I have to confess that I have been lying to you all this time. "Alty" does not in fact exist, at least not as far as being an actual person. Alty is in fact a large hairless badger that lives in my head, where he gnaws on my frontal lobes and beats my hypothalamus and limbic system with matched club hammers.
Alty is the voice that tells me "have another bourbon" and "don't take any guff from that asshole trying to merge into this lane" and "hoo hoo hee hee". Alty doesn't affect my sex drive, Alty IS my sex drive. This may explain a lot of the "mystery mail" that some of you may have received over the last decade or so.
Every night, I take 2 mg of benzos just to shut him up. I like him, and I think what he has to tell me is valuable information or insights (especially with respect to the aesthetically pleasing shape and nature of my wife's bits), but I do have to sleep sometimes, or the OTHER people in my head get loose, including but not limited to Self-Destructo the Wonder Chimp.
Now, some of you may disagree with this confession, making foolishly inaccurate claims of having MET Alty or whatnot. What you met was sort of an "anti-Tulpa", created when my will power was very low and the sneaky Hungarian bastard got out of my head. "It wasn't ME that shat on the 6th green, officer, it was this badger that lives in my head, see? He's very irritable. So angry. Please stop hitting me now."
So when Alty came to your town and did that thing with all the Wild Turkey and got all of your neighbors pregnant, I really can't do shit about it. He got loose. It's not my fault, I was distracted by a blond-haired tonsil-sucker. I cannot reasonably be expected to maintain my willpower restraining said anti-Tulpa under these fucking circumstances.
Also, that little dance he does? It's called the totentanz, and soon everyone will be doing it.
All you have to do is trust me. :evil:
Quote from: Alty on December 10, 2013, 07:01:48 PM
All you have to do is trust me. :evil:
I do, in all things.
This is why my fellow townsfolk admire me and look to me for guidance.
:lulz:
This explains so much. So, so much. Except how 'Alty' gets in and out of your head. You think someone would notice a hole.
Quantum tunneling.
I thought I met Alty, but really when I think back I just have four days I can't account for and a number of people who avoid me now. And when I mention my friend from Alaska, people leave the room abruptly.
Quote from: Radagast's Red Velvet Pancake Puppies on December 10, 2013, 08:23:30 PM
I thought I met Alty, but really when I think back I just have four days I can't account for and a number of people who avoid me now. And when I mention my friend from Alaska, people leave the room abruptly.
Well, duh. They couldn't see him.
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on December 11, 2013, 12:36:49 AM
Quote from: Radagast's Red Velvet Pancake Puppies on December 10, 2013, 08:23:30 PM
I thought I met Alty, but really when I think back I just have four days I can't account for and a number of people who avoid me now. And when I mention my friend from Alaska, people leave the room abruptly.
Well, duh. They couldn't see him.
That is true but not the reason. The reason they leave is because they remember what happened the last time Nigel started talking about her friend from Alaska.
It is not the Dildoes.
They are used to the Dildoes.
It is what she did to her friends with the Dildoes without touching them.
She kept trying to explain that it was Alty, but they could not see him. They could only see and feel the Dildoes going places even
those people don't want them to go.
Quote from: :regret: on December 11, 2013, 01:00:22 AM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on December 11, 2013, 12:36:49 AM
Quote from: Radagast's Red Velvet Pancake Puppies on December 10, 2013, 08:23:30 PM
I thought I met Alty, but really when I think back I just have four days I can't account for and a number of people who avoid me now. And when I mention my friend from Alaska, people leave the room abruptly.
Well, duh. They couldn't see him.
That is true but not the reason. The reason they leave is because they remember what happened the last time Nigel started talking about her friend from Alaska.
It is not the Dildoes.
They are used to the Dildoes.
It is what she did to her friends with the Dildoes without touching them.
She kept trying to explain that it was Alty, but they could not see him. They could only see and feel the Dildoes going places even those people don't want them to go.
In Portland? Where on Earth could you stick a dildo where it hasn't already been? Those People are
sick.
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on December 11, 2013, 01:13:05 AM
Quote from: :regret: on December 11, 2013, 01:00:22 AM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on December 11, 2013, 12:36:49 AM
Quote from: Radagast's Red Velvet Pancake Puppies on December 10, 2013, 08:23:30 PM
I thought I met Alty, but really when I think back I just have four days I can't account for and a number of people who avoid me now. And when I mention my friend from Alaska, people leave the room abruptly.
Well, duh. They couldn't see him.
That is true but not the reason. The reason they leave is because they remember what happened the last time Nigel started talking about her friend from Alaska.
It is not the Dildoes.
They are used to the Dildoes.
It is what she did to her friends with the Dildoes without touching them.
She kept trying to explain that it was Alty, but they could not see him. They could only see and feel the Dildoes going places even those people don't want them to go.
In Portland? Where on Earth could you stick a dildo where it hasn't already been? Those People are sick.
Again. Quantum tunneling.
:lulz:
The Alty Reverse Tulpa is long out of your control, then.
DAMNIT, I really wanted him in the vicinity of Rick Perry at the next televised speech.