Okay, so you look around this place, and it's basically a pop-up book for the DSM-5. Normal people don't do what we do. They don't think the way we think. They do normal things, and they talk about normal events (ie, Miley Cyrus and other world-shattering occurances). Just about everyone here has something wrong with their wiring.
And that's okay. I think "normal" is pretty overrated, and I think most of you do, too.
However, there's a difference between having a problem and becoming that problem. The brain flukes do not define me, as a person. I am not an insomniac, come to think of it, so much as a guy who has insomnia. I reject the labels associated with these conditions, because while they are part of me, they aren't me.
Imagine if you were at a party, and some guy came up and said, "Hi, I'm John. I'm mildly bipolar". You know right then how the evening is going to go. Everything you discuss will somehow be related to that person's disorder. Boring. Flee now, while you have the chance.
Likewise with "autistic". If you're really autistic, we'll know. I have two cousins who are fairly badly autistic, and they will never sneak up on you with that fact. You know it from the moment you meet them. They don't see a need to announce it...Mostly on account of the fact that they don't see much of a need to announce anything to anybody.
Now, I'm not talking about the average asshole that kicks the door in babbling about how "insane" they are. That's a different thing altogether, and can be easily solved with a pillowcase full of combination locks, applied liberally. Instead, I am referring to people who actually DO have difficulties, and who allow those difficulties to define who they are. Worse, those who use their difficulties as an excuse to rain shit down on those around them, then hide behind those difficulties when retribution comes around.
What this is, in all but the most severe cases, is self-indulgence. Instead of exerting your personality to be interesting or persuasive, or instead of Saturday Night with your pants around your ankles and a stupid grin on your face, you're using your issues to AVOID BEING YOU. To avoid the WORK and the BLOOD-PISSING and the RAGE-SPEWING that is part and parcel of being in this strange religion in these strange times.
Yeah, I know that real issues present real problems, some of which can be overcome and some of which can't. But I gotta say, there's a whole lot of WON'T involved, too. And a fair amount of LOOK AT ME. And, I might add, a whole lot of I FAILED AT X BECAUSE OF MY ISSUES, instead of I FAILED AT X BECAUSE I WAS GIVEN AN EXCUSE.
Granted, a lot of this sort of attitude has been ingrained into people by their well-meaning parents. My folks, for example, took one look at MY weirdness, and hustled me off to the local pill-pusher to be labeled "hyperactive" (or ADD or ADHD or whatever the fuck it's called now). The pusher agreed, and they tried to feed me ritalin. Herman Goering would have been proud of my trick of hiding the pill behind my back molar until I could spit it out. Then they tried all manner of well-intentioned, socially crippling things on me about "what I could manage" and what I couldn't. I didn't listen, and made such a thing out of being my own weird self that they finally shipped me off to The Terrible Old Man (which was about to happen anyway, based on their schedules on the research vessel). The Terrible Old Man had The Cure. He worked me until I was too tired to be a pain in the ass, and accepted NO EXCUSES for ANYTHING.
Funny thing is, I don't know to this day if I was/am hyperactive. And it doesn't matter.
Now, I was VERY fortunate to be handed off to a depression-era human. Not everyone has that option. But what you CAN do is develop, as I eventually developed, a depression-era human inside your own skull. Put him back behind your limbic system. He won't eat much. And then every time the Special Snowflake thing comes up, imagine the look he's giving you. It's something like this:
:ffs:
And every time you make an excuse for yourself, imagine his response to that excuse.
:ffs:
Conversely, every time you whack society in the balls, or take that fucking Saturday Night and run it RIGHT AT THE FUCKING WALL, think about the old bastard cheering you on...Because what those fuckers DID know how to do was HAVE A GOOD TIME, and one thing they DIDN'T know how to do was TAKE SHIT FROM ANYONE.
Your issues are part of you. There's no denying that. Whether you run those issues or let those issues run you is the only thing in question, here.
Or Kill Me.
I spit my coffee out when I came to the Eastwood gif. Perfect.
That's very good.
Brilliant stuff, Roger!
Thanks, all. Next chapter today at some point, I think.
I remember being a teenager and knowing that something was wrong with my head and not having the tools to deal with it adequately. I remember the "HA HA LOOKIT HOW WACKY INSANE I AM LOL" phase, the pretending everything is perfectly normal, the wallowing (jesus fuck there was a lot of wallowing). I remember feeling very strongly that I wanted something terrible to happen. I could handle terrible things, I knew it. I could handle failure and loss and all manner of difficult shit that sends people running. What I could not handle was mundane bullshit. Homework. Normal human interactions. Relationships. I was a useless pain in the ass in more ways than one, and the methods used to try to get that behavior under control were counter-productive: taking away privileges from someone with a baby martyr thing going on doesn't tend to get the results you want.
The things that ultimately got me screwed on straight were pretty simple: take on a huge responsibility and have the possibility of failure. No safety nets, no trial runs, just go out there and do shit and we'll see how it shakes out. People with depression, with low self-esteem, you can't just tell them "you're okay the way you are!" and expect them to get better. They need to do things to prove it to themselves. They need compassion and a better toolbox for dealing with their brain chemistry, it's true, but those things are ways to get to the useful stuff. They're the warm coat and ice climbing gear for the climb.
Sorry if that's a little off-topic, but the idea that hyperactive kids need shit to do really resonated with that experience of mine.
Great piece, particularly this:
QuoteYeah, I know that real issues present real problems, some of which can be overcome and some of which can't. But I gotta say, there's a whole lot of WON'T involved, too. And a fair amount of LOOK AT ME. And, I might add, a whole lot of I FAILED AT X BECAUSE OF MY ISSUES, instead of I FAILED AT X BECAUSE I WAS GIVEN AN EXCUSE.
I'd be interested in hearing more on lessons learnt from depression era humans too.
Quote from: Queen Gogira Pennyworth, BSW on August 27, 2013, 06:08:45 PM
I remember being a teenager and knowing that something was wrong with my head and not having the tools to deal with it adequately. I remember the "HA HA LOOKIT HOW WACKY INSANE I AM LOL" phase, the pretending everything is perfectly normal, the wallowing (jesus fuck there was a lot of wallowing). I remember feeling very strongly that I wanted something terrible to happen. I could handle terrible things, I knew it. I could handle failure and loss and all manner of difficult shit that sends people running. What I could not handle was mundane bullshit. Homework. Normal human interactions. Relationships. I was a useless pain in the ass in more ways than one, and the methods used to try to get that behavior under control were counter-productive: taking away privileges from someone with a baby martyr thing going on doesn't tend to get the results you want.
Same here. The army cured me.
Quote from: Junkenstein on August 27, 2013, 06:09:12 PM
I'd be interested in hearing more on lessons learnt from depression era humans too.
Well, that's really about it. They were/are a bunch of PTSD cases from a time that made THIS economic situation look like Candyland, and you got tough or you sank like a stone. Thing is, they got tough
and kept their principles, both of which have failed to happen since 2001 and 2008.
There are loads of things you can learn from them, but the main thing, the important thing, is "stop your theatrics".
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on August 27, 2013, 06:13:22 PM
Quote from: Junkenstein on August 27, 2013, 06:09:12 PM
I'd be interested in hearing more on lessons learnt from depression era humans too.
Well, that's really about it. They were/are a bunch of PTSD cases from a time that made THIS economic situation look like Candyland, and you got tough or you sank like a stone. Thing is, they got tough and kept their principles, both of which have failed to happen since 2001 and 2008.
There are loads of things you can learn from them, but the main thing, the important thing, is "stop your theatrics".
Thinking about this a little, the person most responsible for any positive qualities I have is probably my Grandfather. I've got a thought coming here but need to think a little more.
RAH!
:mittens:
Fuck yeah!
also...
Quote from: Queen Gogira Pennyworth, BSW on August 27, 2013, 06:08:45 PMI remember feeling very strongly that I wanted something terrible to happen. I could handle terrible things, I knew it. I could handle failure and loss and all manner of difficult shit that sends people running. What I could not handle was mundane bullshit. Homework. Normal human interactions. Relationships.
Fuck yeah!
This needs to be spread!
I fucking love that. About fifteen anecdotes came to mind right away, but I can't add anything.
It's PERFECT.
Quote from: Queen Gogira Pennyworth, BSW on August 27, 2013, 06:08:45 PM
I remember feeling very strongly that I wanted something terrible to happen. I could handle terrible things, I knew it. I could handle failure and loss and all manner of difficult shit that sends people running. What I could not handle was mundane bullshit. Homework. Normal human interactions. Relationships.
:mittens:
I still handle crisis much better than the day to day crap. I'm reasonably good now at faking it though.
I come alive in a crisis. Have this really fun mode I slip into. Taking care of business - thing. I love dealing with crises. Have to resist the temptation to create them sometimes. Had to learn how to do that :oops: Luckily for me, the 21st century has crises hiding in ambush on every street corner. The whole fucking world goes into crisis at the drop of a hat. This is my fucking century now. Keep it coming, I say!