Somebody give me the Goddamn mic, 'cause I gotta spew! I'm just trying to get by. I'm just tryin' to tell you my story. I was just saying with Little Orange and Hell in a Dry Place and Life During Wartime what the real deal is, you know, only wrapped up in allegory. ECH tried to explain that shit YEARS AGO, and now he has a brand new butthole...So I wasn't wanting to just COME OUT AND SAY IT. No. This is not my first barbeque. I am a GODDAMN PROFESSIONAL HOLY MAN™, and maybe that's why all of this shit seems OBVIOUS TO ME.
WHAT IS THE LAW?
Thou shalt have Slack™.
WHAT IS THE LAW?
Thou art here to have a good time.
WHAT IS THE LAW?
Thou shall not stand next to Richter at the Punk Show.
I mean, it's not rocket science, is it? It's just cruising with the top down, even if your car's top wasn't designed to go down - that's why God gave us Sawzalls - screaming and spraying spittle at random pedestrians and other vehicles. Remember that scene in Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas, where Arthur Acosta is screaming gibberish at the convention-going cops and their wives? "I JUST GOT BACK FROM VIETNAM, HA HA HA SOB HORK PUKE!"? Remember that shit? That, RIGHT THERE, is how you handle the Pinks and the jerks and the lawyers and the cheap fixers.
WHAT IS THE LAW?
Cramulus isn't allowed on a unicycle.
WHAT IS THE LAW?
Nigel will fuck you up.
WHAT IS THE LAW?
Thou shall not test the Cain.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I feel like Don Sutherland in the second-to-last scene in Invasion of the Body Snatchers, as all the other heroes are finally unable to stay awake any longer. And isn't that what's happening here? Everyone got busy. Everyone dropped their Slack™ and tried to grab the brass ring. Everyone still staggers in here every day, maybe to convince themselves that they're still Discordians™ even if they have to slave for The Machine™, but then they just wait to be entertained.
WHAT IS THE LAW?
Cainad is dead.
WHAT IS THE LAW?
Payne was always dead.
WHAT IS THE LAW?
Thou shalt not Cram Remington's Gram.
I'm just trying to get a little sleep. I'm just trying to catch my damn breath, you know? I'm just trying to have a little fun out here at the edge of the universe, where the shit-blizzard of failure never stops and people pound on your door all night screaming mental shit about How It All Went Wrong, and where people keep harrassing the Mormons, just because they STOPPED MOVING. I'm just trying to MAKE SOME SENSE OF IT ALL, in a world in which it is PATENTLY OBVIOUS that God is SICK because if he created US 6000 years ago, HE ALSO CREATED HUMAN-SPECIFIC PUBIC LICE, and why the hell would he do THAT?
WHAT IS THE LAW?
Thou shall not smack my bitch up.
WHAT IS THE LAW?
Roger will not upper deck the undeserving.
WHAT IS THE LAW?
There is no law.
OR KILL ME.
RAH!
I may be dead, but I didn't die for YOUR sins. Fuck your weak-ass sins.
I didn't die for MY sins either.
I died because there wasn't enough WANGO in the TANGO, and so I fucked off this mortal coil and went to go find some FUN in the tick-infested Northern Forests.
It's in here somewhere. I can smell it.
Quote from: Cainad (dec.) on September 23, 2013, 07:22:05 PM
RAH!
I may be dead, but I didn't die for YOUR sins. Fuck your weak-ass sins.
My sins are MEATY and BOUNCY and resemble Goddamn RON JEREMY.
QuoteI didn't die for MY sins either.
I died because there wasn't enough WANGO in the TANGO, and so I fucked off this mortal coil and went to go find some FUN in the tick-infested Northern Forests.
It's in here somewhere. I can smell it.
Shit yeah.
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 23, 2013, 07:28:34 PM
Quote from: Cainad (dec.) on September 23, 2013, 07:22:05 PM
RAH!
I may be dead, but I didn't die for YOUR sins. Fuck your weak-ass sins.
My sins are MEATY and BOUNCY and resemble Goddamn RON JEREMY.
Which is why we can always count on you to die for your own magnificent sins, like a proper Holy Man
TM damn well should.
I mean, you keep getting back up, but given the state of the environment I think it's time we embraced the concept of reusable and recyclable Holy Men
TM. We're going to run out of fist-sized rocks if we keep throwing them away.
We've even got a reusable Motherfucking Messiah, even if he was dead to begin with. Don't ask me to explain it; religion is complicated.
No argument there. But I really fucking mean it about not standing next to Richter at the punk show.
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 23, 2013, 07:46:07 PM
No argument there. But I really fucking mean it about not standing next to Richter at the punk show.
Breaking through the Foam Ceiling to attain Enlightenment that fast is just not healthy at all.
Quote from: Cainad (dec.) on September 23, 2013, 07:47:32 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 23, 2013, 07:46:07 PM
No argument there. But I really fucking mean it about not standing next to Richter at the punk show.
Breaking through the Foam Ceiling to attain Enlightenment that fast is just not healthy at all.
There's no enlightenment above ceiling risers. Just mold and dead rats.
DO NOT TRUST THE RELIGIOUS GUIDANCE OF RICHTER. HE DOES NOT HAVE YOUR BEST INTERESTS AT HEART.
Maybe it was Tucson. Maybe it was the baking sun, warping everything like Joe Theismann's leg. Maybe it was the URGE. The urge to GET IN THE CAR AND DRIVE TIL YOU RUN OUT OF GAS, and they find you like a week later, all mummified behind the wheel. It happens, you know. The urge to FLEE comes upon you, and BANG! You're an interesting note on the back page of the first section of the paper. Just another spag who couldn't hack it, couldn't take another day in THE HAPPY PLACE.
Of course, it could be Chicago, right? Just walking to school and BAM! So many holes shot in you that you look like a fucking pomegranite. Some fat cop takes some notes, and then fucks off to Dunkin Donuts, and that's all she wrote. Hell, maybe it was the cop that shot you, right? Because why not?
I don't think I have the chops to talk about Portland. Horrible, horrible. Providence, now, I know Providence, and it knows me. Providence is like climbing ice. You keep going until you lose your grip, and then Whitey Bulger.
But I think it really IS Tucson. Because, you know, we're the only one of the above that actually exists.
(http://i116.photobucket.com/albums/o22/niqua230/GiFS/IMUPINTHISTHREADANDIAINTREADINGSHIT.gif)
:lulz: This thread is bending my reality tunnel.
Quote from: Delcon on September 23, 2013, 10:25:14 PM
(http://i116.photobucket.com/albums/o22/niqua230/GiFS/IMUPINTHISTHREADANDIAINTREADINGSHIT.gif)
Emote?
:lulz: But I really want to hear about Cram and the unicycle.
Quote from: Kai on September 23, 2013, 11:39:45 PM
:lulz: But I really want to hear about Cram and the unicycle.
Oh, well...I sent him a pith helmet once...
(http://i476.photobucket.com/albums/rr126/TGRR/cramhat1a.jpg)
NOT SORRY!
(http://i476.photobucket.com/albums/rr126/TGRR/IMG000140.jpg)
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 24, 2013, 12:49:37 AM
(http://i476.photobucket.com/albums/rr126/TGRR/IMG000140.jpg)
Holy fuck, man you are looking HEALTHY!!! WTG
Only the REVEREND ROGER would try to pass of Slepnir's grilled jizz as communion wafer. His heinous slander f the RIchterran Synod is only proof of this.
RICHTER has all your best interests. All your special interests, and all your disinterest too. Hell, you wouldn't LISTEN to august spouting even if it came down with an escort of bedsheet covered trumpeting wingfurries. The last joker to take the hint had a spear leveled at his throat and comprehended the koan "Wrong house Vato."
Be real for a second - Do what you want, sicne you ain't hearing shit anyways. Just keep sending the holy envelopes back for me to cleanse your filthy money, and I'll keep up the illusion of being a legitimate joker to follow. We got an accord here assholes?
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on September 23, 2013, 11:35:59 PM
Quote from: Delcon on September 23, 2013, 10:25:14 PM
(http://i116.photobucket.com/albums/o22/niqua230/GiFS/IMUPINTHISTHREADANDIAINTREADINGSHIT.gif)
Emote?
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz: Yes!
:mittens: to the OP all up in this joint!
Quote from: Richter on September 24, 2013, 02:41:49 PM
Only the REVEREND ROGER would try to pass of Slepnir's grilled jizz as communion wafer. His heinous slander f the RIchterran Synod is only proof of this.
RICHTER has all your best interests. All your special interests, and all your disinterest too. Hell, you wouldn't LISTEN to august spouting even if it came down with an escort of bedsheet covered trumpeting wingfurries. The last joker to take the hint had a spear leveled at his throat and comprehended the koan "Wrong house Vato."
Be real for a second - Do what you want, sicne you ain't hearing shit anyways. Just keep sending the holy envelopes back for me to cleanse your filthy money, and I'll keep up the illusion of being a legitimate joker to follow. We got an accord here assholes?
Only if Mother Church™ gets her cut, you slick bastard.