Bad Eddie came to visit. I haven't seen the guy since the bad old days, and frankly, I didn't want to see him now. But what could I do? There he was, with something on his mind. So I fixed us some coffee and decided to hear him out before I threw his psychotic ass out to the curb.
He looked at me. "You're doing okay here, Roger. Got this big house in Oro Valley. Golf course right out back. Nice."
"Your point, Eddie?"
"This ain't you. You weren't supposed to be some kinda corporate douchebag."
"But I am. I am in fact a gigantic corporate douchebag, and it brings me nice things without people shooting at me."
"It lost you that fine piece of ass you used to have."
"Maria wasn't going to work out anyway, Eddie. Now, would you please get to the point? I am very busy right now, and I am also very irritable."
"Yeah, yeah, keep your shorts on. I'm here because I think we need to go back in business."
"Dream on. You aren't smart enough to do that without going to jail, and neither am I. Without the judge, we'd be in prison in a week."
"I never thought I'd see you lose your balls." Eddie was getting a little agitated. I just sipped on my coffee and stared at him. He was damn near foaming at the mouth...But that's Bad Eddie. From zero to mushroom cloud instantly. He makes ME look well-adjusted. "I have been waiting for SEVEN FUCKING YEARS to do something, and here YOU are, living fat and happy in fuckin' Pleasantville."
"Whatever you have planned, I'm not interested." Another sip on the coffee cup, put it back down. I kind of wanted both hands free.
"You cunt. You cowardly fucking cunt. There's a fat stack of cash out there with OUR names on it. There's whores and fights and drugs and cars. You're gonna just stand there and tell me that you want to sit in this house with this wife of yours and wait to die of boredom or old age?" Actual froth was forming around his mouth.
"I'm okay with that. I'm just fine with being 45 years old and not pretending I'm 22. I'm just fine with a good woman and a quiet life. I'm not the man I was when I was in my 30s. So whatever it is that you want to do, you shouldn't have any problems doing it with some pals...But not with me. I'm done. I told you guys that when I left town, and I meant it. Now you calm your fucking tits, or I'll bounce you off your fucking head. For the last time, Those. Days. Are. Over."
He just stared at me, as we both picked up our coffee and took a sip.
From the bedroom down the hall, my wife asked, "Who are you talking to?"
I leaned out into the hall. "Oh, nobody. I'll be done here in a few minutes."
"Roger Edward, you are the strangest man", she replied, "That's why I love you."
I smiled, and put my coffee down. Then I turned back to the mirror and finished shaving.
Oh, damn. Didn't see that coming.
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on April 24, 2014, 04:12:47 PM
Oh, damn. Didn't see that coming.
It occurred to me that I never actually ended that series.
Bam!
Nicely written.
I like that.
Quote from: Nigel on April 24, 2014, 05:01:40 PM
I like that.
I have spent the last couple of years coming to terms with middle age. It's not a particularly easy process, and I can see why some people blow a gasket and get a sports car and a ridiculously younger person to fuck. I mean, it's easier than staring your own mortality in the eye.
Great! :)
Wow. You gave a black comedy a happy ending that WORKS. Willy S. Couldn't make that work like this does.
:mittens:
Hell yeah.
That's a twist with some punch.
Quote from: East Coast Hustle on April 25, 2014, 01:58:25 AM
Hell yeah.
That's a twist with some punch.
Getting old isn't for sissies. :lulz:
:eek: That was pure fucking genius! I'll guarantee you that if my 22 year old self to visit, there'd be violence. Not quite so sure which one would be alive at the end of it
Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on April 25, 2014, 06:17:59 AM
:eek: That was pure fucking genius! I'll guarantee you that if my 22 year old self to visit, there'd be violence. Not quite so sure which one would be alive at the end of it
Experience and treachery will stomp youth and enthusiasm dam near every time... as long as it WANTS to.
THIS.
:mittens: Forever.