Note: Tom, the former owner of the board, is from New Jersey.
Back during the Reagan/Thatcher days, I was degraded enough, at so low a station in life, that I actually worked for someone from New Jersey. It's hard to describe how debasing this is on a board that has any form of posting guidelines at all.
The New Jersey resident produces twice as much feces as a typical human. These mammoth piles of shit vary in color, like that of a malnourished dog, and litter the highways and fields like giant ant hills. In some cases, they are a hazard to driving.
People in New Jersey are constantly covered in a film of sweat, even in the depths of winter. Some of them attempt to cover this up with an orange spray-on substance sold to them by snake-oil salesmen and purveyors of patent medicine, but it does no good.
They are in fact so repulsive, so degraded, that under normal circumstances, they would have gone extinct. However, enough shitty American beer is usually on hand to throw them into rut. This is a terrifying spectacle, sort of like watching a Komodo Dragon orgy. At some point later in the year, the female of the species will squat in a field or a WalMart or wherever, and drop an unusually disgusting load. Unable to distinguish whether it is fecal matter or her offspring, she will carry it around for a few weeks, or eat it, as the mood takes her.
The male is by this time, of course, long gone.
As the male ages, he increases in size around the waist, ass, and face. He will gradually shed the popped-collar golf shirt and begin to wear awful polyester clothing in nauseating colors. This clothing will involve randomly-placed zippers that have never been explained, mostly because nobody wants to ask.
The female grows shorter as she ages, with the displaced mass being evenly distributed over her entire body. She at some point will shed the body sock or over-tight jeans, and instead wear a sweaty black dress that is cleaned approximately never.
When people from New Jersey die, the others around them send up a loud, hooting wail and then fall on the corpse, devouring it in a matter of seconds. This isn't because they have a taste for cannibalism, so much as that they have no room for graveyards, as their entire state is covered in scrap tire yards, most of which have been on fire since Kennedy was president.
There is a section of New Jersey called the Pine Barrens. People from the rest of New Jersey deride them for being inbred and uncouth..."Pineys". What they don't realize, of course, is that they are all Pineys, and that the rest of us wish they'd just go away. Back to Italy, maybe.
:lulz:
Yowza.
That could so easily be turned into copypasta to fit any demographic. I love it.
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on January 17, 2014, 03:08:48 PM
Yowza.
That could so easily be turned into copypasta to fit any demographic. I love it.
I'm working on a collection. Next up, I think, is upside down people.
Damn straight.
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on January 17, 2014, 03:13:06 PM
Damn straight.
Or Oregon. I have written many things about Nigel's crimes, but I haven't properly slammed on Oregon itself.
And there's a lot to slam on. Outside of the city, it's like
The Road Warrior. If Wes & Lord Humungous were teabillies.
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 17, 2014, 05:42:27 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on January 17, 2014, 03:13:06 PM
Damn straight.
Or Oregon. I have written many things about Nigel's crimes, but I haven't properly slammed on Oregon itself.
And there's a lot to slam on. Outside of the city, it's like The Road Warrior. If Wes & Lord Humungous were teabillies.
Now THIS, I am looking forward to. :lulz: Pot farmers, indians, and rednecks, oh my!
Trufact: many small towns in Oregon are so poor that they rely on donations from local indian tribes to keep the schools afloat.