoteDear Parents of White Children,
I vote that we strike the following from our parental lexicon:
1. "Everybody is equal."
2. "We're all the same underneath our skin."
I realize this is counterintuitive. But I'm completely serious.
These statements are so abstract they're mostly meaningless when handed to a 7- (or even 17) year-old. That's at best. At worst, they're empty filler -- stand-ins for the actual conversations about race, racial difference and racism we need to be having with our kids.
Sugar when our kids need protein.
Yet, if white college students are to be believed, these statements are standard in many white households.
My students write racial autobiography papers. It's a pretty straightforward assignment: describe the impact of racial identity in your life -- not race generally, but your race and any significant experiences, teachings and thoughts pertaining to that identity at various life stages. I require that they interview two family members about their experiences of and beliefs about being "x." (As it turns out, this is a really hard assignment for white students for reasons that are important and revealing. More on that in another venue.)
Time and again, my white students write that "everybody's equal" is the "most important" thing their parents taught them about race. Time and again, a not-insignificant number of them then proceed to describe their present trepidation about a.) telling their parents they date interracially; b.) bringing home a Latino/a or black classmate; c.) Thanksgiving break, when everyone will silently tolerate the family member who makes racist comments; or d.) something else that reveals how deeply and clearly these students know this "most important teaching" doesn't mean a hell of a lot to their actual white experience.
Hmmmmm.
Few notice the contradiction they have themselves managed to describe in the space of only four pages.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jennifer-harvey/dear-parents-of-white-children_b_3719818.html
Yes very much agree. I think "everyone is equal" and "we're all the same under our skin" are filler, or an obsolete mantra of sorts. There was a generation (or,
is a generation) of Whites who grew up in a world where racism was the default state. Ignoring for a moment that racism is still the default, I mean that open, socially-reinforced, legally enforced racism was very much the status quo. As a result, as race relations began to change, and there began to be a social expectation that racism be moved past, it almost makes sense that people to whom racial equality feels like a completely alien concept would invent these mantras.
"Everyone is equal"
"We are all the same under our skin."
These are counterproductive (or at least meaningless) when you're talking about addressing the underlying prejudices and assumptions that go along with default racism; but when you're talking about simply altering outward behavior without altering inward beliefs and tendencies, these statements could serve the purpose of a conscious reminder not to behave in a way that would be considered overtly racist.
I guess I'm just saying that there was a time when these imperfect statements served a strictly practical purpose, but I agree that they're not enough anymore. They don't say enough, they don't take enough of the realities of race into consideration, and they don't do anything to address the fact that only privileged White people get to say things like "everyone is equal" or "I don't see race."
Of course, there's also the problem where recognizing that this is going on doesn't necessarily give a person any idea what to actually
do about it.
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on August 19, 2013, 09:13:40 PM
Quote from: TALK TO ME ABOUT YOUR GENITALS on August 19, 2013, 08:52:31 PM
Quote from: Triple Zero on August 19, 2013, 08:29:19 PM
Not sure if strictly related, but as a kid I grew up in a rather small, very white village. And I was taught these, or very similar things. Most importantly that discrimination is bad. When I moved to larger places, the first couple of times seeing or meeting a coloured person, I felt this anxiety: SHIT BE CAREFUL I MUST NOT DISCRIMINATE THEM. Fortunately it got less with more exposure, to the point I'm pretty sure that thought it hardly even there (even though that test from the other thread showed there's still a "slight" effect. though I think there's more factors to that than what I was taught about equality when young).
Yeah, I think the tension generated by the message really undermines people's ability to relate to people who look different. The undertones of WE DON'T ACKNOWLEDGE ANY DIFFERENCES in particular is very counterproductive.
Well, it's a progression thing.
1. Enslavement.
2. Emancipation.
3. Jim Crow.
4. Figuring out that Jim Crow is bad, but what about my property values?
5. Realizing that all people are humans. This is when people make well-intentioned comments like "I don't see color" that are offensive as hell but not deliberately so.
THEN
6. Realizing that all people are humans, BUT that differences DO exist, and that those differences are not only okay, but good for society in general. Also realizing that color - for example - DOES still make a hell of a lot of difference for the people who HAVE to "see" it, because they ARE it, and because there are still very real social and career impediments to people because of it.
THEN
7. Focusing on those remaining impediments, rather than congratulating themselves on how progressive they are toward...you know...Those People.
Right now, most of America is stuck somewhere between 5 & 6, with about 20% somewhere between 3 & 4. I don't know many people at 6, and I don't know ANYONE at 7, and this includes myself, though I'm working on that.
You probably know some people of color who are at 7, though.
Quote from: V3X on August 19, 2013, 09:15:32 PM
Quote from: TALK TO ME ABOUT YOUR GENITALS on August 19, 2013, 07:59:19 PM
I rarely get excited about Huffpo articles, but I really like this one and it relates strongly to discussions we've had here:
QuoteDear Parents of White Children,
I vote that we strike the following from our parental lexicon:
1. "Everybody is equal."
2. "We're all the same underneath our skin."
I realize this is counterintuitive. But I'm completely serious.
These statements are so abstract they're mostly meaningless when handed to a 7- (or even 17) year-old. That's at best. At worst, they're empty filler -- stand-ins for the actual conversations about race, racial difference and racism we need to be having with our kids.
Sugar when our kids need protein.
Yet, if white college students are to be believed, these statements are standard in many white households.
My students write racial autobiography papers. It's a pretty straightforward assignment: describe the impact of racial identity in your life -- not race generally, but your race and any significant experiences, teachings and thoughts pertaining to that identity at various life stages. I require that they interview two family members about their experiences of and beliefs about being "x." (As it turns out, this is a really hard assignment for white students for reasons that are important and revealing. More on that in another venue.)
Time and again, my white students write that "everybody's equal" is the "most important" thing their parents taught them about race. Time and again, a not-insignificant number of them then proceed to describe their present trepidation about a.) telling their parents they date interracially; b.) bringing home a Latino/a or black classmate; c.) Thanksgiving break, when everyone will silently tolerate the family member who makes racist comments; or d.) something else that reveals how deeply and clearly these students know this "most important teaching" doesn't mean a hell of a lot to their actual white experience.
Hmmmmm.
Few notice the contradiction they have themselves managed to describe in the space of only four pages.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jennifer-harvey/dear-parents-of-white-children_b_3719818.html
Yes very much agree. I think "everyone is equal" and "we're all the same under our skin" are filler, or an obsolete mantra of sorts. There was a generation (or, is a generation) of Whites who grew up in a world where racism was the default state. Ignoring for a moment that racism is still the default, I mean that open, socially-reinforced, legally enforced racism was very much the status quo. As a result, as race relations began to change, and there began to be a social expectation that racism be moved past, it almost makes sense that people to whom racial equality feels like a completely alien concept would invent these mantras.
"Everyone is equal"
"We are all the same under our skin."
These are counterproductive (or at least meaningless) when you're talking about addressing the underlying prejudices and assumptions that go along with default racism; but when you're talking about simply altering outward behavior without altering inward beliefs and tendencies, these statements could serve the purpose of a conscious reminder not to behave in a way that would be considered overtly racist.
I guess I'm just saying that there was a time when these imperfect statements served a strictly practical purpose, but I agree that they're not enough anymore. They don't say enough, they don't take enough of the realities of race into consideration, and they don't do anything to address the fact that only privileged White people get to say things like "everyone is equal" or "I don't see race."
Of course, there's also the problem where recognizing that this is going on doesn't necessarily give a person any idea what to actually do about it.
I see recognizing that it's going on as part of actually
doing something, to tell the truth. It's that whole "power of calling something by name" thing, as opposed to looking away and pretending it isn't happening.
Naming racism upsets people, it really really does. Even (or maybe especially) when it's unconscious, unrecognized, and for that matter, UNWANTED racism. But shining a light on it has a way of making people think about it, and thinking about it has a way of changing behaviors... especially when they're behaviors the person didn't consciously choose to enact in the first place, but were merely unconsciously perpetuating because it's what they learned and they've never thought about it.
I come from a long, lily white line of Southern Conservatives. In fact the article in the OP struck me precisely because it reminded me of the time when I was 5 or 6 when my dad said "I'm no racist, I think everyone is equal. I just don't agree with interracial marriage." Coming from a background like that means that despite what I like to assume about myself, there is a greater-than-I'm-comfortable-with chance that I carry some racist shit with me. Pretending I have erased it all has to be delusional.
This distresses me quite a bit, and I try to seek out these areas where I harbor unconscious racism, and fix them. Of course, with only white-based news and white-based friends and family, there's only so much I am even capable of detecting, let alone fixing, on my own. As I spend more time in NYC I'm discovering a lot of shit that I don't like about the way I think about race, to be honest. Like being apprehensive about walking to a restaurant in Harlem last night. I don't think I have any "superiority" type racism, but I apparently have a healthy dose of "I belong south of Central Park, not up here" type racism, which makes me a little sick. But the more I'm exposed to the reality of the situation, the less I feel that.
Becoming more comfortable in a more accurate version of the world than the one I was raised to believe in, is probably one of my favorite things about living in general.
Quote from: V3X on August 19, 2013, 10:13:22 PM
I come from a long, lily white line of Southern Conservatives. In fact the article in the OP struck me precisely because it reminded me of the time when I was 5 or 6 when my dad said "I'm no racist, I think everyone is equal. I just don't agree with interracial marriage." Coming from a background like that means that despite what I like to assume about myself, there is a greater-than-I'm-comfortable-with chance that I carry some racist shit with me. Pretending I have erased it all has to be delusional.
This distresses me quite a bit, and I try to seek out these areas where I harbor unconscious racism, and fix them. Of course, with only white-based news and white-based friends and family, there's only so much I am even capable of detecting, let alone fixing, on my own. As I spend more time in NYC I'm discovering a lot of shit that I don't like about the way I think about race, to be honest. Like being apprehensive about walking to a restaurant in Harlem last night. I don't think I have any "superiority" type racism, but I apparently have a healthy dose of "I belong south of Central Park, not up here" type racism, which makes me a little sick. But the more I'm exposed to the reality of the situation, the less I feel that.
Becoming more comfortable in a more accurate version of the world than the one I was raised to believe in, is probably one of my favorite things about living in general.
I don't sweat it. I was programmed from birth. At some point I made a conscious decision - fuck being programmed. My racism is nowhere near as bad as my sectarianism. No shit. If you're paying attention, you'll actually see my hackles go up the very millisecond I find out someone is catholic. I can make them go down, tho. Same as any racist bullshit that bubbles up. Same as any sexist or whatever the fuck-ist prejudice. I get the urge to prove I'm not racist when I meet a person from a different race, or prove I'm not homophobic when I meet someone gay. It's funny shit my brain does. I just ignore the impulse. Figure the best way to prove anything is stfu and walk the walk.
Quote from: TALK TO ME ABOUT YOUR GENITALS on August 19, 2013, 09:32:31 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on August 19, 2013, 09:13:40 PM
Quote from: TALK TO ME ABOUT YOUR GENITALS on August 19, 2013, 08:52:31 PM
Quote from: Triple Zero on August 19, 2013, 08:29:19 PM
Not sure if strictly related, but as a kid I grew up in a rather small, very white village. And I was taught these, or very similar things. Most importantly that discrimination is bad. When I moved to larger places, the first couple of times seeing or meeting a coloured person, I felt this anxiety: SHIT BE CAREFUL I MUST NOT DISCRIMINATE THEM. Fortunately it got less with more exposure, to the point I'm pretty sure that thought it hardly even there (even though that test from the other thread showed there's still a "slight" effect. though I think there's more factors to that than what I was taught about equality when young).
Yeah, I think the tension generated by the message really undermines people's ability to relate to people who look different. The undertones of WE DON'T ACKNOWLEDGE ANY DIFFERENCES in particular is very counterproductive.
Well, it's a progression thing.
1. Enslavement.
2. Emancipation.
3. Jim Crow.
4. Figuring out that Jim Crow is bad, but what about my property values?
5. Realizing that all people are humans. This is when people make well-intentioned comments like "I don't see color" that are offensive as hell but not deliberately so.
THEN
6. Realizing that all people are humans, BUT that differences DO exist, and that those differences are not only okay, but good for society in general. Also realizing that color - for example - DOES still make a hell of a lot of difference for the people who HAVE to "see" it, because they ARE it, and because there are still very real social and career impediments to people because of it.
THEN
7. Focusing on those remaining impediments, rather than congratulating themselves on how progressive they are toward...you know...Those People.
Right now, most of America is stuck somewhere between 5 & 6, with about 20% somewhere between 3 & 4. I don't know many people at 6, and I don't know ANYONE at 7, and this includes myself, though I'm working on that.
You probably know some people of color who are at 7, though.
You.
IRL? Not really. They are under the same damn conditioning that I am under, to be perfectly honest.
P3nt speaks uncomfortable truth, and I like it.
I think I'm at 6 and working on 7.
Seriously, for society today, 6 and working toward 7 is pretty fucking great. It's swimming upstream and trying to inseminate as many eggs as you can.
Quote from: TALK TO ME ABOUT YOUR GENITALS on August 20, 2013, 08:04:48 AM
Seriously, for society today, 6 and working toward 7 is pretty fucking great. It's swimming upstream and trying to inseminate as many eggs as you can.
I am willing to accept the possibility that I'm not as far along as I think, though. maintaining a 6 on that list is constant work against bad signal if you grow up white. You have to constantly seek other perspectives of people of colour. Like trying to dismantle "am I scared of that dude because he's a DUDE and street harassment/ is it a race bad signal in my head" thing.
Quote from: Pixie on August 20, 2013, 08:30:00 AM
Quote from: TALK TO ME ABOUT YOUR GENITALS on August 20, 2013, 08:04:48 AM
Seriously, for society today, 6 and working toward 7 is pretty fucking great. It's swimming upstream and trying to inseminate as many eggs as you can.
I am willing to accept the possibility that I'm not as far along as I think, though. maintaining a 6 on that list is constant work against bad signal if you grow up white. You have to constantly seek other perspectives of people of colour. Like trying to dismantle "am I scared of that dude because he's a DUDE and street harassment/ is it a race bad signal in my head" thing.
obviously blogs are my main source of info on other perspectives.
One of the things I've been enjoying pointing out to folks locally is that, while Portland is roughly 80% white, the reason so many white people say things like "Portland is SO WHITE" is because Portland is also bizarrely segregated.
It makes people REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE.
I like making people uncomfortable. It's delightful.
Quote from: TALK TO ME ABOUT YOUR GENITALS on August 20, 2013, 06:17:55 PM
One of the things I've been enjoying pointing out to folks locally is that, while Portland is roughly 80% white, the reason so many white people say things like "Portland is SO WHITE" is because Portland is also bizarrely segregated.
It makes people REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE.
I like making people uncomfortable. It's delightful.
I find this tendency for segregation unsettling myself. As I alluded to earlier, I have to admit that most of my influences are white-based, so my job as a person right now is to pay attention when I'm giving those influences more weight than they really deserve to have. And that's led me to learn and see a lot of things I otherwise wouldn't have. For a few examples:
* It's often said that races tend to self-segregate, and the prevailing wisdom is that this must be true, because there are "white" neighborhoods and "black" neighborhoods and "Dominican" neighborhoods, and there are no armed guards keeping people from moving out of those neighborhoods. What the prevailing wisdom fails to mention is that really, these segregated neighborhoods are an illusion. What we really have is "can pay for a nice place to live" neighborhoods and "can't pay for such a nice place to live" neighborhoods. And, surprise! "Can pay for a nice place to live" neighborhoods are predominantly white, while the others are a mix of non-white people, for the most part. We don't need armed guards or Jim Crow to keep people segregated these days, because we've figured out how to do it with money. Just don't let anybody notice. Call it "voluntary."
* Marketing campaigns often feature minorities these days. But there are some glaringly obvious shortcomings in the way it's done. Aside from the blatant "token minority" placement of most of these people, you'll notice that they only feature light-skinned minorities, usually with straightened hair, dressed like soccer moms. Big smiles with perfect teeth. Images of beauty as defined by modern culture that transcend images of "race." The message is clear:
If you want to be treated like a white person, pretend to be white. Oh, and be stunningly "beautiful" while you're at it. Otherwise stay where you are.* When the topic of race comes up between a white person and a person of color (especially a black person), generally the white person immediately lays the ground rules for the conversation. "I understand that whites have been unfair and cruel to your people, but you should understand that it wasn't
me who did it," is usually what they mean, though there are a number of ways they might say it. The intention -- even if it's unknown to the person who does this -- is to immediately revoke any right the person of color has to complain about his or her lot, or the way they are treated because of their race. It is to say "the past is the past, get over it," only in a way that sounds polite.
This stuff is probably really obvious to a lot of people, but to me it's something I have had to notice on purpose. Just being aware of shit like this tends to break down some of the barriers because I'm not operating from the assumption that what I assume must be necessarily correct.
No matter how obvious those points may seem to some people, especially brown and black-skinned people, they are always always always worth re-stating out loud, because they do give people who haven't realized them yet a chance to think about them, and they give people who already know them a chance to connect with you.
Quote from: TALK TO ME ABOUT YOUR GENITALS on August 20, 2013, 06:17:55 PM
One of the things I've been enjoying pointing out to folks locally is that, while Portland is roughly 80% white, the reason so many white people say things like "Portland is SO WHITE" is because Portland is also bizarrely segregated.
It makes people REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE.
I like making people uncomfortable. It's delightful.
I have taken on a debating style of "you are boring, read moar" when folks come out with stupid shit, like "i have heard this so many times I'm not even offended or contemptuous I just wish it wasn't the same schtick because it's the same old shit."
it stops me losing my cool and has the bonus of maybe encouraging people to make their way even a little closer to the level I am at, as I have also taken to providing further reading on the topic at hand.
Quote from: TALK TO ME ABOUT YOUR GENITALS on August 20, 2013, 06:17:55 PM
One of the things I've been enjoying pointing out to folks locally is that, while Portland is roughly 80% white, the reason so many white people say things like "Portland is SO WHITE" is because Portland is also bizarrely segregated.
It makes people REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE.
I like making people uncomfortable. It's delightful.
Holycrap, have you seen this yet? Zoom in to Portland, it's creepy.
http://www.coopercenter.org/demographics/Racial-Dot-Map
http://demographics.coopercenter.org/DotMap/index.html <-the Map application
Quote from: Telarus on August 21, 2013, 04:39:07 AM
Quote from: TALK TO ME ABOUT YOUR GENITALS on August 20, 2013, 06:17:55 PM
One of the things I've been enjoying pointing out to folks locally is that, while Portland is roughly 80% white, the reason so many white people say things like "Portland is SO WHITE" is because Portland is also bizarrely segregated.
It makes people REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE.
I like making people uncomfortable. It's delightful.
Holycrap, have you seen this yet? Zoom in to Portland, it's creepy.
http://www.coopercenter.org/demographics/Racial-Dot-Map
http://demographics.coopercenter.org/DotMap/index.html <-the Map application
Ohhh yeah, very familiar with that. There's another one I can't recall that's even better though.
Quote from: TALK TO ME ABOUT YOUR GENITALS on August 20, 2013, 08:04:48 AM
Seriously, for society today, 6 and working toward 7 is pretty fucking great. It's swimming upstream and trying to inseminate as many eggs as you can.
I'm just trying to be someone I can to be in the same skull with.
There are some incredible points ITT.
I remember feeling that disconnect with my kids right away. When it came time to deal with race issues, it seemed false to say that everyone is the same and discourage recognizing differences because I was in a position where my programming was confronting childhood innocence. They were clearly noticing differences and I had to deal with it.
What i did say to them was that people are all humans and, in that sense, we're equal. I said that people fall under a spectrum of colors...how their mom has more olive colored skin where I'm closer to pink. Their aunt Vhan and uncle Tony's ancestors come from Africa and how peoples environment affects the way they look.
I don't think that encouraging equality is necessarily the wrong approach but it also has to be followed up with recognizing the obvious differences. This thread has helped align certain points that I can't wait for the opportunity to discuss. :)
We also have a couple uncles who will very casually drop the n-bomb and other racist phrases because they, in general, are complete douchebags. I used to get upset about this but I've learned that they provide a very contained example of how not to be. It's an example I can point to and say 'this is sometimes what happens when people are intimidated by differences...don't let this 'stupid' happen to you."