I am hereby starting The First Church of Vinnie. Here's how it works. You all tithe 10% of what you make. This doesn't buy you a spot in heaven, though (wrong sort of religion), it just means that Vinnie doesn't come by to make your knees bend the wrong way.
This way you can have all the religion you want, without any of those pesky restrictions on sex and drugs, and nobody telling you what to do (I mean, other than the tithe).
Ten reasons to convert TODAY.
1. Vinnie doesn't care about premarital sex. He himself does it all the time.
2. Vinnie won't get mad at you for coveting your neighbor's ass. He covets it too.
3. Vinnie doesn't give a flying fuck about abortion or prayer in school.
4. Vinnie doesn't care how the world was created, as long as he gets his cut.
5. Vinnie won't tell you "what atheists believe".
6. Vinne never told anyone to kill in his name. He does that just fine on his own.
7. Vinnie doesn't care if you actually show up to church. In fact, there isn't actually a physical building.
8. Vinnie is tangible and obeys all known scientific laws (other laws, not so much).
9. Vinnie never launched a crusade, a witch hunt, or burned any heretics. There's no money in it.
10. If you don't convert, Vinnie will make your knees bend the wrong way. I believe I mentioned this earlier.
Is this tithe a "protection" fee? What do I get in return from Vinny other than properly bending knees?
Quote from: THE PHYTOPHTHORATIC HOLDER OF THE ADVANCED DEGREE on January 24, 2014, 04:50:34 PM
Is this tithe a "protection" fee? What do I get in return from Vinny other than properly bending knees?
Nothing. Vinnie has a very strong anti-intervention ethic. He believes that people don't need an intrusive deity. That's the whole point. You pay Vinnie, and he leaves you the fuck alone. And you STILL get to be religious!
I can only convert if Vinnie is, in fact, short for Vin Diesel
I was going to say Vinnie Jones ("Bullet Tooth Tony").
You can assume either one, so long as Vinnie gets his 10%.
Oh, and I feel I should mention that this is on the gross, not net.
I like this philosophy. If I spread the word for Vinnie, effectively increasing the size of his territory, do you think he'll give me a small percentage of the tithes I collect for him?
Quote from: Nigel's Red Velveteen Skinmeat Snacks on January 24, 2014, 04:58:55 PM
I like this philosophy. If I spread the word for Vinnie, effectively increasing the size of his territory, do you think he'll give me a small percentage of the tithes I collect for him?
Vinnie is remarkably flexible on this and many other issues. Vinne approves in particular of this sort of industriousness.
A few other things worth mentioning:
1. Vinnie believes very strongly in equal rights for everyone, and most especially in equal pay (as women, for example, being paid less for the same job means his 10% is smaller).
2. Vinnie doesn't hate Gays, transgendered people, Muslims, or anyone else. He just wants his money.
3. Unlike certain other religions, Vinnie isn't interested at all in fat young boys.
Is Vinnie Italian and or in the Mob family?
Quote from: Oxxykitten on January 24, 2014, 05:22:48 PM
Is Vinnie Italian and or in the Mob family?
Vinnie resents any implications of illegal activity of any kind. He is an honest business man.
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 24, 2014, 05:25:04 PM
Quote from: Oxxykitten on January 24, 2014, 05:22:48 PM
Is Vinnie Italian and or in the Mob family?
Vinnie resents any implications of illegal activity of any kind. He is an honest business man.
They all are, and a great family man at that.
I got dis othah guy ovah heah called Sal the Greaser demandin' the same ting.
How do I know which wiseguy to pay?
Quote from: Oxxykitten on January 24, 2014, 05:25:54 PM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on January 24, 2014, 05:25:04 PM
Quote from: Oxxykitten on January 24, 2014, 05:22:48 PM
Is Vinnie Italian and or in the Mob family?
Vinnie resents any implications of illegal activity of any kind. He is an honest business man.
They all are, and a great family man at that.
Yes. This does not contradict the earlier statement that Vinnie indulges in premarital sex, for complicated theological reasons that are not important to the discussion.
Quote from: THE PHYTOPHTHORATIC HOLDER OF THE ADVANCED DEGREE on January 24, 2014, 05:26:43 PM
I got dis othah guy ovah heah called Sal the Greaser demandin' the same ting.
How do I know which wiseguy to pay?
Vinnie. Sal is slated for divine retribution, the moment he shows his ugly face at Club Vega.
I'm going to feel really ripped off if he turns out to be Vinnie Barbarino. I'll convert to Vitoism.
Quote from: Tiddleywomp Cockletit on January 24, 2014, 05:35:21 PM
I'm going to feel really ripped off if he turns out to be Vinnie Barbarino. I'll convert to Vitoism.
It is not. Vinnie, for reasons that do not concern you or I, prefers not to use his whole name.
Hmm. Sounds good, but I'm still not sold. Will Vinnie interfere in my deep spiritual relationship with the afrogrecoceltic pantheon?
Quote from: President Television on January 24, 2014, 09:07:20 PM
Hmm. Sounds good, but I'm still not sold. Will Vinnie interfere in my deep spiritual relationship with the afrogrecoceltic pantheon?
Vinnie doesn't give a fuck if they don't give a fuck.
I believe that I do not want my knees to bend the wrong way.
Quote from: hylierandom, A.D.D. on January 25, 2014, 06:14:14 AM
I believe that I do not want my knees to bend the wrong way.
That's a very Vinnilla position to take.
Twid,
now needs to punch himself a little hard.
Quote from: hylierandom, A.D.D. on January 25, 2014, 07:00:46 AM
Quote from: THE PHYTOPHTHORATIC HOLDER OF THE ADVANCED DEGREE on January 25, 2014, 06:33:15 AM
Quote from: hylierandom, A.D.D. on January 25, 2014, 06:14:14 AM
I believe that I do not want my knees to bend the wrong way.
That's a very Vinnilla position to take.
Twid,
now needs to punch himself a little hard.
:lulz:
Puns are a but more bearable for me now. A bit.
Twid,
Actually did punch himself a little hard on the left deltoid.