Fuck the annoying Goddamn Christmas music. Fuck the congestion at the store, the fake-ass cheer on everyone's face, the snarling bastards in the parking lot. And fuck all the vendors who send me Goddamn Christmas cards at work. I hate you all, you ought to know that, so why are you sending me some sappy fucking card? You know what's going to happen. I am going to wipe my arse with it, and then I'll have an irritated arse and I'll be an even BIGGER JERK when you call on the phone.
To hell with the "holiday spirit". I haven't got any. I just have this blistering bag of hatred and contempt for people who put tacky shit all over their house and yard to show that they've managed to keep breathing for one more miserable, pathetic year.
And FUCK YOU, 94.9 FM! From Thanksgiving evening until the New Year, I will not hear my generation's music. No. I will be listening to Goddamn Bing Crosby and that fucking ditz Dolly Parton and her saccharine Hard Rock Candy Christmas until I fucking snap and drive the jeep down the sidewalk. Don't say I didn't warn you.
On the other hand, my generation's music sucked monkey balls. But still.
And a GREAT BIG FUCK YOU to relatives whom I hate, and who hate me. DON'T FUCKING CALL ME JUST BECAUSE IT'S CHRISTMAS. If you feel you MUST, then don't be all shocked and butthurt when I treat you the way we always treat each other. Ebeneezer Scrooge was a Goddamn pantywaist liberal, to my yuletide eyes.
Do your part, America. Pimp slap a Salvation Army Santa today.
Or Kill Me.
Christmas shit in Hobby Lobby was up in AUGUST. MOTHERFUCKING AUGUST. Christmas music started there in September this year. SEPTEMBER. I walked out and haven't walked back in. From now until . . . I think it's April, crafts stores are dead to me.
And the radio is staying off at work, on my shifts because fuck it all in the face. The DJ keeps warning us. "I'm really sorry guys, but the Christmas music thing is going to start soon and there's nothing I can do about it. Please stop sending me hate mail. :P"
Ok, when the DJ apologizes, that's kind of funny.
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on November 25, 2013, 04:32:10 PM
And the radio is staying off at work, on my shifts because fuck it all in the face. The DJ keeps warning us. "I'm really sorry guys, but the Christmas music thing is going to start soon and there's nothing I can do about it. Please stop sending me hate mail. :P"
He knew the risk when he took the job.
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on November 25, 2013, 04:33:45 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on November 25, 2013, 04:32:10 PM
And the radio is staying off at work, on my shifts because fuck it all in the face. The DJ keeps warning us. "I'm really sorry guys, but the Christmas music thing is going to start soon and there's nothing I can do about it. Please stop sending me hate mail. :P"
He knew the risk when he took the job.
Exactly. He should have been prepared for this. Doesn't ICP and/or Twiztid have a Christmas Album out? They could play that. :lulz:
Tuscon isn't a place where Christmas should happen.
Quote from: Q. G. Pennyworth on November 25, 2013, 04:37:14 PM
Tuscon isn't a place where Christmas should happen.
But it does.
Imagine, if you will, a fat alcoholic/drug abuser wearing a Santa outfit at 80F. All day.
You can't imagine the Holiday Smell.
I'm turning into my mother regarding Christmas. I've caught myself singing Rudolph or Silver and Gold quite a few times since around Halloween. And thought WTF?! every time.
I've also been fighting an urge to watch the Christmas shows for the past two weeks.
At least I still get outraged at the fact that mid-October I could find tons of stockings, tinsel and snowmen on every isle but had to look over at the discount section to get my Halloween stuff. The DISCOUNT SECTION. No other freaking holiday gets 3 months to itself, why the hell does Santa Gift-Giving Day?
Dear friends,
Let us not forget the worst thing of the season. Worse than the shite passed out as festive music are the films.
You know the ones.
There's the shitty Christmas films actually about Santa and his slaves and then there's the others. The ones that are apparently festive as the clog up a few hours of schedule on the TV which you should gratefully relive these classics with your loved ones.
Here's the deal - I love my loved ones. So why the fuck are they choosing to try and give me a hate attack by watching fucking E.T? Again.
Then there's the psychological hell of gift giving customs. This purely selfless event based entirely around selfishness. The smug leer when some dickhead you've not seen for 7 years appears and gives you a wildly extravagant gift and then acts affronted because you didn't bother. Smug guy, Fuck you. I didn't bother because I hate you.
It is the time of year when I insulate myself in the house and stop going out or talking to people! Yay!
Quote from: Mrs. Nigelson on November 25, 2013, 05:08:42 PM
It is the time of year when I insulate myself in the house and stop going out or talking to people! Yay!
This is the time of year that I feel compelled to go shit all over everyone's holiday spirit.
This is wrong, and I know it. But I do it anyway. I'm a criminal.
Let's just take a moment and think about this joyful time for the greeting card industry.
If there was ever an industry that serves no purpose, it's this one.
Want to express an emotion towards someone but can't actually be bothered to communicate anything of substance? Send a card.
A step worse than this are the insufferable fools who think you're so fucking dull that you've got nothing better to do than read out the BIG LIST OF SHIT that they've been up to.
Hey, Card sending crapsack, if I wanted to know about your life, I'd INVOLVE myself in your fucking life. These hilarious highs and deadly lows are of concern to precisely no-one beyond your fucking household. Shut up.
Quote from: Junkenstein on November 25, 2013, 05:51:43 PM
Let's just take a moment and think about this joyful time for the greeting card industry.
If there was ever an industry that serves no purpose, it's this one.
Want to express an emotion towards someone but can't actually be bothered to communicate anything of substance? Send a card.
A step worse than this are the insufferable fools who think you're so fucking dull that you've got nothing better to do than read out the BIG LIST OF SHIT that they've been up to.
Hey, Card sending crapsack, if I wanted to know about your life, I'd INVOLVE myself in your fucking life. These hilarious highs and deadly lows are of concern to precisely no-one beyond your fucking household. Shut up.
This.
Although I am guilty of sending the Christmas letter out.
But it's not like the ones I get. No. Not at all like the ones I get.
I smell potential fun in the "Discordian Xmas Letter". Idea brewing.
I want to be on Roger's Christmas letter list.
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on November 25, 2013, 06:01:46 PM
I want to be on Roger's Christmas letter list.
Send me your new address. No crying about it later.
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on November 25, 2013, 04:35:46 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on November 25, 2013, 04:33:45 PM
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on November 25, 2013, 04:32:10 PM
And the radio is staying off at work, on my shifts because fuck it all in the face. The DJ keeps warning us. "I'm really sorry guys, but the Christmas music thing is going to start soon and there's nothing I can do about it. Please stop sending me hate mail. :P"
He knew the risk when he took the job.
Exactly. He should have been prepared for this. Doesn't ICP and/or Twiztid have a Christmas Album out? They could play that. :lulz:
or this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cUEUF6Qh8ys&list=PL2UPO357IYkh2fmm44gA5BG2JLQVr6ybl
Acts of sabotage might be fun.
Thinking of making mix CDs Eric Idle's "Fuck Christmas" with anything else that has a lot of "fuck" in it - Plasmatics, GG, Rudy Ray Moore, it doesn't matter - labeling them "Christmas" in Sharpie and leaving them around in stores that play xmas CD's.
This may be of use then:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=czrDVPogF28
(Obviously NSFW. Or not. Why not turn the speakers right up and find out?)
Christmas adverts have been running in the UK since I got back.
So the start of November.
That means I have to suffer another month of this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XqWig2WARb0), every single ad break.
Tis the season to TWO FOR ONE DEALS ON CHEAP BOOZE!!!
I fucking love this time of year! 8)
P3nt, try Tesco. It's always the season for cheap booze.
Quote from: Cain on November 26, 2013, 09:36:02 AM
Christmas adverts have been running in the UK since I got back.
So the start of November.
That means I have to suffer another month of this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XqWig2WARb0), every single ad break.
I am lucky then that I don't have a TV and only listen to the radio in the car. I've heard/seen nothing Christmas-ish.
Quote from: Junkenstein on November 26, 2013, 08:45:58 AM
This may be of use then:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=czrDVPogF28
(Obviously NSFW. Or not. Why not turn the speakers right up and find out?)
I see you and raise. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kR4a5GSgK34
Quote from: Bebek Sincap Ratatosk on November 26, 2013, 12:41:13 PM
Quote from: Cain on November 26, 2013, 09:36:02 AM
Christmas adverts have been running in the UK since I got back.
So the start of November.
That means I have to suffer another month of this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XqWig2WARb0), every single ad break.
I am lucky then that I don't have a TV and only listen to the radio in the car. I've heard/seen nothing Christmas-ish.
Sadly, my mother likes to watch The Jeremy Kyle Show, The Wright Stuff, Loose Women etc all day long. I could go into the dining room, which is essentially my study, but there is no heating in there.
They started a xmas music rotqtio 24-7 here last month. It does not give my life holiday spirit, it just makes it feel like a bad action movie before the firearms start.
NSFW : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ke3B4siTqVI
One good thing about Thanksgiving being at our place this year is that I don't have to suffer through Christmas movies on Hallmark or Lifetime or whatever it was like last year.
This year the day will consist of Doctor Who and the Garfield thanksgiving special, because who doesn't like the Garfield holiday cartoons?
Quote from: Cardinal Pizza Deliverance. on November 25, 2013, 04:32:10 PM
Christmas shit in Hobby Lobby was up in AUGUST. MOTHERFUCKING AUGUST. Christmas music started there in September this year. SEPTEMBER. I walked out and haven't walked back in. From now until . . . I think it's April, crafts stores are dead to me.
And the radio is staying off at work, on my shifts because fuck it all in the face. The DJ keeps warning us. "I'm really sorry guys, but the Christmas music thing is going to start soon and there's nothing I can do about it. Please stop sending me hate mail. :P"
Christmas stuff in any kind of craft or hobby store is typically forgiven, since crafting takes time. My Joann's, which is pretty massive, has a Christmas fabric section year round and it's not too uncommon for me to see the cute little quilting ladies I know buying their fat quarters in the summer to get started.
The music on the other hand is unforgivable.
Quote from: Sita on November 26, 2013, 03:34:49 PM
One good thing about Thanksgiving being at our place this year is that I don't have to suffer through Christmas movies on Hallmark or Lifetime or whatever it was like last year.
This year the day will consist of Doctor Who and the Garfield thanksgiving special, because who doesn't like the Garfield holiday cartoons?
Me.
"Garfield" and "holiday cartoons" are both anathema. :x