A local interest site and popular facebook page posted an article yesterday.
Mayor Holds Emergency Meeting to Chastise Parking Attendants (http://www.newbedfordguide.com/mayor-holds-emergency-meeting-to-chastise-parking-attendants/2013/08/28)
Within, a tale of the tyrannical parking enforcer we apparently elected into office.
QuoteAn unknown parking attendant has worked Mayor Jon Mitchell into a fervor and driven him to call an emergency "State of the Parking Union" address. What earned the ire of the Mayor was a parking meter that had clearly expired and yet was ignored by the many parking attendants that circulate the downtown area. "I couldn't believe what I was seeing. As I'm descending the city hall steps to head towards my car, and I notice a meter count down and expire. I sat there for a full 40 seconds before an attendant arrived and did what the city of New Bedford pays him to do."
Quote"Immediately, I thought of a nature special I was watching the night before. It was Shark Week and they showed one of the most aggressive sharks, the Bull shark, tearing and ripping a seal from limb to limb, leaving a bloody spill. Ghastly wounds. Body parts everywhere. Yeah, I want my parking attendants to be like this. I want them to treat every week like it's Shark Week, especially around Holidays. Can you picture a Bull Shark waiting 40 seconds before he attacks a wounded seal? My point, exactly."
Quote"I need each and every one of you parking attendants to feel like you are mini-mayors. That you are instrumental in generating revenue, so we can give ourselves raises. So we can build more parking meters. So we can buy more caviar. Notice the operative words "We can" in those sentences? That's called inspiration. That's what I do."
The response to this piece of satire is 116 comments of COMPLETELY NOT GETTING THAT IT'S SATIRE. My local brethren at their finest.
There are only a few comments on the article itself, but the facebook link has the bulk of them.
It's tasty. I want to print them out and pile them up and roll around in them. MMMMM MMMMMMM.
:lulz:
NEW BEIGE FTW.
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on August 29, 2013, 02:58:09 PM
A local interest site and popular facebook page posted an article yesterday.
Mayor Holds Emergency Meeting to Chastise Parking Attendants (http://www.newbedfordguide.com/mayor-holds-emergency-meeting-to-chastise-parking-attendants/2013/08/28)
Within, a tale of the tyrannical parking enforcer we apparently elected into office.
QuoteAn unknown parking attendant has worked Mayor Jon Mitchell into a fervor and driven him to call an emergency "State of the Parking Union" address. What earned the ire of the Mayor was a parking meter that had clearly expired and yet was ignored by the many parking attendants that circulate the downtown area. "I couldn't believe what I was seeing. As I'm descending the city hall steps to head towards my car, and I notice a meter count down and expire. I sat there for a full 40 seconds before an attendant arrived and did what the city of New Bedford pays him to do."
Quote"Immediately, I thought of a nature special I was watching the night before. It was Shark Week and they showed one of the most aggressive sharks, the Bull shark, tearing and ripping a seal from limb to limb, leaving a bloody spill. Ghastly wounds. Body parts everywhere. Yeah, I want my parking attendants to be like this. I want them to treat every week like it's Shark Week, especially around Holidays. Can you picture a Bull Shark waiting 40 seconds before he attacks a wounded seal? My point, exactly."
Quote"I need each and every one of you parking attendants to feel like you are mini-mayors. That you are instrumental in generating revenue, so we can give ourselves raises. So we can build more parking meters. So we can buy more caviar. Notice the operative words "We can" in those sentences? That's called inspiration. That's what I do."
The response to this piece of satire is 116 comments of COMPLETELY NOT GETTING THAT IT'S SATIRE. My local brethren at their finest.
There are only a few comments on the article itself, but the facebook link has the bulk of them.
It's tasty. I want to print them out and pile them up and roll around in them. MMMMM MMMMMMM.
:lulz:
:lulz: How did I miss this? This is AMAZING.
My favorite part is the complaining that it isn't funny, after being told that it's satire. :lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
I know, I loved it so much. I mean, it's not great satire, but hey, mission accomplished.
They mentioned in a comment that they want to make the Rotten Scallop a full site. I immediately wrote up two pieces and expressed my interest in writing for them. I haven't heard back yet, but I hope I can do some work for it.
The two full on pieces I wrote are:
Beacon Hill Adopts Policy to DIsavow Knowledge of New Bedford
and
School Department Looks to Hurricane Katrina as Model of Reform
Headlines for future articles should they decide to accept:
Hayden-McFadden Student's Piano Recital 'Sorrowful Beyond Her Years' (it's the least well performing elementary school)
Local Man Strikes Out at Bar Describing His Hometown as Armpit of Massachusetts
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on September 04, 2013, 04:57:17 PM
I know, I loved it so much. I mean, it's not great satire, but hey, mission accomplished.
They mentioned in a comment that they want to make the Rotten Scallop a full site. I immediately wrote up two pieces and expressed my interest in writing for them. I haven't heard back yet, but I hope I can do some work for it.
The two full on pieces I wrote are:
Beacon Hill Adopts Policy to DIsavow Knowledge of New Bedford
and
School Department Looks to Hurricane Katrina as Model of Reform
Headlines for future articles should they decide to accept:
Hayden-McFadden Student's Piano Recital 'Sorrowful Beyond Her Years' (it's the least well performing elementary school)
Local Man Strikes Out at Bar Describing His Hometown as Armpit of Massachusetts
:lulz: Those are all wonderful.
What's with the angry reaction after being told it was satire?
It's like getting upset because you didn't get the joke. Have we reached the point where all jokes require explanation now?
Quote from: Junkenstein on September 04, 2013, 08:04:42 PM
What's with the angry reaction after being told it was satire?
It's like getting upset because you didn't get the joke. Have we reached the point where all jokes require explanation now?
You don't look a gift irate-internet-commenter in the mouth, Junk.
Quote from: Junkenstein on September 04, 2013, 08:04:42 PM
What's with the angry reaction after being told it was satire?
It's like getting upset because you didn't get the joke. Have we reached the point where all jokes require explanation now?
It's just another version of digging in and screeching. It's a misguided attempt at saving face; rather than just admitting they were wrong, they are trying to prove that they were
really right because the joke wasn't funny.
Quote from: Facemeat on September 04, 2013, 11:54:56 PM
Quote from: Junkenstein on September 04, 2013, 08:04:42 PM
What's with the angry reaction after being told it was satire?
It's like getting upset because you didn't get the joke. Have we reached the point where all jokes require explanation now?
It's just another version of digging in and screeching. It's a misguided attempt at saving face; rather than just admitting they were wrong, they are trying to prove that they were really right because the joke wasn't funny.
Makes sense, it just seems to be happening more often of late. As in, all the time. I think we've all had a moment or two in the past year were the initial reaction to satire was just "oh, so that's a thing".
People are becoming humourless fuckwits is what I'm getting at. Moreso.
Quote from: Junkenstein on September 05, 2013, 08:26:09 AM
Quote from: Facemeat on September 04, 2013, 11:54:56 PM
Quote from: Junkenstein on September 04, 2013, 08:04:42 PM
What's with the angry reaction after being told it was satire?
It's like getting upset because you didn't get the joke. Have we reached the point where all jokes require explanation now?
It's just another version of digging in and screeching. It's a misguided attempt at saving face; rather than just admitting they were wrong, they are trying to prove that they were really right because the joke wasn't funny.
Makes sense, it just seems to be happening more often of late. As in, all the time. I think we've all had a moment or two in the past year were the initial reaction to satire was just "oh, so that's a thing".
People are becoming humourless fuckwits is what I'm getting at. Moreso.
I think it's because reality has reached a point where it's hard to out-satire it.
Well I kept checking the site and it looks like RottenScallop.com is live now. I submitted my first piece today and it should be going live this weekend.
Right now I'm using their Rod Inskalop pseudonym because I can't get WordPress working for the site.
I'm going to need a pseudonym of my own, though. I initially said Eater of Clams, but my girlfriend said "That's just filthy." so I think that one's out. :sad:
My next thought was National Harpoon as a play on National Lampoon, but I think it's maybe too widescale, and SouthCoast Harpoon doesn't have the same ring to it.
SUGGESTIONS - GGGGOOOOOO
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on October 10, 2013, 10:02:46 PM
Well I kept checking the site and it looks like RottenScallop.com is live now. I submitted my first piece today and it should be going live this weekend.
Right now I'm using their Rod Inskalop pseudonym because I can't get WordPress working for the site.
I'm going to need a pseudonym of my own, though. I initially said Eater of Clams, but my girlfriend said "That's just filthy." so I think that one's out. :sad:
My next thought was National Harpoon as a play on National Lampoon, but I think it's maybe too widescale, and SouthCoast Harpoon doesn't have the same ring to it.
SUGGESTIONS - GGGGOOOOOO
:lulz: I like it.
This keep getting better!
They haven't put my article up yet (grumble grumble) but the one they did put up, City Council Bans Pajama Pants; Organizers Plan Million Pajama Pants March (http://rottenscallop.com/city-council-bans-pajama-pants/). It got several hundred more outraged, moronic comments across the Rotten Scallop and New Bedford Guide websites.
The backlash is being fully embraced by the site, and even got a mention in Boston Magazine.
http://www.bostonmagazine.com/news/blog/2013/10/15/new-bedford-pajama-pants-ban-rotten-scallop/ (http://www.bostonmagazine.com/news/blog/2013/10/15/new-bedford-pajama-pants-ban-rotten-scallop/)
:lulz:
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on October 10, 2013, 10:02:46 PM
I'm going to need a pseudonym of my own, though. I initially said Eater of Clams, but my girlfriend said "That's just filthy." so I think that one's out. :sad:
Your GF doesn't seem like she's
serious about having a good time.
Hey, my article went live!
http://rottenscallop.com/beacon-hill-disavows-new-bedford/ (http://rottenscallop.com/beacon-hill-disavows-new-bedford/)
Looks like the news is out on it being a local satire site. The facebook post of it got about 50 comments so far and they're all people insisting they're in in the joke. Not as much butthurt as I'd like to see. This was my easing in post, though. I'm planning to get a bit rougher as time goes on.
Nice work that man. Very nice.
Quote from: Junkenstein on October 16, 2013, 02:45:57 PM
Nice work that man. Very nice.
Thanks! I hope they're interested in continuing to use my stuff. I've got some good ideas for stuff based on local happenings.
My father works at the newspaper and was telling me about this weird scandal where they found a bunch of library cards taken out in the names of dead people. They apparently checked out a bunch of books and never returned them, totaling a few thousand dollars in fines. I think a piece about the library director promising to exhume the corpses of the dead patrons would be so much fun to write.
Hahaha, awesome!
Article 2 of mine is up:
http://rottenscallop.com/new-bedford-schools-hurricane-katrina/ (http://rottenscallop.com/new-bedford-schools-hurricane-katrina/)
I doubt it'll get the same number of comments and hatedom that another person's Kim Kardashian one, for some reason, received, but here's hoping.
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on October 25, 2013, 09:51:51 PM
Article 2 of mine is up:
http://rottenscallop.com/new-bedford-schools-hurricane-katrina/ (http://rottenscallop.com/new-bedford-schools-hurricane-katrina/)
I doubt it'll get the same number of comments and hatedom that another person's Kim Kardashian one, for some reason, received, but here's hoping.
:lulz:
That's AWESOME!
Nice work, man!
Awesome :lulz:
Thanks!
I submitted it over a week ago and I never heard back, so I really thought I'd just offended them to such a gross extent that they'd cut ties.
:lulz:
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on October 25, 2013, 10:41:33 PM
Thanks!
I submitted it over a week ago and I never heard back, so I really thought I'd just offended them to such a gross extent that they'd cut ties.
:lulz:
They were probably like "Slow day...Say, where did that maniac's stuff go?"
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on October 25, 2013, 09:51:51 PM
Article 2 of mine is up:
http://rottenscallop.com/new-bedford-schools-hurricane-katrina/ (http://rottenscallop.com/new-bedford-schools-hurricane-katrina/)
I doubt it'll get the same number of comments and hatedom that another person's Kim Kardashian one, for some reason, received, but here's hoping.
Oh my god :lulz:
I also read the comments on the Kim Kardashian one. :lol: Wow. Maybe you need to incorporate Miley Cyrus into one and see what happens.
Quote from: Mrs. Nigelson on October 26, 2013, 12:34:03 AM
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on October 25, 2013, 09:51:51 PM
Article 2 of mine is up:
http://rottenscallop.com/new-bedford-schools-hurricane-katrina/ (http://rottenscallop.com/new-bedford-schools-hurricane-katrina/)
I doubt it'll get the same number of comments and hatedom that another person's Kim Kardashian one, for some reason, received, but here's hoping.
Oh my god :lulz:
I also read the comments on the Kim Kardashian one. :lol: Wow. Maybe you need to incorporate Miley Cyrus into one and see what happens.
I don't know who any of these writers are, or how many of them there are. A few of them really know their audience better than I do, though.
The one I've liked the best so far is about the unmanned drone strikes following Spot Shotter hits.
We've had a big controversy in the area because of Spot Shotter. NBPD got a grand a few years back to put these things up, I don't know how common they are. Basically, they detect a gunshot and then send the location data back to the police department. But they've been known to pick up other loud noises that were, you know, not gunshots.
I think the idea of drone strikes accompanying them was a great one. My first thought was a loud fart setting of a spot shotter, then a drone strike flying out to pacify the area, which then set off another spot shotter, launching another strike, and culminating in the total leveling of New Bedford in a few hours.
I wonder if
Miley Cyrus' Wrecking Ball to Visit Local Theater has any legs to it.
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on October 26, 2013, 01:43:22 AM
Quote from: Mrs. Nigelson on October 26, 2013, 12:34:03 AM
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on October 25, 2013, 09:51:51 PM
Article 2 of mine is up:
http://rottenscallop.com/new-bedford-schools-hurricane-katrina/ (http://rottenscallop.com/new-bedford-schools-hurricane-katrina/)
I doubt it'll get the same number of comments and hatedom that another person's Kim Kardashian one, for some reason, received, but here's hoping.
Oh my god :lulz:
I also read the comments on the Kim Kardashian one. :lol: Wow. Maybe you need to incorporate Miley Cyrus into one and see what happens.
I don't know who any of these writers are, or how many of them there are. A few of them really know their audience better than I do, though.
The one I've liked the best so far is about the unmanned drone strikes following Spot Shotter hits.
We've had a big controversy in the area because of Spot Shotter. NBPD got a grand a few years back to put these things up, I don't know how common they are. Basically, they detect a gunshot and then send the location data back to the police department. But they've been known to pick up other loud noises that were, you know, not gunshots.
I think the idea of drone strikes accompanying them was a great one. My first thought was a loud fart setting of a spot shotter, then a drone strike flying out to pacify the area, which then set off another spot shotter, launching another strike, and culminating in the total leveling of New Bedford in a few hours.
I wonder if Miley Cyrus' Wrecking Ball to Visit Local Theater has any legs to it.
DOOO EEEET
When the word spread that the wrecking ball made famous in a recent Miley Cyrus video would be visiting New Bedford, residents were excited and enthusiastic.
The wrecking ball, however, has been less than thrilled with its new found fame.
"I'm just here on a job," it said, in reference to the demolition of the Elm St Parking Garage, "and I really wish people would just leave me alone."
Yeah, I think I can work with that.
"The worst is the fangirls," it explained. "They think I'm a ride like from the video and, you know, that's great when I'm off duty. But I've got OSHA compliance to worry about."
Don't anthropomorphize the ball. Think about the poor Teamster that was working the crane
Could probably add a bit of biting satire, with that.
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
Nice work!
Oh fuck yes. This whole thread. :lulz:
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on October 26, 2013, 03:56:50 AM
Don't anthropomorphize the ball. Think about the poor Teamster that was working the crane
Could probably add a bit of biting satire, with that.
Hey, I might not be following you here, or you might've been a little FRIDAY, but I've thought about it and I'm not coming up with anything.
What kind of thing did you have in mind?
I think the idea was to stick with the guy who operated the wrecking ball so it remains plausible as a real story idiots could fall for?
Quote from: Q. G. Pennyworth on October 27, 2013, 05:42:06 PM
I think the idea was to stick with the guy who operated the wrecking ball so it remains plausible as a real story idiots could fall for?
That is also what I read.
IOW, tell the story from the perspective of the crane operator, not the ball.
Yeah, that. If you still want to be exploiting Poe's Law, that is.
Quote from: Mrs. Nigelson on October 27, 2013, 08:42:53 PM
Quote from: Q. G. Pennyworth on October 27, 2013, 05:42:06 PM
I think the idea was to stick with the guy who operated the wrecking ball so it remains plausible as a real story idiots could fall for?
That is also what I read.
IOW, tell the story from the perspective of the crane operator, not the ball.
I can just imagine the critical lift form for that operation. :lulz:
Weight of ball & cable: 1200 LBS.
Wieght of attachment: 120 LBS.
Man Basket: No.
Personnel under lift: No.
Utilities or Hazmat under lift: No.
Powerlines present: No.
There's more, but you get my point.
TECHNICALLY, that is in fact a LEGAL lift.
Pants: no
Another piece went up today.
Library Director Candidate Vows to Exhume Bodies of Deceased Patrons to Collect Fees (http://rottenscallop.com/library-director-collect-fees/)
I've got some juices flowing for the Miley Cyrus idea, but I'm going to have to check with the admin before I go through with it. Last week they had someone photoshop her onto one of our statues and made some references to writing an article about her visit. I want to see if that's coming to anything before I write a potentially unusable and redudant piece.
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on November 04, 2013, 09:32:38 PM
Another piece went up today.
Library Director Candidate Vows to Exhume Bodies of Deceased Patrons to Collect Fees (http://rottenscallop.com/library-director-collect-fees/)
I've got some juices flowing for the Miley Cyrus idea, but I'm going to have to check with the admin before I go through with it. Last week they had someone photoshop her onto one of our statues and made some references to writing an article about her visit. I want to see if that's coming to anything before I write a potentially unusable and redudant piece.
:lulz:
That's awesome.
Let me know if they ever want a guest columnist. "Visiting Your City Again? Hardly!"
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on November 04, 2013, 09:35:42 PM
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on November 04, 2013, 09:32:38 PM
Another piece went up today.
Library Director Candidate Vows to Exhume Bodies of Deceased Patrons to Collect Fees (http://rottenscallop.com/library-director-collect-fees/)
I've got some juices flowing for the Miley Cyrus idea, but I'm going to have to check with the admin before I go through with it. Last week they had someone photoshop her onto one of our statues and made some references to writing an article about her visit. I want to see if that's coming to anything before I write a potentially unusable and redudant piece.
:lulz:
That's awesome.
Let me know if they ever want a guest columnist. "Visiting Your City Again? Hardly!"
Thanks!
According to Richter, leln reviewed that one with a disappointed frown and something about lacking imagination (can't access the direct quote from work). Coming from an actual librarian, I consider it high praise.
It's also been called "not funny" and "a cheap shot at a local" in reference to the woman who was arrested, in spite of the one line that mentioned her offhandedly having already been reported two weeks ago by the newspaper, as well as a matter of public record.
So far so good. :)
I'll definitely put the word out, Roger.