Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Discordian Recipes => Topic started by: Q. G. Pennyworth on September 17, 2013, 10:32:02 PM

Title: PUNCH CHICKEN
Post by: Q. G. Pennyworth on September 17, 2013, 10:32:02 PM
Version 1:
     > Fresh chicken breast strips
     > 1 egg
     > bread crumbs
     > spices you like
     > olive oil

Wash your hands.
Put chicken strips on a clean surface.
Punch the chicken flat. (IMPORTANT: DO NOT USE FROZEN MEAT FOR PUNCH CHICKEN IF YOU VALUE YOUR FISTS)
Wash your hands again.
Crack egg in a bowl, add a little water or milk and mix.
Put bread crumbs and spices in another bowl.
Put a little olive oil in a frying pan. Turn the heat on medium-ish.
Dunk one chicken strip in egg, then toss with the breadcrumbs, then put it in the pan. Don't burn yourself.
Do a couple more chickens til the pan looks like it might be getting crowded.
Flip chickens.
Remove chickens from pan when they're kinda brown on both sides. If you have a lot of chickens, you can store them in a warm oven (160-200 degrees) until they're all done.
Repeat until no more chickens.
Eat.
Title: Re: PUNCH CHICKEN
Post by: Q. G. Pennyworth on September 17, 2013, 10:40:29 PM
Version 2:
     > Fresh chicken breast strips
     > a ton of garlic
     > water or chicken broth
     > spices you like

Wash your hands.
Put chicken strips on a clean surface.
Punch the chicken flat. (IMPORTANT: DO NOT USE FROZEN MEAT FOR PUNCH CHICKEN IF YOU VALUE YOUR FISTS)
Wash your hands again.
Pre-heat oven to 350.
Peel a bunch of garlic.
Throw garlic and chicken in a baking pan (NOT A COOKIE SHEET).
Add spices you like.
Add a little water or chicken broth (not enough to cover the chicken).
Wash hands again.
Cover pan with tinfoil.
Bake for a while.
When it smells like food, take off the foil. If you can't smell, call it around 20 or 30 minutes.
Continue baking for a bit uncovered.
Eat when it's cooked through and a little brown on the top.
Title: Re: PUNCH CHICKEN
Post by: Reginald Ret on September 18, 2013, 12:26:36 PM
Sounds good!

I love the
QuoteWash your hands.
step
Title: Re: PUNCH CHICKEN
Post by: Eater of Clowns on September 18, 2013, 03:15:25 PM
I like that this employs violence, and not soft drinks like I originally thought.
Title: Re: PUNCH CHICKEN
Post by: LMNO on September 18, 2013, 03:33:31 PM
I tremble at what will happen if Roger sees this thread.
Title: Re: PUNCH CHICKEN
Post by: Eater of Clowns on September 18, 2013, 03:37:50 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on September 18, 2013, 03:33:31 PM
I tremble at what will happen if Roger sees this thread.

If punching improves chicken, one can only assume that a hydraulic press will make it that much better.
Title: Re: PUNCH CHICKEN
Post by: Q. G. Pennyworth on September 18, 2013, 05:45:16 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on September 18, 2013, 03:33:31 PM
I tremble at what will happen if Roger sees this thread.

It's for Roger! He keeps trying to do difficult things like eggs and pancakes, this is way easier.
Title: Re: PUNCH CHICKEN
Post by: LMNO on September 18, 2013, 05:50:49 PM
And then Roger went back to the hospital for broken knuckles and salmonella delivered through direct injection from splinters from a cutting board he punched through.
Title: Re: PUNCH CHICKEN
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on September 18, 2013, 06:01:25 PM
Quote from: Queen Gogira Pennyworth, BSW on September 17, 2013, 10:40:29 PM
Version 2:
     > Fresh chicken breast strips
     > a ton of garlic
     > water or chicken broth
     > spices you like

Wash your hands.
Put chicken strips on a clean surface.
Punch the chicken flat. (IMPORTANT: DO NOT USE FROZEN MEAT FOR PUNCH CHICKEN IF YOU VALUE YOUR FISTS)
Wash your hands again.
Pre-heat oven to 350.
Peel a bunch of garlic.
Throw garlic and chicken in a baking pan (NOT A COOKIE SHEET).
Add spices you like.
Add a little water or chicken broth (not enough to cover the chicken).
Wash hands again.
Cover pan with tinfoil.
Bake for a while.
When it smells like food, take off the foil. If you can't smell, call it around 20 or 30 minutes.
Continue baking for a bit uncovered.
Eat when it's cooked through and a little brown on the top.

Wife says wear latex gloves when handling chicken.
Title: Re: PUNCH CHICKEN
Post by: LMNO on September 18, 2013, 06:03:18 PM
A NEW PAIR, please. Do not use the ones in the bedroom.




LMNO
-what?
:lmnuendo:
Title: Re: PUNCH CHICKEN
Post by: Q. G. Pennyworth on September 18, 2013, 06:10:02 PM
Also an option. Don't do that thing LMNO said and punch through the chicken and into the cutting board.